JAXON 42
"Scalpel..."
THE whole room was silent, and the loud beeping sounds from different machines was the only thing that can be heard after Jaxon said it. Russel handed him the scalpel and it took him a second staring at it before accepting the scalpel with trembling hands.
His gaze turned to Macey, and he took a deep breath behind his mask before moving his right hand, making an opening to Macey's flesh. He might be trembling, and it almost took 7 years before he got a hold of his scalpel again, but the moment he made the opening, not a single drop of blood come out.
It was his stepping stone before he became the chief of Cardiothoracic Surgeon when he was still a doctor. He got known for his ability to make an opening without blood. His mother was a cardio as well, and taught him a lot of things.
"Still your trademark." Adriel seem to be amazed not seeing blood to Macey's opening.
Hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi nito. "Open." He demanded and Andrea grabbed the forceps right away, and that's the moment the blood gushed out of Macey's body.
"Suction."
Jaxon looked at the monitors, and he can see Macey's BP is dropping and she's still under Tachycardia. Sunod niyang tinignan ang status ni Macey, and he felt a little bit ease when he saw that there's no any vital part that was damage, except the heart but then when he looks at another screen monitor, it almost hit her liver.
Tumingin siya kay Spy, at Adriel. "Work on other GSW."
The two both nodded their heads, before looking at Dra. Calista. He felt a lump on his throat as he look at the Doctor. He's a doctor, and he knows how the patient's status in just one look. He's losing hope, but there's always a miracle and he's praying for one. Just for Macey to live, and their baby to survive. He already promised himself that after this, the moment he'll step out of this operating room, he'll going to face everything.
"Please...work on my child's safety..."
Dra. Calista nodded her head, but he can see in her eyes the defeat.
He avoided their gaze, and he started to work on Macey's wound as well when the suction's already done with Macey's blood. He saw Macey's heart, slowly beating as it gushed out small blood.
Continue beating, please.
I'll make up everything that I did.
Promise.
Just...continue beating for Jayda and I.
Russel handed him the things that he needed to take out the bullet carefully. He recalled everything that he knows as his hands move as if it has its own mind. He concentrated, closing his mind, and not letting any emotion overtook him, but then, when he moved his hands again, a deafening sound surrounded the whole room, and blood spurted out of Macey's heart.
Fuck.
He tried to be calm as he spoke. He saw how Andrea's hands trembled. "W-we need more plasma..." Andrea looked at Chin.
"Vital signs?" he asked, while his hands busy on the suction.
His heart started to beat fast.
Don't give up.
Don't...leave me.
"They're dropping..." as Jaxon heard that, he looked at the monitors himself, and the sound hasn't gone yet. He tried to compose himself again.
He looked at Andrea. "Fucking concentrate."
Andrea nodded her head.
They heard another set of alarm. "Her heart beat stops..."
"Damn it..." he cusses. "Heart Defibrillator." He commanded in the middle of the noise. Kaagad iyong iniabot sa kaniya ni Russel. Spy and Adriel stopped on their task, and helped Jaxon do his thing.
"Charge!"
The electricity of the defibrillator ran through Macey's heart once, but it didn't beat. Unti-unti nang namawis ang kamay ni Jaxon dahil sa nangyayari. Bullets of sweat ran through his forehead but he didn't mind it.
"Again." He positioned himself. "Charge!"
Another wave of electricity ran but it didn't beat like how it should be. The machine connected to Macey still forms a straight line.
No...
Please...
Macey, come back to me.
Please.
I can't lose you.
"Again, fuck." He looked at Adriel. "Charge!"
"J-jaxon..."
"Fucking do it!"
For the third time, another wave of electricity ran through, but he can still hear the sound of straight line coming out from the monitor.
I won't give up.
Not this time.
Like how you didn't give up on me.
"Charge."
He felt the vibration of the Defibrillator, and he heave a deep breath when he saw the slow beats of Macey's heart, and the slow beeping sound of the Machine. Sabay sabay silang napapikit ng ilang sandali.
That's more like it, Stubborn.
Come back to me.
He looked at them, and nod his head. "Let's get back to work..."
They all did, but then, before he could move his hands, Dra. Calista spoke.
"The baby's gone."
Lahat ay napalingon kay Dra Calista, bukod sa kaniya na tanging paghigpit lang sa hawak na instrumento ang nagawa. He felt numb all of sudden.
"Dra, baka nagkakamali ka lang." Spy tried to ask.
"Can you check on it again?" Russel asked, glancing at him.
Andrea was about to speak up as well but he butt in. "I said let's get back to work." He said full of authority and all they can do was to follow his orders. Dra. Calista gives way for them to finish the surgery.
"Vitals?"
"It's getting back to normal..." mabilis na sagot ni Chin.
"Good..." that's all he said.
After hours of operating, the three bullets finally clink against the stainless basin, and the doctors he's with sighed in relief as a sign that it was already successful. It took them almost 10 hours to finish the whole surgery, and before he found himself doing the surgical knot.
"Cut."
Adriel looked at him. He stopped. He nonchalantly looked at him. "Kami na rito..." he looked back. "Asikasuhin mo na si Baby Jayda..."
Wala sa sariling napalingon siya sa isang table. There's a rectangular stainless container there, and his heart clenched the moment she saw it. Dra. Calista already left the operating room after she was finished her procedures to Macey a while ago, and he didn't think of it and concentrated saving Macey, but he knows to himself that he wants to stop the doctor, and beg him to revive their child.
He almost had no strength while walking towards the table. He immediately saw the droplets of blood few meters away from the table as he walked towards it. Tears slowly formed in the side of his eyes, and slowly, he finally saw what's on the table.
It almost looked like huge clotted blood, but he knew better.
It's his daughter.
He can't clearly recognize everything, but the spooning position of the blood, he can recognize the head, arms, the body and the lower body of the baby. Of his Child, baby Jayda.
"Jayda..." he called out of nowhere, and all he can do was to cry loudly as his hand rested on the table. He can't even get himself hold the baby, afraid that he might hurt her, even though Jayda's already dead and out of Macey's womb.
He completely blames himself as he cry loudly, and even Macey's friend stopped and can't control shedding tears. Feeling painful of losing Jayda, and pitiful as Jaxon cried because he lost his child, not able to do anything.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." he cried out. "Jayda...Jayda..."
Unti-unti siyang napaluhod sa sahig.
If I just can turn back time.
I will listen.
If I only could...
"Mi Dispiace..." he sobbed. "Jayda...I-I'm s-sorry... please....Jayda...."
This is all my fault.
If I only trusted her.
If I only choose you early.
If I only didn't mind the anger and fear.
If only...
Maybe you're still alive.
***
Melmar was outside the operating room, and he meet them, helping Russel and Adriel pushing Macey's bed out of the operating room, while Jaxon just walking slowly, his surgical gloves already wore off, but his mask is still on his face. Kaagad silang sinalubong nila Candace, Nami at Trisha.
"Russel! Kamusta siya? Anong nangyari? Ligtas na ba? Okay na? Gising na ba—"
"Gising amputa, kitang kaka-opera lang e."
"Shut up!"
Russel sighed. "She'll stay in the ICU, under observation."
"Bakit sa ICU?! Hindi pa ba siya okay?" Candace asked.
It was Spy who answered, looking tired. "Okay na siya, kailangan lang nasa ICU siya para mamonitor, at dahil kagagaling niya lang sa major surgery..."
The boys pushed Macey's bed out of the operating room, but Jaxon couldn't walk anymore as he feels himself already giving up again. Kung hindi pa siya hinatak ni Chin patayo ay patuloy lang siyang iiyak sa harapan ng anak niya. The employees of the hospital asked Adriel, and Russel how's Macey. They looked so worried and concerned as if Macey's really important to them.
Of course, she is.
Macey didn't show any bad deeds to them. Macey didn't show any rudeness to them even they went wrong to their assigned work. She would always ask them what's the problem, and what's their reason. They never heard her shout out of anger, and Macey's kind of approachable boss to them, treating them as a concerned friend not as an employee.
Macey may be the owner of the hospital but she never showed any intimidating aura even to janitors and body guards. Ito pa nga ang nauunang bumati sa kanila at nagtatanong kung kumain na sila o nagpahinga na ba. Since the time they know her, she's always kind, and they started to love her, not because of what she can do but because of her warm hear.
They're worried of her, as a friend, an idol, not because they fear of losing their jobs.
Macey never hesitated to help them, and always try to understand them. She's always willing to listen.
But then when the time she needs to be heard... no one was there.
When she looks understanding, she can't find it.
When the time she needed help, and saving, it became a chaos.
She became a disturbance.
Jaxon sat outside the emergency room's waiting area. He slowly removed his mask, as everyone left to attend to Macey. Napasabunot siya sa buhok niya habang unti-unti na namang namamasa ang mata niya. Hindi nawala sa isip niya ang itsura ng anak niya. He can't even remove it in his mind, and his heart was like being stabbed every second, making him blame himself.
It was too painful for him, losing his child inside the operating room, where in he is the chief.
Hindi niya alam kung may galit ba sa kaniya ang operating room. The place seems to be enjoying itself taking away the most important people in his life.
Anak ko yun e.
Si Jayda iyon...
How could I not save her?
"Hey..." he heard a female voice. Crying, he looked up to see it was one of Macey's friend, Nami whose smiling at him, with sympathy and pain in her eyes.
Nami handed her a styro cup of coffee, habang ito ay may hawak na mogu-mogu. "It's almost midnight, kape ka muna."
He just looked at Nami for a moment. "Why are you here?"
Nagkibit balikat lang ito. "May vendo machine rito, kapeng kape na ako."
Iniwas niya ang tingin kay Nami, at hindi niya tinanggap ang kape na inaalok nito. He just sat there, staring blankly.
Nami sat beside her. "Thanks for saving my best friend, by the way..."
"I couldn't even save our child, so why thank me?" he asked, sounding sarcastic.
"You saved our friend, at kung wala ka, baka nabawasan na ang mga kaibigan ko..."
Hindi na lang siya sumagot.
Please save our baby. Kahit si Jayda lang... That was Macey's last word before she closed her eyes.
Hindi niya alam kung paano haharapin ang dalaga. Macey's last worry was Jayda, and he couldn't save their child. Even avenge them. He can't do anything but to stare, mourn and cry. He failed her.
Hindi niya alam kung paano sasabihin.
He doesn't even know how Macey would take it. Nakita niya sa dalaga kung paano ito naging matapang sa kaniya, at paano siya nito pinalayo para lang sa kaligtasan nila. She loved Jayda more than him, and he knows that Macey would never accept the fact the she lost her own child.
Macey would go nuts.
She'll surely lost herself.
"Macey was a victim of domestic violence when she was a kid..." napakurap siya nang magsalita si Nami sa tabi niya. He glanced at her for a second and Nami was playing with the bottle while looking at the floor.
"Nagalit kasi si Candace noong binatukan siya ni Trisha ng malakas. Candace was so furious, and that's how we learned about her, and who she is. Candace and Macey was originally best friends since...grade school, if I'm not mistaken..."
"...Macey was full of bruises on her arms and legs. Hindi rin makalakad ng maayos dahil sa pilay. That's what Candace told us. Bagong lipat sila Macey 'non, at hindi pa namin siya kilala, but Candace said that she was surrounded with body guards wherever she goes, so when we met her at med school, takot sa kaniya at kay Candace dahil sa body guards niya."
"Pero tangina kasi, lampa ako 'nung nasa medschool, syempre, puyat, nahimatay ako sa harap niya, and she was too kind to bring me to hospital, and took care of me and my bills. Then nagumpisa nang mabuo 'yung friendship naming sampu, pero nagtatakha kami, sometimes, Macey would go missing for days, and came back with bruises. Macey would always lie to us, then Trisha pulled her hair out of irritation and Candace just snapped, then they told us that Macey is a Mafia Princess," Nami chuckled. "And she's running away from it."
Natigilan si Jaxon sa sinabi niya. "Macey told us everything. About her mother as well. 4th year pa lang kami sa pre-med, graduating at on the way sa mismong medical field nung nalaman namin lahat. She doesn't want to be part of Black Coffins. She can't kill anyone. She hates taking life, and making illegal deeds... at sa tuwing pipilitin siya ng pamilya niyang gumawa ng mga ganoong bagay, tumatanggi siya, the she would face punishments...and it was a routine. She chose to be a doctor so she could pay for the lives her family had taken away, but then her family wanted her to be a doctor so she could be a researcher to counter part your Altera Vita."
"... then her grandparents... They tried to hide her, but sometimes, nahahabol siya. Schoolmate kasi namin iyong hudas niyang kuya e, last year of medyear na, kaya paalis na rin. Tangina 'non." Nami sighed. "Then...Macey told us about her crush, palagi naman iyong may crush sa sa Law department, pero nagulat kami, sa med department may crush siya, she told us that she was being chased by her older brother, and her crush saved her...'
Kaagad na bumilis ang tibok ng puso niya sa narinig. He tried to reminisce the time he saves someone when he was still in med school. It was a petite woman with full bangs, and thick eye glasses. Iyon din ang babaeng palagi niyang nakikita niya noong nasa internship siya, at kahit nagta-trabaho na siya sa Mondaragon's Hospital.
And he suddenly remembered what Macey told him back then.
"We met a lot of times, but I don't look like the Macey that I am now..."
It was also the girl... who hugged him in the operating room when Maxine died.
"You..." hindi niya alam ang sasabihin. "Was it Macey?"
It was her all along.
Ang tagal niyang hinanap ang babaeng 'yon.
Nasa paligid niya lang pala. Sobrang lapit lang sa kaniya nito, pero sinasaktan niya pa.
He was busy looking so far, and he didn't even realize that what he's looking for is just waiting to get noticed.
Damn this life.
Nami just smiled. " Then Macey didn't show up for about two weeks after that. And we got worried of her...when she came back, as usual, she's full of bruises and she had a cast on her arm. Then she told us about the deal between her father and her brother."
Tumingin sa kaniya si Nami. Napailing ito. "They would let go of Macey, as long as she will be able to get the Altera Vita all by herself... and she would do it by going undercover. The medicine was handed to you even you're not part of the mafia yet. She wanted to go back when she learned that it was you. Ayaw niya kasi...for the first time, someone saved her. Someone...protected her. Someone was there for her when she needed saving. Ayaw niyang traydurin ka, but she pushed through. Gusto niyang makalaya sa pamilya niya e. So she just promised herself that after niyang makuha 'yon, babawi siya sa'yo. Susubukan niyang...suyuin ka.
"...but as time goes by, she had a hard time. Ilang taon nang naghihintay ang kapatid niya at ang tatay niya. She would always go missing, and she'll be back hurt again. Hindi niya magawa kasi mayroong Maxine. Macey respected your relationship even though all through the years, she loved you. Hindi niya kayang manira ng relasyon. Alam niya kung gaano kasakit 'yun kasi wala siyang pamilya."
"Hanggang sa nainip na ang kuya niya. They got Macey again, but didn't hurt her for the first time they got her. Macey couldn't complain, and...they brought Macey to the concert where Maxine was... and she was killed in front of Macey...as a birthday gift so she wouldn't have a hard time coming near you."
Jaxon couldn't say anything. He just keeps on listening. Pahigpit ng pahigpit ang pagkakayukom ng kamao niya habang pinapakinggan kung paano nahirap si Macey sa sarili niyang pamilya. "And that's where Macey snapped. She was diagnosed of Post Traumatic Disorder, and it took her a year to regain herself, Jaxon. That's when her family stopped hurting her. Someone backed her up, that's why until recently, they couldn't touch Macey. And the rest is history..."
"But why...why did she have the Altera Vita?" he asked.
Nami sighed. "I'm not in the position to tell you. But all I can say was, you should have trusted Macey. You should have felt her genuine emotion towards you. She finally pursued you because she's finally free. You should have felt her love. You should have recognized it first, than calling her traitor."
Tumayo na ito. "Truth doesn't always work. It's the trust that makes it work." She paused. "You already know the truth, but you didn't trust and had a faith on her...and on her feelings."
Hindi siya nakasagot.
"And you're probably confused why I'm telling you these..." lumunok ito. "Because you never listened to her. She tried so many times, but it fell on deaf ears... Ako na lang ang gagawa 'non para sa kaniya. Kaya mong makinig sa ibang tao. Madali kang maniwala sa kalaban mo, pero yung mismong taong mahal na mahal ka, at taong alam nating mahal mo, nagbingi-bingihan ka...Ilang beses niyang pinatunayan ang sarili niya sayo...so yes, I'm blaming you for the death of my niece. Kasi kung nagtiwala ka lang, hindi 'to mangyayari..."
"Kasi kung hindi ka niya pinahalagahan nung una pa lang, matagal na siyang nakalaya. Matagal na sanang tapos iyong deal niya sa pamilya niya, pero dahil mahal ka niya, nagtiis siya para lang tawagin mong traydor."
***
"Jaxon, come on." Melmar called Jaxon who's blankly staring at Macey. It's been a day already and Macey's still inside the ICU. He didn't left Macey. He's still on his scrubs, and didn't change clothes unlike Macey's friends. They're all wearing white, waiting for him.
"Kami na muna bahala rito," Zane and Easton nodded at him. They just entered the ICU with their full gowns and masks.
Tumayo na lang siya at yumuko para halikan si Macey sa noo. There are tubes connected to her, and oxygen mask. Macey was pale, and looked so restless.
"I'll be back...stubborn."
After that, he walked outside the ICU. Macey's friends already waiting for him. Russel looked at him, and handed him a pair of white polo and jeans. "Magpalit ka muna,"
He just nodded and changed his clothes right away. Nang makalabas siya ay dumiretso sila sa elevator, and the moment it opened, he almost didn't want to step out of the elevator.
His eyes fell on a large letters above the entrance of the room.
CREMATORIUM
It was a small place that Macey built for the people who lost their loved ones, and couldn't afford burials. Jaxon didn't even imagine that he would enter this kind of place...at para sa anak niya pa.
There was a priest inside, and a small closed coffin is in the middle. There are few doctors around. Mukhang sila na lang ang hinihintay, at kaagad na nag-umpisa ang pa-blessing para sa namayapang si baby Jayda. He was silently crying the whole time, and until it was finished.
The people left the room, except for Macey's friends who's silently sitting. Nakatayo lang siya sa harap ng saradong kabaong ng anak niya habang tahimik na umiiyak.
He slowly lift his hand to touch the coffin. "I-I'm...so sorry baby...I'm so sorry..."
He wanted to say he loves his daughter, but it felt like he has no rights.
Ano pang magagawa ng mga salitang 'yon kapag sinabi niya? Maibabalik ba 'non ang buhay ng anak niya?
He didn't even try... to prove his love for them. Not even once.
"Sir, ready na po para sa cremation..." lumapit ang isang staffs sa kaniya.
Mabagal siyang tumingin dito bago pinilit ang sariling tumango. "Okay..."
The staffs moved to lift baby Jayda's coffin inside a crematorium. Sumunod siya sa mga ito hanggang sa may lumapit na staffs sa kaniya. "Sir, wala pa pong napipiling Jar para sa baby..."
He bit his lips as he closed his eyes.
The staff guided him until he was looking at different designs of jar. Napayukom na lang ang kamao niya at pinili ang kulay violet na Jar para kay baby Jayda. He suddenly remembered how he chose a violet baby gloves for her daughter, and it turned out that baby Jayda wouldn't be able to wear it, and he has to chose a Jar for her ashes instead.
This is...just too much torture.
Macey, I need you.
I need your warmth.
I need your comfort.
***
3 WEEKS has passed and Macey still haven't opened her eyes for them yet. She's already in a private room, and her body's recovering itself, and they just have to wait until she opened her eyes. Trisha said that her heart is weak, because of her sickness and it's taking a tool on her health lalo na't nakunan pa ito.
He didn't hear any single thing from her friends. He was treated silent but he knows the anger inside of them, lalo na si Candace. He now understands why Macey's friends are over protective of her. They know what she'd been through. They know her sufferings.
And there he is, calling her a traitor when all Macey did was for him.
"So, it was you huh?" he held her hands. He always does this. Talking to her, telling her stories. He's not sure but if Macey could hear him, but he still tried. "You were the girl I'm looking for..."
The woman who hugged him when he lost Maxine was the one who saved him out of his reverie. The woman who light his darkness, and guided his way. The woman who save him but it was her who really needs saving.
Macey's right.
Doctors are the number one patient.
And Macey's one of them.
She's lowkey asking Jaxon to save her.
"You were the warmth I was looking for," he confessed. "I rarely see you, but every time I did, it's always the time that I needed it the most..." Pinisil niya ang kamay ng dalaga.
"But why me, Stubborn? Why did you choose to love me when all you will have as a payment is pain and sufferings? You could have finish the deal...so you can finally be free..." he asked, tearing.
Now he understands why Macey always hopes that it's not yet too late, but despite of it, Macey never rushed him.
"Mace, wake up...please..." he whispered while sniffing. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ng dalaga. "Please wake up..."
Napakurap siya bago nagsalita ulit. "You've already fixed my broken scalpel...and you have to see it."
As usual, wala siyang sagot na narinig kundi ang tunog lang ng makina. "I'm already wearing my doctor's robe, with my name on it...so please, wake up..."
After the cremation of Baby Jayda, Bryson came, and handed him a velvet box. It was Macey's gift for his birthday. When he opened it, he saw a scalpel and a folded piece of paper, and when he opened it, kalahating pilas ito mula sa isang notebook.
When he read it, he started wearing his robe, and decided to be her doctor.
Sing with him.
Dance with him.
Fix his Broken Scalpel.
Be his Girlfriend.
And when he flipped the paper over, he saw a note for him.
I want to do these things to you, and with you...so please hold on.
Te Amo Mucho Mi Felicidad
Macey Andrella Skyler
Jaxon buried his face on Macey's open palm and he cried like a kid. "I'll dance with you, and I'll sing with you just please come back to me..."
He breathes. "And you don't have to be my girlfriend...you deserve more than that...stubborn... please come back to me..."
It's always like this for the past three weeks. He would cry on her, he would ask for forgiveness, and ask her to wake up and comeback to him.
I'm going insane without you.
I need my light.
I need my home, Macey. You are my home.
"Mace..." he called. "I love you..."
He might say it too late, but that's what he feels. Matagal na niyang alam ang nararamdaman niya para sa dalaga. He wanted to confess to her in a most special way, but not like this, yet he badly wanted to say it.
After he said those three words, someone knocked on the door. He didn't bother to look at it as he was busy and all of his attention were on Macey. He's sure that it was the nurse or Russel.
"Jaxon..." he heard a familiar voice.
Kaagad siyang napalingon, and the moment he saw who it was, he stands up, knot slowly forming on his forehead. Kaagad na nasagot ang tanong niya kay Nami ilang linggo na ang nakalilipas.
"Maxine?"