"People always ask me how I pronounce my name, Jo-see or Jos-ee. And I always tell them the same thing: How dare you speak to me!" Josie McCoy in Riverdale
"Lilli, wake up," Ororo said, nudging Lilli. Lilli groaned, rolling over and facing away from Ororo.
"Let me sleep," Lilli grumbled, barely audible since her head was beneath her pillow. "I haven't slept in days."
"Girl, you've slept nineteen hours," Ororo retorted, grabbing the pillow off of Lilli's head. "It's lunchtime. On Friday."
"Friday?" Lilli asked, sitting up. "Shit... I haven't eaten since yesterday morning. How am I still alive?"
Ororo rolled her eyes as she pulled Lilli up by her arm. "Come on. We can go have lunch and then talk with the X-Men."
"Why do I have to talk with them?" Lilli murmured, frowning as she stood. Her eyelids felt heavy and she had to hold onto the bedpost to keep herself from falling. She felt exhausted.
"You just magically reappeared after being away for half of a year, we're going to want to talk to you," Ororo answered. She threw a towel at Lilli, scrunching up her nose. "Go shower. You smell."
Lilli sneered at Ororo before stumbling off to the bathroom to shower. Even though she'd slept all night and all morning, she felt exhausted. She could barely keep her eyes open as she showered. The hot water rolling over her skin only calmed her and made her even more sleepy. She craved her bed.
The past.. what, 36 hours? They'd been utterly exhausting. It had felt like a dream: Lilli'd left her home in Ohio, beat up two Kezing agents, drove across three states, stopped an attack on the Xavier Institute, and nearly frozen into a popsicle in the woods after her talk with Warren.
Warren. All of a sudden Lilli was wide awake and felt hyper aware of everything she was doing. This wasn't a dream. She was really back at the Xavier Institute. She was really back with her old friends who she'd mistakenly accused of excluding her. She was really back with Warren and Peter, who she'd abandoned. Lilli started shaking as she remembered what Warren had said to her the previous day. How she had sinned by leaving Peter and Warren for dead. Warren had known just how to get under her skin, and that's exactly what he'd done.
Lilli abruptly turned off the shower. She wrapped her towel around herself and stepped out into the steamy bathroom and towards the mirror. Lilli placed her hands on the counter and stared at her face in the mirror. Before she'd left her home in Ohio, Lilli had sworn to herself that she wouldn't be a coward. That she wouldn't be weak, that she wouldn't be stupid, that she wouldn't be stepped on. She'd sworn to never be the naïve girl she'd been the summer before. And yet she'd already almost frozen to death crying about some boy. Some boy who obviously hated her; some boy who seemed to want her dead. Lilli had already gone back on her promise to herself.
"Who are you, Lilli? Are you a little bitch?" Lilli asked herself, looking into her own eyes. They stared back at her, unmoving. "Or... are you a badass bitch? Which one is it?"
Lilli's reflection didn't move. It didn't answer her. "Because I'm gonna need you to make a decision real quick, girl. You're going to go down there and see all of those people again, and you're gonna have to make a choice. What's it gonna be?" Lilli stared at herself, waiting for an answer.
As she stared at herself, she started to realize something: while her skin was pale, it had protected her from countless injuries. Her blonde hair was frizzy, but it had kept her warm on cold nights. Her eyes, while a dull gray, had let her see the world and everything in it. Her teeth, not perfectly straight, had allowed her to eat her food and keep herself alive. Her voice was deep but had said a thousand "I love you's." Her hands weren't soft, but they'd held so many amazing things. Her feet had carried her for eighteen years and still held up. Her stomach wasn't the skinniest or the most toned, but it had held the best food she'd ever eaten and gave her fuel to keep on moving.
Her whole body, from her head down to her toes, was built like a war machine. It was strong and capable and powerful. She'd been through hell and back and was still fighting every day. She wasn't a little bitch. She wasn't some weak, naïve, spineless little girl. She was a strong, gifted, and clever woman. She wouldn't let anyone ever tell her otherwise. Lilli now knew exactly what she was.
"You're a badass, Lilliana Ann Smith," Lilli said to herself in the mirror, looking directly into her own eyes. "You're a strong, independent woman who takes no shit. You go get it, girl."
Lilli nodded at herself before turning and leaving the bathroom. She walked to her room with her head held high, feeling like no one could bring her down. As she walked into her room, Ororo noticed Lilli's newfound confidence.
"What happened in the bathroom?" Ororo asked, eyeing Lilli curiously. Lilli smiled as she faced the wall and started pulling on her jeans.
"I realized that I'm not a little girl anymore, but I'm actually a very strong, independent woman." Lilli said. She reached for her baby pink crewneck and turned to face Ororo. "I'm not the same as I was last year. I'm more mature now." Lilli pulled the crewneck on and started fishing around for a scrunchie to tie her hair back with.
"Yeah, well, we all are more mature now, too," Ororo responded, sounding a little wary. But then she smiled brightly up at Lilli. "But that's great! I'm glad you're confident."
Lilli smiled at Ororo in the mirror. "Thanks, Ro." She tied back the top half of her hair and smiled at her reflection. "Let's go eat. I'm starving."
After a quick lunch, Lilli and Ororo headed to the meeting in the X-Men lounge that was scheduled for 1:30. Lilli felt a heavy sense of deja vu— she'd gone to the same room that very first day she'd showed up at the Institute almost a year ago. She fondly remembered how none of the X-Men were happy she was joining, especially Scott. They were all so different back then; so much younger, playful, and wholesome. So much had changed. Lilli still felt the injustice and unfairness of making young teens have to fight in a mutant war, and she hated what it had done to her and her friends. She missed how innocent they'd all used to be.
Lilli and Ororo arrived right on time. They paused in front of the closed doors and Ororo looked carefully at Lilli. "Are you ready?" She asked, sounding concerned.
Lilli nodded. "Honestly, yes," she replied. And it was true. Her stomach wasn't dancing; her palms weren't sweaty; she wasn't frantically playing with her hair. She was ready to sit down and face everyone. What she'd done was in the past, there was no changing it.
Ororo nodded. "Okay then. Let's go," she said, opening the door. Lilli followed her in, looking at all of the X-Men who were already there. Scott and Warren were lounging on a couch in the center of the room and Hank was at a table off to the side with Professor X. Kurt was chatting with Peter and Jean and it looked like they were playing a game of charades. The game stopped as soon as Lilli and Ororo stepped through the door.
Everyone looked up at Lilli and Ororo, and all their conversations halted. Lilli looked around at everyone— this was the first time she'd been able to really get a good look at the group. They all looked older than they should; it was like the war had taken years off of their lives in only a few short months. It was scary to see, and it only made Lilli even more angry about the situation they were in.
However, Lilli smiled brightly at everyone. She didn't want to be an angsty teen at the moment. "Hello, everyone," Lilli chirped. She trotted over to a loveseat that was perpendicular the couch that Scott and Warren were on. Lilli sat criss cross applesauce in the center of the loveseat and smiled at everyone in the room. "Well, let's get on with it. I haven't got all day."
"What, are you planning on leaving again?" Scott asked snarkily. Lilli blinked at him but nevertheless maintained her tight smile.
"I guess you haven't heard what happened yet." Lilli responded. "Allow me to explain. Ororo and I found out yesterday that your best friend Cas had manipulated all of us."
"Okay, don't give me that when you're the one who dated him and probably got all freaky and—"
"In my defense, he was mind controlling me," Lilli interrupted, her smile gone.
"Mind controlling you?" Kurt asked from the corner of the room. Lilli looked at him and nodded.
"Yes. Mind controlling all of us to believe everything he said. He can manipulate emotions." Lilli answered him.
"Go back to what you were saying before, about him manipulating all of us," Hank said, bringing Lilli back to what she'd been saying earlier.
"Oh, right. He never told me that I was invited to the X-Men meetings and training sessions, and he told you guys that I didn't want to come. Which obviously brought a lot of frustration on both sides," Lilli explained to the room. "He also pretended to be Professor X and made me stay in school and made me want to leave."
"So you left because you thought we were excluding you?" Scott asked for clarification. Lilli nodded.
"Yep," Lilli agreed cheerfully, her smile back. "How did you guys find out about him being the spy?"
"When Warren and Peter came back, Cas was in town for the day. They told us everything that had happened," Jean explained.
"So, we kicked Cas out." Ororo added. "It wasn't a fun day. You're lucky you missed it."
"You guys are lucky you missed my nineteenth birthday party. It was the day after I got back from Chaos in Italy, and it was crazy weird." Lilli said seriously, her eyes going wide. She nodded her head solemnly. "Crazy weird."
Professor X cleared his throat and sat up straight. "Okay, well, the purpose of this meeting was to inform you of everything that has happened the past six months," he said. "Chaos and Kezing forgot about us and started fighting each other. Some of the mutants who'd decided to stay with Chaos had a mutiny and got rid of him. Recently, Kezing has been attacking us here, but those attacks were nothing compared to the attack yesterday."
"We're worried they're going to start stepping up their attacks," Hank said. "Jean and Cas talk sometimes, but we take everything he tells us with a grain of salt."
"We're not exactly comfortable having him be our only source of intel," Professor Xavier said. "We're not entirely sure whose side he's on."
"I don't think he really knows, either," Lilli replied. "So we should do something about that. We should send in two or three spies to see what they're doing over at Kezing and gather our own reliable intel. We can learn their weaknesses and use that to our advantage."
"We thought about that, but it seems too difficult to be able to do," Jean said.
"Sure we can do it. Hank could make an extension of Cerebro that allows all of us to track whoever we send. Whoever goes can hide pretty easily and spy on what's happening." Lilli suggested.
"Who would go?" Scott asked.
"Not Lilli," Warren snorted. Lilli gave Warren a cold stare, but didn't say anything.
"How about you go?" Ororo said to Warren. "You've been there. You know your way around."
Warren suddenly looked uncomfortable. "I don't really remember it." He said. Lilli smiled to herself. Warren himself didn't even want to go back there.
"No, I think it's perfect. He's your father, you should be the one to go," Ororo snapped back.
"I'm not going alone." Warren crossed his arms in front of his chest, frowning.
"I will go with you," Kurt piped up.
"You?" Lilli asked him in shock. Didn't he hate Warren?
"Yes. I can help us leave quickly if we need to," Kurt replied. Lilli raised her brows but didn't say anything more about it.
"Great. Hank, can you make a Cerebro device that'll let us track Kurt and Warren?" Jean asked Hank. He nodded slowly.
"I should be able to," he replied.
"How long will it take?" Lilli asked.
"Maybe about a week."
"Alright. Kurt and Warren will leave in a week, stay as long as they need to, and come back with intel," Jean recapped. "Does that sound good to everyone?"
Everyone nodded, and it was settled. With that, the meeting was over. Everyone stood to leave the room. Lilli was last in line, and right as she was about to step out of the door, she saw a figure still sitting out of the corner of her eye. She looked and saw it was Peter. He hadn't spoke the whole meeting and was staring at the ground. Lilli stopped and bit her lip before heading over to him. She still hadn't spoken to him since she'd left him back in October.
Lilli stepped up to Peter. He looked up at her, but Lilli couldn't read his expression. "Hey, Peter," Lilli said, giving him a faint smile. "Can we talk?"