"Y-Y/N, I can e-explain—"
"Is there anything to explain?" I said coldly, sitting on the floor.
Everything is quiet and no one made a move. I just really want to pass out, I want to forget. Is this really happening? Right in front of my eyes, Chrollo fucking another girl? And it's that Lin slut at the party! How did she get in here?! Honestly, how did she get here?!
"Are you going to explain how you two did it?"
"No, Y/N! Please, there's a misunderstanding! Please, let me explain." Chrollo stood up from my brother's bed before running towards me but I summoned my sword and aimed it directly at him so he temporarily stopped in his tracks.
"Don't you dare move."
I want to look at him so badly. I want to raise my head and look at his beautiful eyes again but I just can't see him with a slut, with another girl. Right at this moment, I can destroy my whole house. I can kill them with all weapons I can summon but I can't move a muscle. I'm too shocked to the point my mind can't think straight.
Chrollo, why?
"Please Y/N, drop your sword."
"Don't tell me what to do, you fucking playboy! Seriously, Chrollo? At my house? In my brother's room? With another girl?!" I raised my head only to look at him with my eyes full of tears. "Are you that desperate for sex?!"
"No! Y/N, drop your sword and we'll talk about this!"
"There's nothing more to talk about! I saw everything! I heard everything, Chrollo! And you'll say we have to talk about this?!"
"Why don't you listen to me first?!" Listen?! That's bullshit!
"How dare you to raise your voice to me when you're the one at fault?!"
My sword immediately dissolved on my hand before it changed into a gun as I pulled the trigger, the bullet hitting Chrollo's left shoulder. As much as hated hurting him, my emotions tell me to do so. I'm a killing machine and I guess I'm partially at fault. I let my guard down and I let my heart turn soft for this man. It's just a one-night stand yet I let him get me. I'm so dumb! I'm so stupid! I'm so stupid for falling in love with a Chrollo Lucilfer!
Have I forgotten that this world is so cruel?! That Chrollo and I were just pawns? Love doesn't exist! Love isn't appropriate for people like us! Those were the most important rules I shouldn't forget but now look at me, looking like a lost dog!
Tears started falling from Chrollo's eyes making my heart ache. I'm so sorry...
"Y/N please..." He started kneeling in front of me which caught me off guard. He even bowed his head and his hands were in a praying position.
"Let me explain. I didn't want this to happen."
"Of course you want this, Mr. Achi." Lin finally spoke, making sure she said Chrollo's pseudonym for the party sarcastically. She eyed me from head to foot, arching one eyebrow.
"And you're not a couple so why are you acting like that, Y/N?"
"Shut up, slut!" I roared, now aiming the gun at her. Where can she get that overflowing confidence and courage?! It makes me sick!
"I won't!"
"Just shut up, Lin!" Chrollo growled, still bowing. The slut was taken aback by Chrollo's sudden outburst, leaving her dumbstruck.
"You're the one invited me here and—"
Not letting her finish her sentence, I pulled the trigger once again but this lucky slut amazingly dodged it so the bullet hit her arms. She screamed in pain but I ignored it, now walking towards her.
"Didn't I told you to shut your mouth?"
I said on gritted teeth, gripping her chin very, very tight. I even heard a crack, probably her bone crushed. I sense another presence within the whole vicinity but I ignored it focused my attention on this slut in front of me.
"Argh! Y-You stupid—"
"Motherfucker? Ha, yes I am and that's why you shouldn't mess with me. You put yourself in this situation now you'll have to pay the consequences."
"Chrollo is mine! We touched, Y/N! We fucked! Kill me or not, you'll never escape the fact that I...I replaced you in Chrollo's heart—"
And then I pulled the trigger, enough to finally shut her stupid mouth. I heard enough and she's right. I will never escape this reality, even if I close my eyes, it'll still haunt my dreams. suicide Isn't the solution for this that's why I'll never do it. I'm the one who put myself in this mess that's why I'll be the only one who can help myself to get out of it.
Lin laid on my brother's bed, lifeless.
I let my gun dissolve on my hand before facing Chrollo, still not getting up from his position. His cries can be heard and he still kept on saying sorry. I want to see the point of why he's crying. Because he hurt me? Because he knew that I love him and yet he chose to fuck another girl? Because he couldn't keep his promises? This shouldn't be a big deal to him.
"Stand."
"No, Y/N. I'll explain! I will not move from my position until you hear what am I going to say!" He raised his head before looking at me with his bloodshot eyes.
"No. No one's going to hear you out, Chrollo. I'm done with you."
I said coldly only to see the whole Phantom Troupe on my terrace. They didn't conceal their presence that's why I sensed them a while ago. I guess they saw everything? I mentally laughed, look how stupid our leader is.
"Y-Y/N..." Shalnark entered the room, concern, and confusion painted on his face.
"Please, don't." I look at him, tears once again fell from my eyes. "Don't. Come. Nearer."
"Leader..."
Machi stated, still not believing in everything that happened. Don't worry, me too. She covered her mouth with her hands, looking at Chrollo who's still on the floor. Maybe this is the first time they see their leader acting like this. A dangerous man, begging for a woman whom he cheated on. Very ironic.
"Leave this place at once, Chrollo." I took one last glance at the man I loved before ordering Shalnark to take him out of my house.
"I don't want to see you again—"
"Y/N, don't do this please!" Chrollo cried but I shoved him off. I don't want to hear his voice, I don't want to his face, I just...I want him to disappear! Forever! But my heart opposes what I'm thinking!
Chrollo...just leave. Please, I beg you.
Shizuku patted my back before they left. I was left in my brother's room before I started breaking down. I cried so hard, letting all my confusions flow out of my system. Maybe I didn't satisfy Chrollo enough on our first time. Maybe that Lin's prettier than me, sexier, and much interesting than me. I get it. I'm born in this world to kill and not to love.
If my parents are around, they wouldn't let me play and fool around.
"Why..."
I clutched my chest, punching the nearest sofa beside me. I shouted and shouted and shouted. I wanted to take a rest so badly, I wanted to sleep, but these tears won't let me. This pain won't let me! I can drink all the pain killers I have on my medicine cabinet but I bet nothing will work. Now I realized that emotional pain is the most painful pain I could ever receive.
The pain I received from Chrollo. Isn't it sweet?
My eyelids started to fall and I started to calm but the tears, still falling like water from a faucet. Shaking my head, I started pacifying myself. It's already 3 in the morning and I haven't got any sleep yet, any moment by now, I'll just pass out.
And I was right.
My head started to turn and my eyes got blurry. I was attacked by a real headache, making me wince in pain. Before my world completely turns rapidly around me, I saw a figure on my terrace making me cry again.
Just right on time!
I stood up and tried to welcome the figure but I fell on my knees. Expecting to hit the cold, hard floor, all I felt was a warm embrace. The scent that was very familiar to me wrapped my whole body, leaving me in total rest. Tears still falling, I felt his rough yet cold fingers touched my cheek as he wiped those tears away.
"I'm so glad you came..." I said between cries.
"I saw."
"Everything?"
He nodded. "And my instincts are right."
I turned my gaze away from him because his eyes are making me uncomfortable. Romantically uncomfortable. "S-Sorry..."
"I'll put you to bed."
"Thank you."
"And I won't ever leave you again, Y/N. I love..." He sighed. "I love you. I won't let anyone hurt you again."
Did he just confess to me? Can I accept these feelings?
I sighed, snuggling closer to his chest as he carried me on bridal style, leading to my bedroom. No, I'll think about everything tomorrow. When I got my rest, I'll sort my thoughts and feelings out. This time, I will no longer make a mistake. I will make sure that this will never ever happen again.
I am Y/N L/N, a killing machine. A cold-blooded killer. All I got to do is to regain my senses and everything will be back to normal. Yes Y/N, that's the spirit.
"Thank you..." I whispered with my eyes closed.
"...Illumi."