~ ~ ~ ~ SAM’S POV ~ ~ ~ ~
Being at Jinx was honestly the last place I wanted to be, especially considering I couldn’t look forward to going to Megan’s after. I didn’t want to intrude considering I knew she was still upset with me, and as much as I didn’t want to give her space I knew I needed to.
I should’ve just told her the truth about what had happened today at lunch, I just guess a part of me had felt stupid and embarrassed. Another part of me honestly didn’t want to tell her because I knew exactly what her reaction would be…
And now look at where we were.
For once in my life I understood why she had gotten so upset, not because of me being with Becca or getting the speeding ticket… it was because I had kept it from her. Why I had deliberately kept a stupid speeding ticket from her was the reason she was upset, because like she had said, keeping shit from her was how you lost trust, not gained it.
She knew me, she knew my past, and she had every right to have trust issues. She knew I wasn’t perfect, and somewhere in the back of her mind she expected me to screw up a few times.
But now that I had I seen how upset it made her it made me want to never fuck up again.
I guess I considered it our first fight, or disagreement, or whatever the hell it was, and thinking about how she had looked so upset made me want to throw up. Disappointing Megan was one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt, but going about making it better was foreign to me.
I could stop by after work but it would be extremely late, which meant I would have to wake her up considering she wasn’t waiting up for me. Not to mention the fact that we actually had school tomorrow, which I was dreading considering it was my second to last day and I would be beat tired.
This whole situation was just fucked and it was my fault, as expected.
Not to mention Shawn who I had put in another messed up situation because now he had to put his own reputation on the line to get me off the hook. I didn’t have the best record with the cops, and if it hadn’t have been Dan to pull me over I would probably be in jail right now.
Having a little fun was alright but I guess I should’ve known better than to do it on a country road. I could’ve gotten on the highway and probably gotten away with hitting a hundred, but I had decided not to, not only putting me and Becca’s life at risk but other people as well.
I could’ve gone about everything differently just by thinking before I did something blatantly stupid.
Feeling down at work was dreadful, especially when I had to deal with customers that seemed to want to play with your emotions and got disappointed when you didn’t play along. I knew my tips would be shitty just like my attitude but finding the urge to care wasn’t happening.
I just wanted to go home.
“Hey sweetie, wanna grab me another beer?”
I reached into the cooler and popped a cap on a Budweiser, sliding it over to the customer who was leaning on the bar gazing up at me. I didn’t recognize her at all, which meant she could be from the university or out of town, but the look in her eyes let me know she was interested.
Little did she know I wasn’t, at all.
She smirked, “How long you been working here?”
I shrugged, “A few months.”
Her light brown eyes flicked up and down my body which only seemed to annoy me but I knew I had to keep my cool. Tonight was not the night I wanted to get fired from Jinx by telling a customer to fuck off because me and my girlfriend had a fight.
My girlfriend… had I just thought of Megan as… my girlfriend?
Sweet, baby Jesus, help me.
I hadn’t even carded the girl but honestly I didn’t want to talk to her, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but most of the customers seemed to linger over to me.
I watched the light-haired woman sip again, bringing those familiar hungry eyes to mine as she asked, “What’s your name?”
I leaned on the counter, attempting to keep my cool under her stare as I realized she was just like me, or more of who I used to be. I answered, “Sam,” and I realized that I used to be this girl right here, the one who wasn’t afraid to approach any girl in a bar. I used to have that same hungry look in my eyes, and I used to be just as dominant as the girl standing right in front of me.
What had happened to me?
She smirked casually, “Short for Samantha?”
I nodded stiffly, not wanting to get on that subject considering I already felt like shit. I wiped my bar and glanced at the clock, seeing we only had an hour left till closing. I just wanted to go home and curl up in my bed and put this entire day behind me, but time was refusing to let up.
“Not up for talking, babe?”
Eventually I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore as I leaned on the counter, giving her a stern look, “I’m not your babe, understand? I’m just trying to do my job, and if it’s not obvious I’m not in the mood.”
The hungry light eyes dimmed a little but if she was anything like me I knew she wouldn’t give up, she would just try harder. She smiled, bringing her face a little closer, “Have you ever been told that you’re sexy when you’re upset?”
I rolled my eyes, turning away from her as I realized I had literally met another Sam Carson. Being on the other end really put it in perspective, at least for me considering I found it oddly annoying and flattering at the same time.
But it was more annoying than anything.
Had Megan felt that way every time I would come onto her? Had she liked me or despised me whenever I had been in my stubborn days where I would hit on her endlessly and constantly put her in messed up situations?
Imagining how hard it would’ve been on her caused me more guilt than I had initially felt already, really making me to want to get the hell out of here.
I whispered to myself, “You’re not that girl anymore, Sam.”
I attempted to avoid the bar as best as I could the rest of the night, whether it was stocking or cleaning, I just didn’t want to have to talk to that girl again. Usually I was okay with tolerating people hitting on me but the day had been long and the annoyance had reached an all-time high. I was ready to get the hell out of here and sleep my four hours before waking up and going to school.
Thank God I only had two days left.
Eventually the bar was empty and I was wiping everything down, waiting for Danna to count my money and send me on my way. I checked my phone for what felt like the millionth time tonight hoping for a text from Megan but came up short, feeling an ache deep in my chest.
She really could make me feel like shit when she wanted to.
Then Danna was beside me, “You had a bad night. You sure you’re okay?”
I nodded, taking my tips and looking at her, “I’m fine, just ready to sleep.”
She tilted her head, “At least you’re almost done.”
I smiled, nodding stiffly as I felt my tousled blonde hair fall over my shoulders. I smelt like cigarettes and alcohol, and I was dead tired, which made me just want to skip school tomorrow.
But finals were Friday and I couldn’t skip the review day, so I would have to push through it.
Danna patted my shoulder, “Go home and sleep it off.”
I looked at her, nodding, “Bye Danna.”
“Be safe.”
I grabbed my leather jacket from the storage closet, shrugging it on and slipping my hands into the pockets. I felt the can of pepper spray in one and the pocket knife in the other while searching for my car keys, taking precautions as I walked through the parking lot.
I had gotten lucky in finding a closer parking spot but it was still dark out, and all of my senses were heightened. They hadn’t let up since that night that man decided to put his hands on me, and thinking about it still made cringe.
I spotted my car, and even though it was dark I could still make out a shadowy figure that seemed to be smoking a cigarette while resting on my hood.
I stopped walking immediately, feeling my skin heat as my blood ran cold. Everything in my body told me to walk back to the bar but when the figure began approaching me I was frozen. My right hand gripped my knife as I brought it out my pocket I fingered the button to open it.
If this bastard did anything I wouldn’t hesitate.
“Sam, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
I gripped my knife tightly, already recognizing the sinister voice as I backed away from him instinctively. I had no words, I had nothing but fear inside me as this man walked slowly towards me. He didn’t seem to be threatening to touch me like he had the other night, and he was walking fine, which meant he was sober.
I finally mustered up a response, “Who are you?”
The tall figure was about four feet from me, and no matter how hard I tried to place his face I couldn’t.
He spoke, “You don’t remember me?”
I rolled my eyes, feeling the fear being replaced with anger, “Yea you’re the fucking creep that fucked with me the other night.”
“Dirty mouth for a dirty girl, I guess.”
I felt the anger boiling inside my stomach as I listened to him talking about me, making me want to stab him right in the neck. I didn’t know why I had so much anger towards him, but figured maybe it was because he had caused me nothing but paranoia and fear for the last two weeks of my life. Maybe it was because his memory had literally driven me crazy and now here he was, talking about me like he knew me.
I growled, “You don’t fucking know me.”
“I know more than you think, Sam.”
I felt my feet becoming un-glued from the cement as I attempted to walk around him, but he seemed to be wanting all of my attention as he stepped in front of me. I looked at him, asking in a stern voice, “What do you know?”
“I know you’re in deep with someone you shouldn’t be, considering she’s your history teacher.”
Everything inside me was on fire, this time not from anger but from absolute fear. This man knew about Megan, he knew about our relationship, and it was completely terrifying.
I looked at him, seeing a smug grin on his face that screamed insanity but I couldn’t walk away. I needed to hear what he was going to say about me and Megan, I needed to know what he knew. I stood my ground and questioned, “What are you talking about?”
“Sam, you’ve made a lot of bad decisions in your life but this… well this takes the cake.”
I felt the anger flow through me at the fact that he was claiming he knew all of my fuck ups. Who was this fuck that claimed he knew my bad decisions and saying that Megan was one of my worst?
I stepped closer to him this time, not showing him that I was deathly afraid, “You’re fucking crazy.”
I went to walk away but his strong grip grabbed me, luckily I expected it and opened my knife, bringing it right under his neck. I caught him off guard but he kept still, keeping that ugly grin on his lips, causing me to want to end him right then and there.
He smiled, “I may be crazy, but what you’re doing is much crazier.”
I pressed the knife closer to his neck, feeling the devil on my shoulder yelling at me to just fucking do it, but killing him wasn’t in me. I knew this was a really serious situation and I would most definitely go to jail if I ended him, but hearing him talk about Megan the way he was made me livid.
I growled through my teeth, “You have nothing on me, you sick fuck.”
I pushed him off of me as he stepped back, tilting his head as he laughed, “I have enough proof to put you and Megan in jail, Sam. Although, I didn’t know you were a druggie until recently, must’ve been your shitty teenage years-”
I shoved him forcefully then, “Stop saying my name, stop acting like you fucking know me! Leave me the fuck alone!”
I turned on my heels, nearly running for my car but I knew he wasn’t finished with me when he called out one more time.
“Don’t you want to see? Don’t you want to know if I have actual proof? This is freedom we’re talking about.”
I felt my heart pounding in my ears as I dropped my head, refusing to look at him while my back faced him. I knew he was right, I knew this was both of our lives on the line, and if he had proof that could land us in jail I wanted to know. I wanted to know if it was real, and if he wasn’t I wanted to expose him for a fake, but I needed to know.
So I turned around.
I whispered, “Show me then.”
He stepped closer to me, pulling out a phone as he flashed the screen to me. I took in the picture of Megan and I sitting in my car, which could’ve been anywhere at any time. Then he swiped left, showing me a picture of her and I kissing, which made my skin crawl because that meant this sick asshole had watched us.
He had been watching.
Instinct took over as I snatched his phone, throwing it as hard as I could to the cement and stomping it with my boot, cracking it nearly in half. I looked up at him, flashing my knife in his face, “Where’s your proof now?”
He smirked, “Sam, you don’t honestly believe you’re good enough for Megan, do you?”
I looked at him, darkness laced in my eyes, “Excuse me?”
He laughed, “Sam, look at you. A fifth year high school student that isn’t going to college and works at a bar part time… I’m actually helping you out by saving you some heart ache.”
I drew myself closer to him, close enough that I could see the insanity in his dark, hollow eyes. I mumbled through clenched teeth, “You don’t know me, and you’re fucking insane. Stay the fuck away from me and Megan.”
I stepped away but he shook his head, “The choice is yours, Sam, but if I catch you with her I’m going to ruin both of your lives.”
I clenched my jaw, wanting to rip his tongue clean out of his mouth, “You won’t.”
“I can, and I will. That phone isn’t the only thing that holds you and Megan’s freedom, and if you tell anyone the cops will be picking Megan up faster than you can attempt to lie your way out of this. And I will know if you tell anyone.”
I shook my head, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes, “Why…? What do you want?”
He smirked, “Because I care about you, Sam, and about your well-being.”
I shook my head, “I’m gonna call the cops.”
He shook his head, “Go ahead, but all I gotta do is show them the truth and Megan will be taken to jail. It’s your call Sam.”
I felt everything in my body shake as he climbed into his old Ford truck and pulled out of the parking lot, leaving me alone. I felt a huge wave of fear wash over me as I looked down at the smashed phone, wondering what I was going to do.
Was this really happening to me? Was this all just some twisted joke? Was it a dream? No… it was a nightmare, and I was so afraid that I couldn’t even move from this very spot. This was it, this was the end of everything in me and I was completely helpless against it.
There was absolutely nothing I could do.
I stumbled to my car, feeling as if there were a million knives stabbing me in the chest as I rested against my car. I felt the tears streaming down my face but all I could see was red. How could I let this happen? How could I not have seen someone like him following us? Watching us and finding out the truth that no one should know?
Why did this happen now when I only had a few days left of school? When I was a week away from graduation? A week away from the freedom that would set me and Megan free from the chains we had been bound in for nearly a year.
And who was that man? How did he know me? Why had he chosen me? And why did he claim he knew me?
All of these questions were swarming through my brain like a wasp nest, overtaking me completely as I sunk down against my car. I wanted to call Megan, but considering the state I was in it would scare her. I wouldn’t be able to lie, and even if I told her she would be in danger. I couldn’t tell her, I couldn’t tell anyone… because anyone’s reaction would be to go to the cops, but I couldn’t do that.
If I went to the cops he would expose us, and that meant ruining Megan’s life…
I shook my head as I sunk my head into my hands, not knowing what I needed to do. I didn’t know him, I didn’t know his name, I knew absolutely nothing about him… but I recognized him from somewhere.
Where did I recognize him from? His dark eyes that had peered right into my soul touched something inside my memory, but he could be from anywhere. I could’ve served him at Jinx, I could’ve met him at a gas station, I could’ve met him anywhere…
I stood, attempting to clear my head but not being able to anymore. I tried thinking of logical things to do, I tried thinking of things I could say to Megan but I came up with absolutely nothing. This man had ways of watching me like a fucking ghost, and he knew where I lived, which meant he could know where Megan lived.
He knew everywhere I went, and I had no idea how.
I climbed into my car and rested my head on my steering wheel, feeling the tears stream out of my eyes and onto my lap. My grip against the leather was tight as I sobbed pathetically, knowing that my only line of happiness was being cut-off by some sick fuck that seemed to be doing this just for the sadistic fun of it.
What had I done to deserve this if I didn’t even know this man?
I looked at the clock, seeing that it was only half past two as I started on the road. The pain in my heart was desperately pleading for some sort of release but I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t ruin Megan’s life, and I couldn’t be selfish like I had done so many times before. This was a decision that wasn’t really a decision, because Megan meant more to me than my own happiness. I was in control of her future, and it all determined whether or not I wanted to ruin her life or not.
In reality it wasn’t a choice because I didn’t want to ruin her life, I didn’t want to put her at risk for going to jail for me. I knew she could be put in jail for years, her future as a college professor ruined, all because I wanted to tell her that this guy knew about us.
I couldn’t tell her, I knew that, I couldn’t tell her because she would get scared and call the cops. She would tell me he wouldn’t find out but he would when they found him, and then it would be over. Megan would be arrested and I would be free, wishing that I could see her as she was locked up in a penitentiary wearing a fucking orange jumpsuit and having to endure only God knows what from other inmates.
No, I couldn’t do that.
I drove aimlessly, not knowing where to go considering I couldn’t go to Megan’s and I didn’t want to go home. I knew I could avoid Shawn for a few days, but not Megan. I would have to go to school tomorrow, and if I didn’t she would expect me to call her and tell her why.
And I couldn’t because I had to stay away from her.
Everything inside me ached at the thought of losing Megan, but I knew it was nearly impossible to keep her now. The only way to protect her would be to cut her off and act like it was my choice, when it absolutely wasn’t. The only way to make sure she didn’t question my sanity would be to tell her I didn’t want her, or that I couldn’t be with her, and that this was ending.
She wouldn’t believe me at first, and she would deny the fact that I didn’t want her because she knew me. She knew by the way I looked at her, she knew by the way I touched and kissed her, and she knew I loved her.
But I would have to press the matter further, I would have to literally rip her heart out with words to make her believe me, and I was afraid that’s exactly what I was going to have to do. I would have to lie through my teeth. I would have to say any and everything to make her believe I didn’t want her, all because we hadn’t been careful.
All because of that man…
I finally ended up in my garage, sitting in my car as I shook my head and refused tears to fall this time. I wouldn’t go to school tomorrow, I couldn’t, but I knew I would have to lie to Megan. She would text or call, asking me why I had missed the second to last day of school and I would lie. I would probably tell her I was feeling sick, and she would want to come over to see me but I would have to tell her no.
I would have to tell her to stay away, because I couldn’t risk that man seeing we were together.
I slammed my hand against my steering wheel, feeling the pain rip through my arm but it still wasn’t as bad as the pain in my heart. I wanted to scream, I wanted to kill that man… I wanted to die.
He was taking away the only thing that held me together, and the sick part was that he knew that. He had to know that, because if Megan wasn’t the thing that I needed I wouldn’t have acted that way around him. I would’ve agreed willingly but I had fought him, I had given into him, which is exactly what he had wanted.
I felt something inside me break, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. I wanted to cry but the lack of air refused, and I leaned my head on my steering wheel attempting to regain my composure but I felt the scene around me going black.
I tried holding myself together but I couldn’t, so instead of trying I just let go and allowed the blackness rot engulf me, knowing there was nothing left to wake up to anymore.
~ ~ ~ ~
“Sam? Sam!”
I swiftly brought my head up, seeing that I was sitting in my car still, my eyes swollen from crying last night. I unlocked my door as Shawn yanked it open, he knelt down looking at me, “What the hell, I thought you had gone to Megan’s.”
I shook my head, “N-No, I uh…” memories of last night flooded my thoughts as I pulled my eyes away from him, “I just fell asleep. I was exhausted.”
Shawn tried looking at me but I refused him, “What is wrong with you?”
I shook my head, “I feel like shit is all…”
He placed his hand on my head and sighed, “You don’t have a fever, but you could have picked up a bug. Maybe you should say home today.”
I nodded, getting out of my car as he helped me inside. He looked extremely worried, and he should be, not because I was sick but because his little sister was on the verge of either going out and killing someone, or going out and killing herself.
He left me at the door way, speaking, “Get some rest, you can’t miss your last day tomorrow.”
I nodded lifelessly, locking the door behind him and shrugging to the kitchen. I felt like shit and I was exhausted but sleeping literally seemed impossible. There was no escaping this pain that was deep in my heart, and I knew whenever fourth hour rolled around today I would get a worried text from Megan.
I would have to lie, because that was literally all I could do. All I could do was make Megan hate me. That was the only way I would be able to keep her away, and coming to terms with that ripped me apart inside.
It was worse than any pain I had ever experienced before. It was worse than the pain caused by my parents. It was worse than getting in that wreck, and I knew that after this I would be completely ruined.
I wouldn’t be repairable.