"We'll be a fine line."
Song: Fine Line - Harry Styles.
(A/N: This is the first time I have used one of Harrys songs in any chapter of my stories. But it's too fitting, seemed a bit rude not to use it at this point 👀.)
*****
Deja Vu.
That's the feeling that has punched me in the face since we step foot back into the aquarium.
The man that let us into the Aquarium obviously knew Harry, but to be honest I couldn't remember if it was the same guy from last time.
I remember all the theories that went through my head that day about how he knew people or had all of these connections.
This time around I know all the answers.
It's so bizarre to think back to then, and wonder how I would feel if I'd known what I do now.
The aquarium is so quiet. It's almost eerie walking around with no one there, but it's also this overwhelming peacefulness.
Harry kept hold of my hand, leading me around a few of the other attractions first; going past the rock pools with all of the starfish or the hypnotising tanks filled with jellyfish.
We also saw penguins. I may have made inhumane noises watching them waddle around and named three of them.
I thought Harry would want to move along from me obsessing over the tuxedo snow birds but he seemed completely content taking his time, smiling to himself while he watched me damn near press my face against the glass when I wasn't taking endless pictures of them.
For the first time in weeks I had been able to momentarily forget about all of the hurt that had happened and feel like that weight lifted away that had me feeling more like myself.
It felt like I could breathe.
Or I suppose a similar sensation after there's been a vicious storm, and you walk outside to see debris everywhere, but when you look up at the now calm sky you see a rainbow shining through.
I had my attention focused on the pure joy of something despite the pain that had preceded it.
Penguins.
I also earned a very firm pinch on my ass after I saw one of the penguins waddle run, with it's little flipper wings held out at it's sides and I pointed to it, then looked to Harry and said,
"Hey look, it runs like you do."
I nearly choked on the squeal I let out when he pinched me with a loud offended, "Hey!" because I was laughing so hard after I said it, a genuine belly aching laugh that had my eyes watering.
When I managed to stop giggling to myself over the image in my head, Harry leant in to whisper against my ear.
"Keep making jokes like that, and I'll physically remind you what happened last time you ran away from me and I caught you. Try me, see how funny you find my running then."
That had my back straightening, and shut me up fast, which had Harry looking self satisfied with that arrogant confidence that intimidated and irritated the hell out of me when we first met.
I should know better, I've learnt this lesson already.
Don't tease Mr. Waddles.
Unfortunately that inner thought had me covering my mouth to hide a laugh with a cough, which had Harry giving me a suspicious squint.
He's been trying so damn hard to hide his grin since I started laughing from teasing him, I'm surprised he hasn't pulled a muscle in his neck from how hard he was clenching his jaw, and pressing his lips together to try and stop himself. He's failing miserably at pretending to be annoyed.
Eventually he managed to drag me away from penguins, despite my protests about how I'd bonded with them and we were all best friends now. He nearly had to forcibly carry me away.
As we left I sang out, "Bye Harry" which made him do a double take at me over why I would be saying that until he realised I was waving to the penguin that I'd seen running as we walked away.
I told you I named them.
He didn't find it as funny as I did, but his eyes gave away how happy he looked despite it.
The next stop had that Deja Vu roundhouse kicking me straight in the stomach when my eyes landed on the familiar tunnel Harry was leading me towards.
It feels like it crashes through my whole body, a million and one memories going through me at once in waves and flashes like a vivid movie in my mind.
Harry notices the look on my face while he keeps hold of my hand, and we step into the underwater tunnel that still feels like walking into another universe.
"Are you okay?" he asks, watching for my reaction with a faint crease forming between his brows.
I'm momentarily too caught up in awe looking around us, still as amazed by all of it as the first time he brought me here; on top of feeling like I'm having war flashbacks and re-experiencing those emotions and memories I had that day.
None of it feels negative, but it's really put in perspective how different things were back then.
How different Harry and I bother were.
It's surreal.
"I'm okay, just remembering a few things" I tell him with a small smile, looking up around us and then at the glass walls that are keeping out the water surrounding us. Seeing the sea life glide and swim around in a way that's hypnotizing.
His expression matches mine as we walk further into the tunnel until that's all we can see, and Harry stops us turning to face me and watch as I continue to be fascinated by everything around us.
"And what were you remembering exactly?" he asks, leaning his hand on the railing near the glass.
"Lots of things," I say with a shrug, keeping my eyes on his, "The day you brought me here for the first time. The day you told me about why you would come here, and how it was the closest you could get to being under water. Taking pictures of you here," I then pause and grin.
"Plus your awful joke about bees."
Harry scoffs and points at me, "Hey, it made you laugh."
"Because of how terrible it was," I tease while he gives me a fake glare.
He keeps his stare on my face, tracing his eyes over my features as if he's going over his own memories in his mind and then he says as he gestures around us.
"The day I brought you here is one of my favourite memories. It's still one of my happiest. I think about it a lot."
He then reaches out to grasp my hand holding my camera, and urges it up with a silent gesture for me to start taking pictures, "You looked so happy when you were taking photos. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. It was like you didn't have a care in the world, and for a moment you were yourself instead of that person everyone else said you had to be."
I give him a strange look listening to what he's saying, and his wordless request for me to start taking pictures, and decide if he wants me to do that then I'll be starting with one of him.
I bring the camera up to my face, and look through the viewfinder directly at him.
"What else made you happy that day?" I ask, smiling to myself when he raises an accusing brow over me taking a picture of him, but I simply say, "You wanted me to take photos, so I am. Tell me what else made you happy that day."
I don't get to take pictures of Harry all that often, he usually isn't willing, so I try to take the opportunities when I can.
He looks down as if he's thinking over his answer, and when he looks back up his face is full of fondness when he speaks, "Seeing you smile so much. You never smiled around me often back then, you always looked nervous or shy. But that day I loved the way you looked at me."
I snap a picture as he finishes talking while he's looking at me, and my stomach flips over the expression on his face. It's so full of love and affection, and I could kiss this damn camera over the fact I was able to capture that moment.
"You were actually nice to be around that day, after I got over wanting to strangle you for the stunt you pulled at my work," I say peeking over the top of the camera and raising my brows, which makes Harry laugh and shrug his own shoulders; while I start turning to take pictures of the sea life around us.
I missed this feeling. I missed how much fun I had taking photos.
"Yeah, I was an asshole. I still am now, but I was worse back then," he leans his hip against the railing and continues to watch me instead of the underwater universe around us.
"I could've gone about trying to spend time with you a lot better than I did. I could have done a lot of things better," he states as if he's going over his own actions in his memory, "I always had trouble figuring out where the line was with you... with us."
I glance over to him, not really understanding what he means by that, "What line?"
"The line that if I crossed it, I couldn't come back from it," he explains, and I can't really make out what he's feeling with the expression on his face, "It was really frustrating at first. I couldn't figure out what was wrong or right when it came to you. For a while I didn't know if I loved or hated the way I felt around you, but I couldn't stay away. You blurred all of it."
Listening to what he says I can feel my heart skip in my chest, and standing there watching him something hits me about the fact that, that's what it's been for both of us since we met.
"It was the same for me," I tell him, bringing my camera down from my face and keeping it in my hands in front of me, "That's the biggest thing I've learnt since I met you. There's always a fine line between right and wrong, love and hate, good and bad, being sane or completely mental - between every single thing in life, and sometimes they can blur together. It's not simple. It's okay not to have it all figured out."
That's the best way I could describe everything since meeting Harry and everything that has happened since.
Harry's brows crease together, like he's running over what I've said in his mind and takes a step towards me to close some of the space between us, "See, then you go and say things like that and it only makes sure that I've figured out a few things."
"Oh yeah?" I ask, tilting my face up due to our height difference and encouraging him to elaborate, "What have you figured out?"
"Well for one you're absolutely insane," he says with his lips pulling to expose a playful smile, and I shove at his shoulder.
"What?" he says pretending to look shocked, "You are. You'd have to be insane to want to stay with someone like me. But I don't think it's a bad thing."
That same shit eating look on his face comes back one he adds with his brows raising, "Now your cooking on the other hand, that is bad."
My mouth falls open and I swat at him again, which has him laughing while I scold him, "You know what? Just for that I'll never cook burnt pancakes for your ungrateful ass again."
"You promise?" his eyes are creased in the corners and his cheeks look like they should hurt from how wides he's grinning.
"Oh shut up waddles," I huff, while he moves closer and ducks his head down to meet my eye level.
"Waddles? I thought I was a wizard?"
"Remember when I said how in Australia we make purses from kangaroo scrotums? You're making me want to make a british version again," I say squinting at him.
He moves his hand to rest against my waist, as he straightens up again and takes hold of my camera from my grib with his other hand.
"I've really missed you, you know that?"
That isn't what I expected him to say after I inadvertently threatened to turn his balls into a decorative purse.
"I didn't realise I was lost," I respond with my brows twitching together, "Did I disappear somewhere without realising?"
I know that I haven't been acting myself while dealing with all of this, and while I have had my days where I felt like I didn't recognize myself, Harry is sounding like I died and wasn't coming back.
His expression softens while he chews on his lip for a moment, "It felt like it. I was terrified I'd lost you after all of that stuff happened to you a few weeks ago. You've been through a lot even before that. I didn't know if it was finally too much."
That has my stomach dropping noticing the worry in his eyes when he says that, and how much whatever thoughts are going through his mind genuinely hurt him.
"It was definitely too much," I say simply being honest, which has him look even more worried but I quickly add, "but that doesn't mean I'm going to disappear. I might get a bit lost sometimes, but we all do. I'm lucky enough to have people that help me get through those times when I'm struggling, when things feel like they're too much to handle. People like you. You really helped me with all of this."
Harry is looking at me like I just spoke pig latin.
"I helped?"
"Of course you did," I say as if it should be obvious, "that's what you've been doing the whole time. When things feel like they're falling apart, the people that love you help you put them back together. You did that for me. You made sure I ate, you cooked for me, you made sure I showered, if there was anything I needed you did that for me. You were there for me when I needed it the most."
Now he's looking at me as if what I'm saying is obvious, "Well yeah of course I did all of that. Why wouldn't I? I didn't do anything special. But I didn't know if it was helping, or if it was enough."
"It is special. That's what I've been trying to tell you, for months now. That's enough, everything you do is enough. You do your best, that's always been enough for me," I say hoping the penny finally drops for him and it sinks in that this notion in his head, that he's constantly screwing up or doing things wrong is bullshit.
I think his lack of experience with relationships, and love in general whether it's romantic or platonic has all of these unrealistic ideas in his head; because he simply has nothing to compare it to. I don't think he realises that he's putting expectations on himself he hasn't needed to.
It looks like it's finally dawning on him, as he sucks his lower lip under his teeth and thinks for a moment.
"...So you don't hate the world and think it's a horrible place, and everything is awful? You don't believe that bullshit I used to say?"
I scrunch my nose up, "What? No. I don't think that," I then sigh when it clicks that my meltdown the day I found out about my father has come across as a concrete reality instead of a passing moment.
"I know that I've been going through a lot and things have been hard, but when I said I couldn't see the good in anything or the point of any of it -- I was hurt, I was in pain, Harry. I'm still hurt and dealing with all of it but I'm not going to blame or hate the rest of the world because of it," I bring my arms up to hug around his neck, and keep my eyes on his to make sure he knows I mean what I'm saying.
"You have always seen the good in everything, and you always have hope no matter what happens. You've always been caring and kind from the moment I met you. I really thought I was watching that get ripped out of you. I know I always said things like the world is terrible and people only cause pain but I was full of shit. I hated hearing you talk like that," his voice is quiet and the guilt in it only gets heavier the longer he speaks, "I wish I never said those things to you."
"Look do I see the world the way I used to? No. I've learnt a lot of hard lessons, a lot of crappy things have happened and a big chunk of it has been painful. But does that mean I'm going to stop trying to see the good in it? No. I couldn't do that if I wanted to, it's not who I am... I'm doomed to be kind with shit cooking skills apparently."
I try to lighten the mood, and also prove that just because I've been buried in a hole of grief for a few weeks doesn't mean I'm not still funny.
I've been going through a hard time, not an eternity. If it can get worse then there's always a chance it can get better too.
The flat line his mouth has been in cracks into a bright smile, and he tugs me closer until our hips are touching with his hand on my waist while the other still keeps its grip on my camera.
"Is it possible to fall in love with someone more than once?" he asks, glancing his stare to my mouth then back to my eyes.
"I think you can?" I answer not entirely sure if that's correct or why he would ask me that.
"Because I know what it felt like when I fell in love with you, and that's what it feels like right now."
A lot has changed this last year, but one thing that has absolutely not changed one bit is the fact that Harry still fucks my heart like it's a professional sport.
I must look so stupid with how wide the smile is on my face, and for some reason I feel a bit shy over hearing him say that and hide my face against his neck while I hug my arms tighter around him.
Despite everything that's happened he still makes me so happy, even in our worst moments.
Never in a million years did I think I'd be standing in this same aquarium with him, listening to him say things like that compared to when we were here a year ago.
"You wanna know something else I've figured out?"
His voice is gentle as he rests his cheek against my head, while the smell of his cologne floods my senses and always offers that comforting feeling I associate with him.
"What's that?" I ask with my voice still muffled against his neck.
He pauses, sliding his arm around my waist to hug me closer and he moves his mouth closer to my ear keeping his voice quiet.
"I want to marry you."
My every muscle in my body freezes, I go completely stiff and I'm absolutely positive I did not hear him correctly.
I pull back to stare at his face with what I'm sure is a deer in headlights expression.
"Wait - hang on - what? What did you say?"
"I said, I want to marry you," he repeats it as if it's an undoubtable fact and not a revelation that is going to give me a brain aneurysm.
I know he's mentioned marriage a couple of times but I had myself convinced he was curious because of Steve proposing to Jimmy.
"I... I... when... w-what-" I'm stuttering like an idiot, I can't even string a sentence together and my heart is swapping between being stopped dead and jumpstarting to hammer like a jack rabbit.
He is watching me with cautious eyes, and as confident as his voice is, his nerves are showing through when he leans down to place my camera down on the ground gentle before standing and running his fingers through the front of his hair.
"This isn't how I planned on doing this, and certainly not this soon... actually my plan kind of backfired altogether. I tried googling how to do this. I didn't know if I'd even do it at all after how that turned out," he continues to explain his thoughts as if my brain is able to comprehend a god damn sentence right now.
He wants to marry me? Mr. 'I don't do relationships' that I met three years ago wants to get married?
"Did you just say marry-... what plan? Wait, am I hallucinating?" now I'm rambling, absolutely not prepared for this at all and my brain is struggling to comprehend it, "Did I actually go off the deep end this time and this whole aquarium thing is my imagination?"
Oh my god did I smoke all of those joints Jacob gave me?
"You're not hallucinating," he states, taking hold of my hips and urging me back to him and he doesn't waiver his eyes from mine, "I've been thinking about it for a while now. From everything I looked up, with stuff like proposing you're meant to have this big plan and it has to be this perfect moment, at the right time."
Now hang the fuck on a moment - proposing? I'm still reeling from the fact he said he'd even want to marry me, let alone the thought that he's been planning something like that.
He takes a deep breath and his brows crease like he's struggling to piece together what he wants to say, along with sounding more nervous as he talks.
"I'm sorry that this... isn't those things. But the more I thought about it, the more that kind of stuff just isn't who I am. I know it's meant to be all romantic, perfect and down on one knee, when things are great... and I know things haven't been good recently, but isn't that the whole point? It's worth the good and the bad? I still want this just as much with you through the bad."
I'm trying so hard to not let my jaw fall off my damn face, and also not asking Harry to slap me because everything in this moment feels like some lucid dream. This is the last thing I expected today, this is the last thing I expected from him in general.
His anxious eyes search over my features like he's trying to read them, with the blue from the water surrounding us reflecting across his own face.
He wets his lips, swallowing like he's working up the guts to continue, "I got some advice from Jimmy, and he told me that I'd know when the moment felt right and to forget all that other stuff I was trying to do, and to be myself. But you know what the problem with that is Abby?"
Words Abby. Use words.
"... What?"
That's the best I could do this very second. I'm lucky I can even move my mouth.
"Every single second I'm with you feels right," he states with every emotion he's capable of filling his eyes, and he blows out a shaky breath like he's preparing himself, "So I'm gonna go ahead and try not to fuck this up."
All I can do is stare at him in stunned silence while my brain is catching up and comprehending what's happening.
He brings up his hand between us, and I watch him grasp the silver ring on his pinky finger and slide it off to hold it up and show me.
It's a beautiful but simple silver ring, with a ruby gemstone in the centre of it. There's filigree decorating the band, that comes up to encase around the red stone.
"You ask why I wear rings? Jimmy's mum always wore a lot of rings and I adored hers. I thought they were pretty. I've loved them ever since then... This ring, is hers," he holds it perched between his thumb and pointer finger, turning it back and forth to show me, "It was my favourite of hers and I'd always point it out when I saw her, so one day when I was around 7 or so, she gave it to me and said I could keep it. It's one of the very few happy memories I have as a kid. I started wearing it every day after my dad died because if he had caught me wearing it before that... well... it wouldn't have gone very well for me."
I stare at the ring as he speaks, and take in all the information he's giving me.
I'm already trying to process the whole marriage thing, so my mind is struggling to absorb all of this at once.
My heartbeat is ringing in my ears and I can feel my emotions building at the top of my throat as it starts sinking it.
"I tried looking for an engagement ring I wanted to buy you but I know you well enough to know that you'd prefer something with meaning, and this is one of the most meaningful things I own. This is priceless to me," he adds, glancing down to the ring and back to my face, "This could be terrible timing, you may not even want something like that with me... but the day i first brought you here I said you had been a first and a last for me. That's exactly what I want with you. You've been my first with a lot of things, but I want you to be my last with everything."
I can feel my throat tightening with my eyes starting to become glassy, and I swear my heart feels like it's going to punch through my ribs at this point. It's chaos inside my body right now.
It's so contradicting with how calm and peaceful everything around us is, and the sea life gliding around above and beside us.
Harry looks so insecure and lost, at the same time as having so much conviction in everything he's saying that it's only adding to the emotions overwhelming me.
He reaches down to grasp my left hand, bringing it up between us and if you weren't paying attention you wouldn't notice the slight shake in his own.
His eyes glance up to mine, and he looks terrified to speak but so full of adoration, "They say for better or worse, right? We'll you've already had me at my worst, I've already seen you at your worst too and I'll spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to make sure it gets better. I promise you."
My silence is only adding to his anxiety while I try to stop my lip from trembling, but he continues anyway, keeping hold of my hand to thread his fingers through mine and hold it against his chest.
"So what do you say... Would you want to marry me, little mouse? It's okay if you don't-"
"Yes."
Those three letters are shooting out of my mouth to cut him off, because I can't let him finish even suggesting the fact I wouldn't want that with him. I'd want anything with him. Marriage is never something I cared about but it means the world with him. Everything with him does.
I don't care about timing, or any of that other stuff. All I care about is how much this means.
Now Harry is the one acting like he didn't hear me correctly, and like he didn't expect my response.
"Yes? As in yes you want to marry me?" he checks, holding his breath in case he imagined it.
I don't even care how silly I look right now when I can't stop my eyes watering, or the way my voice cracks with the giddy smile on my face.
"Of course I want to marry you, you idiot."
There's a frozen couple of seconds before he lets out his breath in an elated sigh and his face breaks out into an overjoyed grin that illuminates all of his features.
"You're serious?"
"Yes I'm serious," I say looking just as beside myself as he does, and I'm trying with everything I have not to scream over how this feels.
I don't even need to think twice about it. I want to be with him, it's as simple as that.
He looks like he forgets what he's even doing, and like he wants to explode on the spot but then he remembers something and quickly glances down to my hand he's still holding against his chest; pulling it back and holding up the ring he still has grasped between his fingers.
He's got that childlike eagerness about him again.
"Uhm, can I put this on? Is that what I do now? Do you like it? We can get something else if you don't."
He's practically rambling at this point, but I just wriggle my ring finger as encouragement.
"Harry, shut up. It's perfect. You could've given me a plastic ring from the dollar store and I'd think it was amazing. But this is beautiful, it means the world that you'd want me to wear that knowing what it means to you."
His shoulders slouch a bit like his whole body has washed with relief, and I watch him tuck his lower lip under his front teeth with his dimple denting deep into his cheek as he slowly starts to slip the ring over my finger.
You know growing up especially as a girl, you're kind of force fed fairy tales of how this sort of moment is meant to be or feel. To be perfectly honest though, it doesn't feel like any of that.
It feels like nothing more than two people trying to express how much they love each other the best they can and what it means to them, not anyone else.
However, it still feels completely fuckin surreal considering where we started.
When he finishes placing the ring on my finger, he admires it there for a moment and it makes my whole body fill with warmth over the amount of pride on his face.
"Does it fit okay? If it's too loose or something we can resize it," he continues to inspect it like it's the first time he's ever seen a ring in his life, running his thumb over it.
"It fits, it's comfortable. I love it. I promise," I assure him completely unable to stop the grin on my face, and wiping away the dampness that had made its way onto my cheeks.
The fact he gave me something like that, and the fact it was so personal to him is making it near impossible not to ugly cry but adding the fact was Jimmy's mothers has my throat so tight it's aching.
"I didn't think you'd say yes," he says glancing up to me and he's making it really difficult not to burst out crying when I see how glossy his own eyes are.
And then it's as if it fully dawns on him, and he lets out an elated laugh under his breath.
"You're gonna be my wife."
I grin, feeling like I could explode with the happiness rushing through my body seeing how excited he looked saying that.
"Oh damn, here I was thinking I was going to be your husband," I tease back, hoping to humour will cover the tremble in my voice, "I was looking forward to seeing you in a white dress."
It doesn't faze him, and he says his next sentence like he needs to hear it aloud to believe it.
"We're gonna get married."
Hearing him say it even has my insides doing flips and I'm not sure if my knees want to give out or I want to float away.
"Yep, you're stuck with me permanently now," I tell him with my cheeks aching from how large I've been smiling, but I barely finish my sentence before he's letting go of my hand and grasping my face to tug me towards him.
His lips connect with mine, hard and it's like all of the emotional tension ruptures as soon as it happens.
Everything we're both feeling is being poured into it, and it gives me those same butterflies in my stomach and electrifying feeling in my body I've had since the first time I kissed him.
I've barely had time to get my bearings before his hands are going down to grab under my thighs and hoist me up to wrap them around his hips. He turns to perch me on the railing, and one arm snakes around my waist to hug me against him while the other moves up to thread into my hair.
After such a long period of feeling disconnected and dead inside it's like every nerve ending I have has been zapped back to life.
I know this doesn't make everything all better, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the happy times through the difficult ones.
My arms are wrapped tight around his neck while his lips attack my own with tenderness mixed with unhinged urgency, it's enough to knock the air out of me.
He breaks his lips away for a moment, catching his breath while we both struggle for oxygen and mumbles his words in between short quick kisses, "Fuck I missed kissing you... - I love you... - I'm so happy you said yes."
I try to reply but I can't because his mouth is back on mine again, and honestly I don't mind at all. All I can taste or feel is this moment with him. I wouldn't change a single thing about it.
I don't even know how long we stayed like that for, I couldn't tell you but eventually the kissing slowed to small soft pecks while both of us grinned like a couple of lovesick idiots.
At least the sharks were getting a show to watch instead of people gawking at them like usual.
"Can I take a picture of you? For old times sake?" he asks, with his forward pressed against my own while his nose nudges mine, "It's only fair. You took a picture of me."
I lean back a bit to look at him, "Harry I've been crying, I probably look insane."
"You look beautiful. You always do," he dismisses straight away, "Please? I really want to keep this memory. I took your picture here last year, I want to take a new one. We could make it like a new tradition thing we do. We'll come back here again next year and take new ones."
I narrow my eyes with a suspicious look, "Are you trying to kill me today? Surprise getaways, proposing and then you go and say stuff like that? They say till death do us part -- I see what you're up to. You're not sneaky. You're trying to send me into an early grave."
He takes hold of my waist to lift me down off of the railing, and shakes his head, "I'm trying to take your picture. Now quit being cheeky and let me do it."
I don't argue with it, and move back while he bends down to pick up my camera. I still don't like getting my picture taken. I feel awkward and don't know how to pose, that hasn't changed. I swear when I try to forcibly pose for a photo I look constipated.
I fold my hands together in front of myself, and shift back and forth on my feet while he brings the camera up to his face after he turns it on, and peeks at me over the top of it.
"You don't need to look like I'm about to kill you. It's only a picture."
"You know I'm not good at this," I say, starting to fiddle with my fingers.
He moves his eye to the viewfinder again while I get distracted by the sharks swimming across the glass above us.
"What did the shark say when no one laughed at his joke?"
Harry's question has my eyes going back to him, and my brows furrow together. Is he trying to tell me another joke?
"I don't know, what did he say?"
Harry is silent for a few seconds before he grins, and over exaggerated his words, "Whale, this is awkward."
I tried so hard not to laugh. I really did. Because that was fucking terrible, but I couldn't help it.
The tight lipped expression I had cracked and I burst into a loud disbelieving laugh and the second I did Harry snapped a picture.
"That was almost as bad as your boo bees joke," I say shaking my head and rubbing covering my face in disbelief.
"Hey, it worked. It got me the photo I wanted," he defends looking far too smug for someone that just told a joke like that, "just wait till you hear the one I come up with next year."
"Oh I can't wait," I say with sarcasm, even though it's still obvious I really do mean it.
Harry brings the camera over to me, bringing up the picture on the screen to show me, "See? That's still what I see when I look at you."
It gives me the same feeling as last year.
I look so happy in it, genuinely. Nothing is forced. I don't see any of the pain that had stared back at me in the mirror all these weeks. All I see is someone experiencing carefree joy.
I recognise that version of me far more than I did back then. It's like I've finally started seeing myself the same way Harry did.
When he scrolls through the other pictures I'd taken today he stops on the one of him, and it's a similar thing.
He is genuinely smiling, with that bright cheerful grin of his that could light up a room and shines from his eyes.
There's a picture of one of the sharks that Harry then stops on, and his eyes trace over it for a moment before looking up to the glass walls around us and watching them swim past.
"Do you remember what you said to me last year? About the shark? About finding beauty in darkness and all that?" he asks, bringing the camera down to keep hold of it in his hands.
"I do, yeah. Why's that?"
He keeps my camera held in one hand, while he brings his other up to toy with his lower lip, "That confused the fuck out of me back then, I thought about it a lot, trying to make sense of it. I didn't get it or why the hell you were talking about a shark or why you felt like that but I get it now."
I raise a brow, "You do? You realise what I said doesn't just apply to the shark, right?"
He nods, "Well I get that now. Back then I just thought you were really into sharks for some reason. But what you said about something being able to be violent and delicate at the same time, I understand now. I agree with you, everything you said."
I'm not entirely sure why he's telling me that, but at the least I'm glad that he can understand what I was trying to say these days.
"Well I'm glad you figured that out."
Harry sets my camera back down, only to step towards me when he stands back up; and his hands are grabbing my thighs against to lift me back up while I let out a shocked squeak at how abrupt it is, "I told you, I've figured a lot of things out. Which is we're getting married -- I never ever thought it's something I'd do."
I rest my hand on his shoulders, and pout while I try to mimic his voice and mock his accent.
"I just want to make sure you know, I don't care about you Abby. I'm not the boyfriend type -- how's that working out for you now champ?"
I can't keep a straight face by the end and have a shit eating grin on my face while Harry glares at me.
"Don't make me want to divorce you before I even marry you little mouse," he warns and I pretend to look offended.
His glare doesn't last long before his lips are curling up at the corners, and he's leaning back in to kiss me again.
That's how the rest of the time we spent at the aquarium went. We were all over each other, too distracted by the elation surrounding us to notice the time passing and by the time Harry finally led me back outside, it was dark.
Today has honestly felt like a haze. Like o was floating through some kind of daydream.
Harry still wouldn't tell me where we were going when we got back into the car, and by the time we had gotten onto the highway I had fallen asleep. Only vaguely remembering waking up every so often to see the flashes of headlights go past or Harry's hand on my leg, or holding my own hand.
I was woken up when the car came to a stop, only to see Harry opening a large gate on a fence when I managed to adjust the blur of my eyes.
Even though it's pitch black outside I recognise this place.
This is where we came for our picnic.
He offered me no explanation as we drove through the gates, or after he'd closed them and when I asked where we were going he simply said "You'll see."
We continued down a dirt road, past the spot he had taken me to that day and eventually I noticed a building that became clear when the headlights shone onto it and Harry pulled up in front of it.
We were definitely in the middle of nowhere and there was a small brick cottage in front of us.
I looked to Harry for some kind of explanation because I was totally lost.
"This land and property belonged to my father, so did this place. I inherited at 18 with all of his other stuff," he finally explains and I don't think I'll ever not be surprised by that sort of thing with him.
He acts like owning this is this most mundane thing in the world.
I had no idea when he brought me here that day we were having a picnic on his property.
Yeah sure, because owning a random cottage on a block of land isn't something you'd think to mention? That's just a casual minor detail like owning a pair of shoes not worth mentioning.
"So all of this is yours? Is this where we're staying?"
Harry nods, undoing his seatbelt, "yeah, I would never come out here though, I was going to sell it at first. But instead I kept it and I let Jimmy and Steve use this as like a holiday house whenever they want. I figured this would be the perfect place for us to run away to."
"Will they be coming out here?" I ask, undoing my own seatbelt and looking back to the cottage.
It's so quaint. It's all old stone, and it even has a chimney and a garden.
I can't believe he's had this the whole time and I had no idea.
I forget how well off he is financially sometimes or all of the things he must own.
"Nope. It's just going to be me and you here little mouse. It can be our own little escape where nothing else matters while we're here," he says, reaching over to rest his hand on mine that is in my lap and I feel his fingers tracing over the engagement ring he gave me.
"Now c'mon and let's go inside. I'd like to start forgetting the rest of the world, and spend time with my future wife."
****
Harry finally proposed bitches:
****
A/N:
I was stressed as hell about this chapter.
But, this weekend is the one year anniversary of when I completed Stall, its officially one year old - so what better way to celebrate?
They're engaged.
What a crazy damn ride to get here.
I'll get the next update posted as soon as I can.
Thank you all so much for the last year. You've genuinely made brighter for me.
Adore you more than happy meals.
*double handed celebratory bum pats*