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I did not sleep properly that night.
Guilt swarmed my entire body and the image of father's distraught face when I didn't grant him a place in my heart stayed in my mind. It was awfully there; that feeling sitting right on top of my chest. I could have forgiven him and stopped myself from feeling that way, but that would have kept him safe on his high horse thinking he got away with what he did.
Stressed, I turned in my bed, only to be greeted by Luca's wonderful face as he snoozed the night away.
He looked wonderful in his sleep.
To honor my deep need for respect, Luca created a border of pillows to separate our bodies from touching one another, but that night, separation was the last thing I wanted. I craved warmth, sentiment and contact. I craved feeling light, airy and delicate. I craved love.
Using my elbows, I sat up straight and began dismantling our border as gently as I could, picking up each pillow and throwing it to the ground with a small 'thud'. All while doing that, images of fathers face and fragments of Slaiman's hurtful words began popping up in my brain. I would have paid my entire life's savings to find out why my brother, my own blood, was treating me so poorly. It wasn't like I was going to cry over him, he surely didn't deserve that, but it just hurt.
It may be petty of me to hold it against him, but I almost died killing that beast in the outskirts all because I didn't want him to die.
Did I remind him of a memory he did not want to recall?
Did I do something without realizing I hurt him?
Did my existence cause him pain?
Once all the pillows were on the ground, I sat there, back against the headboard of the bed, staring down at my fiddling fingers.
Mother, I spoke to myself, where are you when I need you with all my being?
My head shifted so I was looking at Luca and an instinctive smile grew on my lips. He made me happy with one look. He made the butterflies in my stomach turn to bees with one touch. He made my chest feel full in a way my present family couldn't. In a way only mother could.
I knew I should have been feeling grateful that I still had family alive, but that day, I would have traded both Slaiman and Father for mothers presence. Without a shadow of a doubt, I'm positive I would have done that. But I didn't know a witch powerful enough to resurrect the dead and I was pretty sure that was a grave sin in accordance with the moon goddess.
"Come here," Luca's groggy voice made me eyes snap to his serene figure, "right here,"
He lifted his arm, creating a small space right between his chest and the mattress for me to rest.
"I don't want you to be uncomfortable, hobbi," I said, lips rising at the sight of his sleepy face.
He grabbed my thigh and gently pulled me downwards, forcing a gasp out of me as I slid from the headboard and into his bare chest. Instinctively, my palm rested at his peck, balancing myself from the strength of his graceful pull.
"Much better," His arms went around my waist as he snuggled his face deeper into my neck, "much, much better,"
I giggled softly as his breath fanned my neck, the sensation mimicking a tickle.
"Go to sleep verde," He laid a small kiss to my neck, forcing an avalanche of fire to rise from my skin, "go to sleep,"
I did as he told me.
After tracing our initials into his chest for minutes on end, I fell asleep.
-_-
I woke up feeling alive.
The phrase was worded strangely, I know, but my soul felt brighter than it ever had.
Maybe it was because I woke up to the view of the river and Luca's wonderful scarred skin. Maybe it was because I had finally gotten it off my chest that I didn't forgive father for what he had done. Maybe it was because after a long while, I finally felt somewhat like myself.
Oddly enough, I woke up feeling full of affection.
Now that, I had no idea why it came about, but I didn't mind it. In fact, I came to the conclusion that I as a female I was rather clingy and needed peculiar amounts of daily affection to remain functional.
I drummed my fingers against Luca's chest, an attempt to wake him up; a desperate call for attention, but to no avail he remained sleeping. Slightly offended, yet still smiling, I sat up on one elbow and blew onto his face. Adorably, his nose scrunched and he shook his head, falling into a deeper slumber.
There was only one way to wake him up.
And that way involved sacrificing my mountain of pride.
As lightly as I could, like a swan moving through water without rippling it, I moved closer to him so that my lips grazed the tips of his ears.
"Can I kiss you?"
His grip on my waist tightened and his eyes flew open.
"Leila-" He sat up, groggy, "you cannot wake me up like that?"
I rose a brow, "Why is that?"
His jaw ticked as he readjusted the covers so they remained above his waist, "Goddess, you infuriate me, woman. The only time you decide to seduce me is at the ass crack of dawn,"
"Why, were you having a nice dream?"
"A very nice dream,"
I swatted his chest, "Luca!"
He fell back onto the bed, expression painful, "Leila," he whined.
"What?"
"Prepare a cold shower for me,"
Holy-
My head fell backwards and I cackled, a hand held to my stomach at the power of my laughter. He looked so small asking me to prepare that shower for him- so much that I wanted to prepare it for him and carry him to it, and it made me feel giddy.
"I don't see anything funny here," He said, smiling, "and I don't see you preparing my shower, woman,"
I felt his fingers drum a foreign rhythm to my thighs. They spread a warmth throughout the entirety of my legs; a warmth's a appreciated.
"Alright, I'll prepare it," I got off the bed, "anything for you, hobbi,"
"Stop it!"
-_-
As Luca took a shower I began getting ready. For what exactly, I didn't know, but it was nice to put a Kaftan on every now and then. Especially when they were coloured a midnight blue or a deep green, littered in wonderful crystals and exotic patterns.
That day, though, I put a nude coloured Kaftan on. I didn't know what it was but something pulled me to that colour; an invisible string if you would.
It brought out the tan of my skin and highlighted the slimness of my waist and made me feel beautiful. Maybe all the times Luca said I was pretty finally sunk in that day, but really, I felt wonderful.
As I lined my eyes with kohl, a black liner, a knock sounded at the door, forcing me to stop.
Who could it be, I thought.
I ran down the stairs, put my ballerina flats on and opened the door.
Instantly, a smile was put on my face.
"Nader, what are you doing here?" I squatted down to face my younger half brother, "it's too dangerous for you to be walking through the market unguarded,"
His eyes lit up, "You remembered my name!"
"Of course I would,"
"Well, if you remembered my name, why did you forget that you promised me a painting," He crossed his arms over his chest, "the craftsmen are ready with their paints and colours, the even chose a canvas as tall as this door!"
"For a future Alpha, you really do need to improve your communication skills," I chuckled.
He frowned, "How?"
"You didn't give me a date, but, I think I can spare saving the world for a painting with you," Nader smiled so brightly I felt my heart burst.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around my neck. Shocked, I slowly slid my arms around his waist and patted his back. He was so small, so pure and full of light. He was the exact opposite of Slaiman and a complete contrast to his father.
If I wasn't mistaken, I would have said he reminded me of myself when I was younger. Before I was thrown into the outskirts.
With a heavy heart I pulled away from him so that I could stare him in the eyes.
"Thank you, really," His smile softened, "let's go then,"
"Alright, but I need to inform my male that I'll be leaving. Could you give me a minute?"
"Your husband?!"
"No, my male-"
"Soon to be husband, Nader," Luca said from behind me, forcing a flinch out of me.
My cheeks got so red.
I looked like a raw tomato.
Honestly.
"You're so big!" Nader gushed, "Will I be like you one day?"
I gulped and shifted my vision to face Luca. He was looking straight back at me.
"Maybe. It all depends on how hard you work,"
Luca's eyes went down the length of my body, an unreadable expression on his face as he analyzed me. It made me nervous, but what made me more nervous was that word. Husband. It reminded me of my parents relationship, one I wanted nothing to do with and one I detested with a passion.
"I will consider making a deal with you to train me, King Belluci, but I must have my painting done before 4 pm," Nader grabbed my hand and pulled me outside the house, replenishing my smile, "have a good day,"
"You too, Nader," Luca said, looking ravishing as ever in his leather armour, "You too,"
The door was then shut and we began walking to Nader's home.
Where was he going?
"Nader- wait, I need to ask my male something-"
"If I tell you a secret will you promise not to tell anyone," Nader interrupted.
I swallowed before nodding.
"The king told me to keep you away from him today, but he didn't signify exactly why. I want to impress him and, since you're cool, would you please help me?"
I frowned, "Really?"
"Don't be sad! He said it was something good!"
"Why was he wearing armour?"
Nader held a finger to his lips, "Shh, he's a king. Who knows, he might be able to hear us!"
I softly swatted Nader on the back of his head, "Nader, that is not how you keep a secret,"
"What? Why? If nobody other than you and I know than it still is a secret,"
"No. If anybody other than you knows, it is no longer a secret. Now that you've told me, I will remain stressed throughout the entire day trying my best to figure out what the King has planned," I sighed but frowned once I noticed Nader was playing with the collar of his shirt, "are you feeling hot?"
He nodded, a pout on his lips, "I told mother I didn't want to wear this shirt but-"
I interrupted Nader by placing my hands under his shoulders and carrying him to my chest. Immediately, he laughed, squirming in my arms at the sensation of my hands on his armpits.
The sight made me laugh, "Is the future Alpha ticklish?"
"No- No! I cannot be ticklish,"
I balanced him on the side of my body so he was comfortable, "So if I do this"- I grazed my fingers to the sight of his waist, forcing a giggle out of him, "you won't laugh?"
"No!"
"Oh but you just did!"
"I didn't!"
"Liars don't make good Alpha's, Nader," The second I said that, I saw father at the end of the market watching me with a smile on his face, "Did you hear what I said?"
At the sight of fathers figure, my smile vanished and my world turned less colourful, but thankfully, Nader was there to cheer me up.
"I'm sorry I lied," He mumbled.
I booped his nose, turning his frown upside down, "As long as you apologize and regret it, it's fine,"
"So if I kill someone and apologize, is it fine?"
I gasped exaggeratedly, "Nader! No. If you kill someone their death will remain a weight in your shoulders forever. Killing someone should be a last option, something you only do if your life is in danger,"
An O formed on his lip and his brows rose, "I thought as Alpha I could do whatever I wanted,"
I shook my head as we neared father's castle, "You only do what would benefit your people and your kingdom, Nader. Your needs come last when you're Alpha,"
We passed by father, Nader in my arms and two faced words spilling out of my mouth as we did so. His eyes remained on us until we disappeared and reached the beautiful arch that lead to his home; until a frown replaced the smile on his lips.
The frown was supposed to make me feel better, and in a way, having power over the way he felt did make me feel better, but it also made me feel very guilty. That I was dragging the situation and dramatically causing him to feel a way even I didn't want to feel.
Would the moon goddess approve of this? I thought.
"Do you like our home?" Nader asked, leaning his head against my collarbone.
"It's beautiful," I sighed at the palm trees that mined the entrance of the castle, at the beautifully shaped entrances and carved walls, "much more beautiful than the home I grew up in,"
"But you're the Royal Gaurd, surely your home was similar to ours,"
"I've only gained this title 3 weeks ago, habibi," I smiled sadly at him.
"So you were poor?"
"You could say that,"
"Wow,"
"I hope I've humbled you, broth"- I shut my mouth before I continued that word.
Brother.
"I feel humbled," He stared at me, child like wonder saturated in his beautiful eyes, "so you didn't need all this wealth to establish your name?"
"Well your vocabulary is advanced," I said, surprised as we finally entered the living area of the castle, "how old are you?"
"I'm 4,"
"That's adorable,"
Nader swatted the back of my head, hard.
I hissed, "What in the world was that for?!"
"You can't call an Alpha adorable. You're supposed to be calling me handsome, powerful and gregarious,"
I swatted the back of his head before putting him down, smirking as he rubbed the wounded area, "Well, you're a handsome little man. Rude, but handsome,"
"I only did it because you called me adorable,"
I rolled my eyes but followed him into a more private seating area where I found Slaiman and a short, old man holding jars paints. Slaiman looked serene as the man explained exactly how he created the violet colour using the green and blue paints; even sweet. It reminded me of the days when he used to teach me how to draw after father butchered me while training. It reminded me of the days when he used to sing me to sleep and hold me when I had nightmares.
He caught me staring at him and immediately backed away from the old man.
"Leila," He let out, hands behind his back and armor costing his body, "welcome home,"
I didn't address him, rather, I squatted down to face Nader, "How would you like me to pose?"
Nader smiled before jumping on the wonderful green seating that lined the entire wall, crossing his legs over one another and leaning against the pillows and placing his hands atop his knees, "Like this. I want you to look like a queen- but more feminine and relaxed. Mother always says posture says more about a person than his words,"
"She's right. In fact, I think that's the best thing you've uttered today," I said while sitting right next to Nader and posing the way he wanted me to, "like this, right?"
"Exactly!" He exclaimed, getting into his position.
He stood next to me, standing straight and placing both fists on his hips, "Is this alright, Sir Ali?"
The painter looked up and smiled, eyes crinkling, "The guard is wearing beautiful colours. They will be wonderful to paint. You, Nader, are wearing lousy clothes,"
"You reminded me, I'm supposed to wear my armor!" Nader rushed out of the room, "I'll be right back, Guard Leila!"
Slaiman's eyes followed Nader until he disappeared to his room. Silence accompanied us as Ali, the painter, began sorting out his jars. All that could be heard was the birds singing and the wind swiveling through the morning air. From the window behind me, sun shined into the room and enveloped a comfortable warmth.
"You can't ignore me now," Slaiman said, walking till he was in front of me, "Leila,"
"I have nothing to say to you,"
"It sure seems like the opposite,"
I looked down at my nails, trying to control the fire blossoming within my heart for Nader. Slaiman made it very hard to not be angry. Really, I considered it a talent.
"Stop being so childish,"
"I'll stop when you stop, brother," I seethed.
The painter paused as I addressed Slaiman by his status to me. Quickly, he regained his composure and resumed his sorting of his paints.
"I wanted to apologize, Leila," Slaiman sighed, cheeks burning, "for the way I've been acting,"
"You sound like a gun is being held to your head,"
"Talia wants me to apologize to you,"
"So you don't think you did anything wrong?" I scoffed, "You disgust me,"
"Talia told me she went looking for you the night of the war yesterday," Slaiman's nostrils flared, "if she didn't go looking for you, maybe then my child would be alive,"
My heart fell into my stomach and seethed.
"You have got to be kidding me," I shut my eyes, jaw clenched, "really, you never cease to amaze me,"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Slaiman, you're really blaming me for killing your child?" My eyes burned, "Of all people, you're blaming me?"
I was so livid and disappointed.
The anger on Slaiman's face soon slid away to a look of nothingness. He wasn't happy, he wasn't sad, just empty.
"Slaiman, I really don't know what to say to you other than to get out of my sight," I stood up so my eyes leveled with him, "get out before my wolf challenges you and slits your throat,"
I loved that kid before it was born.
If he had just listened to me, maybe then I would have told him that I painted an image of the stars for him as a gift for his child. If he just took the second to think before he spoke, maybe then he would have realised that I spent more time with Talia than he did when he was forced to join the northern army.
If he just stopped putting up this awfully manufactured persona of dull strength, maybe then he wouldn't be such an ass.
"Leila-"
My wolf was scratching- begging to be released.
It hurt.
"Get out," It was barely a whisper, but it was vocal, "you are no match for my wolf and you know it,"
His face faltered and he swallowed.
"I'm sorry," Slaiman muttered, "but you can't blame me for feeling this way,"
My claws elongated and ripped through to fabric of the sofa.
"This is the last time I'm asking you to leave," A growl laced my tone, "don't make me do something I'll regret,"
With eyes cast down to the floor, Slaiman walked out of the living area leaving behind only the rattling of his armour.
"Would you like me to include the new rips in the sofa in the painting?" Asked the old man, a small smile on his face.
I let out a curt breath, unable to regain my composure, "Why not?"
-_-
After 8 gruesome hours of sitting still and holding in my laughter at Nader's rather cheeky remarks, the painting was finally done. While I did hate staying seated in that sofa for such a long time, I definitely would do it again if it meant Luca and I could get a painting similar to that of what Nader would get to keep.
Staying still really wasn't easy after Slaiman's confession.
Just the fact that he thought I was to blame for his child's death hurt me.
Stabbing a knife to my heart would be more merciful than blaming me for such a thing.
It was currently evening and Ali, the painter, was getting ready to leave. Nader had to go train and I was left alone in the wondrous northern castle, still sitting in that damn seat.
"I didn't know the Alpha was your father," Ali pondered, "it would be gravely wrong for him to keep you a secret,"
I sighed, "I still wonder why I am a secret,"
"A father would only keep you a secret if it meant he was protecting you. No man would want to deny himself the glory of bragging that his daughter is the guard of all guards,"
"Protect me from what though?" I crossed my arms over my chest, "I can protect myself,"
"He's a father. In his eyes, only he can protect you,"
At those words my eyes snapped up to his.
"He didn't bother looking for me, Ali," I swallowed, "And how would you know?"
The old man smiled sadly, "I had a daughter- one just like you. Excellent warrior. The night of the war she died, but I didn't know she died until I went looking," He rubbed at his chest and paused, "maybe your father didn't look for you himself because he didn't want to find you dead. Sometimes I wish I was a little more ignorant and didn't go looking for my girly's body. I may have been a happy man if I didn't,"
I never considered that a possibility.
That he never looked for me because he didn't want me to be dead.
"I'm sorry for your loss,"
"Don't apologize. She's happier up there. Soon, I'll be with her,"
A smile rose to my lips, "What was she like-"
The sound of the door being slammed open stopped me from completing my sentence. Ali was so startled he dropped a jar of his paint to the ground. Thankfully, the lid was tightly shut, so none of the carpets were too awfully stained, but the sound was loud.
Father stride into the living room, face determined as he saw me seated at the couch.
"I know you don't want anything to do with me, Leila," Father straightened his back, trying his best to appear unharmed to me, "but the witch has awakened and she only wants to speak to you,"
I connected eyes with Ali and he gave me a knowing look; one that told me to be the bigger person.
Sighing, I looked back at dad, "Alright, I'm coming with you,"
-_-
What do you guys think?
Where did Luca go? Why was he wearing Armour? More importantly, why does Slaiman keep being such an aSŠ HONESTLY!! The witch finally woke up too. What do you think she has to say?
Isn't Nader so cute? I want one, pls.