John... he is so self conscious about himself when he's near Arlo now. This Thursday, they've scheduled a study session and that day was close. John's dying, his heart's pounding so hard when he's near him.
It's not something he can control, it's just this feeling that he has when Arlo talks to him or walks near him. He's been buying a lot of things, like, a lot of sweets that he doesn't eat and just brings it to Arlo. It's a gift.
On thursday, this time, he buys a cake for Arlo and his roommate. Arlo's roommate is a little confused why John, a cripple, who doesn't deserve Arlo's attention, is pathetic, would be so nice to Arlo. He doesn't know what goes on in Arlo's room, other than the occasional laughter and a lot of murmuring.
Well, John isn't quite sure either, he's not sure what to do.
Arlo's cofused on his work, but John, he's not. He tries to, but he can't. He can't help but think about every interaction he's had with Arlo, every single little mistake that he's made. He's over thinking some parts of it, when it's not even that big of a deal.
John isn't the smooth talker, he's the type to get overly flustered and die. He let out a deep sigh, he looks sadly at Arlo, who's a little too concentrated on his work. Arlo probably has some pretty foreign woman at a different school or something.
He takes a good look at Arlo, he's probably the type to have a secret relationship with some cute girl like Elaine or something. Seraphina's not a far off choice, but he was.
John, a male, a cripple, is no match for Arlo, also a male, and a king.
There's no pointing in crushing on him, when he far from him. He's too far to reach Arlo.
This feeling is the worst.
He hates it. This sickening feeling is worse than the fumes that they had to endure. He never asked for these feelings, he never wanted these feeings.
God, this is the worse. This sense of dread, it's slowly killing him.
"Hey, John." Arlo asked, looking up from his note book, "Is something wrong?" He asked, with a small smile on his face. John forced a smile onto his face, and chuckled.
"What? Of course I'm okay." He grinned, "Just focus on your work. You can't afford to fail this class right?" He let out a forced laugh, a little bitter honestly, and Arlo could tell the change in mood since last time.
"Are you sure?" He asked. That didn't sound very convincing actually, and Arlo didn't believe John's lie with a laugh like that. He laid back into his seat, placing down his pencil.
"Are you doubting me?" John pouted, " I don't lie like that. I'm a better liar than you'd think."
"Sure. I'd totally believe that." Arlo rolled his eyes, he crossed his arms.
"Urgh-- just get back to work and finish up before I leave." John snapped, tapping on Arlo's work to get him focused. "Or I won't waste my free time helping you for free."
"Okay, okay." He picked up his pencil again, but wasn't sure if he should have listened to John. He wasn't sure if he should refuse or not, he doesn't want John to actually leave yet since he still have some questions that he needs to work on. And he's not actually sure if John's okay.
He chose to keep quiet. He's horrible, not caring about his friend when he's not feeling himself.
"Hey Arlo... do you have a girl friend?" John asked suddenly.
'What? A girl friend?" Arlo asked, a bit confused. "Why would you need to know that?"
"Just tell me." John snapped.
Arlo let his imagination run wild, "Hm... why? Do you like me like that?" He teased.
"Only in your dreams." John scoffed, "It's just something that came to mind. I just wanted to... meet your girlfriend if you had one." He smiled sadly.
Arlo arched an eyebrow, "Oh really?" He said slowly, not really believing it. "Well, I don't have one. I don't have any love interest, and I'm not looking for one yet." He fiddled with the pencil in his fingers.
John looked bummed, "Really? That's so sad." John sighed. That's the cue. He's not looking for someone to love, so he better stop crushing on him. John adverted his gaze, he's sad, a little hurt in the heart.
He knows that he needs to stop, thinking about Arlo in that way... but can he really stop? Can he really control his feelings around Arlo?
Instead, he pushes Arlo away verbally, "Oh, shut it." Arlo wasn't completely convinced that John didn't feel something for him. Infact, maybe he liked him back as a friend? Or was it something more?
The thought of being something more made his heart skip a beat.
He turned back to look at his work. To John, it's like child's play while for Arlo, he need to put more effort in it. John gave a half-lidded gaze, he was hurt, but he used the fact that he was bored to cover it up.
He focused up pointing out the mistakes in Arlo's work instead of the problem in him.
John involuntarily started to stare at Arlo again. He couldn't help but feel the blush rise up to his face, he miserably looked away. He's never felt such despair, all this because of a single crush. Does that make him a pathetic human being?
Arlo looked up from his work, "John, do you have a crush?" Arlo asked.
John turned back at Arlo, "...Yes, I do. I do, I do..." He sighed.
Arlo frowned, why was John looking so miserable? "What's wrong?"
"I'm the worst..." John mumbled, "I have a crush on them even though I know they won't love me back. God, heart break is the worst." He sighed miserably.
"Um... is this because of me?" Arlo asked. John gave him a confused look, with a bit of shock. "Was it me... that you like?"
"...How did you... come to that conclusion?" John asked, his heart dropped to his stomach. He made this too obvious... Fuck. He's not ready for heartbreak and plain out rejection, no, he's not ready!
Arlo looked at John sympathetically, "Well, it's kind of... obvious." He was biting his lower lip, when John shot up from his chair. He's uncomfortable, he does feel something for John as well, but was it really to that level?
John's having a cold sweat, "I-- I have to go. I'm sorry I can't." John didn't bare Arlo one more glance, he just picked up his backpack and bursted through the door. Arlo didn't try to stop him, does he like John like that?
John stumbled outside, that's-- he just ruined everything. He didn't wait for Volcan and ran home, everything just happened too quickly. By the point he was infront of his front door, his memory was a blur. A shaky image.
He just wanted to get out of there, away from Arlo. Because he didn't like Arlo that way. He kept telling himself that as if that will make it a little better. He opened the door, he wanted to go to his bed and sleep, because he had work later.
He opened the door and walked up the stairs, muttering a phrase to his Mom. Volcan obviously noticed that John was feeling not quite like himself but she just left him alone for now.
***
It was Friday night, which was the night for the hero's operation but he didn't know that. John woke up, he let out a sigh and got ready. He remembered to put on a mask and his sunglasses even though it made it harder to see in the alley way.
He adjusted his choker, making sure that he was comfortable for him to wear. He also tightened his gloves, he made sure that if he were to murder someone, then it wouldn't get blood on his hands. Even if he like the feeling.
He was ready to finish delivering the drugs that he and his mother didn't finish delivering last night. He had to be on high alert, since he knew about Remi and Blyke's injuries and how long it might have taken them to heal.
Volcan drove the two of them into a neighborhood that was close to Wellston, there, were more people who bought the ability enhancing drugs. John made sure to look all around from a high building as his Mom did the transaction. And, he saw a group of people.
He was right on, but instead of three, it was a group of four. Who the fuck was the... blue haired... female? Or was it turquoise? John squinted his eyes, oh... It was Elaine. A healer. The person who would fit Arlo's girlfriend...
Oh.
He looked down at the floor. John pulled out his phone to call his mom, and she picked up. "Mom... can we go home? I-- I don't feel like it today, since a group of superheros are here." He muttered through his phone.
He recived a confused hum, "Hm? Then why don't you kill them? I thought you'd like that." She asked. John could hear the other person talking in the background.
"No... I just don't feel like it, sorry mom."
Volcan was worried, "Okay, I'll leave." She said, John could hear her saying that they had to go and her opening the front door. "I feel like, something's wrong John. Do you want to tell me?"
John remained silent for a while, thinking of an response.
That's when he heard multiple voices shouting from the phone. His head instantly jerked up in suprise... The group of superheros met Volcan! Oh god no.
He could see in the distance his mom using his ability and fighting them. "Mom...?" He could hear Seraphina, Remi, and Blyke shouting something. Of course Remi and Blyke would know what Volcan looked like, since they've met before already.
John jumped down from the building, a steady landing.
"Mom!" He shouted into the phone.
"Sorry, I have to call you back. Might have ran into some trouble." His mother said, chuckling a little. And just like that, his mother hung up. He had to help his mother! If-- If Seraphina gets to her then--
He ran. Seraphina was the only one that he was worried about.
He wasn't sure where the fight was and was only blindly running to somewhere. When he turned a corner, he almost bumped into someone. "Ah! I'm sorry!" She halted to a stop infront of John, she looked scared. Elaine.
He grabbed her by the neck, pushing her into a wall, causing her to cough up blood. That's when he noticed a large gash, it was severly burnt and he recongnized it as Volcan's ability. They must have told her to go back to the dorms... alone.
A smile made it's way up to John's mouth. "Urgh! I said I'm sorry!" Her hands scratched at John's, which was still holding onto Elaine's neck. John pulled out his knife, to which her eyes widened. "Wh-- wait-- why are you doing this...?" She managed to say.
John squeezed his hands tighter. She coughed, air, she needed air. Her legs kicked at John, but he had a firm grip on her neck.
ONE. He stabbed at her abdomen.
TWO. He stabbed at her chest.
THREE. He stabbed at her leg.
He kept on stabbing her even after she was dead. He couldn't stop, he was fueled by anger, hatred, and his past. Perhaps he even did it because he found it fun and amusing. It, was sickening.
He then disposed of her body in a building, then, he ran back and got two full jugs of gasoline. He didn't think that this would come in handly so fast. He poured the gas around the whole building floor and pulled out his lighter, he lit it on fire.
The building instantly lit up on fire, along with Elaine and some other random citizens. He didn't feel remorse, he didn't feel sad, he didn't feel anything for Elaine. He remembered the first time he met Elaine, she was disgusted with John since he was a low tier. Or pretended to be.
His hand was shaking, he was over whelmed with a thirst for more blood. He's bitter now. He's the side of him he likes.
John left Elaine to burn, charred to the point where her family can't recognize her.
***
Seraphina wanted to go to Elaine's room to talk about the next meeting, but she wasn't there. Seraphina's heart dropped into her stomach. Did Elaine make it back alive? Did she encounter... other people...? She called Remi and Blyke's phone, only to recieve the same answer.
"Oh... I thought she made it back safe...?"
Blyke told her to leave since Volcan injured her first, and it was stupid of them not to realize that there might back been others that didn't join the fight. Seraphina called the police, and informed them that her roommate was... gone.
Then the police turned up at school, students were confused and after a little bit of explaining, the headmaster check the security camera. They were caught red handed, for sneaking out. Remi and Blyke had totally forgotten about the cameras.
Seraphina, Remi, and Blyke were all scolded by Arlo and the other staffs, and the headmaster himself. He was disappointed at the three of them.
And, her mother was called to the school. John's eyes widened, wasn't she the woman that John tried to sell drugs to but ended up attacking them instead...? So-- Elaine's ability was enhanced? Was that why Elaine was so weak and had to leave?
Her mother was frantic, she screamed for her daughter and couldn't calm down. She started to cry and sob, even John felt a little, just a tiny little pity for her. But mostly, annoyance.
It all made sense.
Seraphina, Blyke, and Remi faced suspension for 2 weeks.
They sent out a search party for Elaine, but didn't find her yet.
Arlo, was depressed that he lost someone he was so close to. He didn't come to school the next day, just to stay in his room. John had to visit him, he felt a little guilty for Arlo's sadness, and he wanted to comfort him.
He went out and bought an tub of ice cream to his dorm. His roommate let him in and explained a little to John, as much as the roommate hated John, he was the only one that even managed to talk and become friends with Arlo.
He knocked on Arlo's door, "Arlo...?" He asked.
No answer.
Still, he didn't leave and kept on knocking, "Arlo, I have some ice cream for you. I heard it can make you feel a little better." He said softly. Finally, Arlo opened the door. He looked like he was crying.
"Come... inside." He welcomed John in, with a monotone voice. Devoid of any happiness or himself. John couldn't help but hug Arlo the moment the door closed.
Yeah, Arlo needed the hug more than anything. Even though Arlo didn't turn on the light, he still managed to place the tub of ice cream onto the desk.
"I'm sorry." Arlo began to speak, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings before." He sighed beside John's ear. John shivered from that.
"No, no it's okay." He only said that to make Arlo feel better... but it wasn't okay. His heart still ached, so he pushed Arlo away. He turned to his shopping bag and picked out his ice cream. "Um, turn the lights on or something." John said.
So Arlo turned on his phone flashlight.
"No, not that..." John squinted at the light.
"No, let's use this. Actually, let's watch a movie or something." Arlo suggested as John pulled the ice cream out from the bag.
"In the dark?" He picked a seat next to Arlo.
"Yeah." Arlo said, he turned on his television and closed his phone. John turned his attention to the screen as Arlo selected a movie to watch.
They settled on horror, even though John can't take jump scares very well, he still watched with Arlo. Softly cursing everytime he got jumpscared. Arlo wrapped an arm around John's shoulders, bringing him closer.
Honestly, it's not bad and John's not complaining... just a little though. The fact that he feels like Arlo's leading him on.
***