'Goodbye' is one of the most depressing words in the human language. Goodbyes are a promise for heartbreak, filled with finality and uncertainty. Finality that whatever you are leaving will soon be gone, and uncertainty of how much of it will remain within you. There is no way to know if you will soon forget what you are leaving, if you will ever return, if the goodbye is temporary or final. Perhaps that is what makes goodbyes so scary; all of the unknowns.
For a midday afternoon, the airport wasn't that crowded, families and businessmen walking about. Then there was us.
"Thank you again for everything Liz," I smile up at the teary eyed mother.
"You are always welcome here, okay? You are a part of the family," she pulls me in for a giant hug. She rubs my back, giving me a final squeeze before turning to Luke. "You take care of this young lady Luke. There aren't many like her." Liz pulls him in for a hug too.
I walk over to Michael, who was sitting on his suitcase by himself, to let Luke and the boys have their own moments with their families.
"You look happy," I lean against Michael.
"I'm leaving," Michael cheers. "And I get to see Grace!" He blushes slightly.
"Have you guys talked at all?" I had only talked to her a few times myself, the timezones were tough.
"Yeah of course," he looks at me as if it was a stupid question. "We were gaming together a lot, but you wouldn't understand that, and I talked to her about my dad a lot."
"Speaking of your dad, how was he today? With you leaving?" I whisper uncertainly.
"He was fine, he gave me a hug. He promised he was going to get better." Michael gave me a small smile. "I think he will."
I nod, not wanting to give him false hope, or ruin his spirits. We look at the other boys, engulfed in the arms of their loved ones. Ashton's mother finally let Ashton out of her grip, searching for me, and beckoning me to come over.
"Maddie," she smiles, pulling me in for a hug as I near her. She whispers softly in my ear so the kids don't hear, "Thank you, for everything. I haven't seen the kids this happy in a while. Lauren is smiling again, and talking to me. Ashton...he has gotten so much better because of you. I can never thank you enough." She pulls away, her eyes glistening with gratefulness. I bite my lip, holding back the tears brimming my eyes.
"Maddie!" Harry jumps on my back, making me fall on the floor. "Maddie stay with me!" He giggles.
"Harry, I can't," I laugh, pushing him off of me and standing back up. He hugs my legs so I can't move, immobilizing me.
"Marry me Maddie. Marry me and then live here forever," Harry squeezes me.
"Woah there, you aren't marrying my bestfriend mister," Ashton laughs, peeling Harry off of me.
"You guys will come back though, right?" Lauren takes off her beanie, looking at us with hopeful eyes.
"I will make Madds come back, don't worry," Ashton gives me a push. "Cmon now, group hug!" Ashton shouts, the two kids attacking us.
"I'm not letting go!" Harry giggles in the middle.
Our flight was announced, making them break away. I gave Harry a little kiss on the cheek, and Lauren little pep talk before joining Michael and Calum by our luggage. Liz was still clutching onto Luke, or maybe vise versa, and Ashton was kneeling down with Harry. Harry was crying, Ashton holding both his hands and talking to him quietly. It made my heart ache, especially since Ash was practically his father.
After they called our flight a second time, both boys joined the group, the five of us boarding the plane together.
A gloomy Ashton offered to sit with the stranger, the rest of us filling up the other row. I was squished in between Michael and Luke.
"Michael you can't text on a plane," I slap at his hands.
"We haven't taken off yet, chill, I'm just telling Grace we are about to leave." He smiles down at his phone, hiding his blush.
"Awh, I forgot how much I shipped you two," I smile.
"What?" He frowns confused.
"Nothing," I laugh, resting my head on Luke's shoulder. His hand rests on top of mine, interlocking our fingers.
"Ready to go home?" He whispers in my ear, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
"You are my home now," I smile into the nape of his neck. "Oh my gosh," I bite my lip, running my fingers over the deep purple marks scattered underneath Luke's jawline. "How did your mom not see these?"
"She probably did, she probably was happy," he giggles, kissing the top of my head. "She really likes you."
"What a momma's boy."
The plane accelerated, marking our long flight back. Michael tapped his fingers impatiently until we were allowed to break out our electronic devices, which he quickly did. Ashton had his headphones in, drumming with his fingers against his lap. Luke and Calum were fighting over the arm rest.
"Its obviously mine, you get the one on the end," Luke grumbles, shoving Calum's elbow off.
"We have to share it you idiot, everyone gets two because you have two arms," Calum forces his arm back on. Luke glares at him. "Or we could just cuddle."
Luke cracks a smile, "No."
"Cmon," Calum pokes his cheek.
"No, I hate you."
"I'll let you have the arm rest," Calum puckers out his lip.
"Fine," Luke mumbles with a smile as Calum rests his head on Luke's shoulder.
"Should I be worried?" I look over at them.
"Yeah, your boyfriend is mine," Calum laughs.
"He is my side chick," Luke giggles.
"Fine," I stick my tongue out at them, crossing my arms.
"I have another shoulder you know," Luke pokes my cheek this time, wiggling his unoccupied shoulder.
I laugh, resting my head against him. He wraps his arm around me, making Calum complain until he does the same to him. "I thought love was gross Calum."
"It is gross, but Luke isn't." He smirks. "Its called no strings attached."
-
"Yes, yes, yes, we are landing," Michael chants, packing up his belongings quickly and forcing us to do the same. As soon as the plane doors open, Michael jumps out of his seat, tugging us up. "Hurry up."
"Michael, she is going to be there now, and she is going to be there in ten minutes, chill out," Calum grumbles, yawning as he is forced to wake up.
"Shuttup up and get up," Michael kicks him.
We hurry after a half-skipping Michael off of the plane and into the airport. He stops as we leave the gate, his eyes setting on a blonde holding up a little sign with his name on it. He gulps, face breaking out into a wide grin. Michael throws his bag at Calum and runs over to Grace.
She laughs as he almost trips, running over to her with wide arms. She jumps into them, wrapping her legs around his waist as he spins her around, clutching her close to him.
"Like I said, love is gross," Calum tries to hide a smile, throwing Michael's bag by his feet.
"I picked up pizza and Panda Express on the way here," Grace giggles into Michael's chest.
"I missed you so much," he laughs breathlessly, running a hand through her hair. He bends down to kiss her, but she turns her head, making him kiss her cheek instead. Michael looks upset at first, but gets over it when Grace smiles up at him, stretching on her tip-toes to give him a little kiss on the nose.
We give them a few more minutes to themselves before deciding it was okay to walk over. "Maddie!" Grace claps, running over and giving me a hug. She does the same with the other guys, her smile bright.
"Madds," Ashton giggles, beckoning me over to him. "Get on my luggage cart."
"What?" I look to him confused.
"Get on, we will race Luke and Calum out," Ashton points to Luke already sitting on Calum's cart. I hesitate for a moment, but ignore the common sense in my brain and get on anyway.
"Cake vs. Mashton," Calum yells.
"Hey! I'm supposed to be the second half of Mashton," Michaels frowns.
"Shuttup, you have your lady friend," Ashton swats Michael away. Mikey shrugs, taking Grace's hand in his and happily distances them away from us. "Ready?" Ashton glares at Calum. "Go!"
I grab onto the handle for dear life, Ashton and Calum sprinting down the airport hall and into the parking lot. I hear a crash from behind us, stifled laughs and moans quickly following. Ashton brought us to a sudden halt, almost making me lurch off the cart, but I held on.
"We won!" Ashton high-fives me, pulling me onto the sidewalk so I can stand up. We run over to Luke and Calum. Calum was hysterically laughing, and Luke was on the ground, half laughing and half moaning.
"What happened?"
"Calum crashed into the damn door!" Luke rolls over to face us.
"Idiots," Michael laughs, him and Grace joining us. We help Luke up, fixing the luggage and finding the car.
The guys began loading the luggage into the trunk. "I call shot gun!" Calum bellows randomly.
"That's not fair," Michael whines, glaring at Calum.
"You should've called it," Calum sasses.
"You should shut the fuck up," Michael sticks out his tongue. We all squish in the back, Michael sitting next to me and poking Calum's neck from behind repeatedly. "How is shot gun now, huh?"
Grace just laughs, making Michael shuttup and swoon.
"Someone is happy now," I whisper to Michael, giving him a teasing poke. Calum turns up the radio, singing along with Grace, who was focusing intently on the road.
Michael leans down to whisper in my ear, concern in his eyes. "She didn't let me kiss her."
"Mikey," I make sure Grace is distracted before continuing. "You have been away for a while, and you guys only kissed like twice before you left. You have to earn it. You have to win her over, swoon her."
"Swoon her?" Michael looks petrified. "I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to swoon. She isn't going to like me. Shit."
"Calm down," I push him. "She obviously loved whatever you were doing before. Just keep being your dorky self."
"Okay," He nods, staring in concentration. It takes him a few seconds before he turns to me, frowning, "I am not dorky."
"You can just take us all to Luke and Michael's house," Calum turns down the radio.
A few minutes later we were unpacking the car and stumbling into the house. Michael hugs the walls, gasping in excitement to be back.
"Home sweet home," Luke grabs my waist from behind and plops us down onto the couch. "Welcome to your new home." He giggles against my lips, pulling me onto his lap.
"Food is on the table!" Grace claps grabbing a plate, her and Michael loading up.
Luke gets up and grabs us both a slice of pizza, squeezing onto the couch next to me. Ashton and Calum squeeze in on his other side.
"So, I figured we can all help you move in Madds," Ashton smiles, grabbing a soda.
"You are just doing that so I will unpack for you all and do your laundry later," I roll my eyes, smiling at his offer.
"She knows us so well," Ashton winks at me, giggling.
-
A few hours later we had the guest room cleared out of junk (all of which was just thrown into the garage) leaving it with a double bed, dresser, and a desk. The furniture had been leftover from when Liz stayed with the boys a few years ago, so they were all white and Victorian like. The walls were a faded blue, which I liked perfectly fine. Ashton said it was too boring so he ran into the garage and grabbed a few strands of white Christmas lights, hanging them around the perimeter of the ceiling, and the headboard of my bed. It looked like a fairytale room.
"There, now it looks more like Madds," Ashton gets down from the washed out white, floral comforter on my bed and turns on all the lights.
"Thanks guys," I smile, giving them hugs. "It's a good start."
"Give us a few days and we will all get you something for your room," Luke smiles.
"Haha like a little something from each of us. I already know what I'm gonna get," Michael laughs.
"No posters of naked girls," I hit his arm.
"How did you know?" Michael mutters.
"What about your phone and your car?" Grace takes a seat on the edge of my bed.
"Crap, I forgot," I slap my forehead. The pressure of my near escape left me with a lot of things still in the grasp of my parents.
"Well you can't get your phone, it's in New York with your dad," Luke leans against the wall. "When does your mom leave?"
"Not for another week," I sigh.
"We could go on a secret spy mission, and wear all black, and see if your car is still in the driveway and then hijack it," Michael claps excitedly. The guys all moan, but I shush them.
"That is actually not a bad idea," I laugh. "It is already dark out."
"You are kidding, right?" Calum takes a seat on top of my desk, unenthusiastically.
"No, this is for real," I laugh, looking to Michael for the game plan.
"Then let's get to work." Michael jumps up. Calum opens his mouth to argue, but Michael cuts him off. "You have to wear all black, and a black beanie. That is the rule."
"I didn't bring any black," Grace frowns, shuffling through her overnight bag.
"You are sleeping over, right?" I look through my still packed bag too, glancing over at Grace.
"Woah, inviting house guests on your first night here?" Luke teases.
"I don't have to sleepover," Grace offers, afraid of intruding.
"You can sleep. With me. I mean with us. I mean here." Michael stumbles over his words. "Shuttup Luke."
"I was kidding!" Luke pouts.
"Maddie can I borrow a black shirt?" Grace just laughs at them.
"You can borrow one of mine," Michael says before I can answer, disappearing off to his room with the rest of the guys to get black shirts.
"He is so adorable," Grace smiles to herself as I slip on a back hoodie.
"Are you guys like, yano," I give her the wiggly eyebrows.
Grace laughs, blushing. "I like him, but we aren't like 'official', well not until he asks in a cute way at least. I like when he gets all awkward and blushy."
They come back in, dressed in black hoodies and skinny jeans. Michael hands one of his sweaters to Grace. She slips it on, oversized but comfy on her.
"It is warm," Grace grins, giving herself a little hug to feel the sweater, "and comfy." Michael grins at her, running a hand through his hair nervously.
"Time for action," Ashton claps his hands together, leading us out to the car.
Creeping up to my house, the lights are all out, my car sitting lonely in the driveway. A hush goes through our car, all of us peeking out of the window like idiot wannabe spies.
"This feels weird," I look up at my nearly empty house. To think my mother was the only one inside, probably sitting amongst barren white walls and piles of boxes.
"You have a hide-a-key right?" Michael whispers, as if someone would be able to hear us from out there.
"Yeah, somewhere near my back right tire," I answer, scanning the empty road. "I'm too scared, someone come with me."
Everyone is silent. "Fuck it, I'll go," Calum pushes himself up. "I've got nothing to lose."
"Ready?" I slip on Luke's black beanie.
"You just stay here, I can do it," Calum waves me off, taking a deep breath and getting out of the car. We watch with wide eyes as he feels around under my car until he finds the key. He sneaks around to the driver's side, unlocking it and getting in with ease. My only fear was that my mother would hear the engine. Calum starts the car, pulling out without waiting, and driving off.
We cheer, speeding after him, trying to get as far away from my house in as fast possible. I give it one last glance, the last time I would ever see it, or ever want to see it.
Everyone jumps on Calum, engulfing him in a group hug when we get back in the house. "Thanks Cal," I give him a lingering hug as everyone else gets more pizza.
"It was really nothing," He shrugs me off with a smile. "I feel badass."
"I must say, you are pretty cool," I pat him on the back.
"You can drive me to school every day now," Grace teases me, taking a seat next to me on the couch.
"I forgot about school," I groan, stealing a chip off her plate.
"You are still going to school?" Michael frowns at me. "I thought you were one of us now."
"No, some of us actually need to graduate," I throw a pillow at his face.
"We go back on Monday," Grace frowns. "That is literally less than a week away."
"Kill me please," I lean back into he couch. "At least I finished all my summer work. AP classes suck."
"Especially the calc work, it was so long!" Grace complains.
"Okay, enough nerd talk," Michael teases her, playing footsies.
"What did you do while we were gone Grace?" Luke plops down on the couch next to me, his arm wrapping around my waist.
"I visited some colleges, and my dad, nothing exciting really," she shrugs. I knew that was a lie, her dad was a security guard for concert tours, how could that not be exciting. "Guess who he is touring with next summer?" She squeals quietly to me, grabbing my arm.
"Hold up, hold up," Michael scoots closer to Grace. "Where were you looking at colleges?"
Grace blushes, "Um, just UCLA and Berkeley." I already know she would get into either, she might play a lot of video games, but her grades were killer. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up coding her own games one day.
Michael lets out a sigh of relief. "So you want to stay in California?"
"That is the plan," she smiles. "It is too nice here to leave." Grace takes the last bite of her pizza, turning to me, "Where are you thinking of going?"
"I don't know," I sigh, resting my head in my hands.
"Madds," Ashton says sarcastically. "You have been wanting to go to Stanford for all your techy stuff since we were little kids."
"And then one day when we are big and famous you can be our tech girl and do all the lights, audio editing, and sound systems," Michael stares at the ceiling, picturing himself on stage. Calum whacks him on the back of the head, telling him to keep dreaming.
"Yeah, that was my dream school," I shrug, knowing that is what I wish I could do. "But now that I'm on my own I can't afford a school like that."
"But you are so smart, surely they will give you a scholarship," Luke pulls me closer.
"I dunno," I bite the inside of my cheek.
"Let's not worry about the future, let's enjoy now," Calum shushes our school talk. I give him a grateful look.
"What have you guys missed the most about this place?" Grace asks us.
"The ice cream," Ashton and I answer at the same time.
"Yum, I could go for some ice cream," Michael's stomach growls.
"How is your stomach growling you had four pieces of pizza and Panda Express," Luke laughs at Michael.
"Shuttup Luke."
"There is an ice cream place around the corner, let's just walk," Ashton gets up from the couch, dragging Calum up with him.
We pile out the door. Halfway there Luke leans down to me, "want a piggyback ride?" He giggles, wiggling his eyebrows. I laugh, hopping on his back. The view was nice from up here.
"Mikey!" Grace grabs Michael's arm, pointing to me and Luke. "Can I have one too?"
"Sure," he grins, bending over so she can hop on.
"You guys think you are so cool," Calum sticks out his tongue. "We can do that too, Ashton get down." Ashton shakes his head, but Calum jumps on his back anyway.
"You are all copy cats," Luke pouts, making sure we are at least in the front.
"Yeah, but we do it best," Grace laughs, resting her chin on Michael's shoulder.
"Well, we will beat you all there!" Ashton yells as we turn the corner, the ice cream bar in sight. They take off down the sidewalk. Michael chases after them, Grace clutching onto him and screaming.
"Luke, don't run you will trip," I laugh, kissing his neck.
"I'm not that clumsy!" He crosses the street.
"Whatever you say," I giggle, my lips against his skin.
"Shuttup shortie," he puts me down as we get close.
"You haven't called me that in a while," I look up at him with a smile.
"Because I forgot how short you were," He pats my head, laughing and looking down at me.
We all order our ice cream, ignoring the tables, instead sitting down in a circle on the grass, looking up at the stars.
Our laughter was the only sound in the dead of the night, the stars our only source of light. I look around at the smiling faces, the faces of my new family. The stars that guided me home, and gave me light when my life was just darkness.
"Ice cream cheers," Ashton holds up his cone. "To the last week of summer."
"And to being home," I add.
"This is the best home I have," Michael mutters in my ear.
This was the only home I had. Sure it was going to come with its own set of problems, but every family has those. We were no exception. You just need to make sure you enjoy the good moments like these, while they last.
-
"Maddie?" Grace whispers, turning over to face me as we lay on our backs, staring up at my ceiling, our heads hanging off the edge of the bed. "Can I ask you something?"
"Hmm?" I force my eyes to stay open, our late night conversations lasting well past midnight, continuing only until sleep takes one of us out of conversation's grasp.
"Do you love Luke?" Her eyes trace my blank ceiling as if reading and sorting out her thoughts.
"Yeah, of course," I yawn, beginning to daze out of the conversation.
"I'm scared," Grace whispers. She turns on her side so that she is looking at me.
"Scared of what?"
"Falling in love." She sighs, running her fingers over the bumps in the sheets.
"Why?" I turn on my side too so that we are facing each other fully.
"Because every time you fall, you get hurt." Grace bites her bottom lip. "It just all seems so uncertain."
"Well," I sigh, "if you are in love, the only thing that is certain is that you need each other, that you are codependent upon each other." I rub my eyes sleepily. "Everything else will work itself out."
"What if it doesn't?"
"Than the universe doesn't think you have the right love. You start searching again, start a new adventure." I shrug.
"Well considering I am an awfully lazy person, and searching is a lot of work, maybe Michael will be my love." Grace pulls the blanket up to her chin.
"Love takes time, but you will know eventually."
I wondered if the universe had already found my love. I wondered, and hoped, that it was Luke, but one can never fully know, one can only hope and believe.
In time I'd see.
I know kinda boring again, but there is a lot coming up!
Yay Grace is back, Macey is my favorite ship, am I right?
And maggie won as maddie! Thanks for voting, I never knew how many of you there were😂 Don't be such a ghost all the time it makes me happy to hear from you! Vote and comment 😉😘
- maddie