Everything around me was on fire. I had no idea which one to put out first, so naturally, I did what I did best: avoid.
One, two, three, up.
Each of the fires distracted me from the whole reason I am even in this situation, which was to exonerate my father. The flames circled around me, trapping me while I decided my next move. Alec was the most destructive fire. The way he acted at the hospital set off all kinds of alarm bells in my head. The burning urge to kill Kai was an ever lingering flare after what he did.
One, two, three, down.
Then, there was Bridget. This girl ignited a fire in me that burned from head to toe. Her flame altered my thoughts and restored the missing heat in my body. The warmth she gave disturbed and confused me despite all the work I put into preventing this from happening.
One, two, three, up.
I set the barbell on the rack to sit up. Sweat dripped down my face and chest as I finished my workout. Bridget insisted on running errands and going about her day alone for the first time since the kidnapping. She wanted to prove to herself that she could do it. I wasn't comfortable with it, but it was her decision to make, not mine.
The sound of another body in the gym made me turn around. In walked Kora as if she didn't know I was nearly as angry at her as I was at Kai.
"What are you doing here?" I snapped. She proceeded to sit down across from me on the bench with a leg on either side as she leaned against the barbell.
"I take it you're still mad at me." She sighed.
"Of course I am, Kora!" I roared. "He beat the shit out of her! He made her watch as someone shot me...or fake shot me. She thinks she doesn't deserve to live because of him! I don't care what you think I feel about her. It doesn't matter. You and Kai physically hurt someone that had done nothing wrong."
"He didn't... Kai wasn't the one who beat her like that. Two of the guys that work for him split up the night shifts. It was one of them. Kai said ahead of time to not her seriously hurt her. He did it anyway. Neither of us were there to stop him." She explained as though that made it any less despicable.
"Well, then, all is forgiven. You only let her get beaten by leaving her with him. So much fucking better." I scoffed.
"Aiden, I'm sorry. I didn't want Kai to do this." She said.
"You could have warned me. If I had known, I would have protected her. She doesn't deserve this." I said for the millionth time.
"And you say you don't have feelings for her." She laughed.
"Fuck you, Kora." I growled and walked away.
"Kai isn't finished." She followed behind me. "He's going ambush you into more training because he knows you lost focus."
"And I have you to thank for that." I dismissed and continued out of the gym towards my car.
She grabbed my shoulder to stop me, "Aiden, please, wait. I am so, so sorry about Bridget. I didn't want that happen, but you know Kai. I'm sorry for telling him you fell off track. The mission has always been our priority, and I wanted nothing more than for you to succeed at that."
I ignored her, shrugging her off as I shut the car door. Irritation turned to panic when I saw my forgotten phone sitting on the passenger seat. My stomach dropped to my shoes as the screen showed two missed calls from Bridget in last five minutes. I immediately called her back while I drove home, but there was no answer. I didn't worry too much since I was only a few minutes from home.
As I opened the front door, she was standing over the sink with her phone to her ear. It sounded like she was finishing up a conversation. Her palms pressed against her eyes once she hung up.
"What's going on?" I asked, walking towards her.
"Megan's heart is failing. The LVAD stopped helping her heart function. Her lungs filled with fluid, and the doctors just had to intubate her. They are putting her on bypass, and I think that only gives them hours left to get a new heart." She spoke with her head tilted at the ceiling. She didn't turn around right away as my arms wrapped around her torso. Her breaths were even, and there were no tears. She was just broken.
"Do you want to go to hospital?" I wondered.
"I-I don't know. Peter said no one can see her for right now. Jacob, even he sounded scared. I don't know what to do." She said, resting her hands over my arms.
"Maybe we should go, so you're close if anything changes." I suggested carefully. The air in the room felt so delicate as though one wrong word could puncture it and cut off all air supply.
She nodded as she turned to follow me to the car. Even in the quiet, it was impossible not to feel the fear internally tormenting her. She kept her eyes out the window. I gripped her thigh to pull her out of her thoughts as we got closer to the hospital.
"This is it, isn't it? It's all happening again. She's going to—" she choked out the words before slapping her own hand to her mouth. My own throat throbbed from listening to the strain in her voice as she fought herself to not cry.
"No, they will find her a heart. They have to." I said.
"Bella didn't know she was... but Megan is mature. I think she knows. She knows my parents are lying to her and downplaying it, and I let them." She said, her voice shaking. "You were the only one honest with her, and I pushed you away for it. Now, she's not even conscious. I can't fix it."
I felt myself wanting open my own chest and give my heart to Megan to save Bridget from feeling this. Her arms locked around her knees pressed to her chest as if physically holding herself together kept her from falling apart.
"Don't do that do to yourself. You are an amazing sister. You did what was best to protect her. Megan knows you love her." I said as I drove into the car park.
"I want to ask you something, but if you aren't comfortable answering, that's fine." She began. "When you lost your parents and your brother, what did you... how did you recover from it?"
This was the very last thing I wanted to discuss with her, but I would have done anything for her at this moment. Wait. How did she know I even had—
"When you had that nightmare, you were shouting for your brother." She explained, reading my mind.
Fuck. All this time she knew. What else did I say that night? What more did she already know? I couldn't worry about it now. It didn't matter, today.
"I didn't recover from it. I didn't grieve. I just got angry. I picked fights because I felt guilty that I survived. After awhile, you just learn to breathe even when you don't want to. It doesn't go away, but you get used it." I said bluntly. She looked shocked I even answered.
She dug her teeth into her bottom lip as tears welled up on her lash line only for a second. Moments like these reminded me how new I was to this. I didn't know what to say to comfort her. She was caught in a hurricane of fear and grief, and all I could do was watch the storm ruin her.
With each step closer to her sister's room, the movement of her chest increased in speed, gathering as much oxygen as she could before the image of her sister took her breath away entirely. A tube was placed in her throat since the fluid in her lungs kept them from functioning. More wires and tubes covered her small body than the last time we were here. My eyes tore away from the girl that no longer looked like Megan as Bridget gripped my arms for support. I held her up as her knees buckled.
"You're okay." I whispered. I knew how hard she was fighting to keep it together.
"No, I can't... I can't do this." Her voice cracked as she released my arms. She walked away from her sister's room with her hands on the back of her neck.
If I let her fall apart and leave, she would never forgive herself. No matter how much it hurt, the only thing she could do was face the flame and burn in it. I pulled her back from walking and held her shoulders in place.
"Yes, you can. Bridget, you are strong. I am choosing to believe Megan is getting a new heart today. If you run away and you aren't here for that, you will never forgive yourself. If something happens without you saying goodbye, you won't ever come back from that. I know it hurts, baby, but you have to keep it together anyway."
She nodded in agreement as she exhaled a deep breath. "You're right. I'm okay. Let's go find my family."
When we turned back to the room, Peter stood at window, looking distraught and sleep deprived. He wrapped his arms around Bridget tightly. She blinked away the wetness in her eyes, determined to regain composure.
"Have you heard from Mom or Dad?" He asked her.
"No, they're not here? You should have called me sooner. You shouldn't have been alone." She pulled him back to her, hugging him again.
"Because a lot of what happened today was hard to watch, and you have been through enough." He explained. "Mom texted that she's on her way, but no one has heard from Dad since this morning."
Before I could question Alec's absence, we were interrupted.
Dr. Ross approached us, "I have some updates for you. As I'm sure you've already been told, Megan is extremely weak. I have people on the phone with UNOS, trying to locate a heart. You need to prepare yourselves."
Bridget and Peter both went sheet-white. My mouth dried up as I processed what he meant.
"What do we need to prepare for?" Bridget asked.
"She may not survive the next forty-eight hours if a heart doesn't become available. Even if one does, her body is extremely weak and may not sustain the surgery. I promise we are doing everything possible..."
"Can we go in to see her?" Peter wondered.
"Yes, I will be here the whole night. If you need anything at all, have the nurse page me." He said before he left.
The intensity of it all somehow increased as we walked into the room. The sounds of monitors and pumps prevented any complete silence. Peter proceed to sit next to Megan while Bridget stood frozen in the doorway. The pain paralyzed her in place for a minute before coming closer.
For hours, we just sat there with her. Her mum showed up not longer after we did. Other than a couple comments persuading Bridget to come home, she didn't say much or spend a lot of time in the room. After she went to the waiting room, Bridget pulled out a light blue bottle of nail polish from her purse to paint Megan's nails. She had grabbed it before we left, explaining that it was her favourite colour.
Just as she unscrewed the bottle, an urgent sound of beeping pierced the silence. We stood against the wall to make room for the two nurses that came running into the room within three seconds.
"Call a code, now. She's in V-fib." One said to the other. I looked at the heart monitor to see the chaotic heart rhythm. In a blink, more doctors and nurses filled the room.
"I need you guys to step out, so we can work." Dr. Ross ordered.
A sob erupted from Bridget as they started compressions on Megan and prepped a defibrillator. I held her trembling frame, trying to guide her into the hallway, where she nearly collapsed on my arms. The longer it took to get her heart rhythm out of ventricular fibrillation, the more likely it was she would go into cardiac arrest. She watched in pure horror as they shocked Megan to stabilise her rhythm.
"How is this happening again?" She cried into my aching chest, practically hanging on my shoulders. "This isn't real. This can't be real."
There was nothing I could say to make it better, so I hugged her with everything in me until my arms cramped. Tears soaked through my shirt as she cried her heart out against mine. Five minutes felt like fifty as we waited. I nudged her as Dr. Ross emerged from Megan's room. Peter and Diane came up to listen as well.
"Her heart went into ventricular fibrillation, but we got her back. A heart was located right before I was paged. It's from Utah, so it will take hours. The transplant team is already heading there. The next twelve hours are critical. Do you have any questions for me?"
"Is she in pain?" Bridget asked while she wiped away her tears.
"What happened just now was hard on her body, but it's hard to tell. The past few weeks she's been in a lot of pain. If anything, the sedation has probably helped a little with that." He explained.
While Diane asked more questions, I followed Bridget back in, where she held her sister's hand. The new energy of the room left the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. Megan was as close to death as she was to being saved. Bridget's eyes met mine in need of reassurance. I rested my hand on her leg. Fear and hope perfectly weaved together into a blanket weighing heavily on her shoulders, suffocating with each breath.
"Megan, if you have any fight left, you need to fight. They found you a heart, babe. It will be here soon, so you need to hold on." She said, stuttering. "But, I don't want you to be in pain anymore. If it hurts too much, you can let go."
As she leaned her forehead against my shoulder, I clenched my jaw, knowing how much it hurt her to say that. Desperation intertwined with my desire to remove both of them from this hell.
After midnight, Peter drifted in and out of sleep on the makeshift bed on the window sill. Diane stayed in the waiting room for most the night. Bridget and I stayed awake but exhausted, only moving for the nurses when they checked Megan's vitals.
Just as the light from the sunrise brightened the room, Dr. Ross rushed into the room. Peter immediately sat up, eagerly waiting for his update.
"We need to get Megan to the operating room. The heart is procured and ready to go. Patient transport will be here in ten minutes." He announced before going to tell Diane.
"This is good." Peter assured Bridget.
"He's right. It is." I agreed, reassuringly squeezing her thigh.
A short-lived peace came over us in the ten minutes before surgery. Everyone but Alec had gathered around Megan silently hoping and praying for success. Bridget stroked her sister's hair and memorised her every feature fully aware this could be the last time she sees her. When the ten minutes were up, everything felt too soon. The feeling rapidly overwhelmed Bridget, who didn't initially want to let go of Megan's hand.
Peter and Diane said their goodbyes, leaving Bridget last. I offered to give her a moment alone, but she was still too uneasy about her parents. My hand ran up and down her back desperately trying to soothe her nerves.
"I love you so much, Meg." She whispered and gently kissed her temple. Megan was then wheeled away to the operating room.
As soon as she was out of sight, Bridget let the weight of everything crushed her. Her stuttered breaths turned heaving. She wrapped her arms around herself. Her head fell forward just under my chin. I hated this. The anguish of holding Bridget as she broke apart in my arms crushed my nonexistent soul like a thousand bricks on my chest. She didn't deserve this.
"It's okay, it's okay." I repeated in her deaf ears over and over even though it wasn't.
I could tell she believed that was the last time she would see her sister. She had no hope that Megan was strong enough to survive the surgery. I felt her body trembling as she cried with the force of someone trying to breathe on the moon. It hurt too much to see her in this much pain, especially knowing that once this was over, I would be the one to hurt her next.