Eddy Chen plans to propose to Brett Yang on his birthday but chickened out last minute. What was Eddy thinking while he had the box on his pocket the entire time?
warnings: expletives, just fluff
Eddy's POV
This is it, I'm just a few moments away from proposing to the man that's right in front of me. I cannot wait to call him my husband and for him to call me the same. I can't wait to grow old and raise children with him. I cannot see myself with someone else but him.
I've always known that I'm in love with Brett Yang.
Nothing can change that. Even if he doesn't want me anymore. I feel the small box on my jacket pocket as I look at the love of my life. Ah, that smile. That goddamned smile will be the end of me. If I could bottle it up in a small glass with a wooden cork, I would take it everywhere with me.
I can easily do that, though.
His smile is more than a memory. It's almost as if it's a necklace or a bracelet that I always have with me, physically. Soon enough, it'll be a ring.
"Brett?" I asked, feeling the slight tremble of my hands.
"Yes, Eddy?" He asked, smiling warmly.
"Why don't we have pet names or such?" I asked, not the right question because I'm still nervous.
"Oh, that's easy. It's because I don't want you moaning other names besides mine." He said confidently with a chuckle. I grew bright red at the statement.
That's the thing I've always established. He's always been braver than me. No matter what the thing is or what the situation is. Brett's always been brave. He's the one who always initiates, the one who dominates, the one who's in control. Brett's always been like that.
I wanted to change that tonight, though.
I feel the small box on the jacket pocket again. I fiddle with it to calm my nerves. Why can't I just say it? I don't know why I'm so nervous.
I know I shouldn't since I've know this man for more than half of my life now. I just can't. We walked around a bit and I lead him to an elevated place just so we could see the city. I held his hand as we walked.
I stopped him when we got there and pulled out my phone. I played a violin version of Beau Soir by Debussy. I reached my hand out and touched his shoulder with the other. He put his hand on my waist as he lead the dance.
I leaned my head down as I touched our foreheads together. I study Brett's features. He has his eyes closed, a gentle smile playing across his lips and he looks peaceful. It's a contrast to his usual deadpan face. I always knew that I'd fall in love with this man everyday.
I don't think I will find another Brett Yang.
It must be him. He sways us around as he tiptoed to reach my height. He pulled me closer that we were a while ago. He kissed my cheek as I melted to the nearness of his skin.
I don't know why but his existence is enough to make me live for us both.
The music is long gone but he doesn't stop swaying us. It's much more gentle, you can listen to the quiet, until he started humming the first subject of the first movement of Tchaikovsky.
He now has both his hands on my hips as I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck. He still has his eyes closed so I finally did the same. He started rubbing soothing circles on my hips as he hums.
Eventually he stops humming and asks me.
"How do you think Tchaikovsky felt before? Imagine the feeling of oppression because he wasn't free to love who he wants to. Do you think he'll be happier once he knew that people are more open-minded now?" He still isn't opening his eyes.
"I can't imagine that feeling. I mean, imagine us hiding from the world. I don't think I would be sane if I couldn't vocalize my love for you. It must've been sad living in his time." I said as I played with the hair near the nape of his neck.
"I'm just glad I can openly express my love for you, but even if I would die because of that, I'd be better off dead than you not knowing how much I love you." He said as he brought one hand to my cheek and caressed it softly.
"Me too, Brett. Me too." I said, the box feeling heavy on my jacket pocket.
Brett kissed my lips softly and pulled away from our previous position.
"Let's go, it's almost late." He said, a his voice with a hint of something I can't point out.
"Yeah, let's." I said as I took his hand in mine again.
We started walking to get back home to my apartment. It's still not too late to propose, right? I mean, would Brett even say yes? Is he prepared to take it to the next level with me? What if he breaks up with me?
Oh God, I'd lose my mind if he did that.
The box feels like it's mocking me. It's like slapping me with the truth that I'm really not brave. That I'm a coward that doesn't deserve Brett. We're close to the house and I still don't have the courage to tell him.
We stopped in front of my apartment and I just don't know what to do. He has to go home and somehow, I really just can't blurt out the words. I feel him linger a little bit longer than usual.
"Eddy, I love you." He said as he leaned in for a kiss.
He pulled away as I held his hand.
"I love you, too." I said, basking in the silence around us.
This is the reason why I'm a failure. I can't even ask him. We just stare at each other and I just look at him. He hugged me as I close my eyes.
I'm sorry, Brett. I'm not brave enough to ask you to be mine forever.
I hug him tighter and sighed. I just wish that I didn't let the moment go.