"My skin is made of glass
But apparently it's stained
'Cause you notice all the cracks
But can't look inside my pain."
Stained Glass; Madison Beer
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*TW - violence and manslaughter*
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Why did I agree with that? This and many other questions were running in my head as I was packing my things to Monza. Honestly? I'm terrified. Not because of the danger that surrounds the races, I already got used to it. I'm more terrified of seeing Charles. Will it be as awkward as in Belgium? Is he still mad at me for keeping secrets from him...oh, sure he is, he won't forgive me that easily. I can't forgive him either, he wasn't standing behind him when I needed him.
Another thing that is on my mind is more positive. The secret voice is gone. No more sleepless nights. Also, I heard from Penelope that Lavinia is no longer singing in Count Bassie. My first thought was if this has something to do with the fact that I don't hear the voice anymore. But that's bullshit because it was just a ringing in my ear, it wasn't a real person. I'm going crazy, I should get out of here. In the middle of the packing, my phone started ringing. Without looking at the caller's ID I accepted the call.
"Andretti speaking," I answered, my phone between my shoulder and head, continuing with the packing, "hello?" I asked when there was a silence on the other side of the call, "Is anyone there?"
"Long time no see, Andretti," I froze when I heard a too familiar voice, "more like long time no hear," he laughed at his own stupid joke.
"What do you want?" I hissed, not really in a mood to talk with him. Wait, I'm never in the mood when it comes to him.
"Harsh," he noted, "anyway, how was Genoa?" my body froze and shivers ran down my spine.
"Ho-how do you know?" I stammered, my palms getting sweaty.
"Mafia has ears everywhere, darling. Also, I heard you are going to Monza," I didn't answer, my whole body was paralysed. I don't have a good feeling from this, I really don't.
"I...I don't like where is this conversation going," I muttered with a trembling voice.
"Are you scared, my little Ariana?" he laughed, "you should be. Everybody who has ever betrayed me is now laying under the ground. Expect for you. I think it's time for us to settle our accounts. I doubt you want our meeting to be in front of the people you care about. I recommend you to stay in Monaco so we can end it in peace," he was talking slowly, making me sweat even more. He is talking about my death like it's a completely obvious thing. He might be a mob but he keeps forgetting one thing. That the only one who is deciding about my life is me.
"Make me," I chuckled and hung up before he could say anything. Am I scared? Maybe. Do I want to show my weakness? Hell no. Will I listen to him? Absolutely not. He wants to fight, please, I'm ready. I've been through a lot of shits, I will not give up now.
Pedro's POV:
She hung up. SHE HUNG UP ON ME! How dare she? She is nothing, her life is so pointless. How dare she to stand up against me? Me, the boss of the mafia, one of the most powerful men in the world.
"Rodrigo," I called my loyal right hand and he immediately came, "bring Diego. I have a very important mission for him. It will test his loyalty," Rodrigo nodded his head and slightly bowed down before leaving. She wants to rebel? Fine. Let's make her suffer. Slowly and painfully.
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Ariana's POV:
Long time no see Formula 2. It feels so weird to be back but also good. I met up again with Alexandrina, Jasmine, and Chloe but also with Sergio, Nyck, Lance, and the others. I was singing Fratelli d'Italia from the top of my lungs, waving with an Italian flag like crazy. It could have been a perfect weekend if it wasn't raining on Saturday. But we managed to find positives, we did an F1 live stream with some other drivers. Oh, and Charles was there too. We haven't said a word to each other, we didn't even share a glance.
To be honest, I've been thinking about this whole Sunday. Alexandrina told me how much he wants me to be in Monza, how much he wants to talk with me. But he has been avoiding me the whole weekend, I've only seen him on the live stream and in his car, in the paddock he's like a ghost. I actually had a big urge to go after him and find out what is going on.
Until I found out what happened in the restaurant. That Charles and Sergio had a fight over me. That Charles was saying mean things about me. And that he almost slept with some bartender. No, thank you. I'm definitely not crawling back to him. He wants to talk? Then he should act like a man and come to me.
The race weekend is already over and I'm sitting at the shore of the river Lambro, my new favourite place in the world. There is something about rivers, it's maybe how calm they are, it's dragging me there like a magnet. And it helps me clear my mind a little bit. Since that phone call, I'm being quite paranoid. I have a constant feeling that someone is following me.
"Hey," goosebumps appeared on my skin upon hearing that familiar voice. I didn't say a word, still staring in front of me, "Riri told me that you will be here," Charles continued while taking a seat next to me.
"Yes, I found this place recently," I muttered, "perfect of cleansing your soul." I was looking in front of me but I noticed how Charles harshly turned his head to me.
"You...you know?" he stammered.
"Oh, I know everything," I laughed sarcastically, "I even know about Emily."
"I swear I had nothing with her, really."
"Whatever. I'm not your girlfriend after all," I shrugged, looking everywhere but not at him.
"Look, I think we should really talk...about us," I glanced and quickly looked away, "I'm really sorry for what I said...it was wrong and I shouldn't have said it. But you have to understand that it caught me by surprise when I heard about...you know."
"No-one would be happy if they found out someone he has feelings for is actually a monster. I get it, you were upset but I'm a human, Charles. A very fragile one. I've been through a lot, I'm carrying a lot of pain inside. I might look strong but the truth is that I can break very easily. I'm not like everybody you've met before and you should be more gentle with me."
"Why don't you tell me what you've been through? So I can understand you better," Charles asked carefully and I sighed.
"I can't."
"Why? It can help me to understand and you to let your pain off your chest..."
"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO, OK?" I raised my voice to interrupt him, "I just can't talk about it. It's making me terrified and anxious. I want to forget it and never think about it again."
"But how am I supposed to be with you if I know nothing about you? What if you are still in danger...what if you will do it again?" his voice was small, he sounded so vulnerable. I turned to him, his sad eyes breaking my heart.
"I would never..." I stopped in the middle of the sentence. I was thinking the same about Tristan. I would never hurt him, he's like my brother. And then it was me who pulled the trigger.
"What is it?" he carefully asked, moving closer to me.
„You are right," I felt tears itching in my eyes and slowly falling down, "I killed someone really close to me just to...just to safe my miserable life," I sniffled before bursting into tears. Charles pulled me into his embrace, slowly caressing my hair. He was quietly and patiently waiting for me to let all my feelings out, holding me tightly in his arms.
"He meant a lot to you, didn't he?" he whispered when I stopped crying.
"He was a brother I never had. He was protecting me and made me feel loved. He did everything for me and I killed him. I took away his life because I wanted that stupid freedom," I glanced at Charles who was looking at me with a worried face, "I think I should tell you the whole truth," Charles slowly nodded my head and I cleared my throat, ready to re-open old wounds. Ready or not, I have to.
"Ariana," my eyes widened because I immediately recognised the voice. I quickly shut my eyes hoping that this is just my wild imagination, "long time no see." It's not a dream, unfortunately.
"What is he doing here?" Charles hissed and I just shrugged, "son of a-"
"Charles, don't," he was about to stand up but I stopped me, "let me handle this," whispered, giving Charles a stern look.
"I won't let you alone in this. I'm staying," I rolled my eyes and let his hand, "don't worry, I won't do anything stupid," I slightly nodded my head before standing up.
"Indeed, Diego," I said and folded my arms across my chest, "what brings you here?"
"I have a message for you from Senhor Sánchez," he pulled out a gun and loaded it with one swift move, "you were messing with wrong people, Ariana. And you are gonna pay for it," he pointed his gun at Charles who instinctively lifted his hands in a defensive gesture.
"Leave Charles alone, he's innocent. Shoot me," I demanded and Diego didn't move an inch, "you want to get rid of me, not him. Look, I'm standing right here," Diego glanced at me before looking back at Charles, firmly holding the gun.
"You think it's that easy, huh?" Diego laughed sarcastically, "you already forgot what Sánchez is like? He wants you to suffer...and what will make you suffer better than seeing your lover die right in front of your eyes."
"I won't let you kill Charles," I stood in front of him without any hesitation, "you have to deal with me first."
"Fine," he snorted, "I will get rid of you two. Right here, right now." I grabbed Charles's hand and squeezed it. He must be terrified right now. But I'm gonna get us out of this. Just think, Ariana, think.
"Oh shit, who are they?" I asked confused, looking behind Diego, "are they from you, did you bring backups? Too afraid you can't handle us on your own?" Obviously, there was no-one behind him. Sánchez did a big mistake, he sent someone I know way too well. Diego never was a tough mafia guy and never will. He just wants to boost his ego, he wants to show everybody how good he is.
"What?" Diego asked, his eyes still on me.
"Those guys who are coming here, with guns...HEY! WHO ARE YOU?" I shouted and waved, making my lie more real. Eventually, it worked and Diego looked behind him. I didn't hesitate a second, ran to him, and kicked him in his no-no square. He fell on the ground, dropping his gun. I immediately grabbed the gun, pointing at him. Diego chuckled, sitting on the ground, "you thought it will be that easy? What are you going to do now, smartass?"
"Nothing," he shrugged, "because I know you won't shoot me."
"Really? Why so?" I asked with a smile.
"Because you won't shoot your first love," I frowned and Diego snickered, glancing at the ground before looking back at me, "I know you, Ariana. This isn't you, you are not like that..." he wasn't able to finish his sentence as I shot him in the arm. He screamed, placing his hand on the wound, looking at me with the terror in his eyes.
"Surprise, surprise, my dear. You might have known me, but that was before. Before everything. I'm a different person now. I feel absolutely nothing towards you, I don't care about you. So there is no reason to keep you alive."
"Ariana, listen to me," Diego started rambling, "I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want any of this, I swear. Sánchez made me do it, I didn't have other options. Please, Ariana."
"You made me fall in love with you and then you broke my fucking heart! You used me just to impress Sánchez and get his daughter. You didn't even love me! You wanted to kill someone I love, just to make me suffer. You were my best friend, Diego and you fucking betrayed me. You are just a liar, a disgusting backstabber. You really believe I'll trust you again?" My voice was cold and emotionless and the only thing I wanted was to end his miserable life.
"Ariana, don't," Charles suddenly spoke up, "let him go."
"What?" I exclaimed with my back to Charles, "he wanted to kill you, Charles. And he will try it again if I let him go."
"You can go to jail, Ariana. He's not worth it."
"I don't fucking care," I hissed, "I dragged you into this and I'll protect you, whatever it takes. Because you are worth it."
"Ariana, I swear, I won't come near you anymore. I realised my mistake, I'm gonna run away with Dolores, you'll never see me again, I swear. Just don't kill me, please."
"Beautiful," I laughed sarcastically, "except for the fact that I don't believe a word you are saying," I pointed a gun on his forehead, ready to pull the trigger.
"Ariana, you can do better than him. We can call the police, we can sort it out..."
"No, we can't!" I cut him off, "this is something I need to sort out and there is only one way how to do it."
"You are only gonna make things worse, Ariana," Diego whispered. Everything is fucked up already, I doubt this can get worse.
"Ariana, put the gun down, please," Charles begged, his voice calm and reassuring.
"Why should I do that?"
"Because I'm asking you to," he was now standing next to me and I could feel his eyes on me.
"Why are you defending him? He wanted to kill you!" I was still looking at Diego because I was afraid that he would take advantage of my thoughtlessness.
"I think you should give him a second chance. You got it too after all," I slightly lowered my gun, thinking about Charles' words. He's so fricking kind, he thinks that everybody can change and eventually be a good person. He would even forgive someone who wanted to kill him and he would let him go.
"You are right," I nodded my head, "people deserve a second chance. But not everybody," without thinking, I shot Diego right in his head. He fell on the ground, he was immediately dead. I slowly walked to him and shot him again. And again. And again. Like I was a machine, like a robot. Then I stopped, looking at his lifeless body. He was my first love but at that moment, I didn't feel a thing. I was completely empty. I turned to Charles who was watching me with widened eyes.
"I'm sorry that you had to see this," I sent him a sad smile. Charles was just watching me with a terrified expression, slowly going backward.
"I...I don't think I can do this," before I could say anything, he was gone. I should have known it. I should have known that he won't accept me. The real me.