Chapter 40
Planting drugs to frame a man... it was not a good feeling. My guilt and especially my fear reached a new level (basically expert level at this point). If this worked and he goes to jail, I wasn't sure if I would be able to forgive myself. And if my plan didn't work... I would be so scared, I might have to run for the hills.
There were a few times I was tempted to go back into August's house and reverse it. I even considered just to telling Blake what I did. Hell, at this point, I would love to tell him everything. Hell, it was hard hiding things from him to begin with. Then, he revealed how much he trusted me (which I learned was difficult for him to do since his ex cheated). Knowing that made me feel worse and even more tempted. But damn, I just couldn't!
Unable to concentrate on painting, I decided I needed a break. Well, and more cigarettes. I just smoked my last one. With my stress, I've been running through my Pall Malls like crazy lately. So, after cleaning up a bit, I drove to closest store that had any – which was 20 minutes away and almost all the way back to the city.
On my way back home (and after power-smoking two cigarettes), I swung by the gas station to see Blake. It was kind of funny really; seeing him was just as effective as a cigarette. He lifted my stress and leveled any over-heightened emotions. Well, aside from desire and happiness. It didn't matter how upset or conflicted I was; the man was able to make me feel giddy every time.
Entering the humid gas station, I took in the sexy and scruffy man behind the counter. Blake was scanning a six pack of beer while chatting with the older gentleman buying it. When he saw me come in, a subtle smile reached his lips mid-conversation with him (to this day, I still found it weird how personal everyone was with each other around here).
After the man left, Blake caught my eyes. The black tee he wore showed off his arms when he extended them and rested his hands on the glass counter. "Good afternoon, ma'am, what can I get for you?"
"I don't know. It doesn't look like you have much," I said, approaching the 'stranger' behind the counter. "How about some air-conditioning in here?"
"Sorry, the manager doesn't allow air-conditioning."
"Really?"
"That's right."
"Well that's bullshit. Can I speak to this manager of yours?"
"Sure. One second." Gripping the counter as leverage, he dramatically spun in a circle, then casually rested an elbow against the counter. "Hello miss, one of my employees told me you wanted to speak with me?"
Unable to hold back a chuckle, I rested my arms on the counter across from him. Then, I spoke to the 'manager' I requested to see. "Yes sir, that 'employee' was being extremely rude. First, he told me I didn't deserve to have the air conditioning on in here."
"Wow, I see."
"He also was screaming, flipped me the bird, and even had the nerve to call me a prissy bitch...."
Sighing, he slowly nodded. "That sounds like something he might say to you."
"Oh excuse me?" I laughed.
He broke our little act and he laughed with me. Leaning into the counter like me, facing me full on, a sweet smile reached his lips. It was hard not eyeing the strands of his hair that dangled around his face. "So you decided to take a break from painting, huh?"
Resting my purse on the counter, I flashed my pack of Pall Malls. "Yes, but I also needed to go for a cigarette run. Which I had to buy. From a place that actually carried them. 20 minutes away," I teased since his gas station didn't carry my brand.
"Well hey, if you decide to leave and move out in a year, you won't have to deal with that again," he scoffed, glancing away.
Though his comment was nonchalant... there was a strain of tension in his face. Plus, I wasn't sure what to think of his words. They felt kind of out of nowhere. "Yeah... if I decide to leave after my lease is up. Like I said, I don't know yet."
"Right, yeah, I know," he brushed it off.
For how many awkward moments we have dodged... for some reason, this was not one of them – and I didn't know why. Hell, I wasn't even sure why it felt awkward to begin with. But despite his casual smile, his eyes had trouble returning to mine. It wasn't that noticeable, but... I could tell there was something on his mind.
After a moment of silence, he finally caught my eyes across from him, and they filled with sweetness. It was like that weird moment never happened. That sudden heaviness vanished and the teasing fun air returned.
"Oh, earlier today, I had a shipment come in. One of the biggest orders I've made in a while actually. Anyway, I had to clear out all the expired chips from the shelves if you want any," he offered, trying to swallow his amused smirk. He knew damn well what my answer would be.
"Yeah? You think I eat expired food?" I asked, cocking a brow.
"Food can still be good after it expires, Ruth."
"Then what's the point of an expiration date?" I challenged, loving these fun little fights.
"It's important, but it doesn't mean stuff is rotten the second it's technically expired." Straightening up, showing his bulky build more, a small smile relaxed on his lips. "Some day, I'm going to make you eat bread after it expires... and guess what, it will taste the same."
"Oh yeah? Well, good luck mister, you are going to need it," I bit my lip flirtatiously.
Eyes scanning over my face, he made a point to step back and away, leaning against the back counter now instead. "It will be easy – and I can't wait to rub it in your face when I succeed."
We went back and forth, over small stupid stuff like that, for a little while. It was always nice, having light-hearted chats like that with him. But all the while... that small weird moment didn't leave my mind. Why did he bring that up? About me leaving after my lease was up? He asked about it not long ago, but still, it was strange. Renewing my lease was forever away and not something I had time to think about.
Regardless, if that wasn't what was on his mind, it was clear something was. Though we kept up our teasing and playful talk, I was aware he was almost... cautious. He also spaced out in thought a few times too. I tried not over-analyzing anything though. For all I knew, he was just having an off day.
After he got a few costumers, and received some phone calls, I figured I'd leave him be. However, just as I was about to leave, I said, "Hey, you still coming by later to grab those paintings?"
"Oh, I forget to tell you. Something came up, I'm sorry."
"That's fine, no big deal."
And it was no big deal. Until later.
Later that day, I noticed Blake got home from work... at a normal time... and stayed home. There was zero indication that 'something came up.'
I kept waiting for him to leave or someone to come over... but that didn't happen. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood to come over? Maybe something unrelated to me was going on and he just wanted to stay home? I really didn't know – and I had to remind myself several times it was none of my damn business. It was difficult, not constantly glancing out my damn living room window. The last thing I wanted was to be like all my other nosy neighbors. Then again, I wasn't exactly being nosy if I was worried.
That worried increased when I noticed something: Blake finally left his house to go canoeing. Yes, it was a normal practice for him; he enjoyed going out on the bay later in the evenings. However, instead of eight or nine when he usually goes, I watched him cut through the trees towards his dock around 6:30. I've never seen him head out that early....
Well... I guess that was the 'something' that came up: early fucking canoeing. What the hell was up with him? Whatever was on his mind, I wanted to help him with it. Though he was always willing to offer a listening ear... I wasn't sure how he would respond if I tried doing the same. Yes, he was a very open person, but that was why I was reluctant. Why wouldn't he have already talked to me if something was wrong? I didn't know, and I tried not caring, but I couldn't help myself.
Around 10:30 that night, I slid on my flats and headed over there. Around seven, I forced myself to stop acting like Sid and stayed away from the window. But with how late it was, I figured he would be back from canoeing by now. He might even be asleep for all I knew; but it didn't stop me from knocking. I just wanted to be there for him like he was for me.
I realized though... he wasn't even home yet. 10:30 at night... and he was still on the bay! It was hard to believe; it meant the guy was canoeing for nearly four fucking hours! But it was clear that was the case after knocking several more times with no answer. Then, when I tried calling him... I heard his phone ringing the other side of the door faintly. I meant he left his phone behind... Jesus. Standing on his porch in the night heat, I was simply stunned. Why wouldn't he take his phone? He always had it on him. The whole thing was weird and made me even more nervous.
Sighing, I wandered back to the road and down to the boat launch at the end of it (yes, I was taking the long way to avoid the trees and bugs). Following the bank between the calm water and trees, crickets loudly filled the still air. So did the mosquitoes, which I annoyingly swatted at while looking out into the calm bay. Where was he? I didn't see him or his canoe. Well, not until my eyes grazed back ahead of me to his personal dock I was nearing.
His canoe was tied loosely to one the posts on the end, rocking gently in the water a few feet from the dock. Where was the man himself though? Confused and cautious, my pace immediately slowed while I continued until I reached the dock. Taking an even breath, focusing on the canoe... I stepped quietly onto the wooden planks. Then, my eyes found him.
Blake was laying on his back, across several of the flat bench seats in the canoe. Immediately, relief reached my lungs... but that confusion and worry didn't dim. Not when I took him in under the open sky and moonlight.
From where I stood above on the dock, I was able to see him fully. His shirt was cast aside, but his shoes and khaki shorts remained. It allowed me to see he was was completely covered in sweat – like so fucking drenched, it made the night light glisten against his skin. His eyes were shut, he was breathing hard, and he looked absolutely exhausted. Thanks to the wrinkles in his forehead... he looked distressed too.
With his eyes closed, it allowed me an extra moment to admire his slick and lean torso and bulky shoulders. His hair was wet from sweat and pushed back. Though I couldn't see it thanks to the limited light and his facial hair, I could tell his freckled cheeks were extremely flushed.
Thankfully, my confusion and surprise made it easier to ignore how fuckable he looked. Standing above him on the dock a few feet away, I finally broke the sound of the peaceful waves and crickets. "Blake?"
Eyes shooting open, he sat up and turned towards me. Just like that, his distress was forcefully gone. "Hey," he said, smiling. "Sorry, I just finished with... an incredibly intense arm workout."
He was always genuine, but right now, I knew that smile wasn't. Walking to the edge of the dock, thumbs fiddling together, I whispered, "What's going on?"
"Nothing, I just am... a little stressed and needed to get it out," he chuckled.
Wish I could have helped him get his stress out in a different way. God, I needed to stop being a perv. "You're okay though?"
"Yeah, it's no big deal."
I didn't want to push him... but then I remembered all the times he was persistent with me. Grabbing the rope tied to the post, I pulled the canoe in from where it drifted. When the side of the canoe pressed against the dock, I awkwardly managed stepping in – fuck, don't fall, don't – and plopping down across from him. "What's no big deal exactly?"
"Oh, nothing really, just... dumb stuff," he said lightly, but it was clear he was uncomfortable. Shoulders tense, he avoided my eyes by staring mindlessly out across the water. "Really, I'm good, you don't need to worry, and we can actually head in for the night. I'm sure it's later than—"
"Nope, you get to know how it feels." As if I knew what I was doing, I pulled the rope in and grabbed the ore handles.
"How what feels?"
"To have someone care so much, they bug the fuck out of you and won't leave you alone," I said half teasingly.
He finally looked back to me, lips tilting up in a real smile this time. He was still on edge, but seeing his shoulders relax, even just slightly, was satisfying to see.
So satisfying, I tried ignoring how difficult and awkward it was to paddle through the water. I mean just moving away from the dock was a bitch; the ores were way heavier than they look But I was determined to be strong, confident, and to be there for him. And make escape from me impossible. So I kept rowing... and rowing... fuck, this shit was hard! How was I suppose to keep the boat straight? Oh god, that's not right, I'm turning us around—
My bold and confident gesture was deteriorating with each row. There was nothing but silence as he just watched me struggle. Each stroke my arms made was more delayed, a little more clumsy, and required more muscle. And fuck, it sure didn't get us much farther out into the bay either! I could feel a blush rush through my cheeks. Though we were across from each other, I couldn't even look up to him, I was that embarrassed. After several yards, I was still zig-zagging and swirling sloppily in the bay.
Hearing a stifled hum from him, I finally glanced up to him. Of course, Blake was trying his hardest not to laugh. Eyes brimmed with amusement, his chest silently shook from the laughter he contained. It made me almost laugh too at my pathetic rowing.
"Stop looking at me," I said, trying to remain stern in my mission to take charge and help him.
"I really can't," he laughed, revealing an adoring smile.
"The canoe is just super heavy is all," I scoffed. "This is not my fault."
"Give me the fucking ores," he laughed.
"No, you are covered in sweat, you paddled enough for tonight!"
"It's better than watching this train wreck," he smiled, leaning forward to grab the ores from my hands. When his face nearly touched mine in the process... his eyes filled with so much warmth for me. It was quickly hidden when he sat down and took over rowing. "Don't be angry if I head back though."
"Oh, I will be angry, so you better not."
"But we really should be heading back. It's getting late."
"You didn't seem to care about that until I showed up."
"Alright, fine, we can stay out here, just not for long," he said. Lifting the paddles, he leaned forward and then rowed them back through the water. So effortlessly... unlike me.
As we moved further out, the crickets faded, replaced by just the soothing calm waters around us. "Are you going to tell me why you want to avoid me all of a sudden?" I asked, forcing my eyes to stay in his and not look over his gorgeous body. "Or is whatever you're going through too personal?"
Pursing his lips, he took a moment to answer. "I... I don't want to tell you. Not because I have anything to hide."
"Then why not?"
"It will make things... more difficult."
More difficult. It reminded me of our agreement... to stay away from each other more because we didn't want to tempt each other. Was that what he was referring too? It made me wonder if this issue actually had to do with me too – or if he was just scared of sharing it with me because it would bring us closer.
Whatever was on his mind... it made me even more curious. But looking at him, seeing him get lost in thought, I had to respect his wishes. After all, there were many I refused to share things with him. "Well, if you don't want to tell me, that's okay. Is there still anything I can do to help?" I said in a positive note. "If not... I guess if you really want, we can go back."
He didn't answer. All he did... was finally lock his gaze firmly and stare back at me. But his eyes changed. They captured mine and would not let go, swallowing them. Pursing his lips, getting lost in me, I noticed sweat formed along his forehead again from rowing. But despite me finally agreeing we could go back, his rowing didn't slow, stop, or move off track. He just continued to row, getting lost in my eyes. Seeing the warmth, the pain in them, it almost validated my question – that his issue did have something to do with his feelings for me. And all that did... was make my heart pound faster.
Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said. He knew I was here for him, to support him, but he couldn't share with me what bothered him. Not like it mattered at the moment. Whatever his issue was... got thrown out the window. Another issue was forming – and it was forming between us with each second.
The intensity was growing in his eyes as we just continued... staring into each others eyes while he rowed. It produced a thick and knowing air between us. One that kept growing, filling with need, filling with desire that helped us get lost in time and each other. My heart picked up – and I could see he started breathing more deeply as well. Just... getting... consumed.
"I think we should go back to the dock," I whispered.
"That's what I was trying to say earlier. I shouldn't be out here with you," he mumbled in a daze.
That wasn't exactly what he said earlier. However, he did try avoiding me – and avoid us spending time out here. It made sense why now. I didn't realize that being out here would only make it harder for him, but then again, it was now just as difficult for me not to jump him. I wish I listened to him earlier. If I had... I wouldn't be trapped in his eyes, wanting more.
Our eyes still locked, as if keeping us both prisoners. Dazed, I felt my chest flutter, and had to fight to stay in reality. "I... I want to help you with whatever you are going through. You're always there for me," I said softly.
"You can't help me with this," he said, arms straining as he rowed harder, eyes still deep in my soul. "And you being here right now definitely cannot help me."
I had a feeling his issue was with me, whatever it was, would only make it harder to accept that I couldn't be with him. "You know... it's just as hard for me to be out here with you too," I whispered.
"No, it's a little different for me. Right now, right this second, this is more than temptation."
"How?"
He didn't answer. All he could do... was stay consumed in our connection. It made it harder not to get fully swallowed into the blue of his eyes. But I was aware of one thing: he started rowing harder. He rowed harder than necessary, making fresh sweat glisten over his face and chest. I could see it matched the intensity growing in his eyes. The intensity, the building warmth, desire, and emotion aimed... aimed all at me.
It made my insides heat up, jumble, and vibrate with eagerness but also unease. It made me want to jump off the bench and onto him. It made me want to fulfill my need for him. And it made my heart hurt because I couldn't. I couldn't have him – and I couldn't even help him. Instead, I was just tempted to make it worse... I was tempted to kiss him and have him and be with him right this second. The desire drilled down into my body, from his loving eyes, to the center of my bones.
And I knew... he felt the same exact sensation. Blake was covered in sweat, eyes painful, and his body... tense and ridged. His hands were tight on the wooden ore handles, which he moved faster. The desire in his eyes grew and he still... still... refused to look away from me.
"Take a break, you're drenched in sweat again," I said, fighting to hang onto reality.
Body leaning forward and back with the strokes his tight arms made, he chuckled uneasily. "You don't want me to stop rowing."
Closing my eyes forcefully for a moment, breaking our connection, I took a deep breath. "Why? Come on, we're not in the middle of a race—"
"Ruth, if I take my hands off these ores, they are going somewhere else."
Wow. I've never heard such an... intimate warning before from this man. Never heard him speak with such a shaky and husky voice. It made it so much harder to keep myself pinned on this bench. .
Those words also displayed just how dangerous this was getting. I didn't realize how badly he was tempted right now. And considering he was the one with stronger willpower... I needed to be careful. But at the same time... it was all too much of a tease. It reeled me into those dangerous waters more.
"Where?" I whispered intimately, leaning closer and resting my arms on my knees. "Where would your hands go?"
"Don't," he warned, moving with his circling arms.
Lost in his eyes, I couldn't stop myself. "Just tell me... where would you put your hands?"
Staring at each other, his breath started to pick up along with the pace of his rowing. He painfully closed his eyes, and I didn't think he was going to answer. But when he opened them... they were filled with a new fire and a new pain fueling it. "All over your gorgeous body," he whispered in a groan as he rowed.
Oh god, his low voice send chills over my body. I couldn't believe he said that – and it made me greedy. "Then what?"
"Ruth, we can't—"
"We aren't. Words are words. Then what?"
He breathed unevenly, arms tightening with each row. "Then... Then I'd hold your beautiful fucking body to mine and feel every inch of you," he said, getting lost in my daze like I was his. It reflected in our dazed voices. "Feel all of you. Hold you in my lap and not stop kissing your lips."
My lips parted in a breathless gasp. "I wouldn't stop kissing you back. I would feel your slick chest and your strong arms on me. I would... I would wrap myself against you."
"I would feel that hair, that body, those lips. I would reach under those clothes you're wearing..." he said, voice catching painfully. "I would feel all of you – and I would have you. I... I would take you."
"You would take me? Right here?"
"Right fucking here," he said, gripping and rowing even faster, making more sweat drip.
"Right where you are sitting?"
"Yes, right where I'm sitting. Right in my lap," he said shakily with a clenched jaw, bare chest moving faster as we continued getting consumed in each other.
"Yeah? Take me after you take off every piece of clothing I'm wearing?" I asked, barely able to speak over my hard breath.
It was hard for him to respond. He just kept staring at me, painfully and full of desire and need, as he rowed harder and faster—
Suddenly, a loud vibration shook the canoe under us, bringing us to a sudden stop. It made him finally stop rowing too. We were so consumed, we had no clue where we were going – or that we just hit shore. Ironically, we landed just a short distance down the bank from his dock.
The second we stopped and the canoe hit the shallow bottom, Blake basically booked it. Breathing hard, feeling vulnerable, he shakily hopped out of the canoe into the ankle-deep dark water. Unable to afford looking at each other, he grabbed the rope, dragged the canoe until it was half onto the bank, then he quickly walked away. Walked down the bank towards his house.
Stunned, shook up (both inside, and yes, out), I couldn't move from where I was still in the canoe. Breath erratic, I just watched him move along the bank. His stiff, tense, and sweaty body turned into a shadow in the darkness as he moved into the distance. And the whole time... all I could think... was holy shit.
What just happened was so intense, so intimate and loving, and so dirty and sexy at the same time. I knew I should have felt bad; I did honestly to a certain degree. I mean I went out there to help him. Then that happened. I should not have tempted him like that. It was so wrong of me to play with words and make it worse. But really, that guilt could and would wait. I was just... too stunned and blown away by our words still.
Getting out of the canoe and walking home in a daze... the whole time, I replayed his words in my head. That husky voice, our eyes that never moved, and those dirty admissions. Ugh, it was so beautiful and so sexy! God, and we didn't even do anything. That was what was crazy. We were both left breathless and dazed, but it was because it was such a tease – and a confession to what exactly and specially we wanted to do with each other.
Yes, it was something I caused and was selfish for – but it was also a gift. Something I would play in my head over and over. Those words were as close as we could get to what we want without doing anything physical. But man, it almost got to that point. All because of my lack of willpower.
I just would have to have better self-control. Not sure how though. Even Blake almost broke – and he was the strong one! Hell, I was sure he would have if we didn't run into the bank. In a terrible way... in a selfish way... I almost wished for that. It was just getting harder and harder not to be okay with caving in. It was becoming more difficult not just... pouncing at the fucking dude! I wanted him so terribly, so badly, and clearly he was having just as hard of a time.
I could only hope next time I see him he was feeling better. Whatever he was going through clearly didn't help. God only knows though how we are suppose to just go on with our regular routine and lives after what we just said to each other.
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Well... that was for sure a fun one to write. Clearly, things are getting more tense between them. Anyway what do you guys think!