faith tied us together
but knots can be
untangled
- l.z
***
Lana
I close my eyes and feel his lips moving slowly against mine, his hands clasped my hands and his fingers intertwined with mine. I feel hot air fanning my skin each time he pulls away to kiss me, I fight the urge to pull my hand away from his hold but fail to.
"Good morning."
I pull away and open my eyes to find Stephan gazing down at me. His bites his lips as a small smile lurks out, I scrutinise his appearance and feel my stomach turn because I've been seeing this everyday now. I gulped at his unruly hair; it was so cute.
I sigh nonchalantly before a small smile spreads across my lips.
"Good morning baby." I coo as I hold his face and pull him towards me to kiss his lips again. Stephan hauls me before he flips us over, I squeal as his fingers rubbed my sensitive areas, causing me to burst out laughing as he tickled me.
It's been nearly three months since I've realised that Stephan was good for me and to be honest, it was the best decision I've made. Stephan was so good to me, it really did feel like I gotten the old Stephan back. The day he asked me, was the day I realised that this was meant to be.
Ever since Ivan left for the second time, my thoughts were all over the place. It took me a week to comprehend that he actually left but I was glad that he did because I didn't want to experience what I felt five years ago all over again.
I've learnt that Ivan was good at leaving but Stephan was so good at staying and loving me and Amelia like we were his own.
Ivan was gone forever and it was time for me to start this new chapter in my life, with Stephan. I gave him a chance and he proved it to me that he was perfect for me and Amelia.
Ever since Ivan had left, Amelia did ask about him multiple times and I've been honest with her. I've told her multiples times that Ivan left and was never going to come back.
"What do you want to do today?" He mumbled against my lips as I lay on top of him and lean my head on his.
"I want to stay in bed all day."
"Really?" He asked, "It's our last day here, you really want to spend it in bed?"
After weeks worth of back to back work, Stephan thought it would be a great idea to surprise me with a trip to Hawaii. At first, the thought of a holiday really did not sit well with me, especially when the hospital has been the busiest and I couldn't leave Amelia alone. However, dad convinced me somehow. He promised to look after Amelia and told me that I didn't have to come into work for a week.
Eventually, a trip to Hawaii didn't sound too bad after all.
"Sounds like a plan... yeah.." I chuckled before he wrapped his arms around me,
"Come on, get up. I want to walk through the beach. We'll go for a swim too."
For the past couple of days, Stephan and I were occupied. We always had something to do but today seemed like it was going to be calm and quiet. Just what I needed just before I return back home to chaos.
After a few hours of relaxing and swimming, I head for a shower. I showered and cleaned up before I reach the room where I expected to be alone, but I was far from it. Stephan was here placing the room back and forth as he spoke aggressively to the phone.
"That's not the problem here, how did you manage to lose it? Isn't there one thing you can do without me?"
I open the door slightly and stood behind it as I witness his rage; I have never seen him angry like this over work. My brows snap into a furrow as the more silence I felt I heard, the more agitated I could hear he was becoming. I glance at him and see his face fall into disappointment.
"What? Why did he come back?" He spat as he gripped onto his phone. A few moments later, he pulled the phone away from his ear and hurled it across the room.
My heart pounded in my chest at his sudden outburst that I had not realised that I pushed the door slightly, catching his attention.
Stephan watched me with anger as it laced his whole face. His eyes were huge as they bulged out of their sockets. His brows were furrowed and his fists were rolled into a ball. I feel myself shaking at this point because I had no idea what to do; do I go to him or leave him alone?
The last time I remember when he had gotten this angry, he held me against the wall.
"Is everything alright?"
Stephan glared at me before he grabbed his suit jacket and scowled.
"There's a problem at the firm, we're leaving right now."
The journey back home was awkwardly silent. On multiple occasions, I would glance over my shoulder to Stephan only to receive his agitated scowls. I still have not figured out what on Earth was wrong with him, or who it was on that call. He seemed disturbed, like something was torturing him but what I couldn't seem to understand is why he couldn't speak to me about it.
So the rest of the time I sat on the plane, I scrolled through my phone or just slept like a baby.
We reached home after a few hours and I was absolutely knackered. Stephan dropped me back to my apartment from the airport and even then, the car ride was silent. I felt the awkward moment just straight in my face when I would watch him but he would blatantly ignore me. It was like as if I had done something, well as much as I try to remember, I know I haven't done something.
So the last couple of days was nothing?
The car came to a halt and when it did, I scrutinise my surroundings. I realised how we reached my apartment. I released my seat belt and turn to leave as my hand reaches for the door handle but before I left, I turn back to Stephan and grab his face. I pull myself closer to him and kiss his lips slowly and tenderly.
"I'm sorry if I did anything." I mumble against his lips, "You can always talk to me."
Stephan grabbed my wrist and held me to prevent me from leaving the car. I glance over my shoulder and give him a determined stare while he just clenched his jaws and then let go off my hand.
I frown at him and I look away. As soon as I stepped out of his car, I grabbed my luggage and then returned to the front window to say goodbye to him for the last time but he just drove away. As he did, I stare at the back of his car and wonder what I ever did to cause this type of emotion he was dealing with. Through the journey back, Stephan was giving me the cold shoulder when this morning, he was completely fine.
Shrugging the thoughts off, I watch my apartment building as the dark night sat above me. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I itched to see my baby; I was going to see her for the first time in a week.
I made my way in to silence which I had not anticipated. What I expected was Amelia to run towards the door and greet me with a huge smile but she wasn't here. For a matter of fact, nobody was here.
Dad was not here, like he said he would be so I pulled my phone out and call his number. After a few rings, he picked up.
"Hey dad, is everything alright?"
"Hey sweetie, everything is fine. Where are you?"
Followed by dad's reply, I could hear Amelia giggling and screaming in glee. I chuckle and shake my head as I roam around the apartment, appreciating everything about my home because I've missed it deeply. This was the first time in a very long time I've been away without Amelia and it feels like I haven't seen her in years.
"I'm at the apartment. I thought I'd find you here but it's cold and empty here. Why don't you come along with Amelia? I'll wait for you." I say as I begin to undress. However, as I expect an answer from him, his end of the call had lulled, like as if he had ended the call. My brows snap into a furrow before I walk towards my phone and pick it up to check. "Dad?"
"Sweetie.... I'm not going to do that." He replies and instantly, confusion surfaced my face.
"What do you mean? If you can't come over, no problem. I'll just drive to you and pick her up."
"N-no Lana," he hesitates as it was clear he was hiding something and he was using the time right now to find the correct words to use. "I won't give Amelia to you."
"What? What is going on? I'm heading over right now." I say as I begin to dress myself again and eventually push my arms through my coat, that was until dad refused once again.
"Amelia is going to reside with me until everything is sorted. Right now, it's not suitable for her to live there."
"Dare I ask Why?" I pipe, "What have I done?"
Distraught soon filled my system when I couldn't piece this together. What was going on? First Stephan was acting differently now dad was doing the same thing. I just couldn't gather together why I couldn't see my own daughter? Why was my own father restricting me from seeing my daughter?
"Lana you are not the problem, however you're surrounding the problem." He explains and I nod my head, trying to figure this out even though dad can't physically see me. "Sweetie, Ivan has returned to New York. I don't know why and I don't know when, so I've decided that until Ivan is cleared from your life, Amelia is not returning under your care."
My heart sank to the lowest part of my stomach as I watch the floor in complete distraught. The fact that Ivan was the only reason why I couldn't see my daughter irked me! Why was he even back? When did he return and what does he want?
"So what if he is? It's not like I'm in contact with him anymore. I have nothing to do with him dad. Amelia is protected from all of this anyway-"
"No she is not. Have you any idea what kind of danger she is exposed to at a very young age? Her absentee father returns whenever he pleases and places himself in her life, the one he abandoned. He emotionally wrecks you Lana and Amelia witnesses everything."
"She doesn't know that he is her father! I still don't see-"
"All I am doing is protecting her from something that may ruin her life. She is still young, vulnerable and clueless." He cut me off, "You need to let go of whatever it is that you have with Ivan because he will manipulate you again, and this time if he does, not only will he leave you but he'll leave Amelia. Imagine what that would do to her?"
Dad's words sunk into my head as I contemplate this. Dad was right, Ivan left a couple of months ago and did what he did years ago so I had nothing to protest with. It wasn't the fact that I wanted Ivan to be a part of my life, it was more that I wanted to prove to my father that I was capable to do everything for my daughter, that I had her for a reason. I chew on my bottom lip as I tremble within me, trying to find the right words to say to him.
"So until then, I won't allow Amelia next to you if you're associated with Ivan." He said, "Honey, it's time you realise that you need to let him go. For your own sake. For your daughter's sake."
This was too much for me to digest in one. How long was that going to be? Days? Weeks? Months? I had no idea. As long as Ivan was around, I wasn't going to see Amelia.
Suddenly, a fit of rage surfaced through me. Why did I feel at fault when none of this was even my fault?
"Come on dad, this is truly unfair."
"What's not fair is you letting that man back in your life and Amelia's. Poor girl had no idea what is going on while that man returns and disappears as he pleases and you, you fall apart from it and I hate to watch that happen to you."
I watch my trembling hand as I fall forward on the couch with my head slumped over, this was so devastating. I had no fight in me for Amelia because dad was right all along. All I had to do was practically tell Ivan to fuck off in order to get my daughter back.
"Alright..." I whisper, "I'm going to take Amelia very soon dad. Don't worry."
"Lana, no. That's not what this-"
I hang up and clench my phone before I hurl it across the apartment. It slammed against the wall and shattered into pieces by the time it reached the floor. I growl frustratedly before I lean back on the couch, as I take in the unpleasant silence, the one I was not used to.
I had to do something about this. Fast.
Hey! I know it's been a longggg time since I updated this book, and I'm sorry! I will try to update as much as I can and when I can. Thank you. L ;)