A/N: Get ready for an ANGSTY chapter because boy am I in my feels right now.
I actually had to go back and add this in, because as I was rereading the chapters there just felt like an odd gap in time. So just a warning, this chapter has a LOT of Naruto romance.
I hope you guys like it and don't hate me afterwards! Smooches!
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"Walk with me?"
She had dreaded this moment since she had seen him again in the streets. Before they had departed last night, Naruto had asked her privately if they could see each other after she was done seeing the rest of her friends. Hesitantly, she had agreed. As promised, she had spent the second day in Konoha glued to Sakura's side as they made up for the time that had passed. Once in a while her thoughts would linger to her meeting with Naruto later, but Sakura would pull her right out of it with a story about a mission or something pretty she saw in the shop window. It was fun to see her friend again, but it came to an end far too quickly when Momoko found herself facing Naruto as he waited for her outside of the inn where she and Temari were staying. The sun had dropped from the sky already, but the early evening was still bright with the last few beams of light.
"Sure."
She took a familiar spot at his side and they began their walk. It was silent for a bit, the only noises being the sound of their own footsteps or the occasional child being nudged into their homes by worried mothers. The bugs of the night started their symphony as the sky darkened, and if it weren't for the company, she may have found it peaceful.
"How do you like Suna?" He finally asked, breaking the silence.
"I like it a lot," She answered truthfully, "It's hotter than I'm used to but they appreciate my flowers, and the people are kind."
"You've probably made friends with everyone by now?" He snickered, and she gave a small smile in return.
"Not everyone, just a few." She said, finally starting to feel a little more comfortable, "I like Temari, and I think I'm friends with the receptionist in the Kazekage Tower. Her name is Hana."
"The Kazekage Tower, huh?" He mused, "Temari did say you and Gaara were friends."
"I'd like to think we are. I bring him flowers every few days."
"I didn't think Gaara was a flower kind of guy," Naruto snickered, and she offered him a sheepish little smile.
"I didn't think he was either," She agreed, and the light blush that came to her cheeks didn't go unnoticed, "But I don't mind."
Naruto was silent for a moment, noticing how her eyes softened in a way that made his heart ache with familiarity. Her smile was warmer now, and the color on her cheeks was still here.
He didn't care for that look at all.
"He says Hi, by the way." She said, glancing back up at him.
Naruto offered her a little smile too, but the odd pit in his stomach never left.
"Tell him I said Hi, too."
Soon the road beneath their shoes turned to dirt, and their feet led them down a path they hadn't walked in years. It must have been a subconscious action, because neither of them really realized where they were until they came to the edge of the field that covered the small hill. In the last few rays of the dying sunlight, they could see that not much has changed. The tall grass still swayed in the soft breeze, and the wildflowers that grew there were in bloom. Maybe it was the nostalgia, or the surprise of seeing this important place again, but a silence fell between them.
They stood at the edge of the field and just watched for a moment: the way the breeze plucked and carried petals from the flowers, the calmness of the evening as the light finally died out. Fireflies had started to make their way out into the open, and she watched the way they danced through the tall grass and replaced the light of day with their own illumination. The last time they had been here, it was morning and the sun was bright above their heads. This time was different, though. Everything looked and felt the same, from the blooming flowers to the warm breeze, but there was something off that Momoko couldn't quite place.
Naruto stepped in front of her and offered her a smile she hadn't seen in years, and held a hand out for her to take. She turned her eyes from the field to him, to that smile that had painted her memories and then to the hand she had long since memorized the touch of. It must have been the fondness of this place, or the tenderness of the memory, because Momoko slid her hand into his and let him pull her through the tall grass.
She watched the flowers that passed them by, and when she closed her eyes she could remember the feeling of the dirt beneath her feet that day. In her ears she could hear his voice, and when she turned back to look at the edge of the field as Naruto guided them through, she could still see him standing at the bottom of the hill, just a little beyond the wildflowers. It was only a memory, she knew, but she could see him there as clearly as she had so long ago. He was staring at her, that look in his sapphire eyes that she knew so well. She stared right back at the memory, daring it to follow like she knew he had, but when he took his first step the breeze came through and carried the memory away. No one was there, and Momoko was brought back to the present with the feeling of Naruto's hand in her own.
They stopped at the top of the hill, right beside a large stone that had always been there, and Momoko remembered that the flowers in her basket had fallen in front of it when she had dropped everything. She could remember the way he had lifted her feet from the ground when he took her into his arms, the basket and blooms long forgotten.
"Do you remember this place?" He asked, and it wasn't until then that she realized they had stopped walking.
She looked away from the stone, from the phantom images of spilled flowers, and looked back at him.
He was remembering everything, too. She could tell by the tenderness that clouded his eyes and the way he still held her hand in his own. Naruto was never one for silence, but here in the field of their memories, he was quiet, soft.
"I do." She said, barely above a whisper as she held his eyes.
They stood there for a moment, letting the warm breeze bellow through their hair and dance with the skirt of her dress. She remembered the feeling of his lips against hers for the very first time, as he lifted her from the ground and held her closer than she could ever remember being held. The warmth of his hand in hers was comfortable, familiar, but it was cold in comparison to the embrace they shared that day.
She hadn't thought about it much since she left Konoha. Her mind had pushed away him, this place, and every moment of affection they had ever shared. It was easier to leave him behind when he was in the past, but now he was here, with her hand in his, and it became incredibly hard to forget the way he always used to make her heart feel.
They sat in the field side by side for a while, their hands still clasped together as they lost themselves in a time that had long since passed. It felt like they were kids again, like nothing had changed at all in the time apart. She had pushed him away when they met yesterday in the street, but now the world around them almost seemed to encourage them to take a moment and remember who and what they were. And that was exactly what they did.
"Why did you leave?" He finally asked, just as Momoko had thought he would.
She hadn't given him a good enough reason when she had left. She wanted a new life, that was true, but she didn't share the details with him like she used to. In the last few days together she had drifted further and further away from him, until finally it almost felt like he was holding a stranger the morning she departed. It felt sudden, without warning, and she knew that one day he would ask again. This time, she would answer.
"I couldn't stay here," She said, watching the blades of grass dance, "After my parents died, everything just felt so...meaningless. The house was so quiet without them, and the shop felt so big and empty. I felt alone."
"You were never alone," He reassured her, holding her hand just a little tighter, "You had Sakura, and Ino...you had me."
"Did I?" She asked softly, and she could see the confusion on his face.
"You left, Naruto. For almost three years."
"I was training," He defended himself, "I had to go."
"I know you had to, and that's my point." She slipped her hand out of his, and turned her eyes away from him to look back to the field.
"I realized a little after you left that there will always be something you have to do, some great enemy or some important mission that will need you. You're a shinobi, that's your duty," She felt her eyes begin to fill with tears, but she went on. "I spent the first year just waiting for you. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done. To stand and watch the gates, not even knowing if you were alive or not. And then I realized that I will always be waiting for you."
"I...I don't understand."
"I'm not a shinobi, Naruto. I can't come with you, I can't fight by your side. I can only sit and hope to god nothing has happened to you." She almost choked on her words, "That feeling of helplessness is suffocating, like I couldn't breath or ever get enough air. It was worse than anything I had felt before, knowing you were out there in the world and that I could lose you at any moment. All it takes is someone stronger than you, and you're gone forever. A-And I realized that...that would be my life, if I stayed."
"Momoko-"
"Please, just let me talk." She said, and though he frowned, he let her go on.
"I was the happiest I've ever been when you're home, but when you're not, its torture. I can't think straight and I forget about everything else but you. My parents had to get me out of bed each morning and push me out of the house, because I didn't have the strength to do it myself most days. It was the worst time of my life, when you were gone. But then you came home and I realized that there was nothing stopping you from leaving again, and I couldn't go through that all over again."
"I'm so sorry, Momoko," He said, and she heard the sincerity in his words, "I never wanted you to feel like that."
"I know you didn't, but it happened anyway." Momoko said, wiping away the tears that fell, "I know how I am around you, and I knew that once you came home I would be so happy to see you again that I would forget how hard those three years were on me. So I made myself focus on me and not you, and I learned to breathe again." She looked at him, and he watched her every move, "We have different plans for ourselves and what we want for our lives. I can't- I won't put you before me. I love you, Naruto, and I always will. But I can't lose myself to keep you."
They fell silent again, and the world around them carried on just as it always had. She wiped the last of the tears from her eyes and looked back to find that his own had just started to fall. He watched her, and she never turned her eyes away for a moment. It took him some time to find the words, but soon he spoke with a determination she didn't expect.
"I know how you felt when I left back then, because that's how I feel now. That's been every day of my life since you moved to Suna. I can't focus on missions, I can't even look at flowers without seeing you. I understand now why it was so hard for you, and why you felt like you had to leave, but now that I know, now that I've felt the same thing, I think that...that there's still a chance."
"Naruto-" She sighed, but he cut her off.
"I won't go off for anymore training again, or take any missions that need me gone for too long. If it means keeping you in my life, I'll try," He turned to face her and took both of her hands in his own, "You and I have always found our way back to each other, no matter how far apart we are. Maybe now is just more space between finding each other again."
Truthfully, she didn't know what to say.
As he had said, they did somehow manage to always come back together. After the fever of the Chunin Exams and Suna's betrayal, they were able to acknowledge their childhood crushes for the first time. Then Sasuke had left and they were distanced again, only for him to come home and reunite with her just as he had before. Even when he left to train with Jiraya and the distance took a toll on her, she still welcomed him back into her heart for a little while. They saw each other again in this very field after three long years, and Momoko forgot every minute of it when he kissed her for the very first time. Though the joy of him coming back did wear off and Momoko had forced herself to remember the hardships she had faced because of it, they had still reconnected in some way.
But she didn't want this to come at a price. She didn't want either of them to have to make sacrifices so that this could work. They weren't just extensions of each other, they were their own people with dreams and plans.
"I don't want either of us to have to change our dreams so this could work," She said, looking away from the intensity of his sad eyes. It was a strange look on him, and it made her stomach turn, "I know how much you love being a shinobi, I couldn't ask you to stop doing that for my sake. Would you even be happy like that?"
"I would be happy with you."
"You won't regret missing so many opportunities because of me?"
He fell silent again, and she thought she had gotten her point across until he spoke again.
"Please, Momoko," He said softly, barely above a whisper, "Don't say this is really over. Not yet."
Once again, she was left without words. Maybe they would find their way back to each other again. They had done it time and time again. Maybe it was just the fact that he was right here in front of her and holding her hands, looking at her with so much sadness and hope, that she couldn't bring herself to fully reject him. She was so determined to forget about him and what they had, but being here in the field she felt her resolve slipping away. Momoko knew she would look back at this moment and hate herself for caving, but his hands were so warm and his words were so desperate, that she let herself slip back into the old habits that had damned her in the first place. This was what he did to her: made her forget all of the boundaries she had set. She forgot about herself, and focused on him.
"Maybe one day..." She said softly, and that was all he needed.
She let him kiss her again, just as he had so long ago. The feeling of his lips on hers and his hands running through her loose hair was enough to make the last of her resolve slip away for a moment and they fell back into the dance they had danced their whole lives. His lips were warm and his embrace was familiar, but...
She realized then, what had changed about this place. It wasn't the time that had passed or the time of day they visited. It was them. Because as warm as his lips were and as familiar as his embrace was, it didn't come close to the moment they had shared back then. Maybe it was only she that had changed, because when she opened her eyes during the kiss, his stayed shut. Her grip on his hands had loosened but his stayed firm. He kissed her like nothing had changed, but all she could feel now was the time they had spent apart.
And oddly enough, she thought of Gaara right then. Of the way he had smiled for the very first time in her shop and the way her heart had dropped to her stomach. For some reason that small smile was in the back of her mind as she sat in the field with Naruto. And it was then that she realized that she had lied when she said maybe. Because if there truly was a maybe, she wouldn't be thinking of anyone else right now.
Naruto held her hand as he walked her back to the inn that night, and she let him do so with a hollow feeling in her stomach. She still smiled at him and joined the conversation, but in the back of her mind the guilt of her lie lingered. A part of Momoko still loved him, of course, but her momentary lapse of judgement didn't sway her as much as she feared it would.
After he leaned down and kissed her goodnight, she could stand the sight of him walking away from her. She knew it was truly over for her right then, because she could breath just fine when he disappeared from her sight.