Disclaimer: All Gilmore Girls content belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino.
. . .
Refilling the shakers, Ella nodded at Sheriff Cooper as he waltzed into the diner. The local law enforcement came in at all hours of the day for coffee and free donuts, though it wasn't like they had boatloads to do in a town as sleepy as Stars Hollow. She didn't bother to eavesdrop on the conversation until she was behind the counter again, putting the salt and pepper back where it belonged. Coop was sliding a slip of paper across to Luke, who stood by the register. Glancing over, she recognized the handwriting immediately. After all, it was all over her books.
"Is that Jess's registration?" she asked, leaning in near Luke.
Luke sighed, casting a wary glance in her direction. "Yes."
"They found his car? Jeez, it took them long enough," she said off-handedly, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"Hey! It only took us a day, young lady," Coop chimed in, face sullen below the bill of his leather hat. "Not too hard with a hunk of junk like that."
Brows furrowed, Ella turned back to Luke and tilted her head at him in askance.
Groaning and rolling his eyes, Luke looked over at her again. "It was in my dad's old garage. I went to check on it this morning and the lock was busted off."
"You stole his car?" Ella crossed her arms over her chest, taking a step back and straightening up. When Luke didn't respond, Ella scoffed and shook her head to herself.
"Look, Ella, if he didn't have a car, maybe he wouldn't keep going to Walmart," Luke explained, his voice a grumble under his breath.
"Hm," Ella hummed, nodding doubtfully.
He was about to continue when strong yellow lights began flashing through the window to the right. A sheriff's car preceded a tow truck with Jess's rusty Ambassador hooked onto the back. Coop said the car had broken down on the Expressway a couple hours earlier, and Jess had immediately been picked up. Luke instructed Ella to hold down the fort while he went out to deal with the situation, the precession parking right out in front of the diner.
And as she began closing up, cashing out the final customers and wiping down the counters, she couldn't keep her distracted gaze off of the scene through the window. She couldn't hear what Jess and Luke were shouting at each other, but she could gather it wasn't a pleasant conversation. A knot of nerves sat in her stomach, watching from the corner of her eye. Luke eventually stomped back into the diner, and Ella saw Jess collapse into the back seat of his rust bucket across the street. She tried to ask Luke what had happened, but he shut her down instantly. The rest of the shift was spent in tense, anxious silence.
. . .
A bright half moon shone in the late February sky as Ella left the dark diner and locked up. She could see her breath in whitish clouds as she stalled in her path at the bottom of the concrete steps. Flexing her hands in the pockets of her peacoat, she bit the inside of her cheek and furrowed her brows. Either she could leave Jess where he was, curled up in the backseat of his death trap on wheels, and turn down the street to the little blue house, or go up and to him and face the music. Turning on the heel of her boot, she almost ignored him. Almost. Though she spoke to him every now and again over the phone, seeing him in person was a whole different matter. Just the sight of him made her heart twist in her chest. But then a huge gust of wind came, blowing her hair back and making frosty roses form on her freckled cheeks. Emitting an audible growl in the empty street, she shook her head to herself and marched to the car which held so many memories.
She knocked twice, hard, on the back window with frozen knuckles.
Jess's figure shifted only slightly in the seat. "Go away," he groaned.
Ella rolled her eyes. "It's me, jackass!"
Huffing out a frustrated breath, Jess finally sat up and cranked down his window. "What?"
"I almost forgot how much more charming you are in-person," she quipped.
"G'night," Jess shot back ruefully, making to roll his window back up.
Ella put her hand on the glass to stop him, sighing out another cloud of condensation. "Look, Luke is back with Nicole again-"
Jess scoffed.
"Yeah, I don't know, either," she muttered. "But he's spending the night at their place in Litchfield, so I doubt you'll be able to get up to the apartment without breaking in, and that'll likely cause more problems than it solves-"
"Like I need Luke's help," he interjected petulantly.
"Just let me finish," she snapped. "It's gonna drop to like eight degrees out here, and neither of us wants you getting hypothermia, so just come stay with me for the night."
Brows furrowing, Jess couldn't hide the utter surprise which appeared on his face. The ice between them was slowly melting, sure, but he never figured she would be forgiving enough to offer something like that. "Very funny, Stevens. I'm tired, alright?"
"Jesus, Jess, I'm not joking!"
"What about your dad?" Jess asked, his voice flat, though his eyes were calculating.
She only shrugged. "Well, from what I remember, you have a talent for sneaking around my house. Your skills might be a little rusty, but I'm not gonna sweat it."
Slowly, very slowly, Jess nodded and got out of the backseat, sheepish. His joints cracked as he straightened up again, stiff from two hours lying motionless in the cold. Appraising him, Ella couldn't help but grimace. He had dark circles under his eyes, skin paler than usual. And the black beanie he wore certainly didn't suit him.
"The prodigal son, indeed," she said, eyebrows raised.
His mouth was set in a thin line, unamused. "Are we going, or not?"
. . .
Humming. Jess had almost forgotten about the humming. Most of the time, Ella didn't even realize she was doing it. At the diner, over homework. Anytime she wasn't acutely focused on something, her mind wandered back to whatever music was striking her fancy at the moment. Standing awkwardly, with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, Jess had yet to even unzip the leather jacket he was wearing or shed any layers. He'd never felt so uncomfortable in her room before, not even the first time he'd come, before they were dating, when he'd discovered how good she was at cards. He watched her rifling through the drawers of her old dresser, humming some Elliot Smith song he couldn't quite place the title of.
She turned back to him with clothes in her hands, tossing them onto the mattress by which Jess stood before she started making for the door. "You get to wear the famous KISS t-shirt tonight, my friend."
"C'mon, Elle-" he began, his voice a sigh.
"You should be honored, Jess. Besides, it's the biggest t-shirt I have. And those sweatpants were Noah's. Should fit you. I'm gonna go brush my teeth and change and stuff. Make yourself at home," she said casually, as though there weren't so many unspoken words hanging in the air between them.
He shook his head, looking down at his beat-up shoes. "You don't have to do this."
"Believe me, I'll sleep better knowing you're not freezing to death in your back seat," she replied.
Turning and shutting the door softly behind her, Ella left before Jess could say anything else. Looking around, things were much the same, save for the walls. He remembered painting the white color on them, right before everything had gone to hell. He remembered waking up in the room so many times, rushing out before Luke would notice he was gone, planting a final kiss on her sleepy face before he went. He'd always woken up before her. Nervous that she may come back before he was finished, Jess stripped off his dirty clothes as quickly as he could, leaving them in a small pile near the window through which he had just climbed. He pulled on the sweatpants and hesitated a moment before tugging the shirt over his head. He'd seen her wearing it in the early light of the morning, or late at night when they sat up together, him reading and her drawing.
The corkboard over her desk was covered in new sketches, and he saw some in charcoal. He turned away, eyes meeting the purple mural behind the mattress. The sight of it made him smile. She was even more talented than when he had left, if it was possible. A soft creak sounded in the room, and he turned expecting to find Ella. Instead, a large, black cat with one eye missing and a curmudgeonly expression on its face came in, hopping up onto the bare surface of the desk and curling up into a ball. Quirking a brow, Jess stared at the cat, who Ella had told him was named Fleetwood. Shocking.
Ella snorted a laugh when she came back in, now dressed in a flannel shirt and some leggings, makeup washed off and hair loose down her back. "Hm. You've finally met the ghost which haunts the Stevens house. He got pissed because I opened the dryer."
"Huh."
"Yeah, he's great."
"Sounds like it."
Blowing out a long breath, she switched off her overhead light and approached the bed. The clock read almost midnight, and her eyes were achy with fatigue. Collapsing onto the mattress and burrowing under her blankets, she went to turn out the bedside lamp but hesitated when she saw Jess still standing rigidly at the end of the bed, debating whether to sleep on her old carpet.
"Jess, you can lay down if you want. Not like we haven't slept in the same bed before," she said, voice calm though her heart was beating against her ribs. "I mean, if you wanna sleep in the same bed...Woah, that was presumptuous of me. I'm sorry, I-"
Jess cut her off with a chuckle. "It's fine, Stevens. I just...wanted to make sure."
Nodding, she shut the lamp off and felt the mattress dip next to her as Jess got under the covers and laid on his side, facing the wall. She didn't know how long they spent, backs to each other, in stale silence. It was strange, how similar it felt to so many other nights together. But so utterly different, too. His hair was longer, with less gel than ever. She wondered how else California had changed him, in ways she couldn't see. Taking in a long breath, Ella squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before turning over to face his back and hoping she didn't regret speaking.
"Jess?"
"Yeah?"
"How'd you know about your car? I mean...I didn't even know about that. And Luke rants to me pretty much every day."
There was another long silence before Jess heaved a huge sigh. Ella could see the outline of his shoulders move beneath the white fabric of the worn shirt in the dim light. As he flipped over on his side, they looked each other in the eyes for the first time in what felt like years.
"My mom told me about it."
"Your mom?" Ella's brow crinkled.
Jess breathed another sigh. "Yeah, I've been keepin' in touch with her since I got back to New York. She came to see Luke at the diner this morning. Weren't you there?"
"I don't live there. I was in class."
He scoffed. "Geek."
"Whatever, jackass. You and your back pocket books," she said, rolling her eyes. "So...you and your mom are...?"
"Well, we're not gonna be doing any mother-son talent shows together any time soon, but at least she told me where my property was."
Nodding, she hummed quietly in acknowledgement. "I really didn't know he had the car, Jess. I would've said something."
"I know."
"Good."
Then, after a moment: "I don't know. She and I...at least I don't have to live with her and her endless string of suitors. She's got a new one, y'know."
"Hm."
"Yeah, I don't even remember what his name is. She might've told me, but, at this point, it's a waste of time thinking they'll stick around longer than a week," Jess said. He chewed on his bottom lip.
"What about your dad?" she asked quietly, noticing how his gaze darted away from hers at the question. There was still some distance between them, but she could almost feel his breath on her face.
Jess took a moment before answering. "Well, he's still out there in California and I'm here. That's that."
"Okay," she said shortly, nodding again in understanding. Her eyes searched his face for anything more, but his expression was unreadable. "Did you like it out there, at least? Was it everything Joan Didion promised?"
He shifted slightly, hand going under the pillow on which his head rested, getting more comfortable. A hint of a smirk touched his lips. "Sort of. But, I do know one thing."
"What's that?"
"You'd hate it there," he told her, a smug expression growing.
She chuckled breathily. "Why?"
"It's hot as hell, first off. There's sand everywhere. And I know how you feel about oceans," he said, shooting a pointed glance her way. "And it's just full of these hippies, babbling about astrology and fate and all that bullshit. I don't think you'd be able to stomach it for a day."
"Oh, and you were able to weather it so much better?" she teased.
He shrugged. "Well, I worked at the bookstore on the boardwalk for a few months. Only a few crazies to deal with every shift."
"Hm. I could see it. You sulking behind the counter, reading, while some flower child begs you for some help."
"Hey, I did a great job," he argued.
"Yeah, using those famous Jess Mariano customer service skills," she said doubtfully, then stifled a yawn against the back of her hand.
"Tired?" he asked, raising a brow.
"Not really," she lied. "I just had an eight o'clock this morning. Should be against the law."
"Ah, yes. The joys of higher education," Jess said with a quiet laugh, watching as she struggled to keep her eyes open.
She snickered, her speech growing more raspy with fatigue by the word. "It's okay. Kind of interesting. Pretty boring here without Rory, though."
"She's at Yale, right?"
Ella nodded. "Living her dreams. Winning everyone over with those baby blues...Sorry. I sound fucking pathetic."
Biting down on his lip again, Jess looked at her for a long moment. He didn't realize how much he had missed her until he got a glimpse of her. He got her voice every once in a while, but not her face. Not her mind.
A blush spread over her cheeks at his gaze, and she suddenly regretted her words. She wanted to roll her eyes at herself. It was so childish to be jealous of Rory, but sometimes she couldn't help it. And when Jess was around, she always found herself forgetting to keep it all locked up, letting things slip out. It certainly didn't help that she was totally exhausted.
"Eleanor," Jess said earnestly. "You're not pathetic, alright? You're a badass artist. Lily Briscoe. And, for the record, you've got Bette Davis eyes."
"Bette Davis's eyes were blue, Jess," she said doubtfully.
"I don't mean the color. Just the look," he said, shrugging at her correction.
Ella snorted a suspicious laugh. "How the hell do you know that song anyway?"
"Not important. And you're not gonna distract me. Don't doubt yourself, Stevens," Jess said, and for a minute Ella found herself enclosed in a memory. In a New York port authority, preparing to board a bus, Jess with a new drawing of the Hudson in his pocket. "Own your narrative."
She swallowed down the pleasant swell of her heart. "Well, if I'm owning mine, you've gotta own yours. Have you started that book yet, Kerouac?"
He gave a thin, mocking smile. "The travelling kinda got in the way."
"Well, I'm sure it gave you lots of material," she murmured, eyes finally fluttering shut.
It only took a few minutes for her breathing to even out, slow and steady. Jess turned over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, the water spot Ella always said was shaped like a Zeppelin. Raking a hand through his hair anxiously, he shut his eyes and tried to fall asleep. But the lavender smell was too familiar, almost too comforting, as was the woman next to him.
. . .
Standing by the register, Ella tried to bite back a smirk as Luke argued with his sister. Liz was rounding up ingredients from down in the diner to bring upstairs. Her new boyfriend, TJ, he was called, was up in the apartment attempting some sort of lunch. Ella would have called the cops on him trying to get up in the apartment had Liz not been there to identify him. She had heard stories about Liz over the years, from both Luke and Jess. And though she had gleaned enough information to assume the woman was bizarre, she hadn't expected the new age, peace-loving, crystal earring-making vibe she had. Especially considering some of the things Ella knew she had done to Jess, not the least of which was shipping him off because her boyfriend got into a fist fight with him. And TJ? Ella could only imagine the angry shade of red Luke's face would turn when TJ asked him to guess what his initials stood for.
Checking her watch, she sighed softly when she saw it was only two in the afternoon. There was a lull after the lunch rush, and she'd cleaned up as well as she could for the time being. So, she would be left stagnant behind the counter while Stars Hollow lives rushed around her. And, though Caesar was in the back, he rarely came out to speak with her. He was busy with prep, and the new headphones he'd just gotten, to listen to his music on full volume during slow times.
A scowling Luke turned back to Ella as Liz marched up the stairs, arms full of food, and broke her out of her pitiful reverie. Her eyes widened slightly at his furious look.
"You let him up there?" Luke demanded.
"She's your sister! What was I supposed to do? Get Coop out here to arrest her fiancé?" she asked, gesturing with her hands in exasperation.
"I don't know! Just...you could've waited until I got back!"
Ella shook her head. "How was I supposed to know when you'd be back? You didn't say anything! Y'know, if you'd just get a cell phone for these kinds of things like I've been telling you-"
"You don't have a cellphone!"
"I don't own a diner."
Luke put his hand up and let out a weary sigh. "Enough. Fine. Just...is there any chance you could stage a horrible accident in the next two minutes? We'd have to take a long drive to the hospital."
"I don't think that would solve the core problem, boss," she said.
Nodding, Luke went to ascend the stairs to a certain doom. "You're right, kid. You're right," he admitted gruffly. "You okay down here for a while? Sure you don't need any help?"
She smirked. "Think I can manage for the time being."
He shot her a final glance, narrowing his eyes. "This would all be so much easier if you were a bad employee."
"Can't always get what you want," she quipped, then turned as a customer approached. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't take the earrings she tried to bribe me with."
"That doesn't make me feel better in the slightest."
Scoffing, she shook her head again as Luke disappeared behind the curtain. A smile formed on her face as she rang up the tourist family, and she even shot them a wave as they made their way out the door. Her breath caught in her throat, however, when she saw Jess's head nearing the diner entrance through the front window. Immediately, she clutched at her necklace and bit the inside of her cheek. She'd awoken in the morning to find Jess gone, borrowed clothes folded and left on her desk. She'd taken pity on him. Swept up in the moment, in seeing him again, in seeing him shivering in the backseat of his car. But his side of the bed empty, without a word, brought a bad taste to her mouth. It was becoming familiar. She didn't want it to become familiar. She didn't want to admit how much his leaving had affected her, and maybe she didn't truly feel it until she saw his face again. For just a moment, it felt easy and right. Like it had. Like home. But the morning was cruel and brought reality. She'd seen him pushing his car through town in the direction of Gypsy's while she was on her way to work. His car would be fixed and he would be gone again. And she would be left behind.
Hoping to look busy, she took her notepad out of her apron, doodling mindlessly. The bell over the door jingled, and her heart sped up. Chewing on the eraser of her pencil, she made a pointed effort not to notice him right away.
Jess came up in front of her and tapped slightly on the counter. "Hey, Stevens."
"Hi," she replied, eyebrows raised. "You get your car to Gypsy's? I saw the little parade this morning."
Jess nodded and sighed softly. "Yeah. Not gonna be fixed until tonight."
"Tragic," she quipped flatly. "Are you gonna to go to the firelight festival to pass time, Mr. Model Citizen?"
"Is that what's going on out there?" he asked with a frown, groaning dramatically.
"Same time every year, Mariano."
"Just another Hallmark holiday," he said.
Ella turned away, masking the twist of memory in her heart, to make a fresh pot of coffee. "Do you need something?"
Clearing his throat, Jess looked away from her and over to the checkered curtain. "Is Luke upstairs? I left a notebook I need up there."
"A notebook?" she asked quizzically.
Jess ran a hand over his mouth. "Just got some things in it that I need."
"Specific."
"Aren't I?"
She scoffed, then faced him again. "Well, Luke's up there. Along with your mom and Prince Charming."
"Fuck. You met him?"
"Oh, yes."
"And?" he asked expectantly.
She snorted a laugh. "I really think you have to see it to believe it."
Blowing out a long, tired breath, Jess walked towards the stairs. He stopped short when he made it to the curtain, tilting his head back to her with a questioning look. Messy hair, hands on her hips, pencil behind her ear. A vision from his past, making his stomach fill with butterflies every time he saw her. But her hazel gaze didn't quite meet his own, off somewhere he couldn't reach. Biting down on his lip hard, he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Are you okay, Eleanor?"
Nodding, she attempted a weak smile his way. "Always, Jess. Are you okay?"
"Yeah...yeah. I'm okay. Thank you...for last night."
"You're welcome."
And then she heard his footfalls trudging up the creaky wooden stairs. Fiddling with her necklace, she swallowed down her thoughts and plastered on another grin as Lane bounced in, announcing she'd found the perfect house to rent with her band.
. . .
Other than old books and lavender, bonfire was one of Ella's favorite smells. She had her ratty black peacoat draped around her small frame. Rory and Lane had convinced her to go to the festival, both of them with the night free. And she figured maybe some time away from her bedroom and the diner would clear her mind. Spaces which were so crowded with her memories. She would just have to wait until Jess was gone, and she would be connected with him only through the phone line again. She wouldn't have to feel the way her heartbeat picked up every time she got near him, touched him. And the worst part was, the feeling wasn't bad. She remembered it. She missed it. How relaxed he made her feel.
But, as soon as she'd spotted her father and Fiona walking hand-in-hand through the square, she'd retreated to the bench near the bookstore to draw. Rory and Lane tried to get her to join them for candied apples and popcorn, but she wasn't hungry. And, besides, there were plans to meet up at the Gilmore house later for some movies anyway. She just needed a moment of quiet, to herself. Without being pulled in so many directions. Though her hands were shaking from the cold, she managed a sketch of Jess's car, two ghosts in the front seat, all tires flat.
She saw his jacket before she saw his face, spotting the familiar black leather out of the corner of her eye as he sat down next to her. Neither of them said a word for a moment, the continuous buzz of town activity and the crackling of the bonfire filling their ears.
"I like it," Jess said, looking over her shoulder at the drawing.
Ella blew a breath out her nose and stopped shading. Leaning back against the bench, she shot him a momentary glance before shifting her eyes out to town square. "You always say that."
"And it's always true."
"Yeah, whatever," she scoffed, shaking her head a little.
"I'm serious. Who wouldn't love a drawing of their car which could inspire nightmares?" he asked, a smirk on his face.
Pursing her lips, Ella tore the page out of her sketchbook. She signed and dated it in the bottom corner and handed it over to him. "It'll bring you more joy than it brings me, then."
Taking the drawing, his teasing expression faded as he noticed the wistful quality to her eyes. The one he had seen earlier. "Thanks," he muttered quietly.
"Though you weren't coming to this?" she said, gesturing to the roaring fire in the middle of town.
"Me neither. Gypsy said she still needs about a half hour." He glanced down at his watch for what felt like the millionth time in a day, then shoved his hands in his pockets.
"So, you're actually gonna say goodbye this time?" she asked, finally looking over at him with earnest, eyebrows raised.
His gaze dropped to his shoes and he struggled for a moment to find words. But her eyes, looking at him in the light of the fire. They made him feel ways he couldn't even articulate. "Look, Elle, I'm sorry. Luke freaked out on me when I told him about graduation-"
"Oh, yeah, and speaking of Luke," she interrupted. "Did you get into a fight with him or something earlier? You stormed out and then he left like twenty minutes later. He was totally wasted. We had to close early for the festival and he still wasn't back."
Jess ran a hand over his mouth. "He was trying to make me say something to Liz about TJ. Get her to come to her senses. I tried to tell him it was useless, but he just wouldn't hear me."
She hummed in acknowledgement. "And you met TJ?"
"Unfortunately."
"You think he'll turn out like the others?" she asked, but there was less fire in her tone. There were so many words on the tip of her tongue, but she was tired. And her heart dropped into her stomach when she even thought of saying them.
Jess chuckled bitterly. "I know he will. He'll take all her money, or drink all her booze, or...worse. And then it'll be mine and Luke's job to fix it. But, hey, where would we be without family?"
Ella smirked humorlessly at the thick sarcasm which laced his tone. "Yeah. Where?" Then, after a moment: "I think my dad and Fiona are gonna get a divorce."
"Really?" he asked, but didn't look surprised.
Though it wasn't as if she felt shocked, either. "The whole new baby thing isn't working out. I don't know. I don't think my dad cares either way, but that only makes her more angry. They scream and throw things at each other. The way he and my mom used to fight. And then Fiona apologizes and she tries to make him happy again. But it never makes any difference. He hasn't been happy in years. Maybe never. But it's not her fault. And I feel bad for her. But, right now, it just is."
Jess nodded, listening. He noticed how she ran the key across the chain of her necklace, and a pang of nostalgia hit him.
"At least Adam likes high school. He's already making waves in the science club, from what he tells me. Figures. And at least he gets along with my dad and Fiona way better than I ever have," she said, shrugging her shoulders dismissively.
"At least," Jess murmured sadly.
Ella managed a thin smile. "Makes sense. He doesn't look exactly like her."
Before Jess knew what he was doing, he took her free hand from where it clutched the metal of the bench and gave it a squeeze. For a moment, her cold hand was rigid and unmoving in his grasp. But, clearing her throat and looking down in surprise between them, she finally reciprocated. Gave his hand a squeeze back. Then, she flashed him another tiny smile, and disentangled her fingers. The moment had gone, and Ella hoped the chilly air would be able to cool the flush which rose on her cheeks at his touch. An awkward tension passed between the two of them, both at a loss for words. The town troubadour, strumming his old guitar near the entrance to the high school, suddenly caught Jess's searching eye.
"This whole thing is meaningless and expensive," he began, looking out over the many blue concession tents and the people with solo cups full of Founder's Day punch, which tasted as close to gasoline as punch could. "But the music's not completely terrible."
Scoffing, Ella shook her head. "Too happy."
A fond smile crossed over Jess's face, the most genuine one she'd seen from him in quite a while. "Anyone ever tell you how unpredictable you are?"
"Shut up," she replied, cracking a smile of her own.
. . .
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you thought! Feedback is greatly appreciated!