~ ~ ~ ~SAM’S POV~ ~ ~ ~
My eyes shot open at the sun glaring through the window, immediately waking me up as I turned over and felt Megan’s naked body next to mine. This honestly never got old, and I had a feeling waking up to her never would.
But I would miss it when we got back home.
I ran my hand over her smooth back, attempting to gently wake her up so we could get our day started. Her skin felt so good against my hand, and whenever she turned over and looked up at me my heart throbbed against my chest.
I mumbled, “Morning.”
She smiled, showing me those adorable dimples I couldn’t help but fall for as she stretched lightly, “Morning.”
She faced me, neither one of us moving to get up. I didn’t really want to because I could literally do this all day with her, just lie in bed and talk, but we had things to do.
I whispered softly, “Waking up to you is the best feeling in the world.”
She seemed shocked because compliments and sappy romantic things like that never really came out of my mouth, but here I was being all sappy and romantic this morning. She smiled even wider this time, which made my chest heat up in response, “You’re being awfully romantic early this morning.”
I scooted closer to her, bringing our bodies together as I responded, “I’m trying something new, so don’t judge me.”
She shook her head, “When have I ever judged you?”
I watched her silently, wondering how I had gotten so lucky to where someone like Megan would somehow find feelings for someone like me. In all honesty it made no sense to me because I knew she could have anyone she wanted, but instead something inside her chose me. I was trouble, I was nineteen, Shawn’s sister, and when she met me I was a bit of a whore considering my circumstance.
I would never understand it but maybe I didn’t need to, and maybe just letting it be was the best thing to do.
I still hadn’t said anything, but to my surprise Megan wasn’t probing my brain like she usually did. She was just letting me be in my own little world and get lost in my thoughts, which I was grateful for because I didn’t want to seem insecure if she asked me what I was thinking about.
Even though it was Megan I still hated to seem weak and insecure in front of her, even though she knew all of my flaws.
She whispered, “We should go shower.”
I watched her, smirking, “Together?”
She nodded, “Unless you want your alone time?”
I shook my head, “I’ll get plenty of alone time whenever we go back home… besides, how can I pass up showering with my hot history teacher?”
She shook her head, grimacing slightly, “I hate the fact that you’re my student.”
I laughed a little at her sensitivity to me teasing her, “Megan, just a few more months until I graduate and it’ll all be behind us.”
She giggled, “You mean if you graduate.”
I shoved her chest lightly, “Shut up, I’m gonna graduate.”
She kissed my forehead and nodded, “I know,” then she lifted herself out of bed and started walking to the shower. She asked, “Are you coming?”
I nodded, “Of course.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We all sat in the rental car, Shawn taking his place in the driver’s seat while the rest of us were along for the ride. I was super excited to be spending the entire day at the beach, and luckily it was only about thirty minutes away from where we were staying.
Although having the pool at the condo was nice, there was nothing like laying out on the white sand of a Gulf beach. And not only would we be spending the entire day there, but everyone was here, and all five of us were going to have a good time because we also had brought along our alcohol.
It didn’t take us long to get there, and soon we were unloading everything and hauling it onto the beach. We were early but there was plenty of people here considering it was Spring Break, but I was just happy to be out in the sun.
I set up my towel, feeling the sun heat up my exposed skin. I was obviously a summer person, and I would much rather spend a vacation at a beach somewhere over someplace that holds snow and rain majority of the year.
I stood, grabbing the edge of my shirt and slipping it over my head, exposing my black bikini top. Then miraculously enough I got the pleasure of watching Megan do the same, as if she was retaliating against me with her sly little smirk that she had on her lips.
Two could play that game.
I un-buttoned my jean shorts, slipping my thumbs in between my body and the fabric and pulling them down slowly. I watched Megan involuntarily bite her bottom lip as I stepped out of them, exposing my lower body this time. It didn’t take long for Megan’s eyes to dart to my lower body, and then to my ass because I knew that was one of her favorite things about me.
Then she looked up at me and smirked, beginning to do the same movements.
Then Blair’s voice caught us off guard, “Guys tone down the strip tease, we’re in public.”
I looked at her and Tony, who were giggling away along with Shawn as Megan and I lied next to each other.
She spoke softly, “You should help me with the sun lotion.”
I smiled, “You sure? I mean we’re in public.”
She handed me the spray bottle and nodded, “I think you can manage not to get too carried away.”
I listened to all of her sexual innuendos feeling my body heat up, and not just because I was sitting in the blistering sun. Megan loved to tease me in public where she knew I couldn’t do anything about it, but if she kept it up I would need to get her alone soon.
She decided to lie on her stomach first, which allowed me to spray her smooth back that already seemed to be getting kissed by the sun. I sprayed, then I allowed my hands to run over her, causing the lotion to make her skin look damp and shiny.
How could someone just look so perfect?
After I finished she sat up slightly, “Would you want me to do yours?”
I self-consciously shook my head, knowing most of the time I just lied on my back to cover up the scars I had. I mumbled, “Nah I’ll just lay on my back.”
She tilted her head, “Sam, you don’t have to be ashamed…”
I knew she was right, and I knew I should just embrace the fact that they were there and were never going away. They were a part of me now, and attempting to hide them wouldn’t hide the fact that they were permanent.
I agreed, “Fine.”
I lied on my stomach then, allowing her to spray the lotion and rub it in gently. It was one of the things I hated most about myself, mostly because I knew I could do nothing about them being there. They were permanent, and they were flaws that held so many shitty emotions and memories, but Megan wasn’t fazed by them.
She loved them.
She didn’t love them in the sense that it was hot or sexy, but she loved that they were my history, a long and dark history. She had told me that they made me more beautiful, because there was nothing more boring than someone who was perfect.
But we obviously had different opinions.
Her hands massaged my back a bit longer before she returned to her previous positon, looking right at me. Her dark hair was pulled back and out of her face which allowed me to see her beautiful complexion that was complimented by the sun rays.
She always looked so amazing it literally pained me.
She whispered, “You’re beautiful, just thought I should let you know.”
I smiled involuntarily, loving how she continuously made me feel like something that was more than sex. I knew she cared about me, and I knew she wanted to take it slow, which I would be forever grateful for. I knew she wanted me to develop into something better before I decided to take the next step, whatever that step was, but I didn’t want to disappoint her in the long run.
It was the reason for all the hesitation I had.
I knew I would have to define something eventually, and although I still had a few months to figure it out I knew it was coming. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a label, but a label meant it was just Megan and I, and the last thing I wanted was for Megan to change her mind and decide to up and leave whenever we were “official”.
I had doubt, a lot of doubt considering Megan was just so much more than I. I doubted she would forever care about me the way she seemed to now, and even though I knew Megan wasn’t the one to lie, I knew Megan deserved better than me.
And I was scared she was going to realize that and decide to leave for good.
Usually I didn’t care, just like I hadn’t cared with Emma, but obviously Megan was different. I felt things with Megan I hadn’t felt with anyone else in my nineteen years, and out of all the people I had been with she held something special.
She knew secrets, she knew my story, she knew my likes and dislikes, she really knew me, and not just the front I put up in front of everyone. She had taken the time to get to know me, she had taken the pain and the fighting, the good times and the bad times, and we had actually formed a strong relationship.
If she ever left I knew it would destroy any warmth I had left in my heart.
Realizing that truth really brought me into reality as I silently watched her shift her head to a comfortable position as we lied flat on our stomachs. As much as I hated the fact that Megan could make or break me, I couldn’t think of anyone better to share that with because I trusted her more than anyone I had ever met.
But I guess if anyone was going to break my heart I wouldn’t want it to be anyone other than Megan herself.
Eventually the minutes began passing quickly as I felt relaxation take over. Listening quietly to the sound of the surf washing ashore was putting me at ease, and the sun’s rays really did have the most soothing effect on me.
As soon as I felt myself dozing off I felt someone’s hand on me, pushing me awake, “You should turn over, your back’s getting red.”
I watched as Megan sat up, allowing me to sit up along with her and flip to my back. I replaced my sunglasses as I watched her lie flat, my eyes traveling once over her body as I set myself back down, continuing to look at her.
Dozing back off wasn’t hard, and as I let the sun heat up the front of my body I tried to relax my mind once more. It seemed impossible to push the worry and negative thoughts out of my mind whenever I had literally just internally thought about Megan realizing I would be nothing but a stupid decision on her part.
But it obviously wasn’t the right time or place to talk it out with her, and that’s if I decided to do so.
All of my life I had attracted nothing but trouble, and that was including girls and events in my life. I was fucked up, my family was fucked up, my mental state was probably fucked up too, and then Megan came alone.
She seemed to be everything I needed and didn’t need at the same time, someone who could drive me insane and then give me drive to be a better person. She motivated me to hate her and then motivated me to be a better sister, student, and friend.
For so long I had felt like someone who would never fit in, someone who was just a lost cause to society. Then she made me feel like I belonged somewhere in this fucked up and confusing world, and she made me feel like maybe just maybe something good could finally happen in my life.
She had really managed to break me down and build me back up into someone I could actually stand to look at in the mirror.
Coming to terms with all of this was overwhelming but much needed, and I realized I had really needed time like this to think. Even though I was on vacation I was spending most of my time next to Megan, kissing Megan, or on top of Megan. The time to actually think about what was in store for us or how I honestly felt about her really hadn’t come until now.
But the sudden epiphany really helped to sort things out.
I sat up, hearing people move around me as Blair spoke, “Holy shit I’m burning up.”
Shawn responded, “I think I’ll take a dip in the water.”
Megan sat up along with me, hesitating to move from her position as her eyes took me in from behind her sunglasses. She asked, “You okay? You got super quiet.”
I shrugged, “Just sorting some things out.”
She smiled, lifting herself as she held out her hand to help me up. I grabbed it, coming close to her and feeling the heat between our close bodies. She whispered, “Care to share?”
I smiled, kissing her lips gently, “Maybe later.”
She started walking with me towards the water where the other three were awaiting us, “Promise?”
I looked at her, wondering if I should even promise to talk about it considering I wasn’t even sure I was ready to share that with Megan. I didn’t want to break a promise made, especially to her, so I got around the question.
I sighed, “I can’t promise anything.”
She frowned a little, “That’s okay.”
Stepping into the water was okay but the hard part was getting past the whole “submerge your stomach in the ice water”. And as I worked my way into it I watched Megan begin to drift off into her own little world as she was probably thinking about the possible things I could’ve been daydreaming over.
As much as I hated telling her no I knew talking about what I had been previously thinking about would be extremely difficult. Not only was the insecurity showing but making myself that vulnerable to Megan was really scary. Admitting that I thought she was way too good for me seemed like the truth, but I didn’t want it to provoke her to get upset and leave me.
Like I said, I had a lot of doubt.
Then I felt a weight on top of me, causing me to lose my balance and become completely submerged underwater. The coldness surrounded me as I came back up for air with delicate arms still wrapped around my neck.
I turned towards the person, already knowing it was Megan by her painfully adorable laugh. She whispered, “You need to loosen up and relax, Sam.”
I tasted the salt water on my lips, looking at Megan and realizing she was probably right. There was no need to think myself to death, and although I needed to talk to her about certain things it didn’t need to consume my every thought at the moment.
I should just be having a good time with everyone.
I whispered back to Megan, “Sorry I’m acting so weird.”
She smirked, “You’re always weird. It’s okay.”
I rolled my eyes, “I am not.”
“Yes you are.”
This time I grabbed her waist as I pushed her down into the water, immersing us both with me on top. I hadn’t gotten her as good as she had gotten me but apparently the cold water shocked her just a bit.
She was laughing as I pulled her back up, allowing me to see how we were kind of in our own world when we were with each other.
“Okay the cuteness is making me sick, stop,” I heard Blair retort from a little ways away from us.
I looked at her only to see her smiling at me, and I was just so glad that I had a friend like her. Then there was Shawn, someone who could’ve made my life complete hell whenever he found out I was involved with his best friend, but he didn’t.
Shawn spoke, “I’m feeling a beer right about now.”
Tony retorted, “I second that.”
After we had cooled off in the water we returned to our towels and chairs. Blair and I had brought along cups considering we were underage and wouldn’t want to be approached by cops because that would for sure put a damper on the party.
As we all sipped and listened to stories told from everyone I began to loosen up like Megan had ordered. Hearing everyone converse and have a good time made me enjoy the moment, and when Blair started on all of the crazy things we had done years ago reminiscing was actually pretty funny.
Megan laughed as she looked at me, “You actually fought a guy and won?”
I nodded, “Hey, he was asking for it and I warned him.”
Shawn laughed, “Her brother taught her well.”
I remembered how the guy had been all over Blair and I throughout the night, and how multiple times I had told him to get the fuck away but he had refused. I hadn’t really beat him up or anything, because he had been pretty drunk by the time I had decided I’d had enough, but I probably humiliated him in front of everyone.
Shawn spoke up, “Sam and I used to play fight so much as kids, I made her pretty tough.”
I remembered how carefree Shawn and I had been when we had been kids, and how nothing about our family had been fucked up. I remembered when he had decided to go away for college, and how I had been just getting into my freshmen year of high school. I remembered how everything had gone to shit almost immediately, and how I hadn’t had my older brother there for me when I had needed.
But that was all behind us.
Megan seemed to be enjoying all the stories told by everyone, which I liked because it showed me she liked hearing about my history. The entire time we had been talking her hand had been resting on top of mine, and feeling her play with my fingers made something light up inside my chest.
Maybe she deserved to know everything that had been on my mind today, and maybe she deserved that talk she had been waiting on. I didn’t want to disappoint her if I did bring it up because I honestly felt that’s what was going to happen, but she had been relentless in showing me she cared about me.
And maybe I was ready but I was just scaring myself out of it.
~ ~ ~ ~
“Do we have everyone?”
Shawn started his way back towards the condo after we had left the beach to get something to eat for dinner, and now we were finally going home. The long day had really worn us out but it had been a really good time with everyone. I had gained quite a bit of color as well, and my skin was dark enough to compliment my light hair and eyes.
We finally made it back to the condo, throwing everything at the door and all of us heading upstairs probably to pass out.
Megan and I showered quickly and changed into night clothes, and soon we were curled up next to each other in our bed. We were making small talk about our day but something in me was begging my mouth to allow me to talk about what had been bothering me. I wanted Megan to know but I was afraid.
“You’re quiet.”
I looked into her worried blue eyes as I battled with all the doubt and fear inside my head, wishing I could just be open with her. I usually was most of the time but right now something felt as if it was strangling me and preventing me from opening up.
I shook my head, “I want to tell you something, I just don’t know how to say it.”
She seemed to know I was struggling with something, but instead of pushing me she just said, “If you’re not ready, then don’t rush it.”
I disagreed, “It’s not that I don’t think I’m ready… I just, I don’t want to mess anything up…”
I seemed to be rambling, and this caused Megan’s soft hands to press against my cheeks. She pulled my face closer, “Sam, you don’t have to overthink everything.”
I smiled sadly, “I overthink when it comes to you.”
She smiled, “Then just say whatever is bothering you.”
I knew she was right, I shouldn’t be so scared anymore, and I should trust her. I decided I needed to stop being such a pussy and just say whatever the hell was wrong.
I rambled, “Megan, whenever I say this please don’t get mad, because it’s something I’m really having trouble dealing with.”
She just watched me, nodding in response.
I continued, “I’m so scared I’m not going to be enough for you, like commitment-wise, and I have a lot of doubt about myself. I’m so scared to define whatever we are because I’m so afraid that you’re going to realize I was nothing but a waste of time and the biggest mistake of your life. I’m afraid you’re going to realize you deserve a lot better than me and when you decide to leave it’s going to completely destroy me. I don’t want to disappoint you, but I know I will because that’s all I’ve ever done.”
As I finished my rant I just watched Megan’s blue eyes search mine, probably curious as to where all of that had come from. She looked quite shocked considering she probably had no idea that had been bothering me, but now she knew, and she had the power to make or break me.
She shook her head while mine stayed rested between her two palms, “Sam, it’s okay to be scared, but I know you’re not going to disappoint me.”
I questioned, “I’m not good enough for you Megan…”
She retorted, “You don’t know what’s ‘good enough’ for me, okay? That’s my decision, and I’ve decided that you are.”
I stayed quiet, not really knowing what I could say to any of her responses. She was being stubborn, which I should’ve predicted, but she wasn’t agreeing with anything I was saying. She refused to let me believe I was a disappointment, and she refused herself to think that about me as well.
She whispered, “Sam, you’re not who you used to be, okay? You’re not that lost, immature, teenager that was looking for love in all the wrong places. You’ve grown up, you’ve allowed me to get to know you, and you’ve allowed yourself to feel something for me. You’re an adult, you understand what you’ve done wrong and you’re fixing it, and every day you grow. I can see it.”
“Megan I’m scared that you have the power to literally destroy me if you want to.”
She smiled, attempting to reassure me, “I know I do, but what would be the point of destroying you whenever you can do the same thing to me?”
It took me a little while to understand what she had just said, and I didn’t know if she had meant to but… she did. It sounded like she was confessing something to me, something that sounded awfully familiar to what I was so afraid of.
Was she really saying I had a special piece of her heart too? And that if I ever left, it would break her completely?
Realizing this was a game changer, and now that I knew Megan cared about me the same way I cared about her made me realize we were in fact on the same page.
She spoke, “That’s the entire point of a relationship, Sam. It’s giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting that they won’t.”
I just looked at her, wondering if she really trusted me enough to not do that. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Megan, I hated seeing her upset, and there was nothing more important than making her happy.
I whispered, “Do you trust me?”
She nodded softly, running her hand down my neck as she responded with her own question, “Do you trust me?”
In this moment I did, I had always kind of trusted Megan even through all of our shitty moments. She held something I never gave to anyone else, and that proved that I did in fact trust her.
“I do trust you.”