･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. .**.☽ .*
"I love Hogsmeade day," Eloise sighed, looking at her reflection as she ran her fingers through her loose, blonde curls.
"I like it too," Caroline murmured in agreement.
Eloise sighed and turned to look at Caroline who was sitting cross-legged on her bed, reading some French book that Eloise thought was a bit pointless...why would any Ravenclaw read random French books over studying?
"You only like it because it means you can stay at the castle and be all alone and read..." she said.
"You say that like it's a bad thing," said Caroline with a small smile, turning the page in her book.
"Come on, Caroline, Hogsmeade day is the best day! It's the day where we can actually spend proper time with our friends!"
"You know I get overwhelmed with everything, and you know that this day is the one day where I can be alone, recharge, clear my head," Caroline said, putting her book down and looking at Eloise for a moment, "I've said it before."
"You can clear your head with people-"
"I struggle with people, El, you know that." Caroline said quietly, picking up her book again.
Eloise sighed again, "okay, yeah, I know. I'm sorry."
Caroline just nodded, not averting her eyes from her book. Suddenly the air in the room felt a lot colder.
"I'm going," Eloise said after a few moments, "have a nice day."
"You too."
Caroline sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She knew she was different, that fact had been clear to her ever since she was very young. She was okay with it, she knew that she couldn't control how her brain was wired, but sometimes she just wished she was normal. She wished she could spend endless hours with people and not feel anxious and overwhelmed. She wished she found sustaining friendships easier. She wished she could be more laid-back and not obsess over random things. She just wished she was...like everyone else.
She left the dorms, book in hand. She had to get out.
She liked sitting outside, but only when there was no one else. It was peaceful. Hogsmeade days was when she sat out in the quiet courtyard, only having to ignore the odd 12 year old rather than the whole school.
But before she could get to the courtyard, she caught sight of Julian and his friends. A bright smile came to her face and she walked over to them.
"Hey!" He greeted her merrily as she approached them.
"Hi," she smiled. "Are you guys going to Hogsmeade?"
"Yeah, you should come with us!" Harrison said.
"No, Carrie won't," Julian said, as if she wasn't even there. "Carrie has a thing about Hogsmeade."
"Booo," Finlay jeered.
"A thing?" Will laughed.
"Come on, Carrie, come with us," Finlay said.
Harrison nodded and smirked, "I'm sure you'll have fun."
"What is this thing, anyway? Are you just bored of your friends?" Finlay asked.
She began to feel overloaded with all them talking at her at once, her heart was beginning to pound faster. And faster. She swallowed. Act normal, Carrie. Don't let them see you anxious.
She laughed lightly, "Look I don't have a thing, I just prefer staying at school-"
"Come on, Carrie, don't be such a spoilsport," Will said with a grin, putting an arm round her.
She felt her heart jump. She didn't like that. She didn't like when people touched her.
She shoved him off.
"Woh, hey!" He exclaimed, putting his hands up. "What was that for?"
"Caroline!" Julian said scoldingly.
"Hey look, we'll leave you two lovebirds-" Harrison said, making Finlay snort, which sent a pang through Caroline's chest, "-be."
Julian nodded, "Yeah okay, I'll catch up."
"Laters," Will murmured begrudgingly to Caroline.
They left. Caroline put her arms round to hug herself, gripping her sleeves so Julian wouldn't see her hands shaking.
"Why do you have to be like that, Caroline?" He asked.
She didn't say anything, just looked down at her feet.
"Caroline," he said, before putting both of his hands on her shoulder and raising his voice, "Caroline."
She flinched and looked up at him, before squeaking, "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," he sighed. "Are you sure you don't wanna come to Hogsmeade?"
She nodded, her whole body shaky now with his hands firm on her shoulders. She wanted them off but she was scared he would get mad.
"Fine," he let go, making her sigh in relief. "Can I kiss you?"
She looked up at him, slightly bewildered.
He took it as a yes.
After pecking her on the cheek he left her all shaky in the middle of the corridor.
She could feel her chest become heavier and heavier with each passing second, her anxiety weighing down on her until she felt her knees weaken. She decided to go to the bathroom.
She turned but something even worse was coming down the other way. It was a group of students, Hufflepuffs, harmless in a sense but there were just so many of them and they were just so loud. Caroline was already on the brink of a sensory overload but now...
They walked round her, but it felt like they were smothering her, like she couldn't breathe. The loud noise, the laughter, their talking was painfully loud for her and she had immediately become overwhelmed.
Once they had passed she walked to the bathroom, but it soon turned into a jog and then a run.
She sprinted into the bathroom, but her heart sank further at seeing a group of Gryffindor girls in her year at the mirrors.
"Are you okay?" One of them asked, a blonde one.
She tried to breathe but couldn't. She put her hand on the wall to support her.
She hadn't even realised before that she was crying but now, in a small bathroom with all those beautiful girls, she thought the mess that was Caroline Rutherford was now painfully obvious.
The tears streamed down her face in this uncontrollable way now. One of the girls had come over to help her.
"It's okay," the girl said, crouching down to her level.
And it was only then did Caroline realise she had sunk to the floor.
"What's wrong? Can we help?" She asked.
"No, I-" Caroline tried to take a breath but still struggled, "-I can't, I...I can't breathe..."
"Okay, it's okay," the girl sat beside her and gestured violently at her friends to leave the room, and they did.
So it was just her and Caroline.
"It's okay, you're safe, Caroline you're safe, breathe," the girl said. "It'll be okay."
Caroline gulped and took a few shaky breaths, wiping her eyes. The girl hadn't tried to hug her or touch her yet, and for that Caroline was grateful. She looked up and recognised the fiery hair of Lily Evans.
"Can I do something? Do you need anything?" The girl asked.
Caroline shook her head and hiccuped, before burying her face in her hands.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Lily asked quieter.
"I just-" Caroline sighed, and took her head out of her hands to look at Lily for a moment before looking away. "I got...I just got overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed...it's silly, I-"
"It's not silly," interrupted Lily softly. "It's not silly at all."
Caroline breathed in and exhaled shakily another time. She wiped her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said to Lily. "You can go to your friends now, I'll just go back to my common room."
"Now that's silly," Lily said, before standing up and holding out a hand to Caroline. "Come on, the kitchens are close, you probably need a glass of water or something."
Caroline looked at her hand for a moment, but didn't take it.
"Okay," she said, and stood up without Lily's help.
Lily didn't seem fazed.
They walked out of the girls bathroom to the kitchens together. Caroline was still slightly shaky, but she was calming down. She was glad to have company for once. Usually she would deal with this alone, but she was realising now that maybe it was better for her when she had help.
"Thank you," she said to Lily who shook her head and smiled.
"It's okay," the girl said, before looking down at her badge. "Hey, how are you finding prefect duties?"
"I'm not a fan of the late nights," Caroline admitted, smiling unsurely.
Lily laughed, "neither."
"But overall it's quite nice, I was happy to be chosen," she said, looking down at the blue badge shining importantly on her lapel. "Both my Dad and my brother were prefects and then head boys."
"Really?" Lily seemed surprised.
"Yes," Caroline chuckled softly as they got to the painting in front of the kitchens.
Lily reached up and tickled the pear which squirmed before the painting swung open from the wall, revealing the kitchen behind it. They stepped through together and waited patiently for one of the busy house elves to be free.
"So do you fancy being head girl then, because of your Dad and Brother?" Lily asked Caroline curiously.
"Yes," Caroline nodded, before laughing, "my brother's already on the way to becoming the Minister of Magic, so being Head Boy mustn't have been a bad thing for him."
"Wow," Lily laughed. "Your family sounds amazing."
"They're definitely an interesting group," Caroline nodded, even managing a small laugh herself.
"Are they all wizards?" Lily asked.
"My Mum's a muggle," Caroline said, to which Lily nodded understandingly.
A pop made them both jump and they looked at the elf standing in front of them.
"Hi," Lily said with a bright smile at the elf who's eyes shined hopefully up.
"Can Jerry be of any help to the young ladies?" The elf squeaked.
"Just two glasses of water, if that's okay," Lily said, before turning to Caroline. "Are you hungry?"
"Oh, no, not really," she shook her head, but the redhead wasn't convinced.
"And two choc-chip muffins if you have them?" Lily asked the elf. "You know the ones we get on Sundays? Even though it's a Saturday?"
"Of course, Miss!" The elf exclaimed happily. "Right away, Miss!"
"Thank you-" Lily began to say, but the elf had already disappeared again.
They waited again, looking round at the busy elves. Caroline wrung her hands nervously, but was pleased to see that at least they had stopped shaking.
"Are your family wizards?" She asked Lily who looked over at her.
"All muggles, I'm the first witch in the family," she said, smiling proudly.
"Wow, it must have been scary going into first year just...being so new to it all," Caroline said.
"Eh, I got used to it pretty quickly, I like to think I'm quite an adaptable person," Lily said.
The elf popped in front of them again. He had two muffins and two glasses of water floating in front of him.
"Oh, thank you," Caroline said, taking the waters.
"You are very welcome!" The elf squeaked happily. "Do the young ladies want anything else?"
"No, thank you," Lily said, smiling kindly at the elf.
The elf nodded before disappearing again.
The girls left the kitchens after both of them was holding a muffin and a glass.
"Wanna sit out in the courtyard?" Lily asked.
"Aren't you going to Hogsmeade?"
"No, well I was trying to get out of it anyway."
"Are you sure?" Caroline asked.
"Of course," Lily nodded. "I feel like you need a friend today, or at least this morning."
"Well," Caroline looked at her feet and smiled at the warn feeling in her chest. "Thank you."
"How are you feeling, by the way? Any better? Lily asked.
"Mm," she nodded. "A lot better."
"I'm glad," Lily smiled.
"If I knew how good someone could be at calming down in the middle of one of my meltdowns I would have befriended you years ago," Caroline joked.
Lily laughed, "well you can count on me for friendship and helping you out from now on, yeah?"
Caroline smiled up at her, a genuine smile, "thank you."
"And in exchange you'll let me in on your secrets on how you're so good at charms?"
"Never."
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. .**.☽ .*