CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Trust, it's an Issue.
Natalie Cross
What a lovely morning it is here in Crossville, but that would be a large understatement. It is beautiful here in Crossville, but it was never my type. My arrogant father shipped me here for God knows what reason. I never complained because that would’ve made me a whiney kid and that was the one thing I didn’t want my father to think of me.
I was hanging around my hide out which I found not too long ago. I needed a place to hang around when nobody can feel my pain, where nobody can see my pain. It’s okay if people branded me as the whole emotional, got-something-against-the-world kind of chick, but that’s what I like about myself. I really just do not care.
I remember my first time being here, which was all too vivid in my mind, but Talia was the one who took me in. She was my second cousin and all, but I’ve always thought of her as my best friend, the one who understood me. We’ve always been different from each other; she liked bright and shiny things, I always liked darkness. Not that I wanted to die or anything, but this world just wasn’t where I thought I’d ended up to be.
School to me was a twisted, senile world. As much as you wanted it to be cliché free, it isn’t. You always have the losers, the wannabees, the jocks, the cheerleaders, etc. There will also be that one group that everybody wanted to be, who everybody wanted to hang out with. That would be us. I honestly did enjoy all the attention, also the feeling of being in control. People always amounted to Sam and Talia being the head, but I never usually bothered to care.
The brown fence looked about old enough for it to collapse. There was nobody in my hide out which I enjoyed even more. There would usually be boys who came to smoke like I did. They usually get shocked by my appearance. Yeah, a classy girl like me has issues too. I didn’t want to be known as a girl who had everything, but sometimes a girl who had everything wouldn’t mean she’s necessarily happy.
I took a puff out of my Malboro light. The first time I took it was brutal, but as times passed and as times hardened there was nothing to do, nothing to runaway to. I threw my cigarette in a nearby bush and stepped on it. I walked back to my house knowing that nobody would be home. That’s what sucks about being an only child, the fact that you have nobody to lean to.
Percy jumped on me the moment I walked in the door. My mother bought me this dog. The moment she told she couldn’t conceive any more children she rewarded me with a dog. Not that I didn’t appreciate it, but it still disappointed me.
“Mademoiselle, you have a phone call from a Nathaniel.” Jacques my butler came out of nowhere. I rolled my eyes and nodded my head. Nathaniel Ex. The thought of him was unbearable. Since that incident happened he came crawling back to me. I’m not something you can just throw away. I knew that from my father. I was debating if I should return his call. I decided not to. I had nothing to say anyway.
It was about eight o’clock and Shane was supposed to arrive any minute. I decided on wearing a white, wool shirt from H&M, black leather leggings, and black clogs that my mother mailed me from Paris. I put a toque on to help me from the cold. I heard the car honk. I kissed Percy goodbye and locked my house door. I had a dream of yelling goodbye to my house and knowing someone would reply back, but all I see was an empty house waiting to be filled in.
“Good morning,” Sam greeted. She wore a plain, black shirt, polka dot, printed shorts with a beige, cardigan. Talia looked gorgeous as usual. For some strange reason, I never felt threatened by her, but by the looks of it she always felt threatened around me. She was wearing a floral top under a cute, high waist skirt. She had tights and her gorgeous nude heels. Her blonde hair was in her signature chiffon bun.
“Hey,” I replied. I saw Talia’s grin practically stretching out of her face. I knew she wanted to burst on the details about her date with Chris. Truthfully, I’ve never liked the guy. It’s because behind all that sweet, macho exterior, there will always be that string of evil waiting to be pulled. “So, looking from your stretched out smile, I’m guessing the date went well?” I asked.
She practically screamed in happiness. She and Sam jumped up and down which shook the whole car. I rolled my eyes and smiled for their child like behaviour. They were exchanging details in what seemed like warp speed. I could only catch a little bit of it.
“We were kissing each other and I thought we were going to take it to the next level-”
“Whoa, you were willing to lose your virginity in the matter of seconds?” I asked surprised. That was unlike Talia. She was willing to lose it for a guy she barely knew. What he did was sweet and all, but who really knew him? All of us had never lost it yet, and at least some of us weren’t planning on losing it.
“Whatever Mother Theresa, I said we almost did it. I stopped him before we got too close. He told me that he wanted it to be different with me. Isn’t that sweet?” Her accent made it really annoying, but I guess we should all be relieved. Talia would always be Talia.
“We’re here,” Shane yelled. We got off the car and there was a group of girls whispering. It was probably because it was the monthly in or out list. I found that list degrading. It was a list about girls who wanted to make it to a group who most likely wouldn’t even notice their very existence. I knew Talia was only using them as her little minions, same with Samantha. Anything Talia did, Samantha usually followed and agreed. I on the other hand did not care what they did to make themselves feel better. I just needed them as the people they are outside of their little social take over.
Sam and Talia got up on a bench and had the list tacked on a tree. They looked at each other and smiled. They were searching for me, but I got out of there in a matter of seconds. I didn’t want to be drowning in that sea of estrogens.
“Aren’t you supposed to be a part of that whole charade going on there?” A stranger walked beside me with a skater hat, and a hoodie. Talk about trashy. I could see flecks of his red hair coming out of his hat, but I’m not Talia. I wouldn’t call him out.
“Well, sometimes I never liked playing games.” I answered. I heard a masculine laugh from him.
“I knew you were different.” I rolled my eyes. He was still walking beside me. “You’re Natalie right?”
“Possibly,” he laughed once more.
“Look, you probably don’t even know who I am, or would like to know who I am, but I’d really like to know you.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. A stranger who I’d most likely never have seen before was bluntly asking me out. That was rather gutsy, but I wasn’t interested.
“I’m not interested.” He stopped on his tracks and I kept going never looking back. He was a sweet boy, but nobody wanted to be with someone like me. I had too much baggage and too much pain to have something to hurt me again. I didn’t want to be hurt.
“The infamous Hunter Gilligan,” Trick came out of nowhere. I let out a little laugh. The exotic eyes of his were hypnotizing me. “What did he want?” he asked. Trick was possibly my best guy friend here in this school. He didn’t understand me, but he was just there for me.
“I have no clue who that was, but it was pretty gutsy of him to ask me out.” I answered. I opened my locker and heard a thunderous laugh as he gorgeously leaned on the locker next to me. “What?” I asked irritatingly.
“That boy controls the skater committee. That’s pretty rewarding considering how many girls want to hook up with him. Hunter is a closed person, he never talked to girls. Well, only the ones he really liked.” That explained why he froze randomly. I probably broke the poor boy’s heart. Well, everybody moves on. You got to break hearts to find new ones.
“That’s nice to know.” I answered. Trick laughed.
“I’m just saying.” We walked together. Trick had math with me. We usually hung out by the fountain before we go to class. He had an unsure look on his face. He seemed down or there was something in his chest.
“Is something wrong?” I asked. We sat down. There were a bunch of freshmen trailing around looking at us. Being with Talia, you learn how to control their annoyance. He shook his head, but I, being very persistent wanted to let it out of him. “Trick, holding in your problems won’t help you any less. I’m here.” I touched his hand and he looked at me and smiled.
“I sort of have feelings for someone I can’t have,” My heart froze. I didn’t know why, but it just did. My breathing came uneasy, and my mind was spiralling out of control.
“Who is it?”
“Samantha,” My heart then sank and my mind went numb. My breathing kept going just like the rest of the world. Of course he did. I nodded my head and gave him a half-hearted smile. He liked Sam. How come I felt like this, the feeling of depression came over me. It wasn’t because I liked Trick, unless I did. What I really felt like doing was going to the hideout, but I couldn’t. I can’t. “Nat, are you okay?” he asked. I woke up from my deep thought. The final bell rang. The students rushed into their classes while Trick waited for me.
“I’m always fine.” I answered. “Always,”
I didn’t know what to feel. I was in Art class drawing nonsense since the teacher was out. We got handed worksheets on how to shade. I didn’t need it. I drew at the back of it. The bell rang and everybody rushed out. I just sat at my desk drawing. My heart, my mind, my body was just not moving. Mr. Bell came back in the room, but I never bothered to look up. All I heard were footsteps.
“Are you planning on staying in Ms. Cross?” he asked. I nodded my head and heard the footsteps walk away. I heard fresh new ones and saw brown suede boots. I still didn’t want to look up, but I did anyway. Justin Gabeson appeared in front of me with a smug look on his face as he examined his surroundings. He kept nodding his head.
“What are you doing here?” I asked angrily. This was the only room in the school where I could think clearly without anybody criticizing me or wanting to be with me. My own room full of freedom suddenly felt full of crap.
“I just wondered why you weren’t at the lunch room.” He touched pieces of drawings that were hanging around the classrooms. “I never knew that art was such a big deal in this school.” He added.
“Well aside from your personal bubble, you wouldn’t really care what’s happening outside of your world.” He then laughed. I began to stand up and cleared my table. Something about Justin irritated me. Every single part of his arrogant face made me hate him. He was like my father.
“Look, I’m not sure what I did to make you hate me this much. If it was about that situation with Nate, I’m deeply sorry.” He explained. His voice rose in a way I’ve never heard before. He didn’t sound angry, he actually sounded sincere. I didn’t have anything to say. I just looked at the window that revealed a sunny, cloudy day. “I did that because I was jealous.” I looked at him slowly. His face was looking at the window too.
“What are you talking about?” I mumbled. He gave a small smile and still avoiding my stare.
“I was jealous of Nate having you. Always was.” He said. He seemed like he was admitting to himself. He then looked at me and smiled. He shrugged and just stood there. My mind was blank. I didn’t believe it as much as I wanted to. Why, in all the men’s population would Justin ever like me? He dated girls like Samantha. “But now that he doesn’t have you, it gave me a chance.” He smiled. “Maybe this time, I could finally love-”
“No.” I said. He looked at me like he was shocked. “You can’t and you won’t. I’m not interested nor will I ever be. I want to be friends Justin. I want somebody who I can lean on.”
“I can give you that. I love-” The tears trickled down my face.
“Don’t say it because you don’t. You really don’t.” I ran off. I felt my arm brushed against his. I didn’t know what will become of us. A friendship that turned to hate that turned into a confusing relationship. I can’t trust anyone, I won’t trust anyone.