There's a moment of silence in the car, as I stare at the woman I had once called my best friend. I used to think she had my best interests at heart, as much as I had hers, but I was wrong.
Since starting my relationship with Zak, she had proved that. But what I could also remember a time when she encouraged me to pursue Zak. Now, I was at a loss, confused and angry.
"Did you invite her over?" Zak asks, uncertainty touching his voice.
My hand tightens on his. "No."
He gives my fingers a supportive squeeze. "How do you want to play this?"
That was a question.. How did I want to play this? Do I get out the car and make an effort? Or do I get out the car and return the slap she gave Zak?
"El.." Zak calls, making me look away from a brooding Mia to him.
"I don't know.."
He sighs. "Let's get this over with.. I better prepare myself for another slap."
We both leave the car, but I don't approach my home until Zak is at my side and walking with me. If anything, we are a united front.
"Elle." Mia says to me, before shooting a glare at Zak.
"Mia." I respond.
"I came to tal-"
"Before you say anything else. I want an apology." I say interrupting her.
"That's what I came to do. To apologise to you."
I scoff. "Not to me. I want you to apologise to Zak. For hitting him."
Mia shoots him another meaningful glare before lowering her head, I have no doubt that she is getting angry at the thought, but her actions were uncalled for. I could have walked over and slapped her in return, but then I would be stooping to her level.
"I'm sorry." She mutters.
"I'm not accepting that. Actually look at him, Mia. Or this conversation is over."
She lifts her head, pinning me with a deadly stare.
"You gonna hit me too? Do it. But don't think I won't defend myself. You were out of line, again."
Mia then looks at Zak and with a struggled effort, she apologises to him. I look to Zak who nods briefly before looking at me. I can tell he wants to be anywhere but here right now, so I suggest that he empties the car, as he does that, I unlock the front door for him.
"So my key, it didn't work." Mia says.
"I know, I changed the locks. Landlord advised it."
She nods. "Tell me to go take a hike, but I want to talk with you.."
"About what? There seems a hell of a lot to get through."
"I know.."
I begrudgingly invite her in, making sure she goes straight into the lounge and not into the kitchen where Zak would be. My hospitality goes out the window as I don't offer her a drink and sit down.
Mia sits opposite on the couch looking a little nervous, a part of me feels sorry for her, but the larger part of me feels sympathy for Zak and it's because of that part, that I don't let her nervousness disarm me.
"I could have handled all this better." She says. I don't comment, wanting her to continue. "I don't know what happened, why I got so twisted up. I want you to be happy, I do. But then I found all that stuff online about Zak and suddenly he wasn't the perfect guy for you. I could see all these red flags, so I began printing what I could."
"I didn't want you to get hurt Elle, you mean so much to me. You always have."
"You hurt me, belittled me, put me in a dangerous position although it wasn't intentionally, the stress you created, gave me a seizure, a big one."
"Zak mentioned.." She murmurs. "I don't think he is good enough for you. I don't and I know you will hate me for it. But you deserve better."
"What if I don't want better?" I ask her. "What if I want him? What if I want him, warts and all? I don't want someone who is perfect. I don't care about what is being said. Because I know him, Mia. The real him."
"Is there another side then?" She asks, almost mockingly.
My stare makes her attitude slide. Perhaps Bacon was right, perhaps I was scary?
"I got Sophie to invite Ed along. I thought if I could put you back onto someone like Ed then eventually you'd get bored of him and Zak would be long out the picture.."
"You realise how vindictive that sounds, don't you?"
She nods "But it was how I thought. That was my plan. Only it didn't go that way."
"Nope. If anything, it shook me into seeing a side of you, I didn't know existed. You made me question everything Mia, not about Zak. But about you. I've spent the last two weeks stressing myself out about all this. You rang the freakin' police, reporting me missing, despite me telling Henry that I was taking time out."
"I can explain that." She says, lifting a finger.
"Please do." I reply.
"I haven't been getting any information from your watch, no heartbeat, no sleep, nothing. I presumed the worst. We came here and the house was empty, there was clothes on your bed, but most of your clothes was gone. I knew your seizures were unpredictable and I worried myself into thinking something bad had happened." She explains.
"So why did the police officer ask me questions relating to being abducted? Asked to see my arms to check for bruising, offered me a card for domestic violence?"
She blinks.
"You.." I tell her. "You gave the impression Zak was a psychopath. That I was at a great risk being anywhere near him. When in fact, he has been an absolute angel."
"But I don't know-"
"No! That's exactly it! You don't know anything because you've barely given him a chance!" I exclaim.
I take a breath, trying to keep my cool. "You used my condition against me, I get it, people have been doing it all my life. I thought that was your worse, until he came home one day with a welt on the side of his face.."
She looks down ashamed and so she should!
"If he, Zak. If Zak wanted to press charges for assault, I would have stood by him, Mia. Because that was disgraceful. How dare you? How dare you lay a finger on him?"
"He was-"
"I don't care!" I snap. "You hit him so hard that it stayed on his face and bruised! I don't care who or what you are, you don't hit people! If he lashed out, back at you, people would drag him through the fucking streets! Violence works both ways. It's not acceptable for a man to hit a woman, the exact same way as it is not acceptable for a woman to hit a man. Or a woman hitting another woman, a man hitting another man. Violence is violence. Not. Acceptable."
"I know what you are saying, Elle. I do. But he aggravated me."
"So that's the excuse? He aggravated me. You aggravate me, doesn't mean I am going to take a swipe at you. I wanted to, believe me. But what good does it do? Lashing out? The problem is still going to be there after the anger is gone. Just because you hit out, doesn't mean it's going to go away."
"You're treating me like a child." She mutters.
"You know how I feel now. When you belittled me in front of Sophie and Ed. Telling me that I can't look after myself. I had epilepsy long before you came into my life Mia. Yes the seizures are uncontrollable, but its about managing, not curing."
"I know."
"Then why did you use it against me like that?"
"I wanted you to hurt. Okay? I wanted you to be as upset as I felt, knowing I was going to lose you, to him!" She points towards the wall, on the other side is the kitchen, where Zak is.
"Lose me? I'm not a piece of property, I'm not a object or a pet. I'm a human being."
"But you were my human being Elle. Me and you, we faced some shit in our time but we both came out laughing."
"So when was it?" I ask her.
"When was what?"
"When did you feelings change? When did they shift beyond friendship?" I ask. Her eyes flare with anger and go towards the wall. "No, he didn't tell me. I wish he did. But I found out later..."
"Fucking Sophie."
"You don't think I had the right to know? Why you had this vendetta against Zak? It wasn't because he is a bad person, it is because I saw him, not you."
Her jaw ticks.
"So when was it?"
"I don't know!" She snaps, clenching her hands together. "It just did okay?"
"And what about Henry? I thought you two were-"
"It is only a bit of fun. At first I was invested, I tried. But I can't fake it, I won't. Henry is amazing, he is. But-"
"But you don't want him."
"No."
How do you have this conversation? I have no idea how to handle this, I didn't want to come across condescending..
"Mia. We are and will only ever be friends. I only see you as a friend."
She looks at me as I tell her, and I try to imagine how she is feeling in this moment. It's hard for anyone to be rejected, to be told that their love for you is meaningless, or in so many words...
"Don't you think I know that?" She asks annoyed.
I shrug. "Honestly, I don't know. But I want to make it clear."
We fall silent for a while, me to give her a moment to accept that we are only friends. Whilst Mia glares at the coffee table, where two mugs are sat.
"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused." She says, giving me hope. "But I'm not sorry for that file. I did it, acting in your best interests."
"So after everything, you regret nothing?" I ask her in disbelief.
"No, I said I was sorry for the trouble I caused. But as for getting dirt on Zak, I don't regret it."
"Can't you see this is where it all started? That file."
She tries to see it from my point of view, maybe she does but doesn't change her previous statement, she just sits quietly on my couch.
"Why are you here, Mia? Did Sophie put you up to this?"
"No."
"Henry?"
"I came here because I needed too, he also advised I built bridges before I lose everyone around me."
I lift my brow "Henry would be right."
We go around in circles for what feels like hours, when it's 30 minutes. I can see Mia is holding onto a lot and maybe it's because I told her how it has to be, or maybe it's her hate for Zak? I don't know. Quiet frankly, I don't care either..
"He makes me happy, Mia." I tell her as we both stand up, realising this conversation is done.
"Maybe he does. But he won't stick around. I'm sorry you're going to have to get hurt to see that.."
"Accepting him, our relationship, is a big thing for me Mia, if you are not backing us, then I need to know who I'm standing up against. Friends support each other, not wield a knife until it's a good time to stab the other in the back."
"Then I guess we know where we stand. Don't we?" Mia replies before walking out the lounge and out the front door.
I feel mad that I've wasted my time, but also mad at her pig ignorance. Did she think that I'd be a push over? That saying sorry would mean I accept her treating Zak like utter shit? That my relationship isn't as important as our friendship?
What would that say for my relationship with Zak? That it's okay for her to hurt him? No. It's not.
I walk to the front door and close it, taking a moment to myself to gather my thoughts.
If Mia felt that way, then so be it. Maybe me and Zak won't last? But I'd be damned if I'm not going to give it my all and enjoy every second I have with him.
Pushing the negativity away, I put on a smile and walk into the kitchen. Where I find Zak, having set the table, found a candle to put in between us, it's a tea light candle, but it's the effort.
"Talk about timing." He smiles setting down two plates.
Spaghetti bolognese. One of my favourites.
Whilst I was wasting my time, he had cooked dinner from scratch. Could he be anymore adorable?!!
"How did it go?" He asks coming over, rubbing my shoulders.
"She said sorry but not sorry. I said you accept us or go. She left." I summarise.
He looks at me with saddened eyes "I'm sorry you're having to deal with this."
I look up at him as I wrap my arms around his waist and smile "I'm not. Because it means I have you, right?"
He smiles in return, pulling me into him tightly. "God I love your optimism. Don't ever change, El."
"I don't plan too."
He leans down and gives me a kiss, just as my stomach rumbles in protest. With a chuckle, he turns me towards the table. "Let's forget about the bad, eat some good food, watch some crummy tv and just be ourselves."
"I like the sound of that."
"If you're lucky, I might model those pj shorts too."
"Or we can have a clothing optional bedtime?" I grin sitting down.
"You better eat up... Fast."