~ ~ ~ ~ SAM’S POV ~ ~ ~ ~
After Megan had left my apartment yesterday it hadn’t taken long for me to receive a very scary and menacing text message. This man was quickly becoming my worst fear, and he seemed to be literally everywhere no matter where I went.
Had he been watching Megan at school and followed her to my place or had he been hidden in the parking lot right outside my house? How long had he been watching, considering I knew for a fact now he was watching what seemed to be every time I went out.
So he had to have been waiting for Megan yesterday after school, following her straight to my house.
Walking silently through the hallways I flipped through my messages and read to myself, “Strike one Sam, you better learn to play my game fast before it’s too late.”
I shook my head, feeling the fear and the tortured pain rise up in my throat as I shoved my phone away. I had tried to search his number in my computer last night but there had been absolutely no trace, which meant he was using a pre-paid phone just to torture me.
And it was absolutely working.
The emptiness I felt inside my chest was more painful than anything I had ever felt in my entire existence as I walked almost lifelessly through the halls of my school. In everyone else’s case this was the best day of their lives so far, it was the last day of high school.
No more immature underclassmen, no more lockers or nasty bathrooms, no more disgusting cafeteria lunches and no more annoying teachers. No more waking up early for school, at least until college for those who chose to do so, and no more stressing over all the stupid things high-schoolers stressed over.
But for me it wasn’t the best day of my life, and it honestly felt like the beginning of the end as I continued to walk down the hall towards Megan’s class.
I hadn’t even realized Blair was walking besides me until she mumbled, “Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?”
I shook my head, “Just uh… really sad I guess.”
“Really sad, are you serious? Sam, please talk to me.”
I shook my head, not wanting to involve Blair in this either. The less people that knew the safer they were, and that included hiding it from my best friend. Telling her would possibly provoke the most outrageous reaction that couldn’t be hidden, and if anything got out Megan was ruined.
I couldn’t tell anyone.
Blair grabbed my shoulders, pulling my attention to her, “What the fuck Sam, please, you’re scaring me.”
I sighed, “I have to go Blair.”
She dropped her arms and looked at me completely defeated, “Sam…”
I wanted to cry, I wanted to tell her the truth, I wanted to tell her everything I was going through but I just stared at her with no emotion in my eyes. I had gotten good at doing this over the years because of my past but not even Blair could break me now.
I was already broken.
I turned, leaving her behind me as I walked into the familiar classroom for the last time. It was like I was walking to my own death because I could feel Megan’s glare hitting me like a million knives.
My luck had run out, and now Megan hated me because she thought I was still the same person I was when she met me. Knowing she hated me really managed to tear me into pieces, mostly because I had to witness her break right in front of me yesterday afternoon.
She had looked so broken…
But telling her the truth would do nothing for us, and I had begged her to give me till graduation but she had insisted on coming over. There were many thoughts I had to just tell Megan the truth but I realized no matter what I told her, even if she did so happen to believe me, what would we do? He still had the evidence, he still had the power to ruin Megan’s hopes and dreams to become a college professor, and he still had the power to put her in jail.
It wouldn’t matter if I was nineteen, and it wouldn’t matter if she had technically been my friend before any of this.
She was legally my teacher, and that held priority over any other fact they would have. We were completely defenseless against them if that guy turned us in.
I knew she was upset but the tension in the room was apparent, and suffering through not only our last class but maybe thirty minutes after would be torture. We had agreed on taking the final after the class lecture simply because it was more convenient, but circumstances had obviously changed for the worst and now I would have to suffer extra-long.
I drifted off into a daydream, wondering how I was going to cope with something like this happening to me. It had been almost one day since I had been forced to cut Megan out of my life and I already felt as if I was dying. I felt as if my heart was no longer inside my body but on the ground being trampled on by a million pairs of feet.
Even the distant voice of Megan couldn’t pull me out of my toxic thoughts, and maybe just maybe on my way home from school someone would hit me in their car, sending me into a coma or something. Or maybe they’ll just kill me and put me out of my own misery, yea that sounded better.
The image of Megan’s torn look that I had seen yesterday flashed in my mind, and the pain wrapped around me. When she had told me about the job offering it had broken me in half, and knowing she was going to take it really did the trick. I had stayed in my room all night and avoided Shawn because he believed I was sick, which was fine for me considering I had actually cried the entire night.
I didn’t want him to know.
I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her, mostly because I knew the look I would receive back if she even decided to return it. I wanted nothing more than to tell her, but telling her would put her in danger and I wasn’t risking that with her.
She was going to move away and go back to college, get her masters and start teaching at a university. She was going to meet someone better, someone who could give her more than I ever could and she would move on.
It would take time, yes, but she would move on and be happy again eventually without me.
The process would be long and hard for her, but it would be treacherous for me, and that’s even if I made it.
Megan was stronger than I. I had known that the first time I met her and saw how stubborn and gracious she could be all at the same time. She was strong not from being beaten but she was strong because she was raised right, she had mishaps and broken hearts on the way but she was a special kind of strong.
I was nothing compared to her and I had always known that, this situation was just fate telling me we weren’t meant to be together. Megan deserved so much more than me, and her leaving and moving on would be the best thing for her.
She would be safe as long as she was away from me.
Then suddenly the ringing of the dismissal bell pulled me out of my thoughts as the class started to empty. I felt my heartbeat quicken as I watched Megan walk back to her desk, completely ignoring my eyes which I was fine with.
I didn’t want her to look at me.
She walked back to the front of the class to close the door with my test in her hand, and when she walked past me she nearly threw it onto my desk.
“Good luck.”
Then she returned back to her desk.
How was I supposed to take this stupid fucking final when I couldn’t even think straight? I was going insane inside my own head as I stared down at this paper, not even being able to read through my own tears.
The torment of having to force my way through this test while blinking away tears made this hour all the worse. There was nothing occupying my mind other than how I could make this better, but telling Megan the absolute truth wouldn’t do anything. I had no idea who the man was and he still had proof of Megan and I, preventing me from having a leg up in this fucked up game he was playing.
I was stuck in his trap.
What kind of sadistic person would want to do something like this to someone? Someone who had no idea who they even were and knew nothing about them?
What had I done to this man?
I filled in the last answer blank, looking at it and knowing this was it, this was most likely the last time I would ever be alone with Megan. I would get the luck of seeing her at graduation but after that she was gone, and even if she was moving I could always chase her.
But I didn’t see her accepting me back into her life, not after this mess.
The more I thought about this man the more scared I became, but I also began to analyze every little thing I possibly could. The picture he had showed me, I remembered suddenly where he had taken it. It had been the day where I had picked up Megan before leaving for Tampa. She had worn that same white V-neck and I had worn my favorite black T-shirt.
He had obviously been watching and following me for at least a few months, which meant he had seen enough to have a lot on Megan and I. But how much did he really have? And if we waited until graduation he couldn’t prove that we had an affair while I was still Megan’s student.
That was unless he had proof while we were inside school, which was nearly impossible, right?
“Are you finished?”
Hearing Megan’s stern voice sent chills up my spine as I gripped my test, closing my eyes and exhaling a deep breath before standing up and walking over to her desk. I held the packet of papers out to her as she took it from me, refusing to look at me.
I didn’t blame her.
She mumbled, “Have a good summer Sam.”
I felt something inside me rip even more at her sarcastic remark, and I wished that I could just tell her everything but I couldn’t. I couldn’t put her in that situation and risk her future because I wanted to be selfish and make her stop hurting me.
I nodded, not even being able to say anything as I turned away and grabbed my booksack. I needed to get out of here, I needed to breathe…
Then a desperate voice called out, “So that’s it for us?”
I shook my head as I looked down at the floor, attempting to hold my tears in for just a little bit longer. I lifted, not being able to look at her, “Megan… you obviously deserve someone better than me.”
The more I attempted to act like I didn’t love her the more I realized I actually did, and I realized this was what love felt like. I realized that I was absolutely in love with Megan and she deserved to know that, she deserved to know the truth, but now it seemed too late. I couldn’t tell her now because if I told her it wouldn’t matter, and there would be nothing we could do about it.
She responded once more, “So you’re just gonna leave? You’re gonna leave me without any explanation or anything…?”
I felt my heart ache as it attempted to hold on to the last string before completely falling into the black abyss it hung over. The more Megan and I spoke the more I wanted to give up but I couldn’t, I couldn’t give in and tell her because she wouldn’t believe me, and if she did it honestly wouldn’t matter.
I looked at her this time, “I have nothing to say, Megan.”
She nodded, attempting to hold back her own tears as her shoulders shrunk in defeat, “This… what you’re doing to me… it’s worse than what Nikki did.”
Hearing that cut me deep, mostly because I knew she was absolutely right. She was starting to believe I was leaving her because I didn’t want to settle for her, she believed I had fucked her over. Yesterday when she had seen Becca had only furthered her suspicions, even though I denied them. I didn’t blame her for assuming considering I couldn’t tell her the absolute truth. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to comfort her, I wanted to fix this but I didn’t have the power to do so.
I was hurting her and it was literally destroying me.
I just looked at her, longing for her to just kiss me one last time. I missed the warmth of her body against mine, and now it couldn’t be colder without her. The tension was no longer sexual but was now replaced with awkwardness and anger, and if the more we talked the more we tried hurting each other.
She struggled to speak, “I have an interview next Sunday for that job… I’m going to be moving there.”
I believed she expected me to cry, or at least protest, but doing that would prove that I loved her, and I couldn’t do that to her. A part of me wanted her to leave hating me because that meant she wouldn’t come back, and she wouldn’t try and put herself back in harm’s way if I didn’t fight her. Then the part that loved her unconditionally wanted to fight for her no matter what the cost, but there was nothing I could fight with. I had absolutely nothing against the reality of the situation, and knowing that crushed me.
I nodded, forcing yet another lie, “I’m happy for you.”
Her eyes narrowed in anger as she began approaching me, “Are you, Sam?”
I knew what was coming so I bolted for the door, hearing her call for me but I didn’t stop. I ran all the way to the parking lot and to my car, feeling the tears sting though my eyes as I tried to ignore them.
I could hear the echo of her voice in my head pleading and begging for me to stay and explain myself but I couldn’t. I couldn’t explain anything because I had no idea how, and if I did it would make no difference.
She couldn’t do anything about it.
I rested my back against my car as I cried silently, feeling as if every nerve-ending was dying inside of me. I felt like breaking down but knowing I was in the school parking lot made me attempt to pull myself back together.
I needed to get out of here.
I hastily grabbed my door-handle to leave and came into contact with a piece of folded up paper, allowing a shallow breath to catch inside my throat.
I removed it and opened it up, reading silently, “That’s strike two Sam, one more and you and Megan are out.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
After the last day of school I was free but I still felt imprisoned in my own mind. I was like a zombie walking around the house for that first week of summer before graduation day this Saturday. I wasn’t even looking forward to it because that meant I had to face people. I didn’t want to have to do that because I felt so lifeless and empty, which was painful.
I sat outside in the summer heat on this empty Friday afternoon as I inhaled my third cigarette, not remembering how bad it burned. It had been months since my last cigarette but it was the only thing that made my anxiety dim.
That and alcohol had prevented me from going crazy inside my own head, so I figured so be it.
I had attempted to find the man and follow him home to see where exactly he was, I had been on a complete lookout for him and that old Ford but had no luck, and I was starting to think I would never find him.
But I knew he was around, I knew he was watching me whenever I thought it was safe, letting me know it wasn’t safe.
I flicked the end of my cigarette bud to the cement, not understanding how something like this could happen to me. How could I have been so oblivious? How could I not have noticed I was being watched?
I was so fucking stupid I deserved it.
Blair had tried contacting me, along with Becca and Emma but I ignored. I didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore, and even though I felt like shit by ignoring Blair maybe it was for the best.
She would be moving away to college in the fall anyway.
I was nothing anymore, I was empty, and I was nothing but a failure and I deserved to set all of my friends free. All I amounted up to was dead-weight that held down everyone and I wasn’t doing that anymore.
Megan didn’t deserve to be held down and neither did Blair.
So distance was what I did best nowadays, and ignoring everyone that contacted me only made my hard exterior tougher. I didn’t want any liabilities anymore, and now I just spent my days smoking cigarettes and driving around looking for the black-mailing asshole that seemed to be harder to find that Osama Bin Laden.
There was nothing left for my life, and I was just going through the motions now.
~ ~ ~ ~
I looked at myself in the full body mirror, my pure-white gown complementing my tan I had gotten from Tampa. I cringed at all the memories that instantly flooded my brain, most of them involved Megan herself. Everything reminded me of her, every thought, every moment, and every smell. I was going crazy but now I was just good at hiding it, and now it was graduation day and I would have to see her.
It had been over a week now.
I fixed my gown as I carried my cap, slipping on those dreadful high heels I had to wear along with this stupid dress. It wasn’t my thing but it was the dress code I had to follow. Last thing I wanted to do was to get kicked out of graduation after five years of working towards this very day.
I grabbed my phone, half expecting to see something from Blair or Megan or anyone but there was nothing, absolutely nothing.
I walked out of my room coming face to face with my brother and some woman I didn’t recognize, causing both of their eyes to look at me. Shawn sighed, “Wow, this is a sight...”
I stepped forward, looking at the petite blonde sitting at the counter with Shawn, who seemed to immediately realize I had no idea who this woman was. He smiled, introducing, “Sam, this is Casey.”
I reached out and took her hand, taking in her features and realizing she was gorgeous.
But not as gorgeous as Megan…
I nodded stiffly, “Nice to meet you.”
She smiled, “Graduation day is still one of the best days of my life, aren’t you excited?”
I took a heavy breath and nodded again, attempting to suppress my sad emotions, “It’s the beginning of a new chapter, I guess.”
She smiled, looking back at Shawn, “I’m gonna go use the bathroom.”
She dismissed herself as I looked at Shawn, “Girlfriend?”
He shrugged, “It’s complicated.”
I smiled, “You say that a lot about girls, I’m starting to think you’re gay too.”
He pulled me into a hug then, not responding as I wrapped my arms around him. He was wearing a nice shirt and slacks, and I pressed my head against his chest. I felt it vibrate as he spoke, “I’m so proud of you, Sam.”
I felt a warm feeling in my heart at the sound of that, and it was the first nice feeling I had felt in over a week. I looked up at him and nodded, “I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you too.”
He looked at me, confused, “What do you mean?”
I hadn’t told him the truth, I hadn’t told anyone, but I didn’t want to which meant I needed to part soon. I sighed, “I’ve got to go or I’ll be late. See you there.”
He grabbed my arm as I turned to leave, questioning. “Sam, are you going to tell me what happened?”
I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I knew it was Megan. He knew something had gone down between us but I had refused to talk about it with him, and I wanted to keep it that way.
I sighed, “There’s nothing to say. We don’t feel the same about each other.”
He shook his head as he protested, “Sam, you and I both know that’s bullshit.”
I felt the familiar aching in my chest as my eyes began to burn, letting me know it was time to go. I shook my head, “I’ve gotta go.”
I bolted out the door, realizing I was so used to running away from the pain that it was an instinct now. It was second nature because it was all I could do, and I couldn’t bear the hurt anymore because I was afraid the pain would kill me.
So running was the best option.
I drove quickly to the convention center where graduation was being held and I felt a familiar emptiness as I grabbed my cap and sash, heading towards the center from the parking lot. The pain had overtaken my body and now I was just on auto-pilot as I waked towards the flocks of people who were gathering inside the building.
I didn’t want to face anyone today but I had no choice.
As I walked towards the crowd I draped the sash around my neck, waiting to put on my cap until later. I was grateful I had pockets in my dress as I placed my phone and keys under my gown, and I walked along with the crowds of our graduating class.
I was ready to get this day over with.
“Samantha Carson!”
I recognized that voice as I bowed my head like I was about to get chewed out by my mother. I waited for a slap or something to be delivered by Blair’s swift hand but instead she just stood there in front of me puffing madly with her white gown and her curled reddish-brown hair. I looked up sadly, and though she didn’t slap me she did gasp slightly.
“Sam… you look…”
I nodded, “Thanks.”
“No… I mean you look good but… What happened to you?”
I shook my head, “What are you talking about Blair?”
“You look like you haven’t eaten or slept in days, Sam.”
I laughed sadly, “Because I haven’t…”
Blair pulled me into her and looked into my eyes which probably had dark rings around them. She shook her head, “You’re telling me what is going on right now… You’ve been avoiding me all week and I’ve been texting and calling and I need to hear what’s wrong with my best friend. I’m leaving for college in three months and-”
“Blair,” I interrupted, “Please don’t do this right now.”
Her shoulders slumped as she shook her head, “Sam I feel like I’m losing you before I even move away for college…”
I felt my heart shrink in sadness at her words, knowing I had been avoiding her on purpose to possibly soften the blow when she did leave. I knew we would grow apart inevitably. She would realize I wasn’t anything but a low-life and find a best friend that she deserved. I was nothing but scum, just like that man had said…
He knew me better than I knew myself.
Then before Blair and I could talk anymore it was time to start lining up as I was shuffled away from her. I wanted this day over with, and I was ready to just get my damn diploma and ditch town. Maybe I could drive for a couple days, possibly get me a hotel somewhere and drink until I went into a coma.
Maybe then I’ll forget Megan and I ever existed.
I leaned my back against the hard wall of the room, knowing this was it. I was graduating, the day I had been looking forward to all year just to want it over as soon as possible. I had been looking forward to the freedom of being able to spend all my time with Megan if I wanted, but now all that was down the drain. She hated me, and she should, she deserved someone who could be with her regardless of all their problems.
She deserved more than me.
Then before I could think any more we began walking out into the auditorium for the ceremony, and I walked slowly behind the person in front of me. I could hear the ceremony song playing in the center where friends and family were sitting awaiting for our graduating class to enter.
But the only face I found myself looking for was Megan’s.
It was almost frantic the way I was scanning every face in the teacher’s section, and finally I saw her, after over an entire week of her absence there she was. I took in her long legs and her angular face as she watched all of us walk in, and with luck on my side her eyes locked with me.
I felt my breath catch in my throat as my eyes threatened with the stinging of tears, but I refused them. It was like I had forgotten to breathe when I saw her, as if I hadn’t seen her in years. I missed her so much.
I watched her shoulders give as she took a deep breath, as if she had experienced the same reaction I had when we had seen each other, but then the moment was gone just like that.
Then she looked away from me.
I sat in my seat then, feeling the familiar sadness return at the thought of Megan. She was sitting to the right of me and I wanted to glance at her so bad but I refused. The more I gave in the more pain I would have to endure, and I was already struggling because I could feel her eyes on me.
I moved my cap slightly, attempting to fix it from nervousness, knowing this was going to be a long ceremony.
And suddenly I felt my phone vibrate as I reached into my dress pocket awkwardly and pulled it out. I opened the unfamiliar number’s text that held not only an image, but a note as well.
It read, “Happy Graduation Sam, and remember, just because you’re no longer Megan’s student doesn’t mean what you two did didn’t happen.”
I looked at the picture and I recognized it was me, walking down the aisle in this very building. I stood there looking at Megan like I had seen a ghost with my white gown draped around my shoulders.
I felt my skin run cold as I read over the text again and again, and I decided to text back and play with him. If he wanted to torment me today he was going to answer some questions.
I typed, “You don’t have the evidence to prove that.”
And almost instantly I had a text from him again and I hesitated to open it. I slid the message open and peered down at the picture, seeing not one but multiple pictures of Megan and I at the softball field and one time after a game where I had snuck a kiss behind the dugout.
He had been there.
I shoved my phone away, feeling as if I was drowning because I knew he was here watching me, probably laughing at my reaction. There was no escaping him because he was everywhere and there was nothing I could do about it.
I was trapped.
Then they began calling names and I knew mine wouldn’t be long, and as I felt my legs carry me to the stage I wasn’t even paying attention. I was scanning the crowds, looking for the evil face that had been haunting me for at least a month now. He was here, he was everywhere, and he was watching my every move.
“Samantha Marie Carson.”
I walked across the stage carefully, right up to the principal that shook my hand and gave me my diploma. A picture snapped as I smiled forcefully and went to shake everyone’s hand, first up was Wanda who smiled, “Well, guess you made it after all.”
I smiled back, “Don’t miss me too much.”
I continued shaking hands as I dismissed myself off of the stage and back to my seat, knowing there could be another hour to an hour and a half left of this. I was ready for it to end but I had to suffer if I wanted freedom.
I shook my head at the irony.
The rest of the ceremony drug on as if it was never going to end, but I suffered through the worst and was distracted most of the time considering I had not only Megan staring at me, but the creepy fuck too.
I was just ready to get out of here.
Then the ceremony ended and we all started filing out into the lobby and outside to meet our family and friends. Facing everyone was going to be a shitty experience, especially knowing that man was here watching, but I wanted to see his face up close.
I wanted him to know I wasn’t afraid of him.
I walked outside, seeing Blair first as she met up with her parents and Tony, along with Shawn and his complicated girlfriend, Casey. Then to my surprise I recognized my dad and mom standing next to Shawn, and something in my heart quivered with confusion.
I walked up to them, my dad immediately taking me into a hug, “Sweetie, I’m so proud of you. I’m glad Shawn told us about your graduation or we would’ve missed it!”
I looked up at him, still confused as to why they were here but attempting to accept the fact. It was a surprise, and I had been completely caught off guard, I just wished there could be one more person here.
But no telling where she was at.
I looked at my mom who was still shy as ever around me, but I smiled forcefully, “Hey mom.”
She smiled then, attempting to open up as she pulled me into her. I hadn’t hugged my mom in years but here I was, trapped in one of her embraces. I slowly put my arms around her as I heard her whisper, “I love you, Sam.”
It was the first time I had heard that in years, and it was almost like I had heard a different language or something. I pulled back and looked at my mom, wondering if I could say it back for her. I wanted to, because I did love my mom, “I love you too.”
She smiled, a tear streaming silently down her face as she smiled, “I love you, and I love who you are and I’m so sorry for everything I put you through. I’m sorry Sam-”
“Mom, it's okay,” I replied, not allowing her to finish. I didn’t want her to cry, at least not here in front of all my peers.
Then my eyes looked up as I saw the familiar man crossing the street and climbing into his white truck, and suddenly instinct took over my body as I pulled away. I spoke swiftly, “I uh, I have to go do something… I’ll meet you all at the house.”
I heard Shawn calling me along with Blair but once I removed my heels there was no turning back. I raced to the parking lot, seeing the Ford truck disappearing around the corner as I hurried to jump into my car.
It was the first time I had actually seen him in over a week, and I was following the bastard this time. I was going to find out where the hell he was keeping all that evidence.
If I wanted my freedom I was going to have to fight for it, and that’s exactly what I was going to do.
I tailed behind him, keeping my distance with a few cars in front of me as I watched him drive. It almost seemed like he knew I was behind him by driving aimlessly but it wasn’t until he drove up to an old trailer that I realized this is probably where he lived.
I parked a ways down the street, killing my engine because I knew it was loud and if he heard it then I would be fucked. He unlocked his door and stepped inside, closing it behind him and leaving me alone to think.
I knew where he lived, I knew where he would have any evidence of me and Megan and I knew it would be in that trailer. I studied the almost run-down trailer, figuring that it wouldn’t have any security behind it and that breaking in would be a piece of cake…
Oh my God was I really thinking about breaking into his house?
No, yes I was because that’s the only way to be sure I could erase all of the proof.
I exited my car, sneaking along the line of trees that allowed me to stay hidden if he decided to come out but he was most likely going to stay inside. I rushed to his mail box and opened it, retrieving what looked like a bill and read his name.
I whispered, “Robert Smith?”
The name didn’t ring a bell at all but I knew his name, which was something. I looked at his car then realizing he had manual locks, which meant there wouldn’t be an alarm system on his car.
Then suddenly I started devising a plan inside my head as I peered through his passenger side window. It was a crazy plan and it would be the most insane thing I would have ever done in my life so far, but it was possible.
And I would need help from someone who I hadn’t spoken to in a while.
I pulled out my phone, dialing up, “Hey Ross, yea it’s Sam, can I come over?”