“It’s so pretty out tonight!” Nadia smiled, staring up at the sky as we found our destination; the park.
We had come here last night too and played an annoying, and somewhat dreadful game that ended horribly. Tonight though, seemed to hold more promise of being relaxing, with a hint of revealing. I had a couple of questions to ask of her, and I assumed she had some for me. No, I knew she had some; she was always a curious one.
“Jack,” she turned to look at me as we approached an open field, the grass softer here than anywhere else as it over looked a lake, the city skyline just a head turn away, “Isn’t it so pretty out here tonight?! I mean, look at all the stars!”
She spoke that last part as though a warm whiff of dreams lightly dusted across her face and melted into her heart and she fell backwards, landing on the soft grass with a thud. I shook my head at her as she laid spread out, her lips in a dreamy smile and her eyes speckled with wonder and purple. There was something interesting about her face, something I’ve always seen but couldn’t quite make out until about now. Seeing the glow of inspiration painted across the bridge of her nose and the bloom of happiness on her pink cheeks made it so that I couldn’t deny that there was an almost amateur beauty about her.
“Yes,” I agreed, taking a seat next to her with one leg out stretched and the other bent, my arms propping me up from behind as I looked at the sky, “I suppose there isn’t much cloud coverage.”
“I don’t care about the clouds Jack,” she smiled, her smile growing even brighter, “It’s all about the stars.”
I glanced over at her, having an eyebrow raised behind my mask, “The stars, hm? What all do you actually know about them besides the fact that they’re pretty?”
“What do you mean?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at me now.
“As in, stellar evolution, a star’s chemical makeup, the spectrums of light they give off-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” she stopped me, looking dazed, “I said I liked stars. Not science.”
Figuratively speaking, I rolled my eyes, “Stars are science. Everything is.”
“You and your science are getting on my nerves,” she pouted, “You and your knowledge in general is getting on my nerves.”
“Everything about you gets on my nerves,” I pointed out, lowering myself to my elbows, “And don’t say that like it’s a bad thing; knowledge is power.”
“Well so is money, and popularity…and,” she paused, looking over at me slowly, biting her lip as she raised an eyebrow, speaking in a slow, cheesy voice, “So is, loooovveee.”
I scoffed, shrugging, “Nothing but an illusion for fools and idiots.”
“It is not!” She defended, frowning, “You just say that because you think you’re always right and anything I say is wrong.”
“Because it’s true.”
“No!” She was beginning to sound increasingly offended, prepared for a debate, “Love, is the single greatest thing on the planet, and without it, our species would die.”
I shook my head, “Well many members of the human race are stupid, so I suppose that statement’s correct,” she didn’t understand my point yet, “Do you think animals feel love?”
She thought about it for a second, “Well, some do. I mean, some don’t because they’re just survivalists, but others, like dogs and cats and bears do; they make connections with other living beings.”
“Okay, so by that logic, cockroaches don’t feel love?”
“Ew, no way,” she looked disgusted for a moment by the thought of the pesky insects.
I nodded, “Yet they survive just fine without it. As much as you want to insist that feelings are keeping the human race alive alone, it’s not true; we’d survive just fine without it. But with all of these idiots running around, being dramatic, we forget that it’s honestly an unnecessary thing.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment as she squeezed her lips together and thought for a moment again, looking conflicted, “You’re too smart for your own good.”
“Don’t feel inferior,” I suggested, “I’m only making speculations based off of unproven theories.”
“And now you’re making me feel even more stupid with all of your…smart person words. Stop it. When you’re around me you don’t have to act all intelligent and stuff.”
I sighed, not fully agreeing to that, “Whatever you say.”
She smiled again now that our little discussion was over and stared up at the sky. I watched her, admiring the twinkle in her eyes, almost like each purple speckled orb was indulged in its own miniature hallucination, like a dream that was so fragile, the simple mention of doubt could break it. It was expected of me to point out the obvious fact that she would never accomplish her wishes to become an astronaut, or a doctor, or whatever else she fantasized about, but I would promise myself not to do that; she was as fragile as her own future. I found this, relatable.
“I thought I was in love once, but I guess I really wasn’t…You already heard about that,” she looked curious, “Have you ever been in love?”
I glanced at her, annoyed at her stupid question, “That’s quite rhetorical, isn’t it?”
“It’s just a yes or no question,” she pointed out, smiling, “Maybe works too.
“No,” I finished quickly, finding that I was very annoyed now.
She rolled her eyes, “I already knew you were going to say that.”
“Then why would you ask?”
“To annoy you,” she snickered, poking my side, “You’re just too easy.”
I sighed, trying not to let my frustration get to me, “Nadia, you don’t have to ask me idiotic questions to annoy me; just be yourself, and that should do the trick.”
“You’re so mean!” She exclaimed, pouting as she lightly pushed me, “Stop outdoing me when it comes to roasting.”
“I can outdo you in much more than simply ‘roasting’.”
She raised her eyebrow, “Is that a challenge?”
“No. I am simply pointing out the facts. Unless of course you want it to be a challenge...”
“I do want it to be!” She remarked, sitting up as she faced me, “Because I know the one thing I can outdo you in.”
I scoffed, “I’m not taking my clothing off again.”
“Pfft,” she dismissed, “You won’t, you won’t. But when it comes to comfortability, I always win. And that’s a fact. So, no, I won’t make your body uncomfortable, this time. But, I will unease your mind.”
I wasn’t sure about this, but she looked like she was having fun and I was up for a challenge, “Fine. Try me.”
Her smile turned into a smirk as she thought something up that urged me to grow nervous, “Do you think I’m pretty?”
I felt like a brick wall had hit me, and it seemed simple enough to answer with a firm ‘no’ and some sort of explanation of how I didn’t think anything was pretty and false perceptions put in place by society was idiotic to say the least, but I didn’t say that. In fact, I didn’t say anything at all.
“Um,” I finally spoke, staring into her glistening eyes.
She laughed, looking extremely content, “Ha! I told you; you suck at being comfortable. So there, I outdo you in that catago-”
“Yes.”
She raised an eyebrow, “What?”
I sighed, wishing I had eyes in which to role as my voice came out unnecessarily awkward, “Yes. I believe you to be…pretty.”
I wasn’t sure how a dull compliment such as that could prompt her cheeks to darken in the shade of red, but it had. She looked down towards the grass, going momentarily shy as she blurted a small, hardly audible giggle, seeming increasingly uncomfortable.
“Did you, not want me to say that?” I questioned, slightly confused by her reaction to it.
She shrugged, “I didn’t think you would. I thought you were going to make some big speech full of words I didn’t know about how beauty isn’t real and something about how you think it’s stupid.”
“I was,” I confessed, shrugging, “But then I’d be lying; you are quite beautiful, I guess.”
“Oh,” she was simply glowing, “Thanks.”
This was strange now. I had simply said the truth without a long, intellectual excuse about it and she was beginning to act as though I had hurt her feelings perhaps or said something to make her uncomfortable. She looked up at me with eyes that held admiration and I was beginning to wonder that if saying what I had said was a negative idea, considering the fact that now I too was experiencing the warming of my own cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “I take it back?”
“No, no,” she giggled, shaking her head, her voice more gentle than it usually is, “It’s okay. Nothing’s wrong it just, um, no one’s told me that in a long time.”
I nodded slowly, still not understanding why it was having such an effect on her, “Oh. Alright.”
Time began to roll past like a tire in a bat of tar and I sighed, feeling a slight rumble in my gut. I went to stand to perhaps get up, but before I could leave the ground she tackled me in an embrace, her arms around my neck as she squeezed there, lying on me, light as a feather. I tensed up immediately, my arms frozen as they stayed awkwardly held up in the air, not sure on what to do to accommodate this. I had remembered her criticism on my ‘hugs’ and how I should learn to get better at them, so without seeing any consequence for it, I wrapped my own arms around her, embracing her back. My cheeks began to swell into a dull pink and I felt a drop of nervousness hit my brow.
“Uh, I’m sort of, hungry. Maybe we should go and, perhaps…uh.”
She pulled away, standing as I copied her, shying from her face for some reason, “Oh, yeah,” she laughed timidly, playing with her hair, “We should go get you your weirdo food stuff that you eat. Uh, yeah…”
I strangely nodded before turning from her as I began my walk onto the path again. I was almost worried about her mental state, seeing as she had been awkward back there for a reason that was unknown to me. I was experiencing the strange tension as well, but I seemed to be that way a lot around her. Before I could ask if she was okay though, I was forced to keep my balance after being attacked from behind, her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, a bright smile on her face as she pointed forward, kicking me with her heal, “Mush!”
I shook my head with a sigh, feeling annoyed, but I couldn’t help the slight smile that automatically came to my lips…
***
As we approached our next destination, I couldn’t help but snarl as I stared off towards the home, lit brightly with obnoxious music bumping out through the walls and even more obnoxious voices yelling happily and laughing. Everyone inside of the jumping house seemed content, exuberant even as they shared in each other’s company, dancing to please and drinking to intoxicate themselves in an attempt to forget, or remember whatever it was that seemed immediate to them. Sweating bodies moved around the home, tired and fatigued, swaying underneath strobe lights as they yearned for that next touch or kiss or keg of alcohol.
It was my worst nightmare.
“Are you sure the person you’re looking for is in there?” Nadia asked from behind me.
I had almost forgotten she was hanging off of my back for a moment, but I didn’t let that show as I answered promptly, “Can’t say; there are too many organs in there to make it out. It’s like a mesh of insides swirling through my nostrils.”
She laughed, “It’s so cool how you can do that, you know, smell things from far away and stuff. You’re like a dog,” she quickly covered her mouth, silently apologizing, “Oops. I didn’t mean it…”
I sighed, shaking my head slightly, “Never mind that.”
It seemed appropriate to just turn around and leave, possibly coming back tomorrow, or going to a different address for the night, but I was still starving and Nadia still needed to be home at some point tonight before her ankle bracelet went off, beeping like an angry appliance.
“I couldn’t get in even if I tired,” I pointed out, “I resemble a mad man with this mask on.”
She was soon to slowly nod, thinking of a different way, “I guess, I could go in for you?”
She’d really consider doing that for me?
“No. It’s much too risky; people would notice you stealing a kidney out of someone. Besides, you won’t know who to go for. I don’t even know who to go for. Not from this distance, that is.”
“Wait!” She exclaimed after a while as a group of people exited, wearing outrageous and out of place outfits, “It’s a costume party!”
I acknowledged this as though it was obvious, “I see that. What’s your point?”
She flicked me on the side of my ear, rolling her eyes at me, “That you can get in now! Duh!! It’s a costume party, and YOU look like you’re wearing one! See!!!! Now you can get in and sniff em’ out!”
“Oh,” I realized, feeling stupid for not making this connection before, “Yes. I knew that.”
“No you didn’t,” she giggled, rolling her eyes yet again as she jumped off of my back, beginning to walk towards the home.
“A moment,” I grabbed her shoulder, stopping her as I pointed to her attire, “You are without a costume. How do you suppose you’ll get in?”
She frowned, thinking about it before her face lit up, “I’ll just wear your mask! If you’re gray it won’t matter; people will think you just painted your body really well.”
I swatted her hand away, stepping back, “No. You aren’t using it.”
“Oh c’mon Jack,” she urged, going for it again, “Stop being self-conscious. It’s a costume party for Christ’s sake! You’re supposed to look weird.”
“I said no,” I growled with gritted teeth, pushing her away.
She looked confused, maybe even slightly curious, “Are you hiding something, or?”
I took a breath, suddenly feeling timid and uneasy, “Drop it.”
“Jack,” she tried again, taking a step closer to me, “What is it? Let me see.”
“Stop,” I took another step back as she went for my mask again and turned away from her, holding onto the sides of my identity with my gloved hands so that she couldn’t rip it away.
“Jack!” She said, trying to get my attention again as she began to sound frustrated, “Just let me see!”
She went to face me, but I quickly turned from her again, leaving her to speak with my back. I heard her sigh as she gave up for now, accepting my comfort levels. I couldn’t let her see what was under me mask. I couldn’t let anyone but Jeff see, and even then, I only allowed it on special occasions. I had been hiding under this mask for so long that it was a large part of me and without it, I couldn’t gather the bravery to face another being and look them in the eyes while they looked at nothing but dark, vacant holes of nothingness that I didn’t understand. And if I couldn’t understand what I am, then how could I expect anyone else to?
“Fine,” she came to the front of me again, her arms behind her back to prove that she was done with trying to snatch it from me, “I won’t take it off. But you really need to learn to trust me; I won’t make fun of you or get freaked out or whatever. I mean, it’s just your face. No one really likes their face. For example, you said I was pretty but honestly, I don’t think that about myself. So whatever you think about your face isn’t really true to someone else. And I think you’re probably really good looking.”
“You’d be wrong.”
She gave me a look, “You’re so insecure.”
“Shut up. Just try to make up a costume or something,” I shrugged, not wanting to talk about this anymore.
She rolled her eyes, but abided. I watched her as she undid her hair and took another tie from her wrist, pulling her thick locks into two separate ponytails, much like a school girl’s. She then took the opportunity to smudge the makeup around her eyes so that it was messy and gave her the appearance of a horror movie character from a low budget film. She had changed into a black skirt before we left and was wearing long black and red socks, which came in handy under the circumstances, and she pushed one down so that it looked uneven and awkward.
“There,” she smiled pulling lipstick from the pocket of her purple hoodie as she rubbed it over her lips, leaving them a deep red.
I raised an eyebrow, “You carry around lipstick?”
“And a piece of gum, a screw driver, and a tampon or two just in case,” she winked, “Gotta be prepared and except the unexpected, ya know?”
I didn’t mean to become awkward at the mention of that word, I promise, “Um.”
She rolled her eyes as she poked my stomach, looking amused, “You’re such a dork. Tampon! Tampon!”
“Stop it,” I urged her as I pushed her hands away, feeling silly for being uncomfortable about it.
“Stop it,” she mocked, following behind me after I had walked away, a smirk on her giggling lips, “You better loosen up; this is a party, not a board meeting.”
I scoffed, “I am strictly here for business.”
“Blah, blah, blah,” she dismissed, lacing her fingers with mine, “Try not to look so uptight though.”
I immediately pulled my hand away from hers, feeling like the sun was underneath my palm as she did so.
She quickly grabbed it again, lacing tightly this time, “We’re supposed to look like a couple. That is, unless you want random girls to pull you off somewhere.”
I didn’t want that.
“Sorry. I’ve seemed to have forgotten how promiscuous people get at these events.”
“Yup. Bitches be getting’ freaaakkkaaayyy,” she winked, nodding as we get close to the front door, “Just warning you now, I might have a drink or two and once you get me started, it’s hard to get me to stop.”
“You’re a handful, aren’t you?” I asked as we made it to the front, reaching my hand up to knock.
She pushed it down, looking at me strictly, “Are you trying to blow our cover? You don’t knock…You just go in.”
I watched as she pulled the door open, the noise hitting our faces along with the whiff of alcohol, sweat, and too much perfume in an attempt to mask it. People rambunctiously moved about, dressed in obnoxious colors and materials, some bright and other dark as they laughed and ran around, tripping over themselves and the excitement.
“Ey! Neat-o costume dude!” A man in a Grim Reaper suit complimented as he stared at me, looking enchanted, “Totally freaky.”
I sighed as he walked by, feeling annoyed, knowing this night wasn’t going to end very smoothly.
Nadia smiled as she bit her bottom lip and tugged on my hand, squeezing it once for a small bit of reassurance, “Let’s get our party on!”
I allowed for her to drag me along, accepting my fate with another unimpressed sigh, “Party till they drop, right?”
***
I feel like dancin’ tonight
I’m gonna party like it’s my civil right
…sorry I love atl
Anywaysssssssss, I’ll update in a day or two c:
-staypunky