There are somedays I wish I could sleep through. Today is one of them.
Dragging myself out of bed, I double check to ensure my phone is silenced. The last thing I need is notifications disrupting my silence. Blindly, I plug my hair straightener in before stumbling into my closet.
Everything looks the same but I know mom will push if I don't dress the part. Settling on black jeans and a loose cream sweater. My hair fries as I run the straightener over it, but I keep going. On my last strand, I notice the purple marks under my eyes.
Reaching a finger out, I trace them. The bruises from Beau have faded but it appears I've given myself new ones. My door flies open and I jump up. "Happy–"
"Jesus Christ!" I scream as my knee rams against my dresser and the straightener burns my forehead. "Owe."
"Shit, I'm sorry, Jo." Garner runs forward, resting a hand on my back.
"It's fine." I move away. "Get out."
"But..." He looks at me with wide eyes.
"My face is burned and I need to put on makeup. I'll see you downstairs." I say, focusing on the new welt.
"Sure." He hesitates before closing my door.
10 minutes later, I drag myself into the kitchen. Immediately, I'm wrapped into a hug. "My Jovie girl!"
"Morning, Momma." I offer, patting her back as she lets go.
"Happy Birthday, Sis." Gentry hugs me softly.
"Happy Birthday, Gen." I sigh, resting my arms around him. At least we share this day.
"My twins." Mom says. "How are you already adults? It feels like just yesterday I was lugging my fat belly to the hospital to push you two out."
"Ew." Garner shudders.
"Thanks for the visual, Ma." Gentry hugs her. We definitely could've gone without it.
Laughing, she grabs two wrapped presents and hands them to us. "It's not much, but I hope you love them."
Gentry tears his open even though it's obvious she got him a bat. "Wow, just in time for season."
Removing the paper from my small box, I stare at a thin, gold butterfly bracelet. "It's... stunning."
"It's not new but I had it repaired and cleaned." She gently put the bracelet on my wrist. "It was given to me a long time ago by someone special and I want you to have it."
"Why?" I wonder, studying it in the light.
"Because I want you to remember you have wings and my biggest hope is that you use them to fly higher than I ever could." She cups my cheek. "I love you, darling. My only girl. My saving grace."
"Thanks." Gentry mutters and she shoves him.
"You're important too, but nothing beats my first born." She smiles fondly.
"By minutes." He argues but a horn honks. "Aspen's here."
"Jay should be here soon." I wave them off.
"Jay's not coming." Gentry says. "It's our birthday and we spend it together."
Pursing my lips, I grab my bag and follow them outside. The truck is waiting on us, balloons and streamers attached to the exterior. Lena loves to go big.
Without a word, I crawl into the middle seat. Ignoring the broken spring, I buckle up.
"Happy Birthday, my dude." Gentry leans over me to hug Aspen.
"Happy Birthday." Aspen says.
The drive is peaceful. I try to make myself as small as possible but our thighs still touch. I try to ignore it.
"This is nice." Gentry offers, snapping a selfie of us. "The golden trio taking on adulthood like the bad bitches we are."
"Yeah." I'm a bad bitch all right.
*****
"Jovie!" A voice chases me down the hall on my way to the library. "Jo, hold up!"
Groaning, I stop in the hall. Seth catches up, letting out a ragged breath. "Happy Birthday."
"Thanks, Seth." I start walking again and he follows.
"I tried finding you before school and before your math class, but I wanted to give you this." He offers me a balloon. "And these." A slightly disheveled bouquet of flowers is handed to me.
"Why?" I raise a brow. This is beyond over the top.
"Because you're nice to me when no one else is. You let me tag along and annoy you. You help with my homework and listen to me." He rambles, literal stars shining in his eyes and I shift uncomfortably. "You're like my best friend."
"Wow."
"Plus you've been sorta sad these last few weeks." He admits. "You deserve to smile on your special day."
Taking in his genuine sweetness, tears sting my eyes. I really don't deserve him. "Thanks, Sethers."
"So, you're not gonna hide with the librarian today?" He asks. I've allowed myself to eat with them but I still try to keep study hall to myself. I need to prepare for Beau.
Thinking better of it, I hold out a hand. "Not today."
Grinning, he drags me back to our table. "Guys, I did it."
My friends look at me in awe as I sit between Gentry and Seth. Grabbing my notebook, I begin to do my Stats homework. Aspen watches me from across the table before small scraps of his worksheet end up on me.
Not falling for the bait, I work around them.
"Damn, what happened to your forehead?" AJ asks.
"Straightener." I explain. "Burned the shit out of me."
"You're still the prettiest birthday girl." He winks. "I was going to get you flowers but someone stole my idea."
"Why didn't I get flowers?" Gentry pouts.
"Because you're an ass." Seth replies and I actually smile.
"Aspen's a bigger ass." My twin mutters. "He made you eat glue."
"You recorded it." Jay reminds him.
Rolling my eyes, I listen to their banter. It makes me feel less alone when I have my idiots with me.
*****
Thirty minutes later, Seth drags me to the cafeteria. We run into a group of freshmen girls and he pauses his path of destruction to wink. Oh, brother. Spending time with AJ is rubbing off on him.
"Mom sent lunches." Aspen says, sliding two containers towards us.
"Sweet Jesus." Gentry licks his lips. "Bacon mac'n'cheese, shrimp and brownies. I can die happy."
My stomach actually growls as I smell my lunch. Digging in, I try to act like I've managed to eat full meals. I haven't.
"Oh, I can sit somewhere else." Peyton says.
Forcing myself to look away from my food, I notice the disappointed look on AJ's face. "Stay."
"Really?" She grabs her bag. "Honestly, it's not a big deal."
"You're AJ's girlfriend. You should sit with us." I motion to the spot next to him. The title I give her doesn't go unnoticed but she listens.
"Happy Birthday, Jo." She smiles timidly.
"Thanks." I shove a shrimp in my mouth.
"What are we doing to celebrate?" AJ asks, not bothering to hide his smile.
The three of us share a look. "Nothing."
"What?" His jaw drops. "This is the big 18. We have to party."
"Well, we leave for the wedding this Friday." Aspen reminds him.
"We're drinking Thursday. Party time. Whose house?" He hits the table.
"Mom's going to the wedding early." Gentry offers and I want to punch him.
"Bingo." AJ snaps. "Thursday night we drink. We can play hooky Friday, kids."
"I'm in." Jay agrees and Seth nods eagerly.
"This really isn't needed." I try to argue.
"What isn't needed?" Beau asks, joining our table.
I try to change the subject but it's too late. AJ is in party mode. "The golden trio's mini birthday bash this Thursday."
"Sounds fun." Beau says, pulling his lunch out and Jay glares at him. "I am invited?"
The question isn't directed to anyone but he stares at me. That silent challenge in his eyes that makes me feel queasy.
Ignoring all the people focused on how I'll react, I force a nod. "Why not."
It's not a party until there's a party pooper. He doesn't stay out places anyway. He'll be home by 9 and I can forget he was ever in my home.
"Are you sure?" He holds a hand to his chest. "I'd hate to over step."
"Don't push your luck." Jay warns and Beau goes to open his mouth.
"I'm sure." I hurry out.
"Sounds good." He flashes an easy smile.
Sliding the rest of my food over to Gentry, I play with my bracelet and stay like that for the rest of lunch. My appetite can't stomach the sight of Beau.
After spending the rest of the school day in a mix of forced thank you's to well wishes and fighting the urge to pop the balloon Seth gave me, I head for the parking lot. I need to be alone for a while.
"Happy Birthday, Cutie." Beau stops me in the empty hall.
"Go to hell, Beau."
He tsks. "That's not nice."
"I'm not nice."
"Obviously, no nice girlfriend cheats on their boyfriend." He snaps and I flinch.
"What do you want?" I demand, my fight dying out.
"Amelia and I got back together." He says.
"Congrats." My ex is getting back with his ex. Big shocker there.
"I have the decency to tell you before others." He steps closer.
"I don't care." I step around him.
"You'll care if your party is ruined by some certain news." He grabs my arm.
"Go to hell." I glare up at him.
"Try to perk up!" He shouts, letting go. "It's your special day!"
Storming over to Aspen's truck, I crawl inside.
"What was that about?" He demands and my twin raises a brow.
"Nothing."
"Bull shit." Gentry hisses.
"It didn't fucking look like nothing."
"I said leave it alone." I stare out the window and they listen.
*****
The doorbell rings and I'm tackled into a hug before it's fully opened.
"My baby girl is an adult." Lena cries, squeezing the life out of me. Letting her have her moment, I follow her into the kitchen. "Allie, when did our girl grow up?"
"Beats me." Mom sets her knife down. "I've been trying to figure that out all day."
"We're right here." Gentry motions to him and Aspen.
"Eh." Mom and Lena smirk, hugging them.
Making a glass of water, I let the boys get their well needed ego boost.
"There's my girl." Steve hugs me. Pressing my face into his chest, I begin to relax. "Happy Birthday."
"Thanks." I hug the closest thing I have to a father tighter and he doesn't pull away.
Before I get emotional, I turn to help with dinner. No one will mess with me if I have a knife in hand. Once we're ready to eat, seating becomes an issue.
"We can't all sit at the head of the table." Aspen argues.
"We did it last year." Gentry reminds him, taking his place.
"But we're adults." He argues. "No more kid shit."
"You'll do whatever I tell you to do." Lena warns, setting up Brooklynn's high chair.
"Plopping my ass in its rightful spot." He sits and I squeeze between them.
Dinner is filled with laughter and conversation. I contribute to none of it but I enjoy their happiness. The smile on my face isn't forced. This is my family. It's blended and weird but I love them.
"Jo, honey, did you stretch your sweater out?" Mom asks, sipping her wine.
"No, why?"
She rubs her lips. "It's hanging off your shoulder."
"Oh." I pull the material back up. "Maybe it did stretch. It's big to begin with."
Aspen stops eating and I focus on my plate. Pushing my food around, I'm thankful we have an audience. I'm not lying. My sweater is supposed to be oversized and Gentry washed it. He probably did something.
Our plates are cleared and the cake is brought out.
"We won't sing." Mom promises and Steve snorts. "But, you three have to make a wish."
Nodding, I close my eyes. Gentry locks pinkies with me and I do the same with Aspen. Our tradition.
18 trips around the sun. 18 years with my two best friends. 18 years of hell. Of hospital visits and countless doctors and specialists. 18 years of laughing. Of playing and loving. My childhood wasn't normal but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Even with my father, but that's over now.
To happiness. May I finally know what it feels like.
*****
Presents are opened and cake is inhaled. For the first time in weeks, I eat more than one full meal in a day. Something about Lena's food makes me hungry. Maybe it's because I know it was made with love. It makes everything better.
Mom pulls out the photo albums, definitely on her way to being wine drunk. Lena right there with her.
"Oh, look at how cute!" She flips around a picture of us at halloween. Three blind mice. My walking stick was taken away because I wouldn't stop hitting Aspen with it.
"There's this one." Steve holds up a picture of us at our first t-ball game. "My three ballers."
"I was broken out in a rash by the end of the game." I remind him, itching my skin just thinking about it. Safe to say, my outdoor sports career was cut short.
"This one." Lena shares us at our 8th grade dance. Cringing, I look away. Neon green and braces was not a good look.
More and more memories are shared and the smile slowly falls off my face. Remembering how I felt during those times makes it hard to sit still. Our parents deserve to have this. Their babies are grown up, but I can't be a part of it any more.
Brooklynn starts to fuss and I jump up. "I got her."
"You sure?" Steve sets down a box of pictures.
"Positive." I lift her up and all but run upstairs.
Hidden in my room, I crawl into bed and rock her as she sips on the bottle I snagged. "There you go, Brookie."
In the silence, I watch her. Playing with the little hair she has and trailing my thumb across her chubby cheek. She smiles sleepily as the last of her milk disappears.
"What a good job." I hold her up and kiss her cheeks.
Giggles fill the room and my heart aches. She smiles so effortlessly. She has no fears in the world. She knows she is unconditionally loved. I try to remember the last time I felt like that and come up blank.
A tear falls onto her cheek and I wipe it away. "Look at me. Wishing I was a baby."
She grabs my thumb and yawns. Message received loud and clear. Standing up, I lay her down in the middle of my bed. Watching her just because I can, I smile. "I love you so much, Brooklynn Harper Jones. You have no idea."
"She knows." Aspen knocks on my door as it opens and I turn around.
"I should head back down." I offer, moving for the door and he grabs my hand.
"Stay, please." He lets go and I stay where I am. "I, um, wanted to give you my gift."
"We did gifts over an hour ago." I remind him.
"I know, but this is different." He tugs at his collar. "Please."
A plain white box is handed to me and I accept it. Taking the lid off, I study a golden necklace. "Oh."
"Do you like it?" He tries to read my reaction. "I know you never wear stuff like this but–"
"I like it." I assure him. No sense in being rude now. He'd know it was a lie.
"May I?" He takes the necklace and I nod, pulling my hair back.
"Why this design?" I wonder as his breath tickles the back of my neck.
"The sun is you." He reaches around to tap the golden sun centered on my chest. "You're my sunshine, even when you're covered by clouds."
Closing my eyes, I lean into his chest. "And the moon and stars that surround it?"
"You know why." He whispers onto my shoulder.
"I do." But I still wanted to hear him say it. A reminder of one memory I don't feel like running from tonight. The closest I've ever been to achieving happiness.
Twisting around, I hug him. "I love you, Penny."
"I love you, Jojo." He presses a kiss to my forehead.
"I'm still mad at you." I squeeze him tighter. So mad, but we deserve this. I need this.
"I know."
He rubs my back and I try to close as much space as physically possible. "I'm happy I didn't share a womb with you."
"So very happy." He laughs, but it dies out. "Jojo, what did Beau do to you?"
"Nothing." I hide my face.
Sighing, he plays with my hair. "You know I know that's a lie."
"Absolutely." I pull back. "However, let's not focus on that."
"Why?" His eyes flash with a brewing argument.
"Because I want another slice of cake." I grin, heading for the door.
It's my birthday. I want my cake and I deserve to eat it too.
*****
This chapter man. For some reason, I am so undeniably proud of this chapter. It took three days to write but it was worth it.
I'm only updating ITE this weekend. I honestly didn't have the time to write like I normally do. Between finishing LiH on Tuesday going to Georgia and babysitting all day fro two days. ITE is all I managed to get written.
That being said. I am so excited for the upcoming chapters of LiL!! AHHHH!!!