word count: 3533
Carson pov:
I was about to walk away from Noahs room and down to the kitchen to get ready for my second date with Josh when i heard a few light sobs come from the room. I let out a small sigh before heading over to the boy. His door opened with a rather noticeable creak. On the bed lay a mess of covers and Noah intertwined. As soon is i came in the weeping was surpressed and i could see him trying to wipe down his face with the surrounding comforter.
'its okay you dont have to pretend. Is everything ok?'
I now stepped into the room fully, turning the nighlight on before closing the door behind me. I heard the sound of the boy shuffle around some more and saw his shillouette move to an upright position. He sat straight up on his mattress with a blanket wrapped around his body. I quietly moved to the bed and sat down next to him. Barely louder than a whisper, I asked 'Do you want to talk about it?'
silence. the boy just looked down at his hand while picking at the dead skin.
'Look Noah, I know somwthing is wrong, over the past few months you've seemed more and more down in the dumps. Not to mention your alcohol intake. i just think it would help if you got to talk to someone, a professional maybe.'
When i looked over what i saw broke my heart. His sunken eyes and dark circles. His cheecks slowly starting to hollow out, the copius amount of silent tears that rolled down his face.
'please.... i can even make the appointment if you want, i just- i cant stand by and let you fall apart without at least trying to help.'
I felt my own eyes prick with the threat of tears. I leaned over and wrapped my arms around the torso of the broken soul next to me. I could feel him slowly starting to thin even through his shirt and blanket. I rested my forehead on his shoulder and whisperd words of love and care under my breath. What shook me to core was the fact that Noah didnt react at all. his posture didnt change nor did his silence. he simply sat there with me leaning into him as an abundant amount of tears flowed from his eyes, down his face and onto my arm. An empty shell.
~time skip~
I shuffled around the kitchen, looking for things to pack. I had never really gone to a picnic before. I really had no clue what to bring and Google was only mildly helpful. Josh and I had later agreed that he would bring most of the food and I would bring any nessecary appliances. So far I had stuffed two blankets ,a bunch of utensils, plates, glasses and a cutting board In a tote bag. I was brainstorming as to figure out what else to bring while Cooper and Travis lent on the counter beside me. Specifically, Cooper sat on the counter with all his limbs wrapped around Travis protectively who stood there with an everlasting blush powdered on his cheeks. They ( mostly Cooper) had been talking about their newfound relationship. To be honest I was a little taken aback, I had always thought they were really good friends. I mean they had known each other for a lot longer than the rest of lunch club. Now that I think about it Cooper has always been pretty protective of Trav and they do spend a lot of time together.... Either way, I'm happy for them.
'So what made you guys realize this was a good time to come out and tell everyone?'
'Well, it was actually Wil. He convinced me it was time for a proper sit down. The guys pretty intuitive. 'The blondes words were clear but slightly muffled since he had his chin nested in Traviss mess of curls.
'Huh, alright then. ' It's really is crazy how Wilbur has gotten to know so many of us so well already. Maybe he was the missing link we needed... ' anyways, how many people know now?'
Well you and Wil, obviously, apart from that just Schlatt. We plan on telling everyone in the span of the next few days.
'That's great, I'm glad you guys are being to open about this. By the way, I hope you don't mind if I change the subject but I really don't know what to pack for this picnic date I'm going to.'
This time Travis spoke up,'Well it sounds like your job is to make it as comfortable as possible so maybe like a speaker? Blankets? A cooler? Board games? A sweater! It's gonna get cold later tonight.'
'Thanks Trav.'
~Time skip~
I was sitting down my car driving low and slow through the city. I was just a few minutes away from his apartment complex, I knew where he lived since I dropped him off from our first date. I could feel a small bubble of anxiety brewing in the pit of my stomach but it was nothing compared to last time. I rounded a corner into a seemingly infinite block of apartment buildings, almost identical concrete structures towering into the sky. Apart from that there were dirt paths through the green patches connecting the towers. I parked right infront of Josh's home before getting out of the car and taking in the scene around me. The warm sun beat down on me but was countered by a cool autumn breeze. As I scanned the area I was surprised to find josh sitting cross legend under an acorn tree. I admired the boy in long maroon shorts and an oversized gray sleeved black shirt. Strange combination but I wasn't much better off with cargo shorts and a cloud nine sweater. I caught myself staring at the boy hunched over his phone. God Carson, don't mess this up. If you ever find another catch like this it won't be in this lifetime. I took a deep breath before slamming the car door behind me and trying not to look creepy as I went over to Josh.
'hey'
'Hey! Didn't see ya there Carson.'
'Yeah uh so you ready to go?'
'Mmmmhmm I got all we need right here!'
The brunette stood up with effort and picked up a basket I never noticed was next to him. I quickly leaned over and took it from him, our hands brushing slightly. It was heavier than I expected. I looked at him quizzically.
'you actually own a picnic basket?'
'No, well, I mean I'm just borrowing it from a friend of mine, Grace. She's really creative and artsy, never shuts up about aesthetics like ' cottage core'. I don't really get it though.'
'Humph alright.'
'By the way where are we gonna go do this? '
'Oh, I was just thinking the local park, or if you wanna go to the beach that's fine too...'
'Nope! The park sounds perfect, sand always ends up creeping its way into your food at the beach.'
We talked as we walked to the car, when we arrived I opened the door for him to get in and went to go put the basket full of food in the backseat before getting in myself and driving off. The rest of the trip there was filled with giggles, flirtatious comments and small talk.
When we did eventually arrive we each took a bag and started to wander around the park for a suitable spot. After a while we ended up settling on a lush patch of grass right under a smaller but stout tree who's leaves provided small pockets of shade that swayed back and forth because of the gentle wind.
I started by laying down one of the blankets and Josh followed suite with unloading the copuis amounts of food he brought. Everything from tiny sandwiches to salads and even desserts such as cupcakes and puddings were placed onto the cloth below us.
'Josh, you really didn't have to do all this....'
'Nono, I wanted to to! I love cooking and trying out new recipes. You must know presentation is everything! A pretty plate of food can really get the creative juices flowing.'
'Oh?'
'Yeah, I guess decoration is a hobby of mine? Maybe a passion?'
'Well either way, I'm grateful for it.'
I reached over to a plate of neatly iced sugar cookies and popped one in my mouth. Almost instantly I rolled my eyes back and fell onto the floor behind me letting out a muffled moan, slightly over exaggerating how good the pastries were. I could hear the younger boy giggle and I saw his face flush red. Maybe I was just a little loud.
~time skip~
The rest of the afternoon went smoothly, I stuffed my face as josh rambled on about cooking and how crazy it was that we met through a penpal service. I loved listening to him, it seemed like he had so much to say and he would just go on and on. I really didn't mind that I didn't get a word in, I would watch his lips move and his hands gesture when he was making an important point. Sometimes I would zone out a bit, i felt a bit bad for not always listening but the daydreams of us together we're worth it.
At one point he admitted that he was pretty tired since he hadn't slep too much the night prior. I was going to ask him about what kept him up but I was absolutely captivated by the adorable sound that left his lips when he yawned. Instead I forgot about all and any conversation and simply motioned for him to crawl into my arms. The blush on his cheeks was strong but he obliged. I was now leaning on the tree stump behind me with a boy on my chest whomst my arms were wrapped around. I draped the second blanket around the semi sleeping boy as he tried to furrow himself closer to me. I traced comforting shapes into his lower back with my thumb. Damn he's so cute. Why the hell has he latched himself onto me? Don't get me wrong I love it but what in the world does he see in me? He's so young and so innocent, I almost feel like it's my responsibility to take care of him....
I'm quite the light sleeper so when Josh talked in the midst of his sleep it brought me out of my own slumber. I hadn't even realized I fell asleep until I woke up. Even though I was only half conscious I could still tell what the boy on my chest was saying. His sentences were choppy and slightly nonsensical.'don't, don't do that! He's- it's my decision to make! It's my life I get to choose! I don't want her I don't love her, but I need him. Please understand...'
He quieted down after that only letting out small grunts or incoherent sentences here and there. I once again let my mind wander. What in the world was going on in that beautiful head of his? Who was he arguing with? Who was he? Who was she? Should I ask him about it later? My head was foggy with questions that could only be answered one way. He boy on my mind stirred, in fact he shivered and pressed himself closer to me. I felt my heart skip a beat. When that didn't provide any more warmth, he started to wake up, ripping himself away from me.
'cold?'
'Uh yeah ...'
'Here take this.'
I pulled my sweater off over my head, it hiked my shirt up a bit revealing part of my stomach and back. I handed it to josh who once again had a blush dusting his cheeks. He eagerly dressed himself in the sweater. It was big on him and granted the boy sweater paws. I inwardly thanked Travis for the idea of bringing a hoodie, because the sight in front of me was truly beautiful.
'Look it's not gonna get any warmer out plus it's getting a bit late for a picnic. Maybe we should pack up and head home?'
Josh simply nodded as he rubbed his sleep ridden eyes. I put everything back into their respective containers and bags, everything except one of the blankets which was draped around the brunette shoulders. I carried everything back to the car with Josh dragging himself along a few paces behind me. The drive back home was silent (mostly). Yet, it was a comfortable one, we were both in our own worlds but still together. The only constant noise was the radio letting the sound of music envelop us, I hummed to a chorus here and there but never properly committed to singing.
When we got home I told the younger boy to go upstairs and wait in my room so that I could put everything away. I started with leftovers, most things went in the fridge but I decided to leave the baked goods out so people could serve themselves. Utensils and co. Were left in the sink for someone else to do. I headed downstairs to return the blankets to the game room. There was muffled music coming from Schlatts room. It sounded like a guitar and distant chatter. There were an explosion of giggles before I heard one of the voices go 'dance for me, my pretty princess'. That was when I knew it was time for me to go.
Anyhow, I had my own things to attend to. I quickly grabbed the bag and basket with anything that was left inside and jogged up the stairs to my room. I came in to see Josh sitting on my bed staring out the window at the sunset. I closed the door after setting down what was in my hands.
'Your window has got a nice view,huh?'
'Yeah, I guess...wanna get closer?'
'What? I mean sure but-'
I watched a soft pink bloom on the stuttering boys chubby cheeks. Then soon after I realized what I said, and what it sounded like. The pink started to bloom on my cheeks as well.
'Oh no! I meant closer to the sunset! Cause we can get onto the roof from here is what I mean. Unless of course...'
'The roof?'
On the far side of my room was a window and on the other side was the roof of the patio. It was very easy to get to and I often went up there. Still, the boy seemed worried.
'is it dangerous?'
'Hardly.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yep! I'll even help you get there.'
I sauntered over to the window and opened it as wide as possible. I light gust ruffled my hair as I signaled for the brunette to come join me. He did so reluctantly. I told him to stand with his back against the glass and to put his palms on the window sill. I was going to lift him up so he could sit There. I placed both my hands on his waist and held on firmly.
One...
Two...
Three!
I heaved the boy up into the air until he found where he was to sit. The surprisingly light boy was now about a head taller than me. I peered up into his crystal blue eyes, admiring every aspect of him. The change of angle granted a refreshing view of the boy
'now, all you gotta do is swing legs over and you'll be there.'
As I spoke through a smile I never broke eye contact. Wanting to stay planted in this moment foverever. Josh gulped before doing as he was told and soon was once again admiring the sunset. I quickly followed suite and joined him on the roof. I took his hand and we sat down with our backs leaning on the wall behind us. Josh had his knees pressed against his chest and I couldn't help but once again think he resembled an anxious child. I spoke up 'I've uh, I've been meaning to talk to you about something that happened earlier today...'
'Oh?'
'Yeah, apparently you talk in your sleep.'
'Oh no, well yes I do but I was hoping it wouldn't happen. What did I say?'
'What were you dreaming about?'
He let out a small sigh.
'I was dreaming about my mom. More specifically that I was young again back home with my mom and we were talking about my past.'
'About how you came out?'
'Yeah...I didnt say anything too bad, did I?'
'No, at least I don't think so. I take it it didn't go too well.'
'Nope. She was always really controlling, she wanted a perfect son. I mean I tried to please her but you know there are some things that you just can't change.'
'Oh, I'm sorry, that must have been horrible for you. '
'Well yeah but I try to look at the positives, she wanted me to have talents so she signed me up to learn anything and everything under the sun. I've forgotten half of it but now if I'm ever in a life threatening situation and the only way to get out is to waltz, I'll be livin another day!'
He chuckled softly at his own remark but I to my chance and seized the opportunity. I shuffled through my phone typing 'waltz music' into spotify and playing the first thing that came up. Josh looked at me, confusion laced in his eyes.
' Idon't know how to waltz, why don't you teach me?'
I felt I light smirk pull on my lips.
'well I- I haven't danced in years..'
'But you still remember how to, right?'
'Sure but-'
'Great! Then you can teach me!'
I stood up and held out my hand for the boy to take. The roof wasn't at a very steep slant so we could still move about freely without worrying about falling off too much. The boy reluctantly took my hand and let me pull him up. He sighed and moved my hand to his shoulder and put his on my waist.
' alright, well I'm the lead, since I actually know what I'm doing. That means your hand goes here and you follow after me. Waltz is a box step wich means you are pretty much always going in a box formation, here, just follow me. '
The brunette took a step forward so I followed, after that a step to the right, he shifted his weight and went to go forward but I thought we were going backwards again, I ended up stepping on his foot.
'Ow! Godammit. Carson, imagine there is a drawing of a box on the ground, just trace that with your footsteps.'
I mumbled a quick apology and we tried again and this time it worked I stumbled time to time but got the hang of it soon after. I decided to bump things up a notch.
'can I spin you?'
' huh?'
'I mean I'm pretty good now so might as well shake it up right? I'm gonna spin you.'
'Um, ok'
A wave of realization and slight concern took over the boys expressions. I'm not sure what gave me such confidence around him. I moved my hand from his shoulder and lifted the other high above his head. He let go of my waist, got on his tippy toes and spun around and around. He must have been slightly dizzy when he put his foot down because he stumbled a bit. I reached over to catch him and pulled his close to my chest. The fact that Our bodies were almost completely pressed against each other, and the twinkle in his eye sent me flying. I could feel his heavy breath on my face and I couldn't help myself. I leant down and connected our lips it was hardly more than a peck but fireworks still went of in my chest. When my eyes fluttered open and I looked back at the brunette he had a broad smile plastered across his face. He caught me off guard by once agin connecting us with a kiss, but this time it was a lot more passionate, a lot more raw.
I felt hot skin on mine, first fingers barely grazing my face and arms but it soon evolved into something driven by hunger and need. His hands pulled on my locks and rode up my chest from under my shirt. I had his back pinned against the window, keeping him where I wanted him. Heavy breathing and muffled moans hung in the air around us. I soon moved from his lips to his jawline, peppering rough kisses and small bites all the way down to his collar bone, knowing that there would soon be visible love marks inking his skin. When I felt him squirm under my grasp I only bit harder, earning an elongated moan from the other. His eyes were shut when I pressed my lips against his once again, a small gasp escaping him. He pulled away both of us panting slightly, I reached for him once again but he moved out of the way.
'I'm sorry Carson, I cant. T- too much, too early.'
I was taken aback since just a few moments prior he had seemed so hungry for more. Still, I didn't want to push him to do something he wasn't comfortable with. So, reluctantly I started to untangle our intertwined bodies.
'sure, that's fine. Let's just go to bed then.'
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Whoop whoop long chapter,. Next chapter is schlattbur focused( and yes there will be smut, real smut, probably) do yall prefer more frequent short chapters or the opposite?
Tis not edited properly I just wanted to get it out, might put out a proper version sometime soon. Sorry it took so long to get out
luv u <3