"Now or Never, No Surrender"
As my mother and I awkwardly sit across from one another at dinner, I can't help but internally cringe each time she glances up at me. It's obvious she wants to discuss what happened with Liam, which is understandable since she walked in on a supposed happy couple screaming at one another. If I was here, I'd be concerned as well.
All hell broke loose when I told the long-haired boy to go home, resulting in numerous holes in walls broken decorations that we would no doubt have to pay for. Liam lost his shit, and part of me doesn't blame the poor guy. I led him on for two years, making him think we would someday have the perfect little suburban family and a country club membership.
That's not me though. It never will be.
"Mom." I frustratedly place my fork down on my plate, half tempted to leave the awkwardly tense room to get some fresh air. She has yet to say a work, and that alone makes me worry. I'd rather the woman scream at me than be silent.
Rhys is sat on his chair a few feet away, face covered in remnants of his mac n' cheese. To be that young and innocent again would be a blessing right now.
"Are you going to tell me what happened? I have to tell the rental company something Rose." The older woman sighs, running a hand through her graying hair. It's obvious she didn't need this added stress, but of course I couldn't wait until I was back in New York to cause problems.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I unconsciously tapped my fingers on the wooden table. "Mom, Liam and I just weren't working out, okay? There have been issues recently and he freaked out because I was on the phone with someone."
"Was that someone Dave honey?" She asked, a knowing look on her face.
All of the color must have drained from mine because worry takes over her features as she stared at me. My hand stopped moving mid beat and I did what I could to swallow. "And if it was?"
"He had a right to be mad then." She sighs. "I don't blame you though, Liam is a pretentious know it all."
Both of my hands move up to my hair, lightly pulling on the roots. "We've been talking since Christmas and I flew out to California in February to help with their album. Nothing happened, it almost did, but I swear I stopped him."
"Did you tell Liam what you were doing over there, or have you kept all of that information under wraps?" Her dark eyes are haunting as they stare at me from across the small table, clearly reading into every move I make.
Since we rekindled our relationship in 1994, my mom and I have created this unbreakable bond that can be a blessing and a curse at times. She can easily tell when I'm lying or tense now, which makes it hard to formulate a response that isn't self-incriminating, but maybe it's time I actually share the truth with someone.
"No mom. No one knows about Dave." I bring my hands up to rub my eyes before looking back at her. "I haven't even told Amelia about my relationship with Dave and she's my best friend. I just don't feel ready to trust them with that. It's sensitive information and telling you was already hard enough."
Tears prick at the corner of my eyes, the shame of what I have been doing to Liam finally setting in. It was only a matter of time before my heartless exterior broke and now that it has, I can only imagine how returning his stuff will go.
"Rosemary..." My mother's calm voice speaks up as she rounds the table to place a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "You aren't a bad person for not telling your friends, okay? That's personal information and I wouldn't share it either if I was in your shoes. I was just curious to see if you trusted Liam enough with it, and you obviously didn't. That alone tells me the relationship was doomed."
My face falls into my hands as my elbows rest on the hard table in front of me. "I'm such a fuck up mom. I'm sorry."
"Rose, stop that." She sighs, rubbing her hand up and down my back. "Tell me this, did you ever see a future with that boy? Did you see the white picket fence and the dog and kids running around?"
I shake my head 'no'.
"Exactly, did you ever see those things with Dave though?" This causes my body to stiffen, and while I didn't see it, the woman smiled. "Do you still want those things with Dave?"
A choked sob escapes my mouth as I think back to the small taste of domestic life I got with Dave while in California. The dark-haired singer messes with my head and that alone bothers the hell out of me. How am I supposed to move on when all I can think about is him? Three years and nothing has helped.
"I'd never tell you how to live your life ever again, you know that. However, I think it's time you try to forgive the guy and at least fix your friendship. You're never going to be able to move on if you don't have closure and seeing a magazine article about him marrying another woman isn't closure honey." I knew she was right but couldn't admit it to myself.
Dave and I are keeping one another from finding happiness, whether it be together or apart. He said it himself, he almost didn't go through with his wedding because of me and then proceeded to cheat on his wife because he wasn't happy in his marriage...
"How could I possibly get closure now mom?" I sit up straight, almost knocking my chair over in the process. "It's three years too late now. We kind of just agreed to start fresh."
My mother shakes her head as I get to my feet. "Rose, just because you white out a few words on a piece of paper, it doesn't mean they've disappeared. Someone can easily some along and scrap the covering off down the road. You and Dave won't truly fix this unless you guys come clean to each other about everything..."
"Stop being so logical for once, would you?" I throw my hands up in frustration, squeezing my eyes shut. "It's not so simple mom. Our lives are so different now. We're different people than we were three years ago."
The older woman holds her ground though, placing her hands on her hips as she stares me down. "If the two of you are so different now, then why are you still in love with each other? Answer that for me." Silence fills the room and after a few failed attempts as responding to her question, my mother smirks.
"That's what I thought." My mother sighs, "When Dave came by that day, he apologized to me Rose. He felt terrible for what he put you though and said he deserved what you did to him. He blames himself for everything and you say the exact same thing. The two of you are trying to formulate this 'new' relationship overtop the broken glass of your last one."
Before I have the chance to respond, my little brother tugs lightly at my hand, pulling my attention away from the heated discussion. The sight of his confused face causes all of my anger to subside. "RoRo can you please stop yelling at mom?"
"I-" The fact that my six year old brother had to step in makes me sick, a silent reminder of the days where I stood in his shoes. Kneeling down, I place a shaky hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Rhys..."
More tears threaten to fall as the young boy threw his arms around my body, holding on as tightly as his small arms could manage. "Don't cry. Hugs stop people from being sad, that's what my teacher told me."
"Yeah?" I choke back a sob and hide my sadness with a smile, brushing my fingers through his salty curls. "Your teacher would be right."
With a sigh, our mother takes a seat in my chair, tears in her own eyes as she watches us interact. "Sweetheart, I'll love you no matter what you do, but if you don't fix this soon, you're going to tear yourself apart from the inside. Dave wants to fix your relationship, but he's just as scared as you are."
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July 8, 1997
Toronto, ON
The dark clouds above are a clear indication of the coming rain, giving off the appearance of Seattle, Washington rather than the large eastern city of Toronto. Even the vibe I got when departing the airplane screamed 'Welcome to SeaTac', making me wonder if I accidentally boarded the wrong flight.
For the rest of my life, the Pacific Northwest and all of its memories will no doubt haunt me, just like Downtown DC does anytime I visit my mom. Both cities helped mold me into the girl standing here right now; the one awkwardly waiting in a crowded terminal for her ex-fiancé to pick her up. The same girl who vowed to never let herself get sucked back into the black hole known as Dave Grohl again, but here I am.
If it wasn't for my mother's push, I probably would've bailed on this trip altogether. She believes that stepping out of my comfort zone is the only way to mend things, but as I stand in the middle of Toronto's crowded airport, I can't help but regret my decision.
"Damn it, where are you Dave?" Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let out a groan and once again scan the area in search of the brunette man. He was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago, and I can't help but worry that he forgot I was coming.
"Rosemary!" The sudden voice causes my head to snap up, blue eyes moving around the crowded room in search of the face to match it. Heads of brown and blonde hair can be seen pushing through the departing crowd of strangers and before I know it, Dave's strong arms wrap around my shoulders, pulling my body flush against his.
A familiar feeling of safety surrounds me as I dig my fingers into his black polo shirt, tucking my face into his chest to enjoy this little moment. He claimed he missed me in that voicemail from London, but his intoxicated state was enough to convince me otherwise. I thought he was just drunk and horny, but maybe he actually did miss me...
"How was your flight?" He pulls away from the hug first, forcing me to loosen my grip on his shirt. "I'm sorry we're late. Taylor wouldn't let me leave without him."
Dave's hair is the first thing I notice when he smiles down at me, his once short locks are now longer and frame his face perfectly, giving off the appearance that he's in his early twenties still. "It was okay. Not very eventful if I'm bring honest."
"Good, I'm glad." His brown eyes do a quick once over on me, ensuring that nothing is out of place before turning to his blonde counterpart. "So, this is-"
With a chuckle, I step away from Dave, jumping into the young drummers outstretched arms. Taylor sways us back and forth for a minute before ruffling my hair. "You really haven't changed a bit, have you?"
"You're one to talk Hawkins, the only thing different about you is that you cut your hair." I lightly shove him away, attempting to fix the frizzy mess he created. "Still the same surfer boy walking around in swim trunks I see."
Once my hair is situated again, I take a step back so I can look at both boys. "You two know each other?"
Taylor smirks and I just laugh, thinking back to the night Shelli and I snuck off to the small dive bar in Los Angeles because she needed a break from her husband. I almost forgot about my short encounter with the blonde man until one afternoon a Buffalo radio station announced his addition to Alanis Morissette's tour lineup.
"Oh, you know." Taylor teasingly wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling my body into his side as he stares at the singer. "Just one of my old conquests- Ow!"
His yelp brings a smile to my face, glad that the small pinch made him feel something. I shake my head and once again push the blonde man away from me. "We met in LA when you were recording Nevermind. Shelli and I went to a bar and Taylor just so happened to be there."
"Some groupies were being mean to your girl, so I swooped in and saved her." He pretends to brush dirt off his shoulder, "You're welcome by the way."
"Oh, thank you so much Taylor, you're my hero. How ever will I repay you?" I sarcastically glare at the man next to me before returning my full attention to Dave who seems lost in thought.
It's obvious that he's trying to decide if Taylor's hook up comment was truly a joke or not, but he shakes it off and replaces his worry with a smile. "Well, if you two are friends, then you'll be happy to know that he's joining the band."
"Oh shit..." While I may have joked about the collaboration years ago, I never believed these two would get together and make music. Rather than voice my worry, I shake my head at the two males. "Poor Nate has to deal with not one, but two spazzes now. Please tell me he's not dead in a ditch somewhere."
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I have two more chapters for you guys, but I'm rewriting one haha
Was going to post all of them at the same time, but here you go!