as we pulled up into the driveway I couldn't stop myself from feeling like this was all some crazy dream; weeks ago I had no clue that this guy even existed, now I was spending the night at his house. i had no idea why I spoke to him on that night or why I had the sudden urge to go up and speak to him. it could have been really awkward. it could have gone really bad. but after a while, we were talking almost as if we'd never drifted. it was so strange how it had all happened. but I was so grateful i'd summoned up the courage to talk to him that night.
we got out the car together and I waited at his doorstep as I watched ethan lock the car and then rush over to the front door to unlock it. he opened the door and smiled at me deviously.
"ladies first." I rolled my eyes playfully and entered his house, hearing him walk in behind me and shut the door. I looked around at the living room that I was stood in. it was small, but it was cosy. the decorating was quite nice. and his tv was way bigger than mine. I was kind of jealous.
"it's not much but...it's home I guess." he mumbled as he set his keys down on the coffee table.
"you guess?"
"well, i'm not gonna lie to you and say that I wouldn't kill for a bigger, nicer looking house." I looked around once more, taking in the new location.
"i think it's nice. matches your personality." he turned to face me and raised an eyebrow.
"how so?"
"i don't know. i'm just saying random bullshit to try and make you feel better." he let out a small giggle and smiled.
"it's kinda working. do you want a drink?" instantly he changed the subject and walked into the the adjacent room that I assumed was the kitchen. I quickly followed and realised that my assumptions were correct.
"um...no, i'm good." I replied as I watched him open up his fridge door and begin to look inside.
"you sure? i'm having a beer." he said as he turned around with a large can of beer in his hand. I didn't want to feel left out...and after the day i'd had I could have done with a bit more booze.
"then i'll have what you're having." we smiled at each other before he turned around and grabbed a beer before turning back and handing it to me. he shut the fridge door and turned back to me, opening his can and raising it slightly.
"to your bitch of a girlfriend." usually if somebody made a comment like that about my girlfriend i'd be mad at them. but it was ethan, and I was already kind of drunk, so I let it slide. plus, it's not like he was wrong. I laughed and raised my can with him.
"cheers."
***
i crashed down onto the sofa, followed by ethan who fell on my lap, not daring to move when he realised where he was sat. the room was spinning and I felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn't tell if it was because of the alcohol in my system or because of the horrible act that I was committing...again.
in the dim lights I saw ethan smirk at me. he knew exactly what he was doing, and he didn't intend on stopping any time soon. he placed his warm hands on my chest and clutched onto my shirt. he moved his head to the side and eventually I felt his lips come into contact with my neck. I sat there still, breathing in the cold air through my teeth as he kissed and nibbled on my skin. I didn't know what to do. I felt that if I moved a single inch i'd throw up.
he removed his lips from my neck and looked back at me with a wide grin before looking down at my shirt. he let go of the fabric, only to place his doll-like fingers on the buttons. he looked back up at me and smiled.
"e...ethan-" he put his finger to my lips and made a shushing noise before taking said finger away and replacing it with his lips. at first I didn't kiss him back, but eventually I gave in, and participated in the crime. I got so lost in the kiss that I didn't realise he was unbuttoning my shirt and was now trying his hardest to take it off of me. I managed to pull away from the kiss for about a second to mutter a sentence to him.
"i have a girlfriend..." my shirt was now missing and had been thrown on the floor. he put his hands on my cheeks and looked into my eyes.
"you don't love her. don't lie." I was about to say something back when he kissed me again and I regrettably melted into it. this all continued for so many more minutes, it felt like years. but when i felt his hands tugging on my belt, I knew I absolutely had to put a stop to this. I gathered enough energy to grab his shoulders and push him off of me. he stumbled backwards, almost falling over, but managing to regain his balance. I stood up to find my shirt as he rushed over to the lights and turned them up so we could actually see each other. i'd just found my shirt when he did. I was putting my arms through the sleeves when I noticed him staring at me and biting his lip before letting out a giggle.
"damn...do you work out?" I started to button up my shirt as I answered back.
"ethan, this isn't funny."
"when did i say it was?" he still had that stupid grin plastered on his face.
"wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you."
"that's hot." I groaned in frustration. it was a mistake coming here. it was a mistake talking to him that night.
"was this your plan? to bring me here, get me drunk and then fuck me?" that took the smile off of his face.
"i thought that was your plan." I finished buttoning up my shirt and sat back down on the couch, already feeling dizzy from standing up for that long.
"no, it wasn't my plan. my plan was to reconnect with a childhood friend, not sleep with him!" now he was getting angry. he frowned at me and folded his arms.
"if i do remember correctly, I was much more than just a friend."
"oh, and you thought that would get you laid?" he was starting to go pale and he sat down on the floor so he didn't pass out.
"no! i just thought..." there was silence for a few seconds, but I was getting more and more frustrated with every single one that passed.
"what? you thought what?" he looked up at me with a little more sadness in his eyes than before.
"i don't know. I don't know what I thought." I put my head in my hands knowing I should have left the argument there but I continued anyway.
"i have a girlfriend. you can't make moves on me like that when you know i'm taken."
"you're one to fucking talk." I knew exactly what he was referring to. I was hoping it wouldn't be brought up.
"that was different, you know it was." then he exploded with rage and anger.
"how sean?! how is that any fucking different?!"
"because i didn't love felix! I didn't know it at the time, but it's true! I had feelings for you, I just wasn't aware of it!"
"that doesn't change the fact that you cheated on him!"
"why the fuck are you complaining?! you got a two year relationship out of it!" he frowned even more but only because he knew that I was right.
"yeah. i did. could have been more."
"yeah, well it wasn't. and you only have yourself to blame for that." he looked at me with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.
"i don't think I do!"
"i'm sorry, but aren't you the one who broke up with me?"
"i didn't break up with you, I told you about a million fucking times that it was just a break until college was over! I told you to contact me when it was done but you never did! why didn't you text me? why didn't you call?!"
"because i fucking forgot about you!" he went silent and all of the anger that was once present on his face seemed to fade away.
"i forgot about you, I forgot about school, I forgot about felix, I forgot about everyone and everything! that's why I didn't text, that's why I didn't call, alright?! a few weeks ago I didn't even know who you were until I met up with mark, bob and wade and they reminded me! then I couldn't fucking stop thinking about you!" for the entire time i'd been yelling he'd been staring at the floor, not daring to look up at me. but when he did, I felt awful. he was on the brink of tears.
"you...how could...how could you forget about me?" I knew it was probably best if I explained. maybe that would leave him less hurt.
"i was stressed...I forgot about a lot of things...that's you included."
"you were stressed?" he asked calmly. I nodded slowly.
"well guess what." I listened in closely.
"i was fucking stressed too! with a lot of things, but I didn't forget about you! I thought about you every day, you fucking distracted me! the whole reason I didn't even do that well in college was because you were always on my mind. I should have been thinking about tests, about revision, about studying, but no. it was always you I was thinking about. I shouldn't have done that. i shouldn't have wasted my fucking time day dreaming about someone who forgot all about me!" for a few seconds I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. so I didn't say anything and instead I stood up and started to collect my things; my phone, my jacket, and my shoes. once i'd gotten everything I made my way to the front door without saying a word.
"where are you going?" I heard ethan ask.
"home."
"home? y-you can't go home!" I rolled my eyes and opened the door.
"i can. i'm calling an uber." the fresh air from the outside world was really helping with how dizzy i felt. it was helping me to actually see the path now.
"just stay, we can talk about this!"
"i don't want to. it was a mistake talking to you in the first place." I stepped outside and as I shut the door i heard ethan yell one last thing.
"sean, wait!" I shut the door before either of us could say anything else.