serenity "renny" rivera
june 12, 2017
"you gotta call me when you touch down, and when you get to the crib, and-"
i glanced back at isaiah to make sure he wasn't watching, and saw he was headed towards the trunk to pull out his bag, and then pecked jahseh's lips gently to cut him off, before i spoke. "yes, yes, i know, and before i go to sleep, i will."
he sighed, nodding his head and then putting an arm around isaiah. "stay safe, brother."
isaiah nodded, returning the hug and speaking lowly. "i will, thank you- for everything."
jahseh only nodded, and i watched between the two of them, as they were acting as if they were saying goodbye for good, and i rolled my eyes before looking over at the security on the private jet jahseh had gotten us, who were loading our bags.
"y'all will see each other in a couple days, it's okay." i said, pulling them apart from each other and giving jahseh a hug before guiding isaiah onto the plane with me.
we sat in the large, reclining seats, and he leaned his head against the window as he sighed, making me glance over at him and raise an eyebrow. "what aren't you telling me?"
he glanced over at me questioningly, to which i spoke once more. "you're keeping something from me, aren't you?"
he chewed his lip, before sitting up straight and ruffling his curly hair. "you were right when you said those wasn't my friends," he started, which made me open my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.
"i'm leaving members only, moving out and everything."
i blinked at him, keeping my mouth shut for a long minute before i finally responded. "okay.. so where are we gonna go?"
"we?" he asked, which made me give him a blank expression.
"yes we, i'm only staying there because of you, so if you're leaving so am i." i replied flatly, keeping my eyes on him.
he shook his head, sighing as he spoke. "no, you said it yourself, i need real help. i'm checking myself into a rehab center, you gotta stay in the m.o. crib."
i only stared at him, half of me feeling as if he was walking out of my life and leaving me alone, the rehab only being a soft excuse, while the other half acknowledged that he was actually trying to help himself and this wasn't anything to be taken personal.
i nodded my head, sighing as i leaned my head against the window and shutting my eyes, wishing i could just sleep it all off, but knowing i couldn't.
we didn't speak much for the rest of the ride, and i kept my eyes shut for most of the time, so that he'd think i was asleep and not be prompted to say anything to me, anyway.
once we landed, i got off the plane with isaiah following, and i pulled out my phone, debating whether i should call jahseh or just send a text, and my mental debate was interrupted by isaiah gently pushing me, to guide me towards the car waiting for us.
i got in beside him, as our bags got loaded into the car for us, and i leaned against the window, deciding on just sending him a simple text that said "landed, otw home", and then turning my phone off, letting out an exhale.
it felt like within five minutes we reached the house, and for some reason it didn't seem as greeting and comfortable as it did any other time, and i only sighed as i got out of the car and pulled my bag out of the car, following isaiah inside and putting my bag down beside the door.
"when are you leaving?" i finally spoke up, though my attention was on his drag of a walk, as the left side of his body seemed to be nearly limp in comparison to the other.
"soon, i wanna get there as soon as i can and get out as soon as i can too." he answered, rubbing his face and sighing, to which i just nodded and watched him quietly, the silence throughout the huge house seemingly ringing in my ears.
he looked at me, and then let out an exhale and wrapped his arms around me, and i took a deep breath before i spoke lowly. "i don't wanna be alone, izzy. bad things happen when i'm all alone for too long. and i don't wanna be without you."
"you won't be for long, everyone will be home in like four days, it's just a few days, i promise. and i'll be back soon, in a few weeks, and i'll be all good." he said, and i sighed, knowing he didn't fully understand what i was saying, or the seriousness of my words, but not wanting to elaborate.
"okay. you should start packing." i said lowly, and he nodded his head, giving his sad limp of a walk away and off towards his room, while i walked towards the living room and laid down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling silently.
"how many days can you last alone before you kill yourself?"
"if we can persuade her not to take her meds, she won't last long."
"even if she does, she's sick in the head anyway. the only ones she takes are the risperdal and lithobid. if she goes more than a day without either, she's done for."
i sighed, listening to the voices conversing throughout my head as if i couldn't hear them, before i shook my head and rose from the couch, back to the entrance where my bag was, and pulling out all four pill bottles from the pocket inside.
i hadn't taken two out of the four medicines in weeks, mainly because they didn't do much for me, but after hearing all the chatter in my head, i decided i'd rather be safe than sorry, and i popped all four pills in my mouth at once before washing them down with water from my bottle and letting out a sigh.
"not today."
~
i didn't know how to end this lol