Hi guys!
I'm sorry for the long wait, but this chapter was somehow much harder to write than the previous ones. 4000+ words, so I hope you enjoy :)
LII: Jungkook
Why am I not dead?
That is the first conscious thought I have.
Every part of my body hurts, and I groan as I force open my eyes. The simple action leaves me lightheaded as I turn my head sideways to survey the sky, seeing the full moon rise above the horizon. It must have been hours since I was last awake. The stiffness in my body tells me that much.
My lips tingle and put a hand to them, wondering why they felt a bit different than usual. As my vision comes into focus, I realize that I'm lying in a somewhat shaded grove of trees, small balls of... light flickering all around me. Closer inspection tells me that it isn't lights, but fires. I yelp as my hand accidentally grazes the top of the flame. I expect it to burn, but it only gives an almost soothing sensation, pleasantly warm on my fingertips. Was fire supposed to do that?
I prop myself up into a sitting position, wincing when I feel the fresh cuts on my body sting. How had I gotten these cuts? Memories flood into my brain, and I remember the ground cracking open. Falling... A pair of arms circling me just before I lost consciousness. Sweet words murmured into my ear. Who had those arms belonged to? The words? My head hurts, so I lie back down on the ground again, closing my eyes.
A thick cloak is around my shoulders, and I recognize the scent as Taehyung's. Coupled with the enchanted fires, it blocks out the cold effectively, and I burrow my nose into it, finding comfort in my soulmate's scent. A thought strikes me. If Taehyung's cloak is here, that means...
I jump up, ignoring the pain shooting through my spine. Taehyung! Taehyung must be close by. Of course! Who else had the power to conjure magical fires? Then did that mean that Taehyung had saved me? I couldn't imagine the monster going out of his way to jump down the cliff after me, so it must have been Taehyung. Had somehow won back control? But then, why had he left me here alone?
"Taetae?" My voice echoes in the night. The only response I get is the chirping of crickets and the whoosh of the wind. "Taehyung!"
Silence.
He's not here.
Dread seeps into my bones, as I frantically look around at my surroundings. I'm alone. Even if Taehyung had been here before, he had evidently left me. Was he in the woods? Back in Shadow Valley? Or perhaps someplace totally different? I... don't know. How was I supposed to find him?
"I-I don't know what to do anymore." I bury my face in my hands, falling to my knees. Jimin. Yoongi. I'm so sorry. Taehyung could be anywhere, and I had no lead, no nothing. No way to find him. The forest spread before me is so vast, that I could easily spend the rest of my life looking and not find him. Assuming he was even in the forest. Why would Taehyung abandon me like this? As tears start to fall from my eyes, I notice something strange. There's something glowing in my vision. A speck of light on my hand. When I wipe the tears from my eyes, I find the source of the strange light.
It's the ring that Taehyung gave me.
Looking down, I see that the moonstone is... glowing? As I watch, the ring starts to shake, and a bright shower of light shoots out of the stone. It makes the air around me sizzle, before condensing into a straight beam of blue light that points towards the woods. I slowly stand up, one hand clutching at the cloak as I look down at the now glowing ring. The thin ray of light starts from the moonstone and leads straight into the dark forest, never seeming to stop. Almost like it was trying to show me a path...
Taehyung's words echo in my head. If you ever want to find me, follow the ring. Could this be what he was talking about? I look down at the ring on my finger. "Can you show me? Show me where Taehyung is." It could be my imagination, but the blue beam of light becomes a little stronger. Now, it is undoubtedly pointing towards the woods.
I take a tentative step forward, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the looming darkness of the forest. Is that really where Taehyung had gone? The ring evidently seems to think so, because it pulls me forward, tugging on my finger.
A torch. I needed some sort of fire. Hurrying back to the grove, I look around for a good-sized stick. Finding one, I let it catch fire and hold it above my head, squinting into the darkness of the forest. My grip on the stick as I enter the woods is so tight I'm afraid I'm going to have splinters. Taking a deep breath, I take my first step into the inky blackness of the towering trees.
At first my pace is slow, tentative, because I don't know what's lurking in the forest at night. There could be anything from the normal big cats, to a range of magical species. If vampires were real, why not werewolves? Ghouls? Any creature would view me as a tasty meal at this hour of darkness. The thought makes me more cautious as I trek through the forest, carefully following the thin beam of light from my ring.
After about 15 minutes of traveling at a snail's pace, I gradually start to pick up speed, until I'm jogging. No animal has tried to attack me yet, and the sooner I can find Taehyung the better. I hold my hand out in front of me, following the light from the ring as I carefully pick my way through the high trees. There's still enough moonlight for me to see, but my torch definitely helps.
Not long after I've entered the forest, I'm suddenly overcome by the violent urge to drink. Not water, but blood. Taehyung had explained to me before that vampires could live off mortal food most of the time, but we needed regular stocks of blood to replenish our systems. Go a few days without it, and we would start feeling the nasty symptoms of dehydration. Too long, and it would become absolutely critical to find a blood source. When had been the last time I had tasted any blood? Three days, at least.
Not now...
I'm probably miles away from any type of civilization, and the closest one is up a 3,000 meter cliff. Besides, finding Taehyung is critical right now, and I couldn't afford any delays. The light from the ring pulls me onwards, but after ten minutes, I feel that I can't go any longer with some blood. My feet are giving up on me, and my throat feels itchy and unpleasantly dry. Which means resorting to drastic measures.
One of the perks of being a vampire is that we can hear much better than humans. Almost immediately, I locate a mouse sniffing at the roots of a beechnut tree, no more than two feet away from me. My heart races. Do I dare...?
Careful to make as little noise as possible, my hand drifts towards the mouse, one inch at a time. The mouse, oblivious to my presence, scuffles in the dense undergrowth, trying to sniff out any fallen beechnuts. Its whiskers twitch in jerky caution, then steps forward, right into my range. I clamp my hand down. Emitting a loud squeal, the mouse struggles, biting at my fingers with razor sharp teeth, its tiny feet clawing frantically to escape. I swallow back a wave of nausea as I sink my fangs into its neck, feeling it go limp in my hand. The mouse's blood is salty, not as sweet as antelope blood or even deer blood, but beggars can't be choosers.
When the mouse carcass is sucked dry, I dig a small hole in the ground and bury the mouse's body, before getting up on shaky feet. The blood has done its work, rejuvenating my body and making me feel stronger than before. I start walking again, pleased to see that my stamina seems to have increased too. I can keep up a steady pace as I once again start jogging through the woods.
About another 30 minutes have gone by before I notice something panic-worthy. My fire is starting to go out. No wonder, that, as it's been pummeled by the freezing winds mixed with the already damp undergrowth. It had seconds, if that before it went completely out.
"Oh no," I mutter, desperately trying to keep the sputtering flame going. To no avail. The flame gives a final weak spark and goes black, leaving me with only a half-charred stick in my hand. I let the stick fall to the ground, sighing heavily. The light that the ring is emitting seems thinner than ever, barely cutting through the darkness. No matter. It would have to do.
Now, with only the ray of light from the ring to guide me, I stumble through the forest, relying solely on the moonlight trickling in through the gaps in the trees to find my way. It's slow going, and I trip and fall multiple times on a tree root or hole, scraping my hands on the forest floor. How long have I been traveling? An hour? Two? It gets colder by the minute, and my breath is clearly visible in the chilling air. With no fire, the effect of the cold is even worse, and I can feel it through my cloak. The forest seems endless, and my surroundings start to blur as I run, my feet aching on the hard forest floor. Just as I think my legs are about to fall off from all the running, the woods thin out on either side of me, and I find myself staring into...
A meadow.
The same meadow that I had stayed in for a week after Taehyung made me leave Armad Castle. Only I can't see any house in sight, which meant that I must be on the opposite side. The forest is gone, replaced by rolling hills of grass and flowers, bathed silver in the moonlight. Letting out a sigh of relief, I look down at the ring, just to find that the blue ray of light is now pointing northeast, at... a pile of wood?
Cautiously edging towards it, I find that it isn't just a few pieces of wood, but the wreckage of a house. Burned long ago by the looks of it. There's no definite shape to it, only a few charred beams still standing, and a bit of roof that looks to be caved in. It seemed wrong to have such a desolate looking thing in the middle of a beautiful moonlit meadow. Why would Taehyung want to be here?
"Is this where Taehyung is?" I ask the ring, but to my surprise, the beam of light is gone. The moonstone has returned to its usual navy blue color, shining unobtrusively on the band of silver. If the ring has stopped glowing, that must mean that Taehyung is close by. I look around, hoping to see the familiar brown hair and crimson eyes. But there's none in sight. My confidence falters. Is the ring wrong in thinking that Taehyung is here?
"What in the bleeding hells," A voice growls behind me, and I jump. "Are you doing here?"
I turn, only to come face to face with the monster's silver face. He glares at me, arms crossed over his chest. Clearly, he isn't happy about me being here, though his eyes hold less menace than usual. I can even see relief in their swirling depths.
"I-I came through the forest," I say, trying not to shiver underneath his dominating gaze. "Something... told me you were here." I don't want to tell the monster about the ring. Call me crazy, but I don't trust him completely.
"You went through the whole forest," The monster says disbelievingly, "In just that cloak? Skies, you must be freezing."
"My fire burned out halfway through," I say, and as my muscles relax, I can feel how cold I truly am. My teeth start to chatter, and I wrap my arms around myself. "Until then, it was actually alright―"
My last words end in a surprised gasp, as the monster suddenly pulls me towards him, one hand on my waist. I tense as my body makes contact with his, but his touch is warm, and surprisingly gentle. Despite myself, I lean into his embrace, instantly feeling warmer than before.
"W-why are you hugging me?" I ask, my brain feeling the need to push him away, but my body not cooperating. He feels so warm, and I'm in no hurry to face the bitter cold again.
"You're cold," the monster says simply, one hand caressing my hair. "I've learned that sharing body heat helps people who are in danger of hypothermia. In this case, you."
I don't say anything, but I don't pull away, either. The monster takes this as a cue to continue, and I feel strangely safe as his hands find their place around my waist and nape. Neither of us talks for a while, with the only sound being the wind and the occasional rustle from the forest.
"You're a fool, Jungkook," the monster finally breaks the silence, a bite in his tone. "You could have frozen to death in that forest. You should have just stayed where I left you. Someone would have come for you, no doubt. As it is, you're shivering from the cold, and your face is freezing." His hands come up to brush my cheeks, and I don't miss the hint of softness in his eyes. "And all of that just to find me."
"Not you," I say before I can stop myself. The effect of my words is immediate. The monster stops caressing my cheek, eyes once again hardening. Expressions becoming guarded again. He looks at me for a moment before nodding.
"Of course," He says gruffly, taking a step back. Suddenly, the world around me seems much colder. "You were looking for Taehyung, weren't you? How... nice. You must be disappointed, seeing me still in his place."
"I―" I want to say I am. It's the truth. I would much rather see Taehyung than the monster. But the coldness in his eyes stop me. "Seeing as he was the one who saved me from falling, yes," I finally say. There. That can't hurt anyone.
A wry smile flits across the monster's face. "You think Taehyung saved you? Well, of course I'm sure he would have jumped off the cliff without a second thought if he was in control. But he wasn't, was he? Not at that time."
"You saved me?" I can't keep the shock out of my voice, and the monster raises an eyebrow. "Yes, Jungkook. What, did you think that I couldn't do something nice for a vampire?"
"Well..."
The monster sighs. "Don't answer that. I know about your opinion of me. Technically, Taehyung did help in your rescue, yes. Let's keep it at that."
"Oh..." I don't know what to say. The fact that the monster had gone out of his way to save me seemed laughable. Why would he, a shadow demon, want anything to do with a small vampire like me? But I can sense the truth in his words. "Well, thank you then. I... never expected that."
A heavy silence falls between us, where I clutch nervously as Taehyung's cloak. The monster looks down at the ground, kicking bits of wood that lay at his feet. Suddenly, a question occurs to me which I should have asked long ago.
"What is this place, and why is this here?" I point to the burned out shell of the building before us, and the monster frowns.
"It's my home," he says. Seeing my confusion, he smiles. "Strictly speaking, it's not my home. It's Taehyung's. His childhood home, which was burned down the day after he became a Mask."
I cock my head. "But I stayed in his house for one week, and that wasn't burned down."
"No," The monster says. "That was only a replica. This is the original home. Burned down more than 200 years ago. This is where Taehyung grew up." He nudges aside a charred beam with his foot and picks up a roughly carved wooden horse. He inspects it for a minute, before letting it slip from his grasp and fall to the ground. "They're still many memories left in this place. I like to visit it every once in a while."
"Are you sad?" I ask him. He turns to look at me, an odd expression on his face. I quickly elaborate. "Seeing this wreckage, I mean. If it was Taehyung's home, it must have been yours too. Is that why you visit it? Because you like remembering your past?"
The monster ponders this for a while before answering. "Not really. It's funny, really. I've sensed absolutely nothing for a very long time. I wonder how you vampires bear the burden of emotions. It seems so... unnecessary, doesn't it? The only reason I visit is to remember what fire can do if it's out of control. Destroy the wrong people, for instance."
"You don't feel anything?" I ask, a bit discouraged. Alastair was right. The monster really couldn't feel any type of emotion. I had hoped I would have a foundation of emotions to build upon, but it seems that I would have to do everything from scratch.
He shakes his head. "There's only darkness inside of me. Nothing else. In fact," he takes a step away from me, his face suddenly grim. "You would do well to keep away from me. I'm sorry for hugging you. It was a mistake on my part. Furthermore, I advise you to go back. Here, I'll take you so you don't have to freeze to death in the forest again." He holds out his hand for me, but I ignore it.
As I stare at his impassive masked face, I realize that I don't know how to feel about him anymore. How he could be a bloodthirsty maniac in battle, but then be almost caring towards me was astonishing. He is the murderer of my friends. I should hate him. But looking at the monster now, I can only feel pity. How could I expect him to know love, sadness, or any type of emotion when he was born from the essence of darkness? But just because he didn't know what the feelings meant, didn't mean that he didn't have them.
"You said you feel no emotions," I say slowly. "But that's not entirely true, is it? I saw your face when you killed Yoongi. You looked almost sad. And the fact you jumped off a cliff to save me..."
The monster's jaw tightens almost imperceptibly, and I can tell I've hit a nerve. "You've had a long night," he finally says. "You're tired. I'll take you back―"
"Let me help you," I burst out. "I'll help you recover your emotions. Will that be sufficient repayment for you saving my life?"
The monster gives a mirthless laugh. "You don't know what you're asking for, Jungkook. No one can help me. And there's nothing to recover. I was born like this. You can't alter what you're already born with."
"That may be true," I let a hint of pleading enter my voice. "But there's no harm in trying." He stares at me for a long minute, and I feel sure that he's going to decline. But slowly, he nods his head, and I'm surprised to see he's fighting back a smile.
"If it amuses you to try and dig up nonexistent feelings, then go ahead. I won't stop you. Do whatever you wish." It dawns on me that this is more like a game for him than a serious mission. He leans on a half-charred beam, seemingly relaxed.
"Uh, okay..." I rub my hands together, debating my first move. How am I going to do this? My mind flashes back to the healing room with Taehyung. He had shown me his memories as a way to get me to trust him. Perhaps I should start there. "I guess I'll start with searching your memories," I say slowly. "Find out your past."
The smile fades off the monster's face. "You'll what?"
"I'll search your memories," I say, my confidence building. "That's the only way I'll be able to find out how I can help you. It won't hurt," I add, seeing the horrified expression on the monster's face. I reach my hands toward his temples, but he grabs my hands harshly before I can get there.
"You are not going through my memories," the monster growls. "What makes you think that you're prepared to see what's in my mind? I promise you, you aren't strong enough to take it. Don't do it, Jungkook. There are memories in there―in my head―that can make the most powerful man go insane. You don't want to know what's in there."
"It'll be alright," I say, trying to fight against the monster's tight grip. He doesn't let go. "They're memories, right? So they won't be able to hurt me."
The monster grits his teeth. "Foolish boy," he mutters. "They're more than just memories. They're accounts of all I have done. Every person I've killed. Trust me, you don't want to see them. It'll break you."
"You murdered my friends," I whisper, and the monster stares at me. "How can you talk about breaking me when you already have? I'm not just doing this for myself. If I back out now just because I'm afraid of what's in your mind, Yoongi and Jimin's sacrifice will all be for nothing. I'm doing it for both of them. And Taehyung. And all the other people who've helped me in this war. Think of this as compensation on your part. Let me go."
"Jungkook―"
"Let me go!" I twist my hands in his vice-like grip. The monster closes his eyes for a long second, before opening them again. His voice is fighting to stay controlled. "Fine. Do what you want. I―won't stop you. But don't say I didn't warn you." His hands slowly release their grip, and I see red marks on my wrist from where he squeezed too tight. I hesitate for only a second, before I bring my hand up to his temples.
Once my fingers connect with his temples, I'm thrust harshly into his thoughts. It feels like I'm stepping into an acid swamp. Darkness. Pain. Rage. And a deep, abiding emptiness. Shadows swirl around me as I fall into his mind, and I feel like my whole body is on fire. Tendrils of darkness cover everything in his mind, so thick that I can't see through them. For an infinite second, I float in the air, consumed by pain, before I land on the rocky ground with a jarring thud. As my vision becomes sharper, I have to bite back a scream at the image in front of me.
I'm in a city.
A city engulfed by fire.
To call it an inferno would be an understatement. It is a roaring, colossal monster that seems to have a mind of its own; tearing down buildings, burning people, killing. The very sky is alight with embers, painting the normally serene blue a lurid red. Strangely, the flames don't make me feel hot, and the small flames at my feet only tickle. But that doesn't make up for the screams that pierce the air, and the acrid scent of burning flesh.
"W-what is this place?" I murmur in horrified awe. It made the fire back at Shadow Valley look like a harmless bit of tame flames in the hearth.
"Welcome, Jungkook," The monster says from beside me. "To my memories."
What the beam of light from the ring looks like (sorry for the crappy image quality):