"Mama...why is it all the way up here..?"
Suzume peered over the top of Natsuo's head as we continued walking, and I prayed that my slightly swollen ankles would remain sturdy.
"Because...it's a special place..." I murmured in reply, crimson feather safe, sandwiched between my hand and my chest.
"Okay...but why can't you fly us up? It's so far!" There was a simple answer to that question. I didn't fly. I hadn't since that fateful day, and I didn't intend to again. At least, not yet.
"Remember, Mama has your little brother in her tummy, and I'm much too big for her to carry, don't you think?"
Suzume hummed, her hands squishing against Natsuo's cheeks.
"Yeah, you're pretty fat, daddy. Candy apple thief." Thus began a cheeky back and forth between them, and I smiled softly, memories of the other night drifting back.
My daughter had taken the news better than I had expected. Of course, there were tears, on both accounts, and plenty of questions, one of which made me feel horrible. She had asked if that meant she couldn't call Natsuo her dad anymore.
By that point, he had joined us in the bedroom, and what he had said had caused my heart to ache. He told her that if she didn't want to anymore, then she didn't have to. There was no hesitation on Suzume's part. She knew him as her dad, and that wasn't going to change, though she wanted to know more about the mysterious hero who hadn't been in her life.
Finally, after over an hour of uphill climbing, we reached the top, the warmth of the sun drenching our skin once more. This was the only place I could think of to place my late husband's memorial, as it couldn't float among the clouds. The clifftop where he had taken me for dinner, so many years ago.
"Is that...him..?" Suzume climbed down from Natsuo's back and took a few steps forward so she could clutch the hem of my dress, pointing towards the mossy structure of rock by the edge.
"Kind of...It's called a memorial. It's something to remember him by..."
The Commission had conducted a horrendously disrespectful show, or funeral, in their words, for Hawks about two weeks after the battle. I hadn't been invited, though I wouldn't have gone even if I had been. They had spoken about how proud he would have been to lay his life down for society, and their hopes to train future heroes to be just as brave and true.
Nothing about them was brave or true.
"Can I...go say hello..?" Instead of answering with words, I nudged her forward, watching her approach the memorial timidly, which was so very unlike her. Natsuo took her place by my side, slipping his hand into mine. "H..hi. I'm, uh...I'm Takami Suzume...You're my real dad..."
This hurts...Oh god, it hurts...
Hesitantly, she knelt down, tucking her dress beneath her knees so the wind wouldn't catch it.
"Mama showed me videos of you from when you were alive. You looked funny. In a cool way. We have the same hair."
Watching her interact with motionless stone brought all of the pain back, but I was stronger now. At least in some ways. Tears were forming, but I held them back with sheer willpower. I had been all day. Natsuo pulled me closer into his side, leaning down so he could whisper into my ear.
"Go on. I know you want to talk to him, too. I'll wait here."
You've always been too understanding...
Swallowing, I released his hand and moved up behind Suzume, kneeling down myself and quietly listening to her talk.
"I hate roombas, just like you. How do they know where to clean? It's creepy. Mama calls hers Patricia...Did she do that when you were here?"
"He'd always tease me about it." I wasn't sure how my voice became so calm, but I was glad. Suzume glanced over to me, her smile soft, and different from the usual big, goofy grin she had inherited.
"Good. It's weird." She affirmed, turning her attention back to the stone. "Mama's here too, see? Poppa Enji had to work, but he wanted me to say hi. I think he misses you too, but he's a poop head and won't say so."
You're so alike...
I had told her a lot, but still only a fraction of our tale. Of course, I skipped over certain details of how we met, but she at least knew he had saved me and cared for me, and how he had trained me to be a hero, even if it had only lasted for a fleeting moment.
"Mama, talk to him. I bet he's missed your voice." That hurt, but not in an awful way. Having to blink away tears, I cleared my throat, inching closer to both Suzume and the memorial. What was I supposed to say? I'm sorry that I hadn't visited in years? I'm sorry I moved on because I couldn't do it alone?
"H..hey, Keigo..." A pathetic start, but that was what my brain came up with on the spot. "Isn't she b..beautiful..? Just like you in almost every way...Sometimes it's almost like you never left..."
But you did...I know you had no choice...but I still have trouble accepting that sometimes...
"Tokoyami...He grew up to be an amazing hero, just like you said he would...Almost everything is just like you said it would be...I wish you could see it..." My voice broke as Suzume climbed into my lap, a worried look upon her face as she started trying to smear away the tears that had begun to fall.
"Are you okay..?" Reaching up to take her small hands in mine, I nodded, trying to smile through the heartbreak.
"Y..yeah, starshine. Sorry, just getting a bit emotional..." Up there, before the stones and before the sun, I felt exposed. More than I ever had been before. It sure felt like a final goodbye.
"You mean sad? I don't think he'd like you being sad..." She sniffled a little, and I curled my arms around her form, my hand tangling in her blonde locks.
"It's good to be sad sometimes..." I sighed, trying to keep my broken pieces glued together. I had done such a good job up until now.
Suzume rubbed her eyes and pulled back, pivoting in my lap and waving to Natsuo.
"Why aren't you saying hi too? Come say hi. Please, da..." She paused for a moment, glancing to me for an answer. I could only nod. "...Please, daddy?"
Slightly taken aback, Natsuo paused for a moment before approaching us, crouching down and gnawing on the inside of his cheek.
"Uh...Hey, Hawks...I know we never properly met...but...I um..." He must have felt so awkward, but at the same time, this was a good thing. It was for our daughter, after all. "I want you to know that I'm taking care of your girls. I'll always take care of them. Y..You have nothing to worry about..."
We sat there for the longest time, speaking to the stone, and explaining more to Suzume. Serious things, like hero work and the homeless refuge, and silly, happy things, like the time Hawks had been scared out of his wits by a raccoon at the old cabin in the woods, which had long since been abandoned.
She soaked everything in deep, which is why I chose to save the bad things for when she was old enough to understand them. One day, I'd tell her all, but today I just wanted her to get to know the father she could have had.
"I think...I wanna be a hero, just like him..." Suzume murmured, carefully holding and striking the lone feather in her hands. My throat wanted to close, and I wanted to refuse then and there, but how could I? As much as she was my daughter, she was his, too. It was in her blood, pumping through her veins. If that was what she chose further down the road, then I'd have no choice but to support her.
"He'd be proud of you, starshine..." I smiled softly, a bittersweet curve to my lips. "You're the spitting image of him. Not just in looks, but in spirit, too..." Natsuo covered my hand with his, staying silent, but letting him know he was there. That he was proud of me for opening up about it all. It had been such a long time, but I was finally starting to feel like I could cope.
Glancing to the feather, I began to think, my gaze slowly drifting up to the drifting clouds, painted orange in a late afternoon hue.
"Dancing in the clouds..."
Taking a deep breath, I climbed to my feet, having to use Natsuo's shoulder as a crutch for a moment thanks to my larger stomach.
"Suzume...how would you like to go dancing in the clouds..?" Both my daughter and my partner looked up at me, confusion all over their faces, and I took a few steps back, closing my eyes to concentrate.
After five long years, my quirk activated once more, wings brighter than ever as they burst forth from my shoulder blades. The pair sprung up instantly, Suzume absolutely beaming in excitement, whilst Natsuo was just completely awestruck.
"Y..you mean you'll actually fly with me?!" My daughter began to sprint in circles around me, then all over the grass, whooping and howling in excitement. Natsuo approached, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I'm glad to see those again, but...are you sure you should fly? And carry her? It's just that..."
Reaching up and out, my hand met his cheek, and I smiled up at him with glossy (E/C) eyes.
"I need to, Natsuo. She's light, and I know my limits..." I explained, knowing full well he could feel my shaking through my touch. "I just...need to do this. For her, for me...and for him..."
Nodding in understanding, Natsuo gazed into my eyes for a few moments until Suzume made a dash past, and he quickly plucked her off the ground by the waist.
"Alright, on the shoulders, wings ready, okay, honey?" Lifting her up, she sat high upon him, flapping her silver wings eagerly.
"I'm so ready! I can't believe it! Dad, I'm gonna fly! For real! With Mama!" Her thrill made me even more sure about my decision, and I quickly tightened my bow, which waved in the strong breeze, before I lifted off. Flying was just like riding a bike. You never forgot how. Making sure I was steady, I hovered above them.
"Okay, do you have your father?" I asked, and Suzume lifted the feather, at the same time smacking Natsuo atop the head.
"I got both!" She giggled. "I'm gonna call my red dad Papa!" Once I was sure I was ready, I began with my plan. My daughter really was light, and I picked her up easily from behind, wanting to give her the full flying experience without risking a burn by my quirk.
Her little wings flapped in unison with mine as I took her high up into the sky, above the scattering of puffy, cotton candy clouds.
"You, me and your father! Let's all dance together, starshine!"
Just one last time...I want to dance with you...
"Dance! Dance!" Suzume chanted the word over and over, and I began. Twirling and weaving, zigging and zagging, it wasn't exactly the same as how it had been the first time, but it was our own version. It was better, because it was the three of us, all together for the very first time.
Can you see her, Keigo? Can you see how perfect she is? Thank you. Thank you for her. Thank you for everything. I miss you so much, Keigo...
I wasn't sure how long we danced, but I didn't want to stop. I knew I had to, but that was just the thing. I didn't want to let go of this feeling. I didn't want to let go at all.
"Alright, starshine...I think we have to call it a day if we want to get back to the car before dark."
Suzume whined, turning her head and pouting at me, wings curling against my arms.
"But Mama! Papa doesn't wanna go yet!"
Neither do I...but...
When I swallowed, it felt so dry, but I knew. It had to be now. If I held on any longer, I'd never be able to let go. This wasn't just for me, anyway.
"W..well, then why don't we l..let him stay here...and dance in the clouds some more..?"
Suzume turned to look at the feather, which whipped in the wind in her hand, silently glancing back and forth between me and it for a few long moments.
"Are you sure, Mama..? Isn't this important to you..?"
Hoping she didn't notice the tears clinging to my waterline, I nodded with a smile, making sure my hold on her was tight.
"It's very important, but he always wanted to be fr..free. I can't think of a better kind of freedom, can you? Your Papa would love it."
Thinking it over some more, I knew I couldn't reconsider when her lips stretched into a grin.
"Yeah! Okay! He can stay and dance for as long as he wants!" Teeth chattering and heart aching, I flew just a little higher.
"When I say g..go, you let Papa go, and watch him fly...off on the wind, okay?! D..don't forget to say goodbye..!"
He needs to be free.
We waited, both in silence, then suddenly there was a strong gust of wind from behind, enough to move me forward.
"N..now!" When her little fingers released it, I felt so many emotions. Sadness, pain, regret...love, hope, closure...
The feather was off on it's final journey, and the sight of it reminded me of how it used to search for me, comfort me, brush up against my cheek when we were apart.
"Bye, Papa! Goodbye! Have fun dancing! Dance as much as you can, Papa..!" Suzume yelled out to him, to the feather, and my tears streamed down my cheeks, catching and following after it on the wind.
"I love you..." I whispered, so low that my daughter never had a chance of hearing it. It had taken everything I had to set him free, and even though it hurt beyond possible belief, I finally felt like I was able to breathe again. After watching it for as far as we could, and then much longer, gazing out over a silent sky, I descended, handing her over to a waiting Natsuo and landing before the memorial.
"Daddy, that was so amazing! Did'ya see us?! How we flew super high?! Zipping and zooming and nyooming and going all over?!" I listened to Suzume laugh, still smiling down at the mossy structure before me.
"I sure did! You both looked beautiful! You always look beautiful!" Natsuo replied cheerfully, though I could hear it in his tone. He was worried about how I'd cope with it. "Hey, let's get a head start on Mama, yeah? She needs a minute because flying can be super tiring."
I deeply appreciated that Natsuo wanted to give me a moment to myself, and that was all I needed. Just a moment. My eyes swept across the name carved in the stone, the back of my hand moving to wipe away what was left of my tears before I dragged myself away, turning to follow after my family.
He really had turned out to be an Icarus, but I hadn't been the sun. Society took him down. Heroism took him down. Life had melted his wings and taken him down, but not without a fight. Not without fighting, loving, living. He hadn't had a choice but to fly too close to the sun, but...
...At least he flew...