Cursed Fate

Chapter 29- then let me never awake from it

(Y/N) POV:

Though I was trying my utmost best and hardest not to allow those words to buzz around my head, they did. Attacking me when I wasn't constantly occupied with work, the minutes when I was silently working alone and they would start again, an incessant buzzing that floated around my ears, not allowing me to have a clear state of mind, my brain a jumble of thoughts and memories swarming like an angry horde.

I wanted to bang my head against the counter, something, anything that would take away the thoughts, take me blissfully away from reality and consciousness. But rationally, I knew I couldn't keep running, I had to overcome the past but that didn't make it any easier. The demons I constantly battled to keep locked away now breaking free of the shackles I'd forced them into.

Work was a reprieve, but at the moment it was providing me from getting too lost in my thoughts, the flurries of orders and customers coming in and out not allowing me to dwell too long. So, when Hwasa unnie rushed in, panic on her face because her soulmate was at the hospital, I didn't hesitate to send her off with the assurance that I would stay until closing and finish up for her. That gave me more time to force away the thoughts and hopefully more time to compose myself before I went back home, hopefully having then forced the negativity to the back of my mind.

It didn't occur me that I should probably inform one of the boys I'd be late, a brief thought that flashed across my mind for a second before it vanished. I didn't want them to worry but I didn't find the time to let them know either, the café being extremely busy this evening.

It was a mental lethargy that seemed to descend on my body and sink heavily in my bones, a soulful heaviness that made closing the café an unusually long and slow process. I trudged out of the door, still lost in thought. Did everyone think that Dae Hyeon's life was doomed, cursed just as the title had suggested? Was there really no room or possibility for happiness? Was I expecting too much? Who knew?

I found myself seated on a bench near the Han River, my feet taking a detour rather than leading me home. I didn't want to go back just yet. Didn't want them to be swamped with my misery. The night was chilly, my clothes doing little to protect me. But I couldn't find it in myself to care, the sharp wind cutting across my face in icy gusts, wind sifting through my hair. And I thought. And thought. The cold was forcing away the inner chill that had settled over me, forcing me to focus on the way my body was shivering, the way my teeth chattered slightly, the cold sting of wind on my cheeks. Somehow the physical cold I was feeling was heaving me out of the inner slump I had almost fell into. I got to my feet now making my way home, as late as it was, I hoped someone was awake. I didn't want to go back to a silent house, the silence would push me into a spiral- one I was struggling to escape from. A torrent of cruel words, red lips, red. I shook my head, wishing that the movement would somehow dislodge the poison.

The lights were still on when I got back, alerting me that they were all awake. They were all waiting. It brought me an inner warmth, a sense of safety, like the feeling of a warm blanket covering me, cocooning me.

I slipped in the key to the lock, the sound magnified in the silence of the night, fingers shaking slightly from cold as I fumbled to open the door. I slid off my shoes, slowly entering the living room and watching as the sombre look on their faces wipe away but they remain there frozen.

For a second I see their frozen expression as a blank mask slipping into place. One I've grown accustomed to adorning in my life. But that thought is shattered when I really focus on them.

Jinnie oppa had stopped mid-pace, and the others were seated on the couches, huddled close to each other. Their postures are slumped and defeated looking, eyes full of fatigue but still open wide. Their eyes shot up to look at me before they broke out of their stilled postures and shot to their feet, hurrying towards me.