The cold made leaving the covers shitty and uncomfortable. All she wanted was to stay in bed, in the warmth, alone. Drift back to sleep, where there were no mothers, no school and no expectations.
Even later, when she was in school, all she could think about was getting home and actually feeling warm and comfortable.
Jesse was always there in between her classes, waving when they crossed each other on the corridors or walking together to her classes. They'd gone on a proper date and he'd kissed her before she went back home, just like on teenage movies.
Bonnie had seen it, not the kiss, but the way he was acting around her, and seemed unable to stop teasing him or pestering her about their relationship status.
Ellie and Cat seemed closer too, somehow. Cat was actually having lunch at the cafeteria with them most days, instead of holing up in the art classroom with Ms. Clark. She'd take her leather jacket off and slide her sweater up her forearms, showing her tattoos as if it wasn't below 0°C outside. Dina supposed the steam from the kitchen, together with all the kids inside and the hots she had for Ellie helped her maintain herself warm enough.
"Have you guys seen Ellie?" Cat asked, sitting beside Jesse. Her forehead had lines of worry, but they all shook their heads. It was weird, because Ellie was a fast walker and she was never really late for lunch.
And then their phones buzzed at the same time with a message from Emma on the group chat: 'i think ellie is gonna fight jordan'
They bolted for the door, and Dina had never been so happy for being in the track team. She couldn't feel the ground beneath her, she didn't even know where to go, but her mind and her heart screamed Ellie. She ran, following the noise of yelling and students chatting, hoping it would make it easier to find them.
And then she saw Jordan, his dark eyes bloodshot and his black hair under his dirty cap throwing a punch at Ellie. Ellie, who had half her back turned to him, because she was handing back a girl's books.
The punch hit her on the cheek, and she stumbled a bit, catching herself on the lockers. Were those the eyes that made the kids think she'd killed someone? Her face was scrunched up, full of wrath and disgust as she pulled her fist back and hit Jordan with it.
She hit him hard on the nose, and blood started to drip down his shirt. Ellie had her fists up, still standing in front of the girl, her eyes trained on him. Dina could see the fire in Jordan's eyes, but his friend had an arm around him, holding him down.
"Oh shit, Mr. Figgins's coming!" someone yelled, and faster than ants fleeing fire the students scattered, Jordan's friends pulling him away. He looked back at her, a promise in his eyes that it wasn't over yet.
The fight now apparently over, Dina let herself take in the girl behind Ellie. She had Asian features and a big scar across her cheek. Ellie was talking to her, but Dina could only see her profile as she gave the girl a nod and turned towards the cafeteria, towards them. Fight had left her body and now she only looked anxious and tired.
Ellie's eyes widened when their eyes met and she stopped. They locked eyes, and she could see fear in her eyes before her walls went up and it was only anger. She stood alone in the empty hallway, frozen to the ground.
Dina was the first to move, the first to reach Ellie and hug her.
"What happened?" she asked, her voice laced with worry as she backed away to look at Ellie's face. She looked up, away, licking her lips before answering.
"Jordan was bullying that girl, Yara. Being fucking racist and calling her 'scarface'," her voice was hard, her eyes still burning with anger. "So I very eloquently told him it was racist to call her 'ching chong', and that he shouldn't be jealous of her scar because I could give him one," she paused, hissing in pain when Dina touched her cheek, "I may also have said he should try to remove his head from his ass since he was saying so much shit."
Dina could only imagine how "eloquent" Ellie had been, with all her ability to curse like a sailor. Ellie had her eyes glued to the ground, shifting around her feet and twisting her fingers. She could feel Ellie's body shaking slightly under her hands as her fingers touched Ellie's face again, with more care now that she could see the place Jordan had hit swelling.
"Are you okay?" Cat asked as Jesse looked around and shepherded them back to the cafeteria. She hoped Mr. Figgins would search for Jordan first, or that he hadn't seen them fighting in the first place.
Ellie nodded stiffly, and Dina squeezed her hand.
There was a vulnerability there, though, hiding behind the sharpness of her rage when Ellie spoke again, "I hate just people like him."
And Dina remembered her voice that night after Christmas, how she'd let her walls down for a moment, and Dina could see the vulnerability, how alone and scared she'd been. There was some of it in her eyes when they met Dina's in the corridor, and she could see Ellie was remembering her years at the other school.
"He's such an asshole," Jesse said, pushing the doors of the cafeteria, "I can't believe coach still lets him play after all the shit he's pulled."
Ellie stood there, though, just outside the doors with her hands in her pockets.
"You guys can go in, I'll just finish up my art thing for Ms. Clark," she shifted her feet before raising a hand, "I'll see you guys in a few."
And then she turned and left.
They all stood there, watching her go, shoulders square and head low. Dina wanted to go after her, to keep her company and comfort her, but she had a feeling Ellie wanted to be alone. So she let her walk away, building her walls high again.
Even if Dina's heart hurt for her.
______
"I heard there was a fight in school today," her mother said as means of greeting when Dina slipped through the door.
Dina sighed to herself, wishing hard Sofer wasn't in the synagogue or that she wasn't the principal. Then maybe her mother wouldn't know everything. She shrugged.
"Miriam didn't tell me who the kids were, but she mentioned that a Mr. Figgins saw a commotion in the corridor," her mother lifted her eyes from the notebook on her lap. "I hope this had nothing to do with your friend Jesse."
She wanted to laugh. Of all her friends, she was talking about Jesse? Jesse who had never hurt anyone? Jesse, who had been playing as a halfback because he prefered to run fast than to tackle kids to the ground. Kind, gentle Jesse?
"He doesn't fight, mom," she said, controlling the urge to roll her eyes.
"You have to be careful with these goyim boys, Adinah," her mother quipped back, disapproval in her voice, "they're no good. Violent-"
She felt anger bubbling inside her. Anger at her mother's words, at her closed-mindedness, her lack of respect. "Jesse's not like that, mother," she managed through gritted teeth.
"I hope he isn't, Adinah," her mother shifted her attention back to the computer, and Dina took it as her cue to go to her room. "I hope you've been looking for colleges to apply."
She breathed in, her back still to her mother as she faced the stairs. "I have, mother."
Her mother wanted her to go to a nearby college and study some business related program so she could help with the family business. And close enough that her mother could keep an eye on her.
The thing was, Dina wasn't even sure what she wanted to do yet. She knew being on the track team made her look good for universities, and she felt like she wanted to keep studying, but she didn't know what major yet.
She had no concrete idea what she wanted about her future, about what she wanted to major in, and she hated when her mother would bring it up.
Truth be told, she really liked Maths and fixing some old shit she found around the house, like the walkie-talkies she and Talia had when they were kids. It was exciting to figure the wires out, to tinker with it and the pride that came when she actually got it working.
Maybe she had an idea of what she kinda wanted to do in college, but she wasn't sure if she could actually do it. Wriggle herself out of her mother's claws, out of all the expectations placed upon her and try.
She sighed at the open textbook on her table. She technically had a year to figure it out. Maybe she could go study with Talia, away from her mother. Dina started to solve the problems, working the graphs of complex numbers.
She could see Ellie's concentrated expression in her mind when they were studying together in the library, her furrowed brow and how she always spun the pencil over her hand. Her green eyes reading the words, her hand moving fast as she scribbled numbers away and the smug smirk when she got it right. She remembered tracing her face with her eyes, the sharpness of her jawline, the curve of her cheek when she smiled, the glint in her eyes.
"Focus, Dina," she mumbled to herself, "you can do it alone, you don't need Ellie to help you."