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Sweat trickled down the back of his neck, soaking the tiny curls of his cinnamon hair at his nape, as Obi-Wan jumped down from his speeder and trudged towards the Lars moisture farm. Years ago, when Anakin had deigned to inform Obi-Wan of his mother's death, he'd also told Obi-Wan of his visit with the Lars family.
Obi-Wan figured he at least owed the Lars family a brief recount of recent events. Or, at least, that's what he told himself was the reason why he'd decided to pay a visit. In actuality, Obi-Wan had come to visit Shmi Skywalker's grave to ask her forgiveness for failing her only son.
Heart heavy, Obi-Wan spotted the small gravesite roughly fifty yards away from the small, domed building that led down to the Lars's house below. As he approached the grave, he read the words engraved in the stone.
Beloved wife and mother, Shmi Skywalker Lars.
Obi-Wan felt a pang of guilt and regret. Obi-Wan done everything in his power to prevent Anakin's return to Tatooine-- to his mother-- throughout Anakin's Padawan years. Obi-Wan had always been aware of Anakin's intention to free his mother by saving up his money given by the Order, but Obi-Wan had never done anything to contribute to Anakin's stockpile of saved-up money, nor did he approve of Anakin's desire to free his mother.
Anakin was supposed to have let go of his mother and his past in order to embrace the life of a Jedi free of attachments and possessions. But, of course, Anakin had been no ordinary Padawan. He had been too old for a Padawan learner, making it harder for him to forget his family, his mother, and Anakin had a tendency to become emotionally over-attached to things... to people.
It was simply his nature.
Instead, Obi-Wan had let Anakin continue his hopeful desire, and he and Qui Gon had freed Anakin and left Shmi on Tatooine as a slave. It was only because of the generosity and love of a man, Cliegg Lars, that had saved Shmi from a life of toil and cruelty.
Another bout of shame flared through Obi-Wan. From Anakin's stories of his mother, Shmi had seemed like a good, compassionate person. She hadn't deserve the Jedi's indifferent treatment towards her.
Crouching down, Obi-Wan clutched a fistful of sand as overwhelming sadness crushed his chest. His caramel-colored eyes brimmed with tears as he sensed an echo of lingering sadness and despair in this very spot through the Force.
Anakin's despair.
"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan choked out, his eyes turned to the sand before the grave. "I have failed Anakin. I have lost him to the Dark Side."
His fist tightened around the sand in his grasp. It was all his fault. If he had been a better mentor to Anakin, then perhaps Anakin would never have gone to the Dark Side. Perhaps, Anakin would've trusted him rather than Palpatine with his troubles and despairs.
Obi-Wan would've listened.
He would've listened to Anakin's worries, and he would've guided him through them, helping him see reason and clarity. But Anakin had not trusted Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan could not help but wonder why, wonder where he had failed as a mentor.
Perhaps Obi-Wan should've squashed Anakin's rebelliousness and troublingly unconventional tendencies when he'd first noticed them in the young nine-year old. Perhaps if Obi-Wan had been more attending and stringent, then Anakin would've turned out like the Jedi he should have been, rather than the Jedi he had been.
"I have failed you, Anakin," Obi-Wan whispered, voice thick with emotion.
"He has been lost for a long time, Obi-Wan," a gravely, deep, familiar voice spoke from above him, and Obi-Wan startled as his head whipped up towards the voice. He found Qui Gon Jinn standing there before him just behind the gravestone.
He looked exactly as Obi-Wan had last seen him; his dark brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail and his grey eyes still held their steely mirth. Qui Gon still wore his usual white Jedi robes with his dark brown cloak that spilled down from his broad shoulders.
But there was one difference with Qui Gon's appearance, and it wasn't exactly minor.
His body was slightly transparent, and it was luminescent with a faint blue light.
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. How was this possible? Was he imagining things now? Had he gone that mad with grief?
Qui Gon must've noticed the shocked disbelief on Obi-Wan's face because he explained, "I have become one with the Force, which allows me to appear to you now."
"But how--"
"It is a skill I will teach you in time," Qui Gon interrupted Obi-Wan. "But that is not why I am here now." He beckoned a hand towards the gravestone in between the two of them. "I must show you something." His body began to disappear, and Obi-Wan shoved to his feet in alarm.
"Show me what?" he demanded, eyes wide.
"Follow the Force," Qui Gon instructed, his voice faint, before he disappeared entirely.
Obi-Wan stared at the spot where Qui Gon had just appeared-- and then disappeared-- in alarm and dismay before he whirled around, his eyes desperately searching his surroundings as if his former master would suddenly appear somewhere else.
Suddenly, he felt a nudge from the Force-- like an invisible hand prodding his shoulder-- that urged him west. Obi-Wan turned his head to the western horizon away from where the twin suns were beginning to rise higher and higher in the dawning sky. He felt another insistent nudge in the Force.
Obi-Wan glanced back at the grave, and he promised to himself that he would return to Shmi's grave every once in a while to pay her tribute since Anakin could no longer return to her, himself.
With no small amount of confusion, Obi-Wan swung himself back onto his speeder and took off towards the east. The wind whipped at his cinnamon hair as he sped across the wide expanse of desert. He had probably ridden for about an hour towards the unknown destination before he sensed through the Force the command to stop.
Dust plumed around him as the speeder skidded to a halt, and a nudge on his right side had him propelling up to a cliff's edge to the left. Obi-Wan stopped before the rocky cliff edge as he peered down below, and he caught side of the battered remains of an old Tusken camp that reeked of terrible despair, rage, and utter hate.
Obi-Wan immediately recoiled.
He sensed a presence to his left, and Obi-Wan turned to see Qui Gon standing there solemnly, his grave, grey eyes turned towards the remains of the camp below.
"Why have you brought me here?" Obi-Wan asked in a whisper full of horror. "What happened here to have wrecked such-- such--" He couldn't finish his sentence; he didn't know how.
Qui Gon's gaze was still turned below to the camp as he spoke sadly, "Anakin Skywalker found his dying mother here. When she died in his arms, he killed them all."
"The Tuskens?" Obi-Wan clarified, stricken, even though he already knew the answer.
Qui Gon nodded before he lifted his gaze towards Obi-Wan's face, which was now befallen with horror and shame and guilt. "Anakin was already lost long before now," his former master told him, eyes despondent. "Even then, he had a taste of and for the Dark Side."
"I can't believe you, I won't believe you," Obi-Wan denied with a firm shake of his head. "Anakin was good and loyal. He-- he was my best friend, my brother."
Qui Gon only gave Obi-Wan a sad look before he replied quietly, brows dipping downwards with sorrow, "Your evidence is before you and right behind you."
Obi-Wan frowned at his former master's words as Qui Gon began to fade away into thin air again, and Obi-Wan reached forward, grasping for his master's arm as he pleaded, "Wait! Don't leave me! I have so many questions--"
But his hand passed straight through Qui Gon's arm, and Obi-Wan recoiled with surprise. Right as Qui Gon vanished entirely, Obi-Wan heard his voice faint in the air, "Look behind you."
Breath hitching, Obi-Wan turned away from the repulsive camp and looked behind him. He started with surprise as he found Astrid standing there about fifteen feet away, her green eyes swimming with uncertainty. He spotted her starfighter resting beside his speeder just behind her.
How had he not heard her starfighter land? Had he been so enraptured in Qui Gon's words and Anakin's horrific crime that he had been oblivious to his surroundings and to his senses?
"Astrid," he breathed.
She strode towards him almost reluctantly as if she, too, could sense the horrific tragedy that had occurred below the cliff's edge. Obi-Wan noticed she walked with a faint limp. He turned back towards the camp as Astrid reached his side, and the two of them stared down at the old, weather-beaten Tusken camp.
Astrid shivered.
"Did you know?" Obi-Wan asked quietly, and there was no judgement in his voice, only bleak acceptance and sorrow.
Astrid swallowed before she nodded. "I wasn't with him when he did it," she told him. "But he told me when he arrived back at the Lars's farm." She paused before adding, "Anakin-- he'd been wracked with guilt and shame at what he'd done."
She turned towards Obi-Wan as she said more pressingly as if yearning to defend Anakin, "You should've seen him, Obi-Wan. He-- he didn't mean to do this, or at least he hadn't meant to take it so far. Anakin was good. He was a good friend and an honorable Jedi."
Qui Gon had meant to show Obi-Wan that Anakin had already been lost before now, but Anakin's actions towards the Tuskens only served to remind Obi-Wan again that he had failed Anakin... it had just been simply long ago that he'd failed him.
Obi-Wan had always been applauded as being the perfect Jedi, and therefore, had been proclaimed as the perfect master for the newly discovered Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One. But what Anakin had truly needed was a non-perfect Jedi, someone Anakin could have related to, someone who would've understood him more.
Obi-Wan simply hadn't been the right master for Anakin.
He hadn't realized he'd said the words aloud until Astrid disagreed softly, "No, Obi-Wan. You were a good master to Anakin. Another Jedi Master wouldn't have had the tolerance you had towards Anakin, despite his stubbornness and rebelliousness."
Astrid settled a comforting hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. His eyes turned misty as he beheld the horror Anakin had bestowed upon the Tusken Raiders, a terrible deed that no creature deserved, no matter how horrific and monstrous they were. His eyes brimmed further with tears as he realized how oblivious he had been to Anakin's growing turmoil, utterly unaware of his gradual becoming of the Sith he was now.
A single tear fell down his cheek before he quickly schooled himself, remembering the Jedi Code's insistence to not dwell on the past. A Jedi felt only peace, calm, and serenity, and they focused only on the present.
No, Obi-Wan would not tell Astrid that Anakin was Vader, a Sith Lord of the Dark Side. It would crush her. Obi-Wan feared it would stuff out the little fight left in Astrid.
"I feel as if I have disappointed you somehow," Astrid said, her eyes following Obi-Wan's gaze to the camp. "I should've been with Anakin. I should've followed after him to stop him from committing this horrible act."
"What is done is done," Obi-Wan replied evenly. Only the slight tremble in his voice betrayed the anguish he sought now to extinguish. "We cannot change the past now."
They stood there for a few moments, staring down at the ruined camp, barely standing the hatred the area exuded. "We should get going," Astrid suggested quietly, and Obi-Wan nodded in agreement.
As Obi-Wan trudged back to his speeder, Astrid just behind him, he thought he heard Qui Gon's voice call out faintly on the wind, "Astrid."
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The two Jedi sat in Obi-Wan's small, circular living room, each of them with a bowl of soup in their hands that Obi Wan had managed to concoct. Astrid played with the brown soup with her dingy spoon. She didn't feel particularly hungry.
Revisiting the Tusken camp where Anakin had slaughtered all of the Tusken Raiders all those years ago had made her lose her appetite. In fact, she felt sick to her stomach. Astrid slipped Anakin's homemade necklace from underneath her tunic and clutched it with her hand, seeking comfort in the echoes of love she could sense from the wood.
"What is that?" Obi-Wan asked her from where he sat against the opposite wall, his own soup left mostly untouched. Astrid glanced up at him in confusion. Obi-Wan beckoned towards her hand clutching the necklace as he elaborated, "That necklace. Where'd you get it from?"
Just as Astrid could sense the echoes of incandescent love within the square wood japor snippet, Obi-Wan could sense it as well, and he was taken-a-back by the force of it.
Astrid hesitated as she opened her fist to gaze at the japor snippet in her palm. She ran a thumb tenderly across the grooves carved into the wood. Still gazing down at the japor snippet, she spoke softly, "Anakin gave it to me."
She was met with silence. Astrid dared a look upwards and found Obi-Wan staring down at his soup with a mild frown. Taking a nervous breath, Astrid asked, "What?"
His eyes flicked upwards to her face before dipping down to the necklace settled just below her collarbone, and then his gaze dipped lower still. Astrid's blood ran cold as she sensed his next words.
"Anakin is the father, isn't he?"
She panicked. Astrid immediately froze as her heart began to hammer in her chest and her palms began to sweat. She wet her lips but her mouth was dry with fear.
Obi-Wan's gaze lifted to her face, and he tilted his head to the side as he remarked with a sardonic smile, "I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. The Jedi Order is gone, the Jedi Code along with it." His smile faded as he realized the full extent of Astrid's fear, and he added in a softer, more gentle voice, "You need not be afraid, Astrid. I've known for a while that the two of you have feelings for each other."
He paused before asking, "Are-- are you two-- have you--"
Astrid watched silently as he fumbled for words, his face reddening like a tomato. Sensing his meaning, Astrid finished for him to spare his embarrassment, "Are Anakin and I married?"
Obi-Wan smiled with relief before nodding. "Yes, that."
Astrid couldn't help but return his smile. He was so... wholesome. She nodded as she replied, "We are-- or were." Her throat burned with sudden emotion. "We got married when we visited Scarif."
"Ah." He paused. "And how, uh, far along are you?"
Astrid stifled a laugh at his apparent discomfort, even as her own stomach twisted with unease. "I'm three months now." She settled a hand on her stomach and felt the small bump that had grown as if overnight. Her voice grew quiet with worry as she added, "I don't know what I will do when the baby is born. I--I need to help Bail and his Resistance. I can't abandon them."
"I'll watch over the baby when they are born," Obi-Wan offered gently, and Astrid's eyes widened with surprise. Before she could object, he began to reason, "I'll be remaining here on Tatooine for a while. Tatooine is probably the safest planet for your child to live on for the time being since--" He abruptly stopped himself short before continuing, "Since it's in the Outer Rim, so it would only make sense that I would watch over them for you."
Astrid stared at Obi-Wan gratefully, and she smiled as she replied, "Thank you, Obi-Wan. I'll consider your offer when it comes time for it. Hopefully, the Empire's reign doesn't last long, and we can return to Coruscant and reinstate the Order and the Republic soon."
"We may need to change a few of the Jedi Code's rules," Obi-Wan remarked teasingly, and Astrid blushed with a laugh.
The combination of her restless, disturbing sleep last night and her exertion today trying to find Obi-Wan hit her in a sudden wave of exhaustion, and Astrid stifled a yawn. Obi-Wan caught the tired look in her eyes, and he suggested patiently, "I suppose we should get our sleep now. Today has been quite eventful."
A strange look flickered across his face, and Astrid frowned as she tried to analyze it. What else had Obi-Wan seen or found out today other than Anakin's past actions? Perhaps she was merely reading too much into it.
Astrid nodded and began rearranging the blankets on the floor, and Obi-Wan moved to his bedroom. Both of their dinners sat hardly uneaten. Long after the two of them had settled into their own "beds", Astrid stared up at the rock ceiling, wishing again she could see the stars.
But then her thoughts turned to Anakin, and she couldn't help but think that perhaps he wasn't the Chosen One, after all, but the Tragic Jedi.
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Sorry it took me forever to update! I've been super busy studying for finals, and then packing up my dorm for the semester, and then driving two days to go back home (rip I missed the winter storm-- major FOMO). But here is the chapter! I hope you liked it!
--Paradise_Palms <3