Two weeks.
That's how long it has been since I've talked to Maggie. That's how long it's been since I called Kelly and told her about the kiss. That's how long I've been sitting in the back of chemistry alone every day. I watch Maggie sit in the front, in the same general are of Faith, though they don't talk much.
That's if Maggie bothers to show up.
"Yo, Anderson." Catherines voice made me look up from my english assignment.
"Aye butch." I said, going back to writing.
Catherine and I have become really good friends over the past two weeks.
She was on her way to beat my ass the second she found Maggie crying, she instantly assumed I caused it. I don't get that because Maggie kissed me, then walked away before I could say a word. We've been avoiding each other ever since. Then, supposedly Maggie explained the situation to Catherine and now some how, we're best friends.
"She's not going, you know. So if you want to come eat with us..." Catherine hesitated by the door.
Maybe this is how we had become close?
She's always giving me Maggies location, to help us avoid each other.
"Nah, I think I'll just stay and call Kelly." I shrugged.
Kelly had forgiven me, almost immediately after I told her about the kiss. She said I did nothing wrong so she had no reason to be mad.
I made out with another girl behind a library...
That's a pretty damn good reason.
It almost made me wonder how she could forgive me so easily. I wish I was as good and kind as her.
She really is beautiful, inside and out and if I had lost her over some stupid fucking tonsil hockey session-
Okay, I need to stop that.
Every time I think about Kelly, I think about Maggie. Not in the way you would think.
I don't lust after her.
When I associate Maggie and Kelly, my mind explodes in anger to the point where I want to pull my mother fucking hair out. Maggie doesn't know me, she didn't help me get through the loss of Gram. She didn't stand by my side for two years no matter what. Kelly did that. I was perfectly fine.
Perfectly okay.
Perfectly comfortable.
She thinks she can just go and destroy all that with one fucking kiss because she 'wants me'?
It was selfish...
"You know, in that list you made of things you were before Mags kissed you, you never said happy." Catherine perched on the edge of my bunk.
Well fuck my mother side ways with a plastic spoon.
That's something else I've been doing these past two weeks.
No, not fucking my mother!
Ew!
I've picked up this habit where I'll go off on these rants in my head and say bits and pieces of them out loud.
"Excuse me?" I looked at Catherine like I had no idea what she was talking about.
"That list you just rambled off. You said you were fine, okay and comfortable. You never said you were happy." she gave me a knowing look.
You know the one where a bitch raises her eyebrow and cocks her hip out. It's usually sexy, unless it's pissing you off.
"I was fucking glorious!" I snapped sarcastically.
"You know, I'm letting you live with me free of rent. It's awfully ungrateful of you to snap at me you mooching inconsiderate bitch." she rolled her eyes.
Oh yeah, I've been staying with Catherine for thirteen days.
That's one day after the kiss...
Almost two weeks.
Anyone else suspect a pattern here?
"I could live back there rent free too." I shrugged, chewing on my pen cap.
I'm pretty sure this is terrible for your teeth.
Oh well.
Fuck it.
"And how am I inconsiderate?" I furrowed my eyebrows and mocked hurt.
"Alice and Adrian had to give up they're morning quickies because of you. The rest of us have to listen to them whine about it." she rolled her eyes, pulling on her jacket. "You sure you don't want to go?" she stopped, her hand on the door knob.
"I'm sure." I sighed.
I wasn't sure.
I was hungry.
Still, I didn't want to risk running into Maggie.
Catherine headed out the door and soon after I finished my english paper.
Word on the street was, big booty Judy liked ot crack down on sentence structure so I carefully examined each page twice.
Proofreading a six page paper in extreme detail is a bitch.
"Hey baby." Kelly cooed sweetly when I answered her phone call.
"Hey, you. I was just about to call you. How was your day?" I smiled, rolling onto my back to get more comfortable.
"Boring. Remember how all the juniors last year told us Mrs. Hauge was a bitch though?" her voice suddenly sounded excited.
"Yeah?"
"Well she sent me to the principals office today!" Kelly screeched into the phone and I could tell she was stil flustered about it.
Kelly?
My Kelly?
In the principals office?
Inconceivable!
Ohh, big word...
Wow, I am four years old...
Ummm Kelly got in troublllllle...
Okay, okay I'm done.
"Why the hell did she send you to the principals office?" I asked, astonished.
"Well you know how she's a terrible teacher who doesn't actually teach us anything?" she sounded like she expected me to agree.
"Sure." I giggled to myself.
"So apparently it's not respectful to write 'I have no fucking clue since you didn't teach us anything' as an open response answer." I can just picture her, bobbing her head all sassy-like.
Is sassy-like even a word?
I think you could take any adjective and add a - and a like and it instantly becomes a word...
"You could've probably left out the fucking." I laughed.
"Don't laugh! I got lunch detention. Plus I would never leave out the fucking, I need a good fucking lemme' tell ya'." she preached.
"I know. Which is why I'm coming home for Thanksgiving break." I sighed dreamily.
"But that's so far away." I could almost see that ridiculously cute pout.
Could almost taste her Raspberry Lemonade chapstick as I kissed it away...
Deep breaths Kate.
Self control.
"Just keep being involved and it'll go by faster than you know it." I soothed her.
That's what Kelly had been doing the past two weeks.
Finding things to fill her time since I wasn't there anymore.
She had joined spanish club, key club, Fbla, Fccla, and gotten a babysitting job after school for an hour.
After I got off the phone with Kelly, I decided to go for a walk. Catherine said Maggie wasn't going out tonight and the room was boring and stuffy.
Walking down the sidewalk, I had no idea where I was headed. I hadn't been going to school here long so of course I didn't have any hang out spots.
Besides Taco Bell...
But the girls would be there and I just really feel like being alone.
I was surprised with myself when I ended up at the fountain in the middle of campus. It's the same one they brought me to for hazing and a programmed show of lights illuminated its waters.
The crashing sound soothed me.
Ahh, relaxation.
It reminds me of being a little kid, when the tub was filling for your bath.
Mmm-
OMF!
I just had the greatest senior prank idea!
We are so filling this fountain with bubble bath...
My phone ringing scared the shit outa' me!
"Hello?"
"Addison! How are you?" my mothers disgustingly chipper voice rang in my ears.
Now why would she do this?
Make me want to shatter my phone in to a million pieces when it didn't even do anything wrong!
"Mom." I said simply.
"'How are you? How was your first week of school?" she gushed.
"It's my third week of school Mom." I rolled my eyes.
Why does she even bother?
"Listen missy, I want you to drop the attitude. I sent you to a lovely, expensive school to give you a better education and a chance at a future, so don't you date be smart and disrespectful with me." she snarled.
A better education?
A future?
That's not how I remember it...
"Mom, do you even know why you sent me here?" I raised my voice, getting irritated.
"Because you're a fucking dyke! I don't know why I even bothered calling you." and with that, she hung up. She yelled it loud enough if anyone had been around me that could have been over heard.
I sighed, sitting on the concrete rim of the fountain and putting my face in my hands.
I don't know why my mothers words hurt so bad this time. Then again, they had never been quite that harsh before. Suddenly, I started to cry.
I was sobbing when I felt tone arms wrap around me.
Of course I wanted to shove the stranger in to the fountain and scream rape, then run away like a mad woman.
But strangers don't just wrap their arms around you when you're sobbing.
At least, not with out offering you candy and telling you to get in their van first.
I wearily opened my eyes to face my vicious attacker.
Oh, you know, bear hugging is just seriously vicious.
My sarcasm froze when I saw a guilty looking Maggie, clinging to me. Her eyes were closed and she was shaking her head gently. I don't think she's ever been more beautiful in her life.
"What are you doing?" I whispered.
Her eyes opened and they were soft, warm and inviting. "Holding you." she whispered back.
"You don't need to." I informed her weakly.
I really really really don't want her to let go, despite what I'm saying.
"I do. You're alone and I heard what your mom said. Kate, you need some one right now. Even if it is just for right now." she petted my hair, assuring me it was okay to except her comfort.
I suddenly felt drained, overly exhausted. "It was the first time I've talked to either of them since they dropped me off." I instantly sobbed harder. I let my head rest on her chest, my face pressed into her soft neck. She smelled like apple shampoo.
I don't know how long we stayed like that, her rubbing circles on my back and whispering things like shhh and it's okay.
I wanted nothing more than just to fall asleep there in her arms. I knew that would be wrong though.
And this is wrong...
It was unfair to both of us...
"We should talk about it." I murmured against her skin.
I hear her groan deep in her throat before she said "No."
"Maggie we can't just keep avoiding each other. Because, I like you, I do. I think you're an amazing person and I want you in my life." I told her.
"As what?" she asked, instantly going rigid underneath me.
Underneath me?
When did I get on her lap like this?
"As my friend." I stated, standing up because I was suddenly uncomfortable.
"Exactly." she sighed. "If i'm friends with you now, you're just gonna see me as the stupid girl who fell for you when you could've cared less." she stood up too.
"No, Maggie. Trust me, I care. I care way more than I should." I chewed my bottom lip.
"Are you gonna leave her then? Would you really ever break it off with her for me? You can't do that. You can't leave her and you won't." she was pacing.
"You're right. I won't. But, what do you mean by I can't?" I wanted nothing more than to soothe her the way she had just soothed me.
"And I'm not a side girl Kate! I can't fucking be your girlfriend for here if you have another at home!" she completely blew off my question.
"What? That's not what I want at all..." I shook my head.
"Then what the hell do you want?" she looked like she was almost in tears.
"I want you to be my friend." I took a step closer to her.
"I already said, I can't do that. People would think I was clueless, or a joke." her voice broke.
"So, who gives a fuck what people think Maggie?" I yelled a little louder than necessary.
"I do Kate! When are you gonna understand that this school, the people here mean everthing to me?" she matched my tone, tears rolling down her face now.
"Two weeks." I whispered, catching her arms and stopping her from pacing. My eyes softened with every tear down her beautiful face, rolling across her pink lips.
"What?" she relaxed visibly at the gentle look in my eyes.
"Two weeks is how long we've been ignoring each others existence. The saddest, most miserable damn two weeks of my life." I confessed in barely a whisper.
I brushed one or two tears away with my thumb, resisting the urge to lick my thumb afterwards. Then I just pulled her into my chest and let her sob.
Returning the favor.
"It's not fair. It's not fair to be the girl in love with the girl who loves some one else." she gripped at my shirt.
I pulled her face to look at me, resting my forehead against hers. I let my thumbs rub across her face soothingly and she stared into my eyes with so much sorrow my throat dropped into my stomach. It was like she was willing all the pain she was feeling from her head into mine and it was breaking me.
I lifted her chin and kissed her, unable to help myself. It was the second time in my life I found desperation in a kiss. I felt her hurt, and tasted her desire. Lust mixed with mourning for the loss of some one she never truly had passed between our lips.
I loved kissing her.
When we pulled away this time, I was the one crying.
"Friends?" I willed her to hear in my voice how much I needed her.
"Friends." she nodded, then kissed me again.