(Y/N) POV:
Though I was trying my utmost best and hardest not to allow those words to buzz around my head, they did. Attacking me when I wasn't constantly occupied with work, the minutes when I was silently working alone and they would start again, an incessant buzzing that floated around my ears, not allowing me to have a clear state of mind, my brain a jumble of thoughts and memories swarming like an angry horde.
I wanted to bang my head against the counter, something, anything that would take away the thoughts, take me blissfully away from reality and consciousness. But rationally, I knew I couldn't keep running, I had to overcome the past but that didn't make it any easier. The demons I constantly battled to keep locked away now breaking free of the shackles I'd forced them into.
Work was a reprieve, but at the moment it was providing me from getting too lost in my thoughts, the flurries of orders and customers coming in and out not allowing me to dwell too long. So, when Hwasa unnie rushed in, panic on her face because her soulmate was at the hospital, I didn't hesitate to send her off with the assurance that I would stay until closing and finish up for her. That gave me more time to force away the thoughts and hopefully more time to compose myself before I went back home, hopefully having then forced the negativity to the back of my mind.
It didn't occur me that I should probably inform one of the boys I'd be late, a brief thought that flashed across my mind for a second before it vanished. I didn't want them to worry but I didn't find the time to let them know either, the café being extremely busy this evening.
It was a mental lethargy that seemed to descend on my body and sink heavily in my bones, a soulful heaviness that made closing the café an unusually long and slow process. I trudged out of the door, still lost in thought. Did everyone think that Dae Hyeon's life was doomed, cursed just as the title had suggested? Was there really no room or possibility for happiness? Was I expecting too much? Who knew?
I found myself seated on a bench near the Han River, my feet taking a detour rather than leading me home. I didn't want to go back just yet. Didn't want them to be swamped with my misery. The night was chilly, my clothes doing little to protect me. But I couldn't find it in myself to care, the sharp wind cutting across my face in icy gusts, wind sifting through my hair. And I thought. And thought. The cold was forcing away the inner chill that had settled over me, forcing me to focus on the way my body was shivering, the way my teeth chattered slightly, the cold sting of wind on my cheeks. Somehow the physical cold I was feeling was heaving me out of the inner slump I had almost fell into. I got to my feet now making my way home, as late as it was, I hoped someone was awake. I didn't want to go back to a silent house, the silence would push me into a spiral- one I was struggling to escape from. A torrent of cruel words, red lips, red. I shook my head, wishing that the movement would somehow dislodge the poison.
The lights were still on when I got back, alerting me that they were all awake. They were all waiting. It brought me an inner warmth, a sense of safety, like the feeling of a warm blanket covering me, cocooning me.
I slipped in the key to the lock, the sound magnified in the silence of the night, fingers shaking slightly from cold as I fumbled to open the door. I slid off my shoes, slowly entering the living room and watching as the sombre look on their faces wipe away but they remain there frozen.
For a second I see their frozen expression as a blank mask slipping into place. One I've grown accustomed to adorning in my life. But that thought is shattered when I really focus on them.
Jinnie oppa had stopped mid-pace, and the others were seated on the couches, huddled close to each other. Their postures are slumped and defeated looking, eyes full of fatigue but still open wide. Their eyes shot up to look at me before they broke out of their stilled postures and shot to their feet, hurrying towards me.
I braced myself for the angry hurl of questions, comments about how I'd made them meaninglessly suffer and wait, how they could've been doing something anything than waiting up for me to turn up.
"Are you okay?" a low voice, gruff and hoarse slightly but still soft and tender.
I meet Jinnie oppa's eyes and his hands come to cup my cheeks but then his eyes widen drastically.
"You're freezing cold!" he exclaims, and he doesn't need to say anything, and the others are already in motion. He just guides me to the couch, gently but firmly pushing me down to sit in the middle before he's kneeling in front of me drawing my chilly hands between his own. His warmth like the inviting heat of a winter's hearth, doing more than just warming my chilled hands.
The others come back, Hoseok bearing a hot water bottle, Joon holding fluffy socks, Jimin and Tae holding a mug of something warm and steaming and Yoongi with a large blanket that he drapes over me and wraps me tightly into. Just then Kookie is sliding next to me, drawing me into his lap as he spoons me, adding an extra layer of heat to try and stop the shivering trembles of my body.
They don't leave, they scramble to seat themselves as close as they can to me, pressing into each other as they lean towards where I'm seated. The look of concern and worry hasn't left their faces, in fact I'm sure it deepens, furrows in their brows and mouths tight and tilted sadly.
There's only silence, not uncomfortable but I'd rather they'd say something, anything. My hands desperately flatten against the mug trying to leech the heat off it even though it's nearly scalding.
"I'm sorry." I whisper into the mug, watching the way the hot chocolate steams slightly, curling into the air. I realise that they must've picked up on how much of a comfort drink it is for me. How it manages to soothe me and put me at ease. But I know they've all heard from the way their bodies shift slightly.
"What for?" Hoseok asked.
"For worrying you." I answer but then I feel Hoseok scramble from where he is next to me, jostling Jimin who's seated on his lap.
"You don't need to apologise for worrying us, that comes with being soulmates." He said, words washing over me.
"It's just something..." and I try to get out what that something is, but the words can't make it past my throat, a choked sound leaves my mouth instead.
"The only thing you should be sorry for is shouldering it alone, for thinking it doesn't matter and for not calling one of us to pick you up. You had no coat in this cold weather and now look!" Jinnie oppa's voice starts off as reassuring but then spikes with a frantic worry as he gestures to my cocooned body.
The nagging does bring a small smile to my face.
"I want to tell you, I do it's just..." I say
"It's hard to get the words out." Yoongi finishes shooting me a look that's full of nothing but understanding.
I nod and then Tae's speaking.
"Let us take care of you." he says, words rolling off his tongue with ease. Reminding me how easy it would be, if I didn't have to shoulder my hurt alone.
And so, I let them. I shower under a spray of almost scalding water, washing away the chill and lingering remnants of my thoughts and dress myself into the clothes the boys had pressed onto me. A large sweater that drowns me, fabric pooling around me and a soft pair of pants that sag slightly but I try to adjust to fit me, pulling at the drawstrings. Whilst I'd let my hair dry out naturally, Yoongi isn't having any of it. He sits me down firmly on the bed and dries it for me, hands massaging my scalp and I tilt my head back leaning further into the feeling of his fingers gliding softly across my head. I could fall asleep to the sensation and I can't fight the drowsiness that washes over me, muffling my yawn into a sweater-clad hand.
And when Jimin and Joonie wrap me up between them in the large room where all of us sleep, I gladly fall into the embrace, the feeling of their arms resting across my midriff and feet entangling with my own. I hear the soft sounds of their breathing and let it lull me to sleep.
----
I wake up to the sensation of feeling warm, too warm. It feels like I'm a furnace, the boys precautionary measures to avoid me getting sick now making me feel hot in the warm spring morning. The added body heat of the boys isn't unwelcomed but combined with the sweater and many blankets that were piled onto me, I feel like I'm going to melt.
I struggle to unwrap myself from the limbs draped over me but then Jimin snuggles in closer, his face nestled against the crook of my neck and his little puffs of breath brushing across my skin sending shivers across my spine. I feel my face flame and I know it's not because of the heat. I can feel the bare trace of his thick lips as he sleeps but it's distracting, all my senses have narrowed down to the feeling of the way his exhales caress my skin and the way his lips are ever so slightly brushing against my neck. I try not to move or fidget in case it jostles him in his sleep, but I really, really want to get out of this blanket.
Luckily, Joonie on my other end seems to stir awake and I look at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to become alert.
"(Y/N)-ah are you okay?" he worries sitting up abruptly, sheets pooling at his waist.
"Have you gotten a fever, your skin is really warm, and your cheeks are red." He comments, hands fluttering around me as he dithers.
"Fever?!" Jinnie oppa suddenly seems to be roused from his sleep next to Joonie oppa but that may have to do with the way I saw him getting whacked in Joonie's panic.
They hover over me and whilst their concern is touching, I want to be rid of these layers making me swelter.
Jinnie oppa's eyes are wide, muttering under his breath about how he'll get grey hairs early. So, I focus on Joonie instead.
"Oppa, I'm just feeling hot under all these layers. Help me out please?" I say tugging at his wrist to get his attention watching as finally he grasps the true nature of my flushed state.
They help me take off the layers of blankets and already it has made so much of a difference, I no longer feel like I'm swamped down and I can feel the slight breeze from the open window cool the skin where the sweater has rucked up. Jimin is still asleep plastered against one side and I'm scared one wrong move will wake him and disturb his rest. I didn't want to wake him so I could do nothing but lie there, gazing at Joonie who had drawn Jinnie oppa into his lap and they were cuddling, smiling at me.
Slowly everyone else starts waking up, Kookie managing to free himself from Tae who had plastered himself across his back sometime in the night. Tae just allows himself to be dragged upwards, blinking sleepily at Kookie flashing a lazy boxy grin, hair tousled. On Jimin's other end, Yoongi and Hoseok are waking up, Hoseok teasing Yoongi awake with small caresses to his face and the exposed skin of his arms and legs laughing brightly at the way Yoongi first squirms away from the touches before melting into them completely. Yoongi allows himself to be pulled upright, pecking Hoseok on the cheek before looking at us. Now it's just me and Jimin still lying down, Jimin still asleep. The others slowly edge closer using it as an opportunity to tease and awaken him however so they wish. Hands dart out to tickle, trail themselves across him but he still sleeps. Lips leaning in to pepper his face and the exposed skin of his shoulder in soft fluttery kisses. He starts to shift, body moving.
I try to pull away seeing an opportunity to slide out of his hold and then suddenly Jimin's body rolls over mine lying flush against me. His weight is a solid comfort but the way I can feel his body on mine, slotting perfectly against me, a different kind of heat pools in me.
And then suddenly he's lifting himself up, propped up by his arms which lie on either side of me, caging me and holding me captive in his gaze. He stares down at me, face adorably rumpled with sleep but there's an intense look in his eyes which stare deeply into me. Those same plump lips I felt so lightly brush against my skin part.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asks voice thick with sleep and words rolling off in his satoori accent.
(HERE YOU GO! HOW IS IT? A BIT OF HURTING (Y/N) BUT WE GOT THE GUYS ON THIS...THEY'RE NOT GONNA LET YOU SLIP DOWN THAT RABBIT HOLE OF HIDING YOUR PAIN AND INTERNALISING IT. NOT. ON. THEIR. WATCH. SO, WE GOT SOME SOULMATES WHO NEED AN EXPLANATION TO WHERE SHE'S BEEN, THEN WE GOT SOME FLUFF AND TO ROUND IT ALL I PRESENT YOU WITH SLEEPY BTS! ONE OF THE CUTEST SIGHTS EVER! SO, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THOUGHT BECAUSE IT'S YOUR COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK THAT MAKE MY DAY! AND AFTER ALL...THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS THAT I WRITE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. SOFT? FLUFFY? NOT ENOUGH? THROWN OFF BALANCE? HOPEFULLY, WE CAN GET TO SOME MORE EPISODES AND THE GUYS' PERSPECTIVE FOR THE WAY THEY FELT LAST NIGHT...I CAN ASSURE YOU IT'S GONNA BE AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER! THIS BOOK IS JUMPING READS NOT BY 1K EVERYDAY NOW... WE WERE AT 18K READS YESTERDAY AND NOW WHEN I'M ABOUT TO UPLOAD IT'S AT 22K READS... I AM MINDBLOWN AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY HOW THANKFUL I AM. BUT THANK YOU! LET'S SEE WHERE THE NEXT CHAPTER TAKES US IN THE STORY!)
Smile, dream, and shine!
Borahae! 💜💜💜
PurpleQueenie <3