Cristine couldn't sleep after Troy's visit and night had fallen so she lit up the battery powered lamps in the infirmary and to keep her mind instead of body busy, she decided to finish the first volume of her medical journal. The non-standard first-aid book was meant for even the untrained individual to use when she wasn't present or dead. The handbook wasn't particularly thick, but everything written inside was done with care and precision. No complicated phrasing or words if it wasn't necessary. The structure of each page concise and to the point. She addressed the ailments, its symptoms, to-do and not to do, which medicines or herbs to use and the aftercare. Writing this granted her the same calmness and purpose as when she cleaned the infirmary. Time went by and before Cristine knew it she was at the end of the book and a sense of accomplishment. Feeling vindicated after she squeezed the final word at the end of the last page, a smile stretched Cristine's lips, the sheen color on her face bright and the dimpled cheeks prominent. The young medic truly resembled a delighted child that had finished her personal project. Distracted by her pride, Cristine hardly noticed Jake standing at the entrance until he made his presence known.
"I see you finished it." Cristine was slightly started by his appearance this late and followed his line of sight at the journal with impressive eyes. Brushing her fingers against the last page, the soft smile returned and Jake asked, "how long did it take you to finish it?"
"Twenty-seven days. It's not nearly as extensive as the medical books I've read during my residency days and won't make up what we've lost during the fire." Cristine shut the notebook when Jake invited himself inside, hands rubbing at either side of his soft pants. The last time she saw her friend was when they fought against the dead, Jake volunteered to draw the dead away and never returned, only for him to have catch them all off-guard by heading to the Nation to negotiate peace.
"I heard about Kathy's delivery and our new addition of the community."
"Yeah. She's a genuine spitfire, but healthy overall. Have you seen her?" Cristine her face lit up talking about their barely week old member.
"Not yet, I didn't have time to do my rounds yet since I've returned." Jake shook his head.
There was a prolonged silence from either side. Cristine lowered her eyes and scratched a nail on top of the hard cover of her medical journal. Moving her slack jaw from side to side, she put her focus on everything but Jake. Because if she did, she would be reminded that he'd just run off like some idiot and showed the Nation all their cards. They were right back where they started because Jake let the bleeding hearts get to him and she didn't understand. Swallowing her frustration, Cristine decided not to speak up or even ask what kind of idiot he was until he'd bring it up.
On the opposite side, Jake stared at the younger woman's downcast face. "Silent treatment, huh?" Sighing, Jake reached for one of the chairs before settling it opposite of the narrow table occupying her utensils and finished notebook. The frigidity of Cristine's mood characterized by vexation dampened Jake's spirit considerably. The last few days were hectic on both sides and negotiation with Walker hadn't been easy at all. It was straining at most and the hostility was crushing being there as the only one. He was doing his family, friends, and the community even if many people were looking at him as if he'd betray them and with Cristine giving him that exact same look, it diminished his spirits. Jake wrung his hands together and thought of something he hadn't told Cristine before.
"You know before I finished law school I had to come home because my dad asked me to... he got in to some land disputes and needed my advice. That's when we saw the news and talk of people getting sick and weird attacks around the country. It went pretty fast after that and before we knew it was a new world. That's where I was when the start of the apocalypse. At first, I it was lucky when we really saw what happened to society, and maybe it still was... but somewhere, I also think it was fate. I've been thinking about a lot of things; how humanity will survive and how society would continue. How civilization would advance and move forward." Jake shared his questions with Cristine. Questions she too must had at a certain point in time. Especially the last one. There were so many possibilities and scenarios that would play out but the recurring ones kept echoing through his skull: was the new world going to move them forward as people or would they be so perverted by the conflict around them and rely on their baser human instincts.
"I was able to leave that tightly-knit bubble of my family. I met new people. People different from me and that it's alright for them to be that way. Most people on the Ranch still find that hard to understand, but it allowed a different perspective on how to approach things and not everyone likes that." Cristine attentively listened to Jake and somewhere along the way she finally looked up from her closed journal at Jake.
"Is that why you did what you did?" Jake scratched the corner of his temple, staring at Cristine as he took in her changing expression with a critical eye. A wince grew on his lips, but he kept his cool better than most. It wasn't frustration with Cristine or the situation but with his father and himself. For not seeing that their home was in need of help, for a long time now. His peace talk with Walker made Jake think about things past fighting and killing. Of course, the Nation was a threat to their safety. Jake wasn't naïve, just trying to make sure they didn't lose their humanity during this al. It couldn't just be survival; kill or be killed. There had to be more after this all, more to their lives and the future.
"I'll always look for ways around problems and where the least amount of death is involved. I know what we have to do and what this entails and I agree that it should be done to protect the people here."
Pushing down the remnants of her question back, Cristine said, "I've seen what our people want Jake even if they claim to not take well to leaders. My father and Troy lead them. Troy and the militia fought for us. Troy knows how lead Jake... he knew what he's doing." Other than his humane questions and doubt, Jake hadn't given her clarity to go against Troy's plan. He hadn't once mentioned Troy and in a roundabout way was condemned the carefully-crafted and thought out plan to bring the battle to them. "D
"I thought about what you said to me when we took you in. You were trying to find your place in our community and... surviving." Jake narrated over Cristine's soft sigh of exasperation, "I don't know if you still remember when you said we should try to take in people who might have something we may need at one point," Jake explained. His pulsing blue eyes were suddenly so piercing.
"You want to take them in?!"
Jake raised his hands in defense, signaling to lower her volume and explained, "no, no! All I know is that war shouldn't be our only option. The Nation isn't that different from us. They want to start a new civilization, fight against the dead, and live to build a future they're proud of." Cristine was quiet, but Jake could see the gears turning in her head. At least she was contemplating his perspective. They were going to rip a group apart with people who couldn't fight or defend themselves. In a way, it reminded Jake of the people on the Ranch. The militia protected them, but if that protection was gone, these people would be lost and defenseless. This us or them mentality... Jake wanted to search for the middle ground first.
"I'm a spiteful person Jake," Cristine shook her head, statement nothing but honesty and she didn't even shy away from saying that. "And when I'm spiteful I first think about what hurt me." A shaky exhale that made her voice waver from the spiked emotions and her eyes redden. "They killed our friends Jake. Charlie, the Trimbols-"
"Walker denies having anything to do with that."
"Bullshit!" Cristine spat back. Her insides began to burn flabbergasted why Jake would even think of defending this man that literally scalped their victims.
Jake was still calm, but his voice was sure when explaining, "I know Walker. He was happy to hear Vernon was dead, but I could tell from his reaction it wasn't him who killed the Trimbols. He was surprised when we accused him. Walker wants the Founding Father, our fathers, dead more than anything. Preferably by his hands... so why deny this? Why would Walker care whether any of us here lives or dies when he's killed us without mercy? I know you're angry and upset, but try not to let that cloud your judgement Cristine."
"So what you're saying someone else did this?" Cristine asked.
"I'm only saying it wasn't Walker and I at least believe that. Just like I believe that he's desperate to make this parley work for his people and that we should meet him halfway."
"Why are you doing this Jake? I'm not going to agree with you. Not after everything they've done to us. We're here like sitting ducks because you want to play pacifist." This wasn't the dilemma Jake he made it out to be for her. A few weeks ago? Maybe, Cristine would be at the same wavelength as Jake. But then she remembered Ben and his rapist friends who almost broke her. Cristine remembered the weeks she had to recuperate. The times she felt small, filthy, and humiliated. She wasn't that person anymore. At the end of the day, one side would lose their blanket of security and Cristine would be damned if that was theirs.
"What if you were there with the Nation and not us?" Jake regret asking her the question when he saw her nostrils flare.
"I'm not. I'm here with my family and my people. I'm here with you. Don't make me feel guilty because it won't work." Cristine made a face, appalled Jake would even go there and make her feel guilty about something that was out of her control.
"I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying if we win this, we'll be leaving innocent people without protection. People like Kathy. People with families; children same as us" Jake saw the glower in her eyes only tighten and dropped his head, eyes on the ground with equal exasperation.
Cristine crossed her arms, "it's not on me or you to feel bad about that... Walker declared war and people are going to die. That's on him." Jake laughed ironically at her justification. He never thought he'd hear those words coming out of Cristine's mouth. They conversed about this a while time ago and Cristine was all up in arms about it. He expected this talk from Troy and his father, but not from the person who endured so much and more.
"We'll get our justice Cristine, I know we will. But secluding ourselves like this won't help us build a future. There's more out there. People who can make us stronger. Like we did with you? Now you're our medic."
Having her words thrown back at her without any remorse made Cristine look at Jake strangely. It felt like an accusation and a tactic to manipulate her. Like Troy so often did and Cristine really saw the similarities in the half siblings in this moment. Each with their own polarizing agendas in all of this. "Don't do that." Cristine tiredly shook her head, but didn't feel angry with Jake. "Don't make me feel bad and twist my words. I'm not turning the other cheek at those who won't hesitate to kill us with no remorse."
I feel that this conversation was overdue given the first chapter of this book where Cristine and Jake stood and where they are now. I've been reading and listening to interviews by Sam Underwood about Jake and that has given me a lot of material to work with that I can use aside from his role/dialogue in the show. So I try to incorporate that in my story and interactions as much as I can with the relationships Jake (but also other canon characters) has with his family (especially Troy), community, and friends. '
Also, hope you guys notice the clues I've been putting here and there that will focus on Cristine for a bit.