Michael stepped cautiously into the dining room, immediately smelling whiskey in the air.
Jackie: Michael!
Marlon: You and Mother finally finished cryin'!?
Tito: Shut up Marlon! You know you cry just as much as Michael do. You alright man?
Michael: Yeah... It just all goes through me, you know?
Jermaine: Hey, I get it. It's weird being back together again with the kids and all. It's been so long--
Tito: Too long... Everyone's just so busy these days.
Randy: Ain't nobody busier than you with three kids!
Marlon: Gettin 'busy!!'--
Jermaine: Shut up Marlon.
Jackie: How you got so many kids, Tito!?
Tito: I don't know man. It just happened!
Jermaine: I'm worn out with just two--
Jackie: I'm surprised you don't have 12, 'Maine, the way you stay messin' around--
Jermaine: Man, shut up Jackie. You don't know what you talking about!
Tito: I got three. Jackie, you have one. Marlon and Jermaine each got two... When you gonna settle down have some kids, Mike?
Michael: You know I want a whole house of kids--
Marlon: Yeah, but when? You know we can't stay young and fine forever! You need a wife--
Jermaine: Bro, your girl is hot!
Jackie: Shit, she bad as hell, Mike!--
Marlon: But can she be a good wife though?--
Jermaine: Who cares! Where'd you find her at man?
Tito: Shut the fuck up, Jermaine. Don't you have enough girls?
Jermaine: Why's everybody trippin!?
Randy: But for real Mike, she's sick. I need me a girl like her--
Marlon: Shut up Randy, ain't you still in high school?
Randy: Screw you, I just turned 18!--
Joseph: BOYS!
The room grew cold in a flash as Joseph's chilling voice filled the air. No one moved. Not even to breathe.
Joseph: Glad to see all my boys in one place. Have a seat. We have business to discuss.
~*~*~
Overall, Nicole loved coming to visit the Jackson home. It was immaculately decorated and clean, and though she was never really alone with Michael as security and staff were often roaming, the house always felt so peaceful and serene. Today, that was not the case. Children were running in circles, men were cursing like sailors and the women were cackling like hyenas.
All the women sat at one grand table while the kitchen staff served lunch. LaToya introduced Nicole to the ladies. So while they chatted about the "must-have" binky and latest motor skill their little baby genius acquired, Nicole recited everyone's name in her head again and again. Enid, Jackie's wife, they have one son. Dee Dee, she met her earlier with Tito and their three boys. Rebbie, the oldest Jackson, with her daughter. Hazel, Jermaine's wife, has a little boy and an infant girl. Carol, Marlon's wife, with two girls. And of course, Janet and LaToya sat on either side of her.
Dee Dee: So Nicole, do you have any kids?
Nicole: Me? -- oh no! ... No.
The table turned to her suspiciously and she wondered if her response was a bit defensive.
Nicole: Not yet, I mean! But I hope to have kids one day...
Forcing a charming smile, the ladies nodded, proving this to be more satisfactory.
Hazel: So how long have you and Michael been together?
Nicole: Um, since August.
Carol: 4 months? That's pretty good for Michael!
The girls rolled their eyes and giggled together for a reason Nicole wasn't sure she understood. But before she could ask--
Enid: How'd you meet!?
Nicole: He um, was in town for a show--
Hazel: Oh, you're a fan! That's great!
Nicole: Actually I --
Carol: Girl, yes! I was a groupie too and it worked out great for me!--
Janet: She isn't a groupie!
Nicole would've just let it slide, leaving them to say whatever they wanted. But it was nice that Janet spoke up, opening the floor for Nicole to give the ladies a quick overview of her and Michael's first meeting and the journey to California that led to them dating. She even confessed that she wasn't really familiar with Michael's music post-Motown until buying a few albums after they met. When she finally stopped talking she noticed the uncomfortable eyes shifting around the table. Did she say too much?
Dee Dee: So, you're a student? ... That's so fun!
LaToya: I love that. It's so modern!
Enid: Michael loves modern girls. And models!-- Not that you aren't beautiful, Nicole!
Hazel: Do you think you and Michael will get married!?
Carol: You two would have the most gorgeous babies!
Nicole: Um... I-- I really don't know. We're just taking it slow right now.
Enid: Jackie and I dated five years before we married.
Hazel: Well of course. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? -- Not that any of you ladies are cows!
Nicole watched Enid roll her eyes before someone else jumped in to change the subject.
Carol: How old are you, Nicole?
Nicole: I'll be 20 in a couple more months.
Carol: Marlon and I were only 18 when we married. We just couldn't stand to be without each other! Aren't you just dying to get married and have kids?
Nicole: Uh-- I think I'd like to finish school first...
LaToya: So modern!
LaToya chimed in, encouraging a positive perspective that she genuinely admired.
Enid: What's it matter? You know Michael's too scared to get married--
Hazel: Oh quit it now--
Dee Dee: What do you mean, Enid?
Enid: You know... How when the boys would play in strip clubs and all that? Only God knows where all Joseph took these boys. Those environments can do a lot of harm to a child! I couldn't imagine giving my son a Playboy, much less taking him to places like that!
Hazel: Your son is 2 years-old, Enid...
Carol: And the fans! Grown women, pulling on you, trying to sleep with you before you even hit puberty? Ugh! Can you imagine being a sex symbol before you even have your first wet dream!?--
Janet: EW, gross!
LaToya: Oh, Carol! Don't be so crude!
Carol: You know what I mean, don't you, Hazel?
Hazel: Oh sure. It was tough for Jermaine too! You know, Motown wanted each of the boys to have their own appeal. My sweet Jermaine had to be the heartthrob when they were little, but maybe Michael had it the worst. He was so young and didn't understand...
Nicole zoned out as the women continued talking. She hadn't known any of this about Michael's childhood... Or maybe she had? Nicole remembered his "fan" letter, the one accusing him of fathering a child, and wondered how old Michael was the first time he received a grown woman's breasts in the mail. She had spent the first several months of their relationship keeping her own sexual trauma a secret while Michael had been suffering from his own for far longer. After her court case, Nicole was able to gain a sense of closure and move on... But for Michael, how was this possible? How do you gain closure from trauma when the "predator" is a whole population? And how does a victim learn he's a victim when a crime like this has never been acknowledged before?
Janet: You ok, Nicole?
Enid: We didn't mean to upset you, Sweetie...
Nicole: Oh no, I'm fine... I was just thinking how kind you all are for welcoming me to your Family Day when Michael and I are only dating. I'm an only child, so being here is a lot different from what I'm used to.
Dee Dee: Being married to a Jackson isn't easy. But we all get along real well because there's no one else who could understand this life.
Hazel: The boys tour and travel so much... We see them so rarely sometimes, it's nice to have the sisterhood we've formed right here!
Nicole: None of you travel with your husbands?
Carol: Oh Heavens, no! --
LaToya: Girls aren't allowed on the road. Joseph would throw a fit!
Nicole: Do any of you have jobs outside your homes?
Enid: Oh no, the boys would never allow that!
LaToya: Mother never worked once we moved here to California. Joseph always took care of us.
Nicole: Do any of you want to work?
There was a pause as everyone took a moment to ponder the question.
Dee Dee: Well, I'm a singer! And keeping after our kids, that's a lot of work--
Nicole: Oh, of course! I didn't mean--
Hazel: Oh, Dee Dee, don't act like you don't have a nanny and housekeeper like the rest of us!
Dee Dee rolled her eyes as the other women laughed.
Dee Dee: ... Well, it's still a lot of work!
Enid: You would never have to lift a finger once you marry Michael. He could retire today if he wanted to, he's got good money!
Carol: Why do you keep pushing this girl to get married, Enid!?
Enid: I'm just talking--
Dee Dee: We know...
Enid: Michael would make a fantastic husband. He works hard and he's so kind. I bet he'd never mess around--
A short, sudden chuckle interrupted the words, though Nicole couldn't tell who it came from. All the girls seemed to be looking away like the sound was only in her head.
Hazel: Well, Nicole, do you love him?
Nicole: Yes, I do. Very much. --
Enid: Oh, everyone loves Michael! Does he love her? That's the real question--
Carol: Oh Enid! Stop that--
Hazel: Don't be so tacky, Enid.
Dee Dee: Well... She has a point. Michael sure could have his pick these days. He is all grown up and lookin' good!
LaToya: Well he must love her to have her come meet all you crows!
Janet: And he talks about you all the time, Nicole, honest!
Nicole: He does love me. I'm sure of it.
Her tone was confident and strong, without a hint of hesitation, finally shutting the hyenas up. As if on queue, a small but heavy hand touched Nicole's leg under the table. Expecting to see a toddler, she laughed, startled to find it was actually Michael's pet chimp, Bubbles. He handed her a small folded note written in Michael's scratch handwriting that read:
follow Me! love, MJ
Bubbles took her hand with surprising force for such a small animal, and pulled her to standing. Nicole quickly excused herself from the table of confused onlookers as she was led through the yard. They walked quite a distance from the house until she started to feel a familiar sense of serenity return. Smiling she remembered the breeze the afternoon of their first picnic somewhere near this grassy spot.
Suddenly Bubbles came to a halt and began jumping earnestly while still holding her hand. In the wind, Nicole could hear the faint sound of Michael's sweet voice floating on the backs of falling leaves. Looking up, she found him reclined on the branch of a tree at least 4 feet above her head. His eyes were closed, daydreaming as usual, as his foot tapped against the bark. Before Nicole could think to warn him, Bubbles scaled the tree and hopped in Michael's lap, startling him into the purest laughter.
Michael: Oh! Hey big guy. Did you find our girl?
Instead of waiting for an answer, Michael turned to the ground to see Nicole peering up at him. His smile was infectious.
Michael: Hey!
Nicole: What are you doing up there?
Michael: Waiting for you.
Nicole: ... So you can come down now?
Michael: No, no -- You have to come up!
Surely he must have mistaken her with someone else! Michael just laughed, ignoring her stare as he took a couple steps lower and extended his hand. Never able to resist, Nicole held on as he navigated her climb. Once settled, Michael gave her a proud kiss on the cheek.
Michael: How was lunch?
Nicole: You know... Let's talk about something else.
Michael laughed loudly and pulled Bubbles back into his lap. Nicole watched his long fingers stroke the short dense hairs on the primates arms. Bubbles relaxed against Michael's chest, seeming to know it was his job to provide comfort in this moment. Though his laugh came easily, for some reason Michael seemed much more somber now than the playful boy she met just a few hours ago.
Nicole: Are you okay?
Michael: Yes, of course.
Nicole: Why are we hiding up here?
Michael: I like it up here...
Nicole: How did you get Bubbles to find me?
Michael: Scent. Chimps are very smart, you know? He could smell you on my shirt, like dogs do.
His voice was soft as he spoke, more to Bubbles than to her.
Michael: Do you want to get down?
Nicole looked past Michael towards the house. You could see the whole property from where she sat, the main gate, the guest house, the pool, even the rear entrance to Michael's room. Most of the women were still sitting at the table though the dishes had already been cleared. She wondered if they could see her, or if they were still talking about her.
Nicole: No, I like it up here too.
She closed her eyes, resting back against a branch. A warm breeze soothed her skin, leaves rustled at her cheek. She could see why Michael chose this spot. It was a perfect place for daydreaming. After another moment she could hear Michael's lullaby voice singing again, just loud enough for them.
Come fly with me, come fly, let's fly away...
Nicole smiled. Memories of those lyrics flooded her mind and heart. He was smooth and soulful now, compared to the silly way he serenaded her before, drawing each note with emphasis. She wondered if he was really offering to fly off with her somewhere. Wherever he wanted, she would go. Somewhere romantic or exotic, or even back to Arizona for one more night like the last... Waking from her own daydream, Nicole saw that she was being watched. Michael was grinning with a thumb tucked between his two front teeth. Blood rushed to her cheeks as she knew that look all too well.
Michael: I missed you.
Nicole: Mmhm, you mentioned that...
She missed him too. His eyes. The way his curly hair fluttered in the breeze. His voice, much more majestic in person than he was over the phone.
Michael: What are you thinking about?
Nicole: Just how great that talent show was. You with your brothers. It's so different from your concert with all the fancy lights and things. Sometimes it's hard to know what's real. But seeing you all today was raw talent.
Michael: You think so?
Nicole: Oh yes! It was just magical, Michael. Your voice is your gift. It just makes people feel things in a beautiful way. When you were singing that song, I could tell you really meant every word.
Michael nodded for a moment, appreciating her words. Music had always been his first love. He remembered being a child and learning the power of his voice. It was the only way he could get adults to listen. So every song, Michael sang with all his heart. Growing up, Michael was often asked how he could sing with such conviction about love and pain when he couldn't have possibly experienced those adult emotions yet. He didn't know how, he just did. Now, it was a habit impossible to break. Every lyric to every song, Michael felt in his soul.
Michael: I just feel things sometimes, you know, and I have to let it out. It flows right through me. I felt like a boy again when we would sing in our living room in Gary. Life was so much simpler back then, just like the lyric says, 'If it's the rich life, I don't want it. Happiness ain't always material things...' This is happiness to me. Sitting here with you and Bubbles, watching the clouds, hearing the laughter of children... There's so much of my childhood I had to give up. But it got us here. When I look down there and see all these beautiful babies-- the families my brothers have created... I gave up my youth so all of theirs could exist. What an amazing gift that is... It makes me real emotional, you know?
Nicole watched him speak and her heart ached for him. The lonely man she met at dinner 6 months ago had been lonely far longer than she realized. Thinking about the conversation during lunch paired with hundreds of late night phone calls and now this, she could see Michael Jackson's childhood was sold to the clubs and recording studios long ago. He'd sacrificed his whole life to bring joy to others then, and maybe more so now. As Michael was watching his brothers grow and mature, the weight of their careers fell largely on his shoulders. Most would be bitter or resentful but Michael saw it as an honor.
Nicole: That's true. It is a gift... But I'm sure it can feel like a burden sometimes too?
Michael nodded as tears welled in his eyes again. He hated himself for being so emotional, especially in front of her. But how many burdens can one soul bear before it breaks.
Michael: ... Yes.
Nicole maneuvered closer, stepping cautiously on the base of the tree. As she stood over him she could see the moisture on his cheeks and with a delicate hand, she dried his tears. He leaned into her touch, covering his hand over hers, still unready to open his eyes.
Michael: I really, really missed you.
With her free hand, Nicole coaxed Bubbles out of the way to rest her palm over his heart. His breaths were deep but steady, as he relaxed into each exhale. Nicole leaned forward and pressed her lips firmly to his. Returning her touch, Michael spread his fingers fully over her upper back. There was so much power in his hands. Parted lips welcomed the taste of hers and when Nicole started to pull away, he brought her back, now softly sucking until he heard the sweetest moan from the back of her throat. They opened their eyes slowly.
Michael: There's something in my room... I'd like to show you.
Nicole stayed still, per her instruction, as Michael leapt swiftly from the tree. From the ground, he pulled Bubbles down first, then held Nicole's waist as she lowered to the grass. He brushed the dust and bark from her backside as they laughed, Nicole recalling when they jumped from the swings at the park on Thanksgiving and ended up covered in sand. Michael laughed harder, reminding her of the tiny spider she was so afraid of. With laced fingers, and Bubbles trailing behind, they walked back towards Michael's bedroom.