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Caroline was like a ghost. There but not really there at the same time. She was just a shell. She did her classes, went to meals, walked with her friends but she still wasn't really there. She didn't speak, she felt like she couldn't. It was as if she was still trying to process what had happened, and her mind was still overwhelmed by it.
"Morning," Tyler said to her as he sat down beside her.
The group had collectively moved to the Hufflepuff table so as to be away from Eloise. The blonde in question had been spending most of her time with some Ravenclaw girls, but hadn't been seen talking to Julian. Caroline wondered if something was still going on, or if the thrill of going behind her back was what kept their relationship alive. It made her stomach turn to think about it.
She turned her page, reading 'The Outsider' by Albert Camus. It was a French book, a short existentialist novel filled with philosophical teachings and societal observations. It was exactly the escapism she needed.
She yawned, blinking at the words tiredly. Sleep hadn't been easy that week.
"People keep asking me what happened between you and...you know," Archie said softly, sitting opposite Caroline.
She looked up from her book then.
"I thought most people knew by now," she said.
"They want to know the details...you know how people are," Archie shrugged, before reaching for the pot of green tea for her, "tea?"
Caroline sniffed, "thanks."
"Where's Janey?" Tyler asked Archie.
"She was talking to Evans," Archie said, before looking at Caroline again, "she was asking after you."
"Who, Lily?"
"Yeah...lots of people care about you, you know that, right?" He asked.
She nodded, lowering her eyes down to the French writing in her hands.
Le soir, Marie avait tout oublié. Le film était drôle par moments et puis vraiment trop bête. Elle avait sa jambe contre la mienne. Je lui caressais les seins. Vers la fin de la séance-
"Hey," Jane jumped into the seat beside Archie.
Caroline's lips twitched at her for a second, but it couldn't really be counted as a smile.
"Evans wants to talk to you, Carrie," Jane said.
Caroline looked at the Gryffindor table where Lily was sitting down. It was near Sirius. Sirius was safe. Julian was on the other end. If she was far away from him, she could be fine.
She caught Lily's eye, who smiled warmly back at her. Did she have the strength to talk to her? Lily understood her, Lily knew how to make her feel better. Okay.
She stood up, "I'll be right back then."
Many eyes seemed to follow her as she approached the Gryffindor table. This was the most anyone had noticed or talked about Caroline her whole life, and she really didn't like it.
Lily stood up as Caroline came over. She looked at her carefully before asking, "can I please give you a hug?"
Caroline held her eye for a moment, contemplating it, before deciding that a warm hug from Lily Evans might be exactly what she needed. For once, maybe she just needed a hug.
So she nodded.
Lily pulled her into a tight hug. It was warm, vanilla-scented, friendly. Caroline hugged her back.
"I'm here for you," Lily murmured.
They pulled away and Caroline nodded, her eyes becoming slightly tearful, "thank you."
"Wanna sit?"
"Sure."
She sat beside the red-head. Sirius made eye contact with her from the other table and smiled, she gave him a small smile back. Lily watched the exchange silently. James, who had recently began to notice the way Sirius had been looking at Caroline, watched it too. The pair, James and Lily, then caught each other's eyes and grinned.
When they averted their eyes both of them felt unusually flustered. Well, it was unusual for Lily. She wasn't used to the way her heart flipped when he smiled at her. She wasn't used to that. Oh God no...no...it couldn't be...she couldn't actually...like him? Gross, no. Of course not.
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽
Caroline walked down the hall to the North Wing. The heels of her shoes were loud against the floor, echoing down the empty corridor. She felt very alone. This walk wasn't nice anymore, not after what had happened the previous week.
She had gotten past the denial stage, but now she just felt as if she was grieving, as if she had lost someone...as if someone had died. No one had died. But, when the two people that you cared about the most betray you in a way that's that brutal, it's almost as if they have been cruelly ripped away from your life, like death.
She got to her corridor and leaned against the wall. Breathe, Caroline. Only a few hours. Just relax.
After about twenty minutes of being lost in thought, she was pulled back to reality at the sound of footsteps. They were heavy, but had purpose, they weren't clumsy or anything. Caroline unconsciously analysed this in her head, one of the many things she would over-analyse without thinking about it.
Sirius, of course it was Sirius.
As soon as he popped his head round the corner she felt herself sigh, but didn't hear it. It was an internal thing. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy Sirius' company most of the time, she was just too emotionally inept at the moment that talking to anyone seemed like the worst thing. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and peered at him.
"Evening," he said as he walked over to her.
She remembered the promise she had made to him the previous week about breaking the rules...living life on the edge.
"I don't want to go to the astronomy tower, Sirius," she said, not looking at him then.
"That's okay," he said gently, "I didn't think you would."
She looked up at him and said quietly, "so why are you here?"
"I..." he cleared his throat and came to stand beside her, "I just wanted to see if you were okay."
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not."
She said nothing, just looked ahead. He sighed, looking at her face for a moment, trying not to get lost in it. He cleared his throat once more before sitting down with his back against the wall. He wasn't leaving, and he was making that clear to her.
She sighed too and sank down to sit beside him.
"Julian's a dick," Sirius said.
"I know," she murmured.
"And Eloise, I don't understand how anyone could-"
"Sirius, please," Caroline stopped him, "I don't- I don't want to talk...if that's okay."
"Yes, yeah, of course," he nodded, his cheeks becoming slightly hot, "sorry."
They were silent, both of them just sitting next to each other and staring at the opposite wall. It should have been uncomfortable but it wasn't. They liked each other's company.
And then Caroline did something that neither of them were expecting. She leaned her head on his shoulder.
He stiffened for a moment, his heart feeling as if it had momentarily stopped beating. He wasn't used to this kind of intimacy. He was used to something right away, not the comfort of someone just resting on you because they can. He just wasn't used to it. But it wasn't just that...it was her...it was Caroline.
God, she smelled nice.
She began to cry softly and he was brought back to reality. He put his arm round her and pulled her closer so she was crying into the comfort of the crook of his neck. She brought her hand across him and rested it against the thick, wooly material of his jumper over his chest. He said nothing because he knew she didn't want to talk but just rubbed her arm soothingly.
After a few minutes her crying subdued and and all that could be heard was the occasional sniffle or shaky breath. He didn't loosen his hold around her shoulders, feeling as if she was so fragile in that moment he was afraid to let go.
"It'll be okay," he murmured quietly.
She didn't answer, but her breathing was becoming more even. She seemed to be calming down.
"I'm so tired," she whispered after a moment.
"Rest your eyes for a bit, I'll...I'll keep watch for you," he said.
She made an amused noise but shut her eyes. He felt her breathing steadily as she rested against him. He was oddly comfortable.
He didn't even really think about it as he shut his own eyes.
"Sirius...Sirius, wake up."
"Mm-wass goin on..." he said in his gravelly morning voice, blinking his eyes open sleepily, "oh, hello."
Caroline blinked back at him, "we fell asleep."
"We did?"
"Um...yes," she said obviously, raising a brow at him.
"What's the time?" He asked.
She checked her watch and her eyes widened, "quarter to six in the morning."
"Wow," he leaned his head back on the wall, "that wasn't actually a bad sleep..."
"It was comfy, yeah...oh..." Caroline stood up with the help of his shoulder and groaned, "no, we're gonna regret it. Try standing up, I'm aching."
"Yeah, maybe it wasn't the best- oh shit, fuck, why did we do that?"
"Because we're very stupid," she said, laughing softly.
He smiled at her, waking up a bit more then.
"Well..." he said, "I don't regret it."
"Thank you, Sirius," she said quietly.
"For what?"
"You know what."
"For sleeping on the floor with you?" He asked dumbly.
"No..." she looked down at her feet with a small grin, before looking back up at his eyes, "for being here...for letting me cry on you...sorry about that, by the way."
"Don't apologise, mate, it's okay," he smiled, "I'm always here."
"You said that before."
"Well, uhhh probably because it's true?" He said in a funny voice, making her laugh, "come on, why don't I walk you back to the Ravenclaw common room and you can try to get a bit more sleep in your own bed before the day starts."
"Sounds good."
"Come on then, Sweet Caroline..."
"Sirius, if you start singing that song this early in the morning I will curse you."
"Sweeet Caroline- oh fuck! You weren't joking."
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. .**.☽ .*