Thursday
I walked towards the big building that was the university. I had thought about not going because i didn't feel really comfortable around professor Whiteley. But i decided to give him an second chance and if i still felt uncomfortable with him today I would tell Ashton. He would help me make the best decisions considering he was my therapist. Or i would find an solution myself.
It took me a while before I found his office. I knocked on the door and he immediately opened it. "Hey welcome back miss Green, feeling better than last week?" He said enthusiastic while he stepped out the office and closed it behind him.
"Feeling a lot better, ready to learn some stuff." I said to him with a fake smile.
I wondered why he had closed the door so quick behind him, like he was hiding something.
"That's good to hear. Let's quickly move to an empty classroom, my assistant is using my office right now to study. "
I let out a nervous laugh "That's very kind of you." I needed to stop thinking that everything this guy did was suspicious or wrong.
"Here we are. You can sit down on the front row." He said while we entered an smaller classroom then the last time i was here.
I sat down and pulled out my math notes just in case I would need them. He clapped his hands and said "let's begin, shall we?"
I nodded at him and tried to focus on the equation that he was writing down. But my brain just couldn't focus, i kept thinking about everything that would happen in the following weeks. Mrs Middleton would officially move to the retirement home in a week. Which also meant that i would have to switch schools which i absolutely didn't want to. Nothing was wrong with my current school, i was getting good grades and i wasn't getting bullied. My mind also kept going to the conversation i had with Luke about my birthday. He really wanted to celebrate it and make it a special day for me.
"Lucy are you listening?" professor Whiteley was now standing infront of me with a concerned look in his face. "Is everything alright?" He aksed me when i didn't response to his first question.
I snapped out of my thoughts and returned my gaze towards him. "I'm sorry i just have a lot on my mind right now." I said to him.
He nodded understandably and sat down on the chair next to me. "Is there something i can help with?"
I sighed and looked at my feet. "No not really, it's just that a lot of things have changed in the last week. "
He put his hand on my knee which made me made shiver. "I'm here if you want to talk about it. " He said smiling politely at me.
I gave him small smile. "Thank you. Shall we return to maths?"
"Of course." He removed his hand from my knee and stood up. He walked to the chalkboard and started explaining the problem. I kinda listened to him but my head was way too loud, i was thinking of 5 others things at the same time.
We finished the lesson early because i just wasn't able to focus properly anymore. I still felt uncomfortable around him even though he was really nice and didn't do anything wrong. I was just to scared to be alone with an older man in the same room. Ashton and i were working on trusting people but i hadn't really made any progress. But any small step forward would be better than not improving at all.
I cleared my throat and stood up straight. "May i present an idea i have?" I asked him with hesitation.
"Yeah, go ahead."
"Uhm i was thinking that i could mabye follow a few of your classes with fellow students. That way i can have a better understanding of how you can look at a problem in a different way." I looked at him expecting him to find it a stupid idea and get mad. But he found the opposite.
"That's exactly not a bad idea. You can learn a lot from how other people think. But i do want to trow in some private lessons from time to time. Just to make sure that you're exactly learning something and not just listening to me and others talk."
I don't know why but i felt like giving him a hug. But i stopped myself and shook his hand instead. "Thank you so much for helping me."
He laughed at me with excitement. "You're very welcome. I'm happy that someone of your age is so interested in maths. "
We both left the classroom and he walked me to the exit, just to make sure i wouldn't get lost. But when i was about to say goodbye and leave the building he grabbed my schoulder. "One more thing, i would like to meet your parent's. I want to make sure that they feel comfortable with the idea of you following college classes. " he handed me a small piece of paper. "My information is on there so your parent's can contact me."
I thanked him one more time and left the building. While i was waiting for the bus i looked at the card that he had given me and trached the letters with me fingers. "Let your parent's contact me." That sentence repeated itself in my head. I didn't have parent's was the only reply I could think of right now.
The bus arrived and i walked all the way to the back were i sat down. I leaned my head against the window and thought about the whole parent situation. The guys were just fostering me so legally they weren't my parents. But they felt like them, i felt comfortable around them, they took care of me and most importantly they loved me. But was i allowed to call them my parents?
I got out of the bus and thought about who i would go to first. Luke and i weren't really talking, i kept ignoring him just to make my point clear. I wanted him to know that I was serious about the birthday thing. Ashton and i had talked yesterday and it had became clear to me that he was on Luke's side so i didn't feel like going to him. Michael hadn't really said anything about it accept that he looked forward to throwing a party, as if it was already decided. So i decided to go to Calum's office, he was the only one who was on my side. After Luke had told everybody about our conversation he was the only who reacted normal. "Let's not worry about it right now. We still have 3 weeks to decide anything." He had said to me.
I stood infront of his office and knocked in his door waiting for a response.
"Come in"
I slowly opened the door and walked inside with the card of professor Whiteley still in my hand.
Calum put his papers down and smiled at me. "Hello, how is my princess doing today? Had a good time at the university?"
I sat down on the chair that was infront of his desk "It was alright. I will be joining a couple of his college classes with another students."
He smile faded a bit "Doesn't he want to give you private lessons anymore?"
I twirled the rings on my necklace and looked towards the ground. "No, i just didn't really feel comfortable with him alone in a room. And it is a good opportunity for me to learn new things in a different way."
Calum grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes. "That was very brave of you, knowing your comfort zone and finding a solution to still do what you want."
I looked him in the eyes and gave him a smile.
Someone knocked on the door and Calum let go of my hand. "Enter" he said to the person behind the door. Luke entered the room and looked confused at the sight of me.
"What's up?" Calum said to him turning his focus away from me.
"Uhm, nothing. I just wanted to see if Lucy was already back. And i see that she is so..uhm.. i will talk to you later." He said awkwardly while he stood in the doorway.
I looked at him with a blank face "Bye". And after i had said that he left the room.
Calum sighed and crossed his arms. "You're still not talking to him?"
"Nope"
"Why? I mean he just wants what's best for you."
I let out a laugh "That's not what this is about. It is about him not respecting or understanding my decisions. I won't talk to Luke unless he actually starts listening to me. "
My voice got louder and more angry. "You know what? That counts for all of you. You guys keep telling me to talk but as soon as i do you stop listening." I stood up from my chair and was ready to storm out the room.
"Why the fuck does a birthday mean so much to you?" I yelled, ending my angry rant.
"Lucy i need you to calm down." He said to me as I was standing in front of his desk with balled up fists and heavy breathing.
He got up from his chair and went to stand in front if me. I backed up, my anger was slowly turning into fear. Calum held his hands infront of me were i could clearly see them.
"Focus on your breathing, please."
I kept walking backwards, away from Calum. I noticed my chest getting tighter and tried to focus on my breathing like he said. He kept moving towards me and i kept walking away from him until i hit the wall. My anger was gone and had made place for fear.
I felt trapped and him being to close was making it worse. I held my hand up at Calum and said "Stop"
He immediately stopped and took a few steps backwards.
I grabbed my chest and tried to calm my breathing down. I didn't want Calum to come close but still needed his help. I looked at him with panic in my eyes.
He understood the message and started to give me directions. "Sit dow and put your knees to your chest."
I did what he told me to do and he also sat down. After 5 minutes i had calmed down and put my knees down. I let out a big breath and let my head hit the wall behind me.
Calum carefully sat next to me and wrapped an arm around me. I leaned against him, allowing a few tears to fall down my face.
He wiped them away and i looked at him. "Why does nodody listen me?"