How could they do that to me?!
How could they think I'd accept being treated like that?!
Old Elle would have smiled and scooted over in her seat. Whilst acting a little coy at the idea of a man like Ed would want to go on another date with her, even though the last two were awful.
But this Elle, this Elle was entirely different and I know I'm talking about myself in third person, but I'm struggling to grasp the concept of why Mia and Sophie thought they could do that. Ambush me with pieces of paper littered with statement and words to tarnish and blacken Zak's name.
To try make me see the sleeping, vulnerable man that I had shared a bed with this morning, nothing but a monster, a sadistic twisted monster.
Worse than Cole. That is what Mia had said. That Zak was worse than Cole, but he couldn't be, because I don't think anyone could be as evil as what that man was. The emotional and mental abuse I suffered..
Mia knew, she knew the mark it had left on me and why I don't really trust anyone. Why I keep a key in the door at all times, why I avoid certain places in Vegas because I know he is likely to be there.
I drove around Vegas aimlessly, because I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to be confined within four walls and let my mind taunt me into going onto a computer, to find what Mia had and reading it all. I didn't want to see the bad side of Zak because I wasn't ready to see that yet. All I had gotten was brilliant, attentive, funny, caring, a little kooky, vulnerable, patient Zak.
But despite my efforts to stay away from a computer, Mia's words still drilled into my head, like a lobotomy, taunting me into questioning the time I had spent with him. I didn't want that. I don't want that.
I hit my steering wheel hard as I stop at traffic lights, tears burning away at how cruel two people I considered my friends had turned. I thought they would be happy for me, that although he wasn't squeaky clean that they wouldn't judge him based on what was said, but judge him on what they see, hear and feel when they met him. Now they wouldn't be getting that chance.
When my phone rings, I hit the button to cancel the call, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone. It had gone off a few times since I had been in the car, but I hadn't looked at it.
"El?"
Zak's voice is ice cold, cutting straight through my brain that had been feeling like it had been cooking within my head from all the anger. I gasp, shuddering a breath behind the wheel before looking over at my phone.
I could see him.
He could see me... Clutching the wheel and trying not to flip out and cry.
"Are you okay? What has happened?"
I blink quickly and turn my head to wipe my eyes quickly. He will not see me cry. I will not let Mia or Sophie ruin this. I won't.
"Where are you?"
"I-" I stop and look around because I wasn't sure where I was.
"Elle, what has happened?" He says sounding a little more urgent.
"Hold on." I push out, seeing the lights had changed. I move the car and park on the side of the street before looking at Zak who is now closer than ever to his phone, as if he would be able to see more.
"I take it Lunch didn't go well."
I shake my head. "Oh Zak... I don't know what to think or do right now."
"Talk to me. What you need to do right now, is talk to me."
Sounds like a reasonable idea, but I didn't want to admit the bullshit I had just dealt with.
"El...."
I nod my head to let him know that I could hear him. "I'm still here. I just-.."
"You're upset, you shouldn't be driving. Where are you? I will come and get you."
He makes Cole look like a prince.
He's a womanizer!
Compulsive liar!
Serial cheat!
"No, I've stopped." I tell him looking at him through the phone.
"Talk to me..." He urges.
He has a colourful past!
You're completely blinded!
The man is a charlatan!
I bump my head against the head rest as tears brew up again. I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm every freakin' emotion in between.
"Which one?" He says, his voice sounding a little harsher.
"Both.. I thought they were my friends. But friends, they don't do that. They do not do that." I tell him.
"Do what?"
I can look after myself!
Can you?
"Mia.. She overstepped the mark. She did digging..." I tell him, looking away because I don't want to see his reaction. I can't see his reaction.
"On me." He realises.
"She pulled up so much stuff and said some awful things." I tell him. "She said you.. She said that you had a colourful past."
My eyes are pulled to my phone screen because I want him to tell me that its all lies. That she is wrong, that she has the wrong guy.
"I see.."
I wipe my eyes quickly. "I'm so fucking angry and upset and hurt and... I don't know confused?"
He nods. "I understand..."
"Tell me she has it wrong, that the things she told me was BS, that it's all lies." I urge.
"Baby.."
"Oh god.." I breathe looking away.
"Elle, look at me. Look." I turn my eyes back to the screen. "I need you to listen and do as I say, can you do that?"
I nod.
"I need you to drive here. I want you to come to my home. I want to talk with you but not through a phone. I want to see you, properly see you."
Truth hurts.
See what your precious zak is really like.
"You're confused because you need answers, you want answers. I can give them to you, but I won't do this over a phone. You know me, you fucking know me! The real me. Please. Trust your gut, trust it right now.."
I take a breathe as my stomach feels like it's flipping around.
"If you want to end this, whatever this is between us, I understand. But if there is a chance, a small chance? Then I need you to come to me, or I come to you. I can drive to you. You just have to trust me."
My head thumps back against the head rest a few more times, I close my eyes and think. What did I want?
What do I need?
A crystal clear voice throbs through my head, telling me that I need answers. I need answers.
Opening my eyes, I wipe my face and start the car. "I'll be there soon."
There is relief in his eyes before he nods "Okay. I'll be waiting."
I end the call and look around to find that I am not far away from his private community. I must have been subconciously driving here to get those answers.
Well, now I would.
******
I pull up to his home and take a minute to gather myself, once I knew that I wasn't going to burst into tears from Mia's words, I get out and make my way to his front door.
Zak opens it before I can knock and waits as I step inside and across to the lounge. Tossing my bag onto the couch, I pace back and forth by the glass doors, trying to let the sound of the waterfall relax me.
"Do you want to sit down?"
I shake my head. "No.. I need to move."
"Okay. So, do you want to tell me what happened?" He says sitting on the edge of the couch watching me.
"I expected some kind of scolding, they treat me like I'm a child.." I start.
Part of me blesses Zak as he stays quiet, listening. Because that is what I need right now, I need to rant.
"I go there and I know they have been talking about me, us, last night... We order and then Mia starts with the I don't think he is right for you speech."
The water isn't helping me, I wish it should because I can feel the rage bubbling up again.
"I argue your corner. They don't know you, they haven't met you but she has already been digging. She brings up a stack, a fucking stack of papers and slaps them down on the table. Telling me that I don't know you, that I don't have a clue who you really are. That you're evil, manipulative, a liar, a cheat, a charlatan!" I shout clenching my fists as I spin to walk back the way I had just came.
"She doesn't know you! Why?! Why are people so quick to judge?! And then, then she has the audacity to use my epilepsy against me! Says I'm blinded by your status and looks!" I reach up to push my hand through my hair in frustration when I catch sight of the watch. "Apparently I can't look after myself!"
I tug harshly at the watch strap unclipping it from my wrist and throwing it on the couch beside my bag. "They don't know you! Then, then fucking Ed!"
"Ed? Douche Ed?" He questions.
"Oh yeah! They thought that they could take my picture of you, my view of you and fuck it into the pits of hell and replace it with Ed. They arranged for him to 'bump' into us, at the cafe. As if I'm fucking stupid!"
"That's fucked up..."
"You think?!"
He looks at me with sympathy, but I can't handle that right now.
"Don't.. Don't look at me like that. I'm fucking pissed off. I'm angry and I can't handle the anger because this shit happens!" I tell him gesturing to the tears.
"Sweetheart..." He says softly standing up and coming towards me.
"No Zak!" I tell him with a pointed finger. "Please, don't. Okay? Because there was a stack of papers. A stack and I know none of them had a glowing review about you! So tell me, tell me exactly what I need to know."
"If you have read them, then you already know." He says straightening his back and folding his arms defensively.
"I don't because I refused to read them! To look or even touch them!"
"You didn't read any of it?" He asks, his arms loosening slightly.
"No. Because I- I think I know you.. I want to think that I know you."
"You do." He whispers coming a little closer.
"Do I? Are you any of what Mia said you are? Are you a liar, a cheat, a manipulator?"
He opens his mouth to speak but closes it again.
"So you are? Everything you've portrayed is a lie?"
He glares at me "I never. Never. Lied to you. I told you from the beginning that I was unfaithful to the women I had dated in the past. I told you that! I never lied. Never."
"And the rest?"
"I don't know, because I don't know what they are saying! There is a lot about me, I know that! But you said you wouldn't judge a book by its cover.. Elle, look at me. Have I come across a manipulator? At all?"
I shake my head.
"Sweetie, you know me. Okay, I told you who I am. I'm Zak-"
"From Vega-"
"No, from Washington DC. With you, I can be me, I can be who I want. I haven't got to live up to some unrealistic expectation. I want to be Zak who eats fast food, who plays video games until 3am, eating twizzlers and having unruly hair. I like who I am when I am with you."
I wipe my tears to see him a little better and try to ignore the pain in my head from being so worked up and emotional.
"You. Know. Me." He says slowly.
"I want to think I do.."
"No, no. No you know you do."
I open my mouth to speak when there's a burst of activity from within his home. I shoot back from him looking around to find the front door opening and the crew, his crew walking in, all laughing and joking.
"Fuck." Zak says before turning to look at them. "Can you all just... disappear for a minute?! Aaron I told you not to come over!"
"Ah shit bro, haven't looked at my phone. Everything alright?" He frowns.
There is someone else, someone I don't recognise there.
"I should go." I tell Zak, causing his head to whip around to look at me.
"W-What? No! No, they are going to disappear right now! Don't go, we need to sort this!" He urges trying to block my way.
My headache is getting worse and all I want to do is go home but he is preventing that.
"Just move!"
"Elle please! Guys just fuck off!" He shouts.
As I reach for my bag, a shooting pain rockets through my mind making me yelp in pain. I stumble back and look at Zak, or try too.
It's happening.. It's happening and I can't stop it!
My vision blurs, my head starts to tilt, my body starts going backwards as Zak's voice seeps away.
Then it is black.