Through the car ride we didn't talk much, both in our own little world. I wonder what he is thinking. As for me I'm thinking of this foreign feeling bubbling in my stomach. Happiness. It's something I have not felt in a very long time, not since my whole world changed in a singular instant. But right now, I feel happy sitting in this car with Tyler. Who knew in less than a month (really only a few weeks) this boy would come in and turn my world upside down? I think about my mom, how she wasn't always like this, at least not this bad, I think of all the shitty things that life has thrown at me and how miserable I have felt for years. But if it has led me to Tyler then maybe, just maybe it will be worth it.
"What you thinkin about Spencer?"
God even how he says my name is hot.
"Nothing" I say with a blush.
He smirks, why I don't know but I hope to God he can't read my mind, "I know you be thinkin bout something, your nose scrunches up when you're in deep thought. Its fuckin distracting."
I furrow my eyebrows feeling slighted, "Oh well sorry I'm so distracting for you." I fold my arms across my chest.
"Nah Angel, you got it all wrong. Its fuckin adorable. Lose my focus and can't think of anything else but kissin the shit outa you."
My eyebrows shoot up so fast. How the hell am I supposed to respond to that???! I deep red blush spreads across my cheeks and neck as I start to talk to myself.
Tyler looks over at me and chuckles making me blush farther as I hear him mutter something that sounds like 'fucking adorable' once again. He then brings his right hand up towards me with his fingers splayed out.
"Hold this." He says.
I furrow my eyebrows confused. "Hold what?" I ask.
He simply scoffs still holding his hand out to me. "This!" He exclaims shaking his open palm towards me.
"Nothing is in there?! What am I holding?!" I exclaim confused and exasperated.
Tyler rolls his eyes at mee in disbelief and simply holds his hand out. Not wanting to make him angry I simply place my hand is his still not knowing if this is what he wants. It wasn't until a second later when I feel him lace our fingers together that the realization hits me. OH! He lays our arms across the center and rubs my hand with his thumb. His eyes are laser focused to the road and his jaw is clenched tightly. I know he is purposefully not trying to look at me for whatever strange reason, but I can't stop starring at him. When he squeezes my hand ever so slightly hot electricity shoots up my arm. Gosh I can get used to this.
Tyler puts on his turn signal and turns off to a pretty hiking trail that looks picturesque.
Getting out I'm in awe at the beauty that surrounds us. There are huge sixty-foot trees under a bright blue sky with white clouds floating above. I take in the scenery and the feelings tied to them. I feel so delighted and calm in this moment. Tyler gets out of the car and I run into his arms in a big bear hug. He lets out a grunt but then wraps his arms around me waist. I inhale his cologne and feel dizzy. He sets me down and I almost forget how to even use my own legs to stand. Getting my footing right I watch him close the car up in what has to be the most alluring way possible. How does he even do that? Turning to me I see his bright blue eyes twinkling down at me.
"Come on angel, we are not done."
He led me through a small trail that was isolated.
"Is this where you kill me now?"
He gives me a look, "You got me."
I laugh, "Oh thank God! Been waiting to die for awhile now"
I was just joking, I mean of course there was some truth in that statement but that's how I handle my pain, through humor. But when looking at Tyler's face I instantly know I messed up and he doesn't see it that way.
He looks angry for a second, his eyes turning dark, "Why?"
He is starring so intensely at me that my walls immediately start going up again. I simply can't help it, it is an automatic reaction. Instead of answering I give a shrug and look away. I hear him sigh next to me and its like a stab in my heart. I don't want to upset him especially since he is trying but I still have a hard time opening up. He leads me to an area with a park table and bench. He effortlessly jumps up on the table and pats a spot next to him. I then attempt to jump on the table like he did but I miscalculated the jump and ended up landing flat on my ass. My cheeks flare up as I groan both in pain and embarrassment. I hear Tyler start laughing and I grumble a sharp 'be quiet' I then climb up on the bench using it as leverage to climb on the table. Satisfied with me positioning next to Tyler I look up and smile.
"Glad you could make it all the way up here."
"Oh shut up!" I say as I feel my cheeks burn.
I lightly swat his arm and he takes my hand in his to hold. I instantly melt. But I still. What does this all mean? Why is he like this? What does he want? There are still so many questions I don't have the answer to and I wish I did. The way I feel about Tyler is so strong and different from anything else. But I'm not stupid, I hear what people say, I've even seen it in the halls- the fights, arguments, his recklessness, he goes through girls faster than Hugh Heffner but even still there is just something about him. I want to know him, and I want him to know me. But we are so different, polar opposites. But I can't help but wonder- what if. What if all the rumors are fake? What if there is more to Tyler than people think- than even, I think? What if I let him in my life? What is I let him see the real me? All the bad, ugly, horrible secrets I harbor. What then? I've been alone for so long, for numerous of important reasons. Why change? Is it even worth it?
I'm shaken out of my thoughts by the sound of Tyler's voice, "What are you thinking about angel?"
"I just realized; I don't know anything about you."
He lets out a deep chuckle, "Not true."
I furrow my eyebrows not liking him doubting me, "Um- Yes true! We haven't ever interacted before a few days ago, you never once noticed me at all because we are on opposite ends of the spectrum!"
He gives me a pointed look, "Not. True."
At this point I would not have been surprised if steam was coming out of my ears with how angry I felt. How dare he? But before I could even say a sound he starts speaking.
"Not true, I noticed you. See you with that girl everywhere, you used to be more outgoing even friends with Monica at some point. But now your different. More reserved, quieter, shy, only talk to one person. But God you got one sexy, smart mouth, not afraid to speak your mind. But consequentially afraid of everything, everyone, all the time. But you shouldn't, shouldn't have to be afraid because you are so strong which is evident by the marks on your arms, and the cuts on your thighs. You have walls up, like me, don't want people close. You keep on a hard exterior through how you dress and act, but I see you Spencer, you're not like that."
My mouth may as well be on the ground by the end of it. I feel exposed, and I don't like it one bit. I feel confused about how he figured all this out, and how he noticed? I thought I was invisible, which is how I liked it, but now I'm not and I don't know how to feel.
"Well, I-I still don't know much about you! I never paid you much mind." My eyes widen at what I said and how I said it.
Luckily Tyler seems accustomed to my word vomit.
"Well, I'm sure you at least heard of me and the rumors yea?"
"Well, of course I heard about the great Tyler Madden but like you said just now, those are rumors. I wanna actually know you, since you seem to know me so well"
He smirks, "I'm all yours baby."
My mouth goes dry again. Looking at his expression I know he is serious.
"How do you know Mac?'
"Met him in the third grade cuz I punched him."
My eyes widen, "Why did you do that?"
"He stole my crayons."
I giggle at that. Imagining little Tyler punching a kid, yup I can see it.
"So how did you go from punching the poor kid to lifelong friends?"
He smiles, "Mac kinda just... stuck to me. Even after I gave him a bloody nose he got up and tried to hug me. He would just follow me around, sit by me at lunch, and annoy me. It wasn't until a few years after that when we became really close. Mac is Mac, still stuck to me."
I smile at his story nodding in acknowledgment.
"What about you and Fallon?"
"Met her in freshman year, girls write mean things about each other in the bathroom stalls and there were whole sections dedicated to shit talking Fal. I was so upset buy it that I started drawing over the stuff in black. I don't know how but she found out but she did. Turns out she knew where I lived and came to talk to me. But, she didn't know my family, no one does but her. My mom... is not a very nice person. She drinks a lot and has these crazy, angry, irrational episodes when she is drunk. When Fallon came by that day my mom had one of her episodes." Stopping briefly, I relies that this is it, he opened up and now its my turn, only I don't know how he will react. With closed eyes and a deep breath, I pull the hem of my shirt up slightly so he can see my side. I hear him take a sharp breath in and I know that he can see. He sees the ugly, mangled scars on my side. "She was mad about something I did that day, something really really bad she remembered. So she took the flower pot by the window and smashed it into my side. I remember the shards of pottery cutting my flesh and me screaming. In that moment Fallon rang the doorbell and my mom stopped. I took that opportunity to grab my purse and run outside straight into Fallon. I screamed at her saying we had to run and without blinking she helped me to the car and drove me to the emergency room to be treated. Stayed with me the whole time and we got to talking. No matter what she has always had my back and I have hers. The end."
He doesn't make a sound. I bring my knees to my chest and feel my eyes water. Oh no, what have I done? Why did I do that? I should have never opened up! I should never have trusted him! He is going to think I'm a freak and leave me stranded here all alone. I don't look up because I don't think I can. After a moment I feel warmth to my side. Looking over his hand is grazing my side softly as he pushes me onto his lap. Looking in his eyes I can tell what he is thinking at all. I try to look away but I can't seem to stop.
"She's a good friend."
I smile widely, knowing that this is him acknowledging me without making a big deal over it.
Responding back, "Yeah she is." I say.
I can feel his big hands rubbing softly on my side. "Can I see again, please?"
Hesitating I nod.
He slowly lifts the side of my shirt up and I use my hand to hold it up. He is only seeing a tiny piece of myself but somehow it feels so intimate. Get it together Spencer.
Slowly he leans his head own close. Wait, what is he doing. Its in this exact moment that I feel like time slows and im watching this in slow motion. He leans in and gives the lightest, softest kiss to my scar. My eyes flutter closed. Oh my god. He then continues on, giving soft feathery kisses to each and every scar on my side. Unable to help myself I let out a soft moan and press myself closer to him. I can feel him smirk against my skin and lets out a breathy chuckle. Gripping my waist tighter I notice that I am fully sitting on his lap and I blush. Tyler stars and me softly but then grabs my hands and flips them over to see the inside of my arms.
"These?" He says in a hard tone.
"Bitch has a really strong grip and long fingernails." I say in a lighter tone hopefully to ease his mind.
He rubs my arms with a tense jaw; as he goes up, he presses on the newest mark and I flinch. His eyes snap to mine in question.
"That one is fresh."
His once bright eyes turn dark, and cold in a second. He then softly places his arms around me in a lose hug. Before I know it, he's kissing me. One of his arms wrap around my waist while his other hand runs through my hair pulling it. Oh my god. It's happening!
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Edited and revised from original! Hope yall liked!