I turn over on the side of my bed, staring at the wall overrun with photographs from my past. I shut my eyes again, but I still can't fall asleep.
My alarm clocks reads 4:35 am. I must have fallen asleep at one point, only to have woken up now, in the early hours of the morning.
My stomach howls in waves, like it is slowly digesting itself, unable to find any other source of food. The only thing I allow down my mouth is herbal tea, or water. It snarls again, this time a pang of pain along with it. The pain comes in sudden bursts every now and then, reminding me of the absence of food from my system.
It's all for a good purpose.
Only for a few more days.
I get up from my bed, rubbing my eyes, standing in front of my mirror. I lift up my t-shirt, and turning to my side, still managing to notice the prominent layer of fat.
Maybe not for a few more days.
Maybe a week.
One more week.
I pull my t-shirt down again, hiding away the band of fat. I guess I'm not really overweight. I'm sort of in the middle.
Thin legs, even thinner arms, but all my weight seems to build on my lower stomach. I don't understand how others don't notice. During school, I did have issues with my image, and how I looked, but whenever I confided in Kori, she always insisted that she thought I had the perfect and slim figure.
I was told by Kori a few years ago when we were about sixteen that maybe I was being too hard on myself, that I was making my imperfections overly exaggerated, much bigger and plumper than they actually were.
I take this as a possibility. I rub my eyes, over and over, but the chubbiness is still visible.
I can't be imagining it.
This is a part of me.
And I need to find a way to get rid of it.
I look back at my alarm, seeing the time has just gone 5:00 am. I switch on my lamp, illuminating my desk. My timetable for this month: September, sits on top of my book, where I left it yesterday. My first class begins at 11 am today.
I decide that sleep isn't an option, so I get ready. As I'm looking for an outfit, my eyes look downward spotting a sports outfit.
I've never been overly sporty, but I was in the badminton team at school and would occasionally run in athletics, usually running long-distance.
Maybe it's time to bring exercise into this too.
I wonder why that band of fat has always been there, even when I was in a badminton match almost every week, and running in a competition every month. Exercise wasn't enough.
Maybe high-intensity exercise and no consumption of food would be much more effective.
I slide into my sports leggings and put on a top, and grab my trainers. Then, I tie up my hair into a low ponytail, and add some mascara and conceal the bags under my eyes with some concealer, once again, a gift from Kori. It's relatively unused, and I'm happy that I've finally found a purpose for it. The makeup instantly makes me look much more awake and enhances my features.
I glance for the third time at my alarm, now reading 5: 24 am. I'm not sure when the gym opens, but I do know that it is on the floor above. I make a mental note to ask one of the boys, who have probably already been.
My stomach howls as I approach my room door. I place my hand on the handle, pushing it open to reveal an empty couch and clear space. My bottle sits on the side table, and I grab it, flicking the switch of the kettle, immediately starting to boil the water.
A teabag already sits inside the flask, and so, when the water is heated, I pour it in, allowing the teabag to flavour the hot water with a rich herbal taste.
I turn my phone, checking for any notifications. None appear. I contemplate texting Victor, Garfield or Richard when the gym opens, but I decide against it. I wouldn't want to wake them up.
I take a sip of my herbal tea, before hearing a door open, coming from my left. Richard emerges from it, all dressed and ready.
''Good morning,'' I say, and he greets me in the same way.
''Where are you off to?'' I ask.
''The roof. The sun doesn't rise for another hour or two, but I like to start my day there, anyway. Do you want to come?''
''Sure,'' I respond.
I follow him up the steps, soon the cold air hitting my face, the still dark sky reminding me of last night. He stands by the handrail, and I place my hands on the metal rail a few seconds after he does.
''When does your first class start?'' he asks.
''Eleven,'' I reply. ''What about you?''
''Ten.'' He shuts his eyes. ''Why are you in sports clothes by the way?''
''Oh, right. I was going to go to the gym, but I didn't know when they opened. Do you?''
''About half-six I think.''
''Thanks.'' I take one hand off the rail, letting it fall by my side.
In the first two weeks that I've been here, the first week settling into my living space, and the second, the first week of my course, I've really connected to Richard. He's very down-to-earth and simple. He doesn't delve deeper into details or ask spontaneous questions.
I've never had any siblings, but if I did, I think my relationship with Richard would be similar to a brother's and sister's relationship.
''Kori told me last night that she was worried about you.''
I sigh. ''There's nothing to be worried about.''
''That's what I told her,'' he runs his hands through his gelled hair, ''but then I guess she knows you a lot better than I do.''
''Yes, that's true, but I really don't need help. I'm fine. Kori doesn't understand that I like to keep some things to myself.''
''You two are really different from each other.'' He opens his eyes, a remarkable blue against his delicately tanned skin.
''Yeah, we are.''
In many ways.
I like to keep things to myself, but Kori likes to tell people about everything that's going on in her life. She also loves everything to do with makeup, hair and clothing, but then again that is why she's taking a fashion degree, so she can create designs and share them with the world.
Kori is also the much prettier one.
She is the one that gets all the compliments.
She is the one that everyone is jealous of.
She is the perfect one.
Perfect face, perfect hair —
Perfect body.
She has always been the perfect one.
And always will be.
Here's another chapter! As you have read, I have also included a little time between Rachel and Richard. I've featured their sibling connection, but also a little information on her thoughts of Kori and herself. Just remember, we are all beautiful in our own way. Our imperfections make us human, and different from one another. Yes, you've probably heard that a thousand times, but it's true. Thank you so much for reading and if you spotted any typos, please let me know in the comments below. Love you all. Enjoy your day!