•Ariana•
🌹3 months later🌹
I felt around the bed looking for Jonathan but he wasn't laying next to me. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes. I reached for my phone and climbed out of bed. The laziness in me wanted to just text Jonathan asking where he was, but I knew he was probably watching tv downstairs. I walked out the bedroom and across the hall to Journee's room. I reached over to turn on the light but I didn't want to wake her up so I just plugged in the nightlight. I turned around to see Jonathan inside the crib knocked out with her on his chest.
I laughed silently and pulled out my phone starting to record him on my Instagram story. As soon as I held down the button my flash turned on waking Jonathan up.
"Now I know good and well your big ass is not in that crib"
"C'mon man stop before you wake her up" He groans readjusting himself to go back to sleep.
"Why are you in there?"
"She wouldn't stop crying unless I got in here and I didn't want her to wake you up"
Seeing his strong ass in her little ass crib was adorable. I loved how gentle she has made him.
"Don't break my baby's damn crib" I chuckle and left them alone. I went back into the bedroom and over to the en suite to take a shower before Journee was up and Jon wanted to shower. Once I was done I went over to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face.
I dropped my towel and lathered my skin up in lotion. I looked at myself in the mirror and my whole mood changed. I hadn't lost my baby weight and I just looked terrible. My thighs were huge, my ass was too big, my stomach still had a pudge, my waist was no longer snatched and my back rolls were saying hello. I didn't look like myself.
I turned to the side and sucked in my stomach trying to convince myself I still looked good. I held my stomach traced my cesarean scar with my finger. A single tear escaped my eyes.
"You look beautiful" I hear Jon say causing me to jump.
"You scared me" I say clenching my chest "How long have you been standing there?"
He just ignores me and walks over to me. He wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses my neck. "You look beautiful" He tells me again.
"I don't though" I reply still looking at myself in the mirror. He kisses his shoulder before resting his chin on it.
"What don't you like?"
"Everything" I tell him.
"You just had a baby and don't even look like it. You not even looking at yourself foreal"
"I look at myself every day, whatchu mean? I'm fat as fuck! Look" I say tugging on my stomach.
"Ariana you just had Journee 3 months ago and was on bedrest for a month. You gotta give your body a chance to adjust. You just carried a baby in there for 9 months yo body not just finna go back to normal over night. Be realistic stop tryna compare yoself to those people you see on instagram." He tells me.
I nod my head "Yeah. I know but-"
"You're perfect to me. I love every inch of your body. I wouldn't change anything about you " He cuts me off "Except your head"
"You gon stop talking bout my damn head" I laugh pushing him away from me.
Even when I feel my worst it's like he can read my mind and reassure me that I'm beautiful. Even when my depression hit hard and I couldn't even take care of myself he was there for me. He's been so patient with me through all of this. I swear I love this man so much.
I grabbed my robe and put it on tying it closed. "I love you" I say to him turning my head to him.
"I know," He replies and kisses my lips "Love you too" I could hear the sound of Journee crying through the baby monitor.
Jon walks over to the sink and grabs his toothbrush and I walked out the room to get my baby.
"Goodmorning mama" I say as I turned on the bed room light. She rolled over to her stomach and lifted her head up with a smile. I picked her up and kissed her cheeks.
"You hungry?" I asked as if she could respond. I sat down in the rocking chair in her room and kicked up my feet. I began to breastfeed her and just watched a YouTube video while she ate. Once she was done I went into the bathroom that was in her room and ran the water in the tub. I began to undress her and then laid her down in her bath chair so I could bathe her.
Normally we give her a bath at night but last night all of us were knocked out once we got home from the restaurant.
I dried her off and put on her little baby robe. I snapped a picture in the mirror or us matching before going into her bedroom and dressed her in a pink onesie with black leggings that barely made it over her chubby thighs.
"Awww look at you looking all adorable" I say tickling her neck and she begins to laugh showing off her gums. I snapped a few pictures of her just to have to look back on.
Jon and I haven't posted her on social media yet. We just want to keep her to ourselves for a little while longer. Sometimes I'd post a video on my store of Jon holding her but that's about it. I never even announced me giving birth to her, Jon did during one of his interviews. I've just been super I guess, private with my baby. I just don't like how people feel entitled to my life. It's nice to just have something to myself. At end of the day, I'll post her when I'm ready. I've just been trying to wrap my head around people being able to screenshot pictures of her and have it saved to their phones. There's a lot of weirdos and crazy people in this world and I just don't wanna have to kill somebody.
I walked downstairs to the kitchen to make me a bowl of cereal. I sat her down in her booster seat in the middle of counter then propped up the ipad in front of her turning on some sensory videos to keep her occupied while I ate. I began to type up a caption for the picture of Journee and I to post to my page.
therealkylesister: My baby makes 3 months today and I'm still in awe that I'm a mommy to such a beautiful little girl. Her birth was probably one of the toughest things I ever had to experience but I'm thankful because it made me strong. I cried when the doctor told me I need a C-Section and once she was out I really thought I was about to die. Your daddy was with you the very moment they took you out lol. I love him even more for that. Not even a full 24 hours after you were born I was going through PPD. I felt so guilty because in my heart I wanted to hold you and shower you with kisses but my mind and body just wouldn't let me. I tried my best to be there for you because I knew you'd never be that small again but my body just wouldn't let me. Your daddy took care of both you and me for those first few weeks even though I wanted him to just focus on you. He never left my side and that's why I love him. I'm so blessed to be your mommy. You're my world, you made me feel whole again. Thank you @dababy for giving me the greatest gift ever, Journee Lynn Kirk😘
"What you wanna get into today?" Jon asks as he entered the kitchen. He walks over and kisses Journee cheek which ended up distracting her from the video. She's a huge daddy's girl already. As soon as he enters the room she wants to be in his arms.
"Nothing I'm just gonna clean up around the house"
He makes himself a bowl of cereal and sits down at the counter across from me. "Can I go to the studio tonight?"
Jon has been home with us everyday since we brought her home. He rescheduled all his interviews and shows so he could be here with us, even once I was off bedrest he still stayed. Kid came to the house a maybe twice and they set up some equipment to record but other than that he hasn't spent time with his friends.
"Just the studio? Y'all not gon go to the club or something?" I question before eating a spoonful of Frosted Flakes.
"They prolly will but I'm not"
"Why not? Go out with ya boys have fun, ion care. I know you're tired of being cooped up in the house" I reply. I know he feels like he has to be here 24/7 but he doesn't.
"Nah I don't mind"
"Boy go out. Me and Journee will be fine" I replied eating my last spoonful of cereal.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I know yo fans been waiting on some new music, I'm not gon stop ya money" I walked over to the sink to clean my bowl. I heard the doorbell ring and I looked over my shoulder at Jon.
"You gon answer it?" I question as he brought me his bowl to clean as well.
"I ain't expecting nobody"
"Neither am I" I replied.
"It's probably some more damn packages. Yo ass always ordering some shit" He scoffed walking out the kitchen.
"Stop cursing in front of my baby!" I yell back at him drying my hands with a towel.
"Where TiTi baby at?" I hear Dream's voice say.
"There she is" She says in baby voice as she came into the kitchen. She picked up Journee from her and tickled her neck. Jon and Stunna entered the kitchen seconds later.
"Y'all pulled up together?" I smirked at them leaning against the counter.
"That's what I just said" Jon laughs sitting on top of the counter.
"Let me find out y'all together" I say as Dream tried to play off her blushing by playing with Journee.
"Girl whatever," She chuckles rolling her eyes. "She's gotten so big since I last saw her. She starting to look like Jon now"
"Naw naw naw don't try and change the subject" Jon replies, "This you?" Jon questions with a smirk looking at Stunna.
Jon and I both knew the answer to that question but we knew that by us instigating it would force them to put a title on their relationship. Dream has been blowing up me and Tae's phone with different stories about them chilling and fucking.
"Journee tell yo daddy to mind his business" Stunna laughs.
"You right. Imma chill, Imma chill," Jon chuckles "Just asking cause Journee might want a cousin soon"
"And she's only 3 months. You can get pregnant now and they'll still be close in age" I add in.
"Now y'all getting carried away" Dream laughing holding Journee with one arm "Khalick I told you we shouldn't have showed up together"
"Oooh you heard that bae? She called the man by his government name"
"Ugh y'all are so annoying" She scoffed and walked out the kitchen. Jon and I both bursted out into laughter.
"You coming to the studio?" Stunna asks Jon and he nods his head.
I walked out the kitchen "Dream I'm going upstairs!" I yell out as I headed over to the staircase.
"Here I come" She shouts back from the living room.
I walked into the room I turned into my at home dressing room since Jon uses both closets in the bedroom. I untied my robe and let it fall to the ground. I pulled on a pair of grey leggings and then a plain white t shirt.
"You going out tonight?" Dream asks as she walked into the room and sat down at the vanity with Journee on her lap.
"Nah. I haven't really been feeling like myself lately. I'm not really in a partying mood"
"The clubs are going up tonight. You haven't turned up in like a year. Momma's can have fun too"
"I hear you but I haven't gotten cute in months. I'm already knowing I'mma have a mental breakdown if my clothes don't fit" I reply sitting down on my ottoman.
"Girl you look good! Pump this baby some milk and drop her off with ya momma. We going out, fuck that. If Jon can go out so can you. We getting fucked up tonight" Dream chuckles as she bounces Journee on her knee.
"I can't even drink I breastfeed"
"Girl yes you can. Just pump enough so she'll have some for tomorrow. The liquor will be out ya system by then."
I shrugged my shoulders "Fuck it we gone" I laugh.