"Your mother really enjoys sending you over with a batch of brownies." I noted, chuckling a bit at the sight of my blond haired friend, smiling widely with his infamous lip ring hanging from the side of his mouth, holding a batch of his mothers brownies. In attempt to make me feel remotely better about the situation between Calum and I, Liz has been sending post-breakup brownies to my house every day since. I appreciate them tremendously because free brownies are free brownies.
"Are you going to let me in or am I just going to deal with this erratic changing weather?" Luke joked, his cheeks flushed. I opened the door wider, snatching the pan from him as he helped himself in.
"Cookies this time," I remarked gleefully, "Go Liz." I stuffed my face with the first cookie, causing Luke to laugh slightly.
"You seem awfully happy." Luke smiled slightly, "Happier than I expected."
I nodded, opening the fridge to retrieve the carton of milk. "One could only cry and listen to a playlist featuring Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith, and Adele, for so long." I groaned, revisiting how I have been spending the last few of my nights, and occasional bathroom breaks in school, over the previous break up. "I ended things for a reason between Calum and I. I need this."
"And he needs you." Luke bluntly adds, stealing one of the cookies from the pan. I stare at him momentarily, sighing a bit because I knew that he was just looking out for one of his best friends. But I also need him looking out for me.
"How's his baby mama drama?" I bitterly responded, bringing up the whole reason why we broke up in the first place. Obviously it went deeper than just the Jenni problem, but there's certain battles that we just weren't meant to fight.
"She went to the doctor today for a sonogram. See how healthy the baby is and such." Luke informs me, helping himself to a glass of milk too. He stood behind me, his towering height a bit intimidating as I stood there and thought for a moment.
"I hope its a boy." I whispered, catching Luke's attention. I could feel him staring at me even though I wasn't looking back. "Calum always wanted a boy first. We talked about naming it Robin, well because I like the comics and -"
"Robin Hood would be a clever play on words." Luke softly chuckled, cutting me off. I turned around to face him and tried my best to smile, although I knew this whole situation was killing me. I wanted to believe that after the accident, after possibly losing my best friends and Calum, that we would be able to face anything. We could face death, but who knew that our relationship could just end by a good tug on a zipper by another girl.
He placed his glass down on the counter and looked back at me.
"Don't." I demanded softly, looking as he inched closer to me and I began to move away. "Don't, Luke."
He looked at me with eyes, nearly as sad as mine, trying his best to smile too. One arm of his gently grabbed a hold of my side, pulling me into his chest, the other sealing the hug. I stood there for a few seconds, not hugging back as a way to seem defiant, strong, rather than vulnerable and weak.
But I couldn't lie to Luke, or nearly mask how I was feeling. I could feel my chest giving up as I rest my head on his shoulder. Hesitantly, I raised my arms to hug him back, our breathes completely in sync with one another. I stared absentmindedly at the wall, my thoughts on another wavelength of its own. I could feel my whole face heat up as more thoughts rushed through my mind.
I backed away from the hug, wiping the brim of my eyes that were beginning to water and catching my breath.
"Um, have you talked to Ashton lately?" I coughed, trying to diminish the lump forming at the bottom of my throat. "I haven't heard from him since that day and some of things he was saying, it scared me."
I was trying my best to change the subject from Calum and I, and for once talk about someone else. Even I too found constantly being sucked into our own drama was nauseating. I miss talking to Michael about Bre-Elle, who happens to be his girlfriend now, or Ashton telling us stories about the little boy that he gives drum lessons to, or even Luke rambling on how he thinks the stars in the sky came to be. Any besides Calum and I.
"What did he say?" Luke asked, siting back down in the chair grabbing himself another cookie.
"Well," I went back to the day, which I was trying so desperately to forget. "He mentioned something about him wanting to die during the accident and how there were two people he really wanted to be with." I swallowed hardly, "I don't know who he could possibly be talking about, but yeah, I'm worried." I dug my clammy hands into my pocket in attempt to keep myself calm about Ashton's use of words. Luke on the other hand, stared coldly at his glass of milk he didn't even take a sip of. Luke was not too fond of milk in the first place, since it makes him extremely gassy.
"Abigail, he's talking about her." Luke smiled wearily.
"Abigail?" I questioned, recalling Ashton's girlfriend from years ago. "I haven't heard him mention her in, I don't know, two, maybe three years. I never knew why he left boarding school so abruptly and dumped her. She was good for him."
Way back when, Ashton had gone to boarding school on the other half of the world, literally. He wasn't doing so well here academically, so his parents packed his bags and shipped him off to some high end boarding school, called Hemsworth. He had gone for roughly over a year and at first, he would always tells us how things were there, especially with this new girl Abigail, who I believed was the only person he has ever loved. Then one day, the rest of the gang and I were having one of our monthly sleepovers and Ashton showed up on my door step. We'd thought it was the pizza we had ordered, but it was even a better surprise, despite his bruised knuckles and all.
He didn't speak much of his experience, or why he was back on such short noticed, and we never asked. Well at least I hadn't, I was just glad to have one of my best friends back.
Luke bit his tongue a bit, opening his mouth every so often, internally trying to find the right words to say whatever he was planning on saying.
"Abigail is dead, Scarlet." Luke spoke up, "She's been dead for a while now."
I shook my head in disbelief, gasping slightly. "What?! When?"
Luke gulped, looking up at me. "Before Ashton came back home. She died. Ashton never told me how and exactly when, but one night he got terribly drunk and called me up and told me. And I didn't say much, I just allowed him to say it as many times as he needed to in order to finally believe it himself."
"Okay." That was all I able to say, a sick feeling forming at the pit of my stomach. "Um, my dad is going to be here soon to pick me up. His weekend." I tried chuckling, trying to keep my sanity. "I need to pack and all." I inched towards the door, not looking back and Luke, who was putting on his coat. He wasn't able to say much or even retort at the fact that his stay was cut short. He turned around, pulling me in for one last hug, this time more meaningful than the other.
"I love you Scarlet." he softly whispers.
"I love you too Luke." I say back, smiling into his chest. I didn't think much of any of it, and grinned warmly when he placed a kiss on my forehead. I watched as he left and sighed.
--
"It's a girl." Ashton told me, it being the first thing he said when he had answered the phone. "A little baby girl."
"That's great for Calum and Jenni." I replied heartlessly, considering that was the absolute last thing I wanted to know at this exact moment.
"Well you sound a bit pissy." He sighed from the other end, talking another gulp of whatever he was drinking. His words came off a bit sloppy than usual, but I dismissed it.
"Sorry if I'm not too fond at the idea of my sort of ex boyfriend having a child." I retort, locking the door of my bedroom. so my father wouldn't be able to hear my conversation. I exhaled loudly, laying onto my bed. "How are you?" I asked because I was genuinely worried for him.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" his words slurred. He moved around a lot on his end, mumbling words every so often, and the sound of things crashing became louder each time. He fumbled on his words a bit too much, the sound of a can opening being the only clear thing that I heard.
"Are you -" I began, "Are you drunk right now Ashton?"
He started to laugh, hard and loudly, as if he had just heard the funniest thing to have ever been said. "I'd be lying if I said no." He hiccuped.
Annoyed, I cleared my throat to stop his little burst of laughter. I licked my dry lips as a sat upright, feeling dizzy from staring at my ceiling fan.
"Luke told me something very interesting today." I bit my lip nervously, not sure how to continue on. "About you."
Ashton scoffed, throwing the can across the room again, and opening another one. "Really, and what was that?"
"Um well." I began, dangling my feet off the edge of my bed. "I didn't know that Abigail was dead." I bluntly stated, not wanting to beat around the bush.
Silent arose as Ashton's laughter had stopped. A part of me wished that I was with him in this exact moment, staring at him face to face to really see how he was reacting to this. I couldn't imagine the thoughts rushing through his mind right now and I feel awful that I had no clue. It would make sense why Ashton wasn't completely the same after coming back, and how he sometimes he's not in the best of moods. For the longest time, I was unaware that one of my best friends dealt with a terrible loss, and I feel like a horrible friend.
'I guess you figured out who I wanted to be with," He spoke up, finishing the last of the alcoholic beverage he was indulged in. "Abigail and my child. I like to think it would have been a son."
I was a bit taken a back by the new information that Ashton had informed me on, all of this being overwhelming. "I-I didn't know that she was pregnant." My words coming off sincere.
"She was." He let out a stifled laugh. "Too bad she was a druggie and killed herself and the child. Great right?" I could hear him becoming a bit angry, even at his own sarcastic remark. "I hate Jenni, with the sickest passion." He grit through his teeth, "But I hope for the best with her child. I wouldn't want anyone to experience that."
I silently agreed, knowing that even though I was envious at the fact that she was having the child for the person I loved more than anything, I never would plague such a thought onto her. Even in the mist of it, it was still Calum's child nonetheless.
"Would you have forgiven Abigail, if you know, she survived?" I gulped. swearing at myself for even bothering to ask such a question.
"Probably, I don't know." He says lowly, "I would have. Oh, I would have been mad at her for god knows how long, but I loved her more than the sun loves the sky so, yeah."
I nod, taking it all it.
"You're going to have forgive Calum." He told me. I opened my mouth to say something, but he continued. "I know its hard right now, and it's a whole lot to adjust to, but he needs you more than you think Scar. This whole thing is killing him and he needs you."
"I know. I know, it's just." I was at a complete loss of words, torn between what is right and what my heart wants.
"Well let me ask you this," his words sharper than before, "Do you love Calum? And I don't say this lightly, I mean do you actually love him."
'Of - of course I do Ashton." I stammered on my own words. "I just don't think we'd be able to survive this. I don't know if I could do this anymore!"
"If you do love him, just as much as he does love you, you'll get through this." Ashton stated.
"You've survived worse Scarlet."
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i feel shitty for taking forever to update, but i have to possibly story lines for this so let me know if you actually want jenni to be pregnant or not <--- hint hint
twitter - @plvtonic