Title: Toxic
Idol: Jennie Kim (BLACKPINK)
Genre: angst, occasional fluff but bit angst vibezzzzz
Warnings: curse words, sadness lmao (gender neutral)
I do recommend listening to 'HOW YOU LIKE THAT' while reading this! It's kinda based off the lyrics.
—————
YOU SHOUT LOUDLY INTO YOUR PILLOW AS YOU ROLL AROUND IN BED. Frustrated to no end as to how you're supposed to ask Jennie out on a date. It used to be so easy before you had to fucking cheat on her. But now it felt like you were starting all over again, and in some way that was true, only this time Jennie didn't necessarily like you.
You sighed as you took your head away from your pillow and reached over to grab your phone. You unlocked it and went right into messages, sending one to your dear friend Yeeun, asking her for help.
Pee Brain🙄
I need your help.
PLATONIC Bubba😍
I am sleeping so no.
You chuckled at her contact name, remembering how mad Jennie got when she saw the original contact name and forcing you to change it to show that Yeeun was nothing more than a friend.
Pee Brain🙄
Ok sleeping human being, I need
Your help.
PLATONIC Bubba😍
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!
Pee Brain🙄
I have to ask Jennie out on a date but
idk how I'm supposed to do that.
PLATONIC Bubba😍
She's your girlfriend what the fuck are
you talking about you know her better
than me.
You slapped your face as hard as you could, remembering that you never told her about what happened at the club, and how the two of you basically broke up.
Pee Brain🙄
Yeah... about that.
PLATONIC Bubba😍
Y/N... what the actual hell did you do
this time cause I'm getting sick of your
stupid ass actions that I have to fix
every time you fuck up again with her.
Pee Brain🙄
I don't fuck up that much! Besides those were
just small things that were easily fixed!
PLATONIC Bubba😍
Yeah right, forgetting your anniversary
with her is easily fixed. Anyway just
fucking tell me idiot.
Pee Brain🙄
Jennie and I technically broke up because
I did something really really REALLY
stupid.
PLATONIC Bubba😍
What did you do this time?
Pee Brain🙄
Okay so I was bored and didn't have
anything to do, a friend then asked me
to the club, so my stupid ass went.
PLATONIC Bubba😍
Oh my god...
Pee Brain🙄
SHUT UP, LISTEN AND HELP ME.
Pee Brain🙄
So I went to the club with her. Now you
know I don't like dancing so I went to get
a drink. I was there for like 30 minutes
just continuously drinking and I was drunk
as shit, you know what happens when I'm drunk
as shit. So then this girl comes up to me and
I shit you not, I genuinely thought it was Jennie
because she reminded me of her.
Pee Brain🙄
She asked me to dance with her and I did.
And then eventually without me even processing
what is happening we started kissing. And then
I hear Jennie calling my name and I knew I
fucked up. I get that. So she dumped me but I
pleaded with her to give me another chance,
so she gave me one but now I have to actually
take it BUT I AM SO FUCKING SCARED.
PLATONIC Bubba🥰 changed
Pee Brain🙄 to FUCKING MORON
PLATONIC Bubba😍
First of all. you have got to stop doing stupid
shit like this. It's getting fucking ridiculous and
you're breaking the girl over and over. At
some point there's gonna be nothing left
to fix anymore. Second of all, I'm not helping
you anymore with stuff like this. I'm getting
sick and tired of helping you fix your mistakes.
Just learn how to treat a girl right.
FUCKING MORON
Yeeun please. I want to do it myself but I just
don't know how, I've never done something like
this and I don't know if it's okay for me to just
show up on her doorstep or send her a text or
a call OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT PLEASE.
PLATONIC Bubba😍
All I'm gonna say to you is that only texting her
really isn't a lot of effort and that will make it
feel like you don't really care.
FUCKING MORON
This is honestly better than nothing thank
you so much I LOVE YOU
PLATONIC Bubba😍
Fuck off and make my ship whole again.
AND OWN UP TO YOUR MISTAKE ONCE
THE BOTH OF YOU ARE GONNA TALK
ABOUT IT AND FUCKING CHANGE FOR
ONCE.
FUCKING MORON
YES MA'AM! Can you change the contact
name back again now?
PLATONIC Bubba😍
Absolutely not.
You sighed as you locked your phone, your nerves rising by the second. Racing up the stairs, you take a quick shower, brush your teeth and style your hair properly before putting on a simple outfit. A white and black striped blouse, you ticked that into some dark denim jeans and put on some nice dress shoes, accessorising it with a simple silver chain and a watch that she bought for your two year anniversary.
You were gonna get Jennie back, no matter what you had to do for it. She's your baby, and only yours.
You grabbed your phone, keys and wallet and speed walked out of the house, right into your car and making your way to the flower shop. You were gonna get her the biggest bunch of flowers.
You arrived after about ten minutes. You locked the door to your car and walked into the little shop.
"Hello, welcome! How can I help you?" The girl behind the counter asked you.
"Um... do you by any chance have black roses available?" You asked her as you leaned on the counter with both of your forearms.
"We do actually! They recently came in, anything else?" She answered.
"Could I have your biggest bouquet of black and pink roses then?" You smiled at her, making her blush a bit.
"Of course." She started rearranging them for you right away.
You decided to look around at the flowers in the shop a bit while waiting, smelling a few of them and admiring them. A voice suddenly disturbed the little amount of peace you had created in your own little bubble. You jumped a bit as the girl cringed at your reaction.
Now that you saw her face up close, you felt like you knew her from somewhere.
"Sorry about that, here you go." She handed you the bouquet and you immediately felt a smile form on your face looking at the gorgeous flowers.
The girl before you shuffled nervously. You were starting to get confused as to why she's so nervous, did she know you? Did she feel intimidated?
"Do you... Perhaps remember me?" Your eyes widen as she asks you the question, you had no idea about who she was.
Yes she was familiar to you, but that's all. Had you seen her once? Did she know you and were you supposed to know her?
"I'm afraid I don't miss." You apologize, not wanting to be rude, "I'm very sorry."
"That's all right, I figured already. My name is Soyeon." The gears in your head started turning as soon as she told you her name, your frown deepened as you really didn't remember, until it all clicked.
"Oh my god." Is all that you can say.
"Yeah... look I'm really sorry about kissing you and stuff since you had a girlfriend." She apologised, you immediately shook your head repeatedly.
"No, no, no! You have nothing to apologise for! That was all me, I was just stupid and drunk and you have nothing to do with that!" You told her, she gave you a small smile as she pointed at the roses.
"For your girlfriend?" She asked.
"Ex-fiancé actually." You smiled sheepishly as you looked down at the roses. "she broke up with me as she should, I was unfaithful so it's only right."
She cringed as the words came out of your mouth.
"Yeah I know... Alcohol and I don't go very well together, but she decided to give me another chance so I'm gonna make sure to take it and right my wrongs. "You shuffled a bit, eager to make your way over to Jennie and ask her out.
"Well I wish you luck! Make sure not to fuck it up!" She balled her fist encouragingly at you.
"Thanks! So how much are these?" You nodded your head at the roses before looking at her again.
"They're on the house! Just promise me that you will give her these and fix it."
"But-" She gave you a firm look, you immediately backed down because of it. "All right, I promise."
She gave you a light shove towards the exit. "Now go and get your girl!" You grinned at her.
You waved Soyeon goodbye and got in your car. Driving your way over to Jennie.
—————
"Unnie! Where are your snacks!? I can't find them!" Lisa — one of Jennie's best friends — screamed from the kitchen.
"Lisa! I've told you 20 times already! They're in the cabinet at the top right of the stove!" Jennie shouted back from her bedroom, letting an annoyed huff leave her mouth right after.
After Jennie drove away from the house the two of you shared, she realised that she actually had nowhere to go. The place was her home for five full years. Then suddenly she didn't feel anything for it anymore. All it was to her was a place where she would stay with the person she loved the most, the person who cheated on her, who broke her.
Luckily a close friend of her — Rosé specifically — had a room free where Jennie could stay until she could stand on her own feet.
She had never expected it. She had never even thought about you cheating on her. You always treated her like she was a diamond, like she was the only person you cared about. Y/N treated her like she was their world, and then it all crumbles apart.
You had told her many times about what happens when you drink too much alcohol. How you do the most crazy shit, just because you can. You've jumped from a three story house into a pool because of alcohol. You drove a go-kart through a department store because of alcohol. You got a tattoo of Spongebob covering your full left thigh, all because of alcohol.
Yet she never expected you to kiss another girl, never did she think that you would be so stupid to go party with one of your friends and get shitfaced drunk. Drunk enough to forget everything the both of you had and make out with some random girl.
Was she not good enough? Was she not there for you? Did she make you feel lonely?
Thoughts like these have been swirling through her mind for the last two months, and she hated it. She hated how you made her feel so insecure, how you made her feel like she made the mistakes.
You were so perfect to her, so perfect that she would put the blame on herself just to turn you into the good guy once again.
It wasn't healthy, she knew that. But she couldn't help it, you were there for her through her darkest days. You were there for her when she felt like she was all alone, like nothing had a purpose anymore.
"Unnie? Are you okay?" Rosé asked her as she waved her hand in front of Jennie's face, which made her snap out of her thoughts.
Jennie smiled weakly at the younger girl, trying not to make it seem like she was hurting all over again. "I'm fine Rosie, don't worry about it."
Jennie felt the bed dip on the other side, she tilted her head to the side, looking right into Rosé's eyes.
"Please don't lie to me, you know that you can talk to me." Rosé softly mumbled as she grabbed onto Jennie's hand, trying to provide the much needed emotional support.
"It's just... I'm thinking about us again.." Jennie said as she dropped her head down onto Rosé's shoulder, feeling it being caressed by Rosé's hand only seconds later.
"Unnie, you know how many times we've told you to just let them go. What the both of you had is just not the same anymore. Yes the two of you used to be in love. But now it's just like you're the one in love. While Y/N is just using you, knowing that it's easy to have you around. You don't deserve that unnie, you deserve someone better than that. Someone who actually cares about you." Rosé told her once again.
They all told her the same, every single person she knew would tell her this. That the thing the two of you had was over. That you're only keeping her around — only telling her that you love her — because it's easy for you. Because you know that she would do anything for you, because she loves you even more than she loves herself.
Maybe they were right, maybe you did just keep her around because it was easy. But she could never convince herself to believe that it's true. All she would think about is how you asked her out those five years ago. Stuttering and fiddling with your finger. More nervous then you have ever been in your life, you told her.
Was that a lie too then? Was it all just because you knew that she already liked- no, loved you? Or did it go downhill somewhere in the middle? Was she too busy to notice that you were getting bored? Did you want the excitement back?
"I told them I would give them another chance." Jennie replied, emotionless. She felt hollow without you, alone. And cold, so cold. You warmed up her life, but now you were gone.
"You keep telling them that! Whenever they made a mistake you tell them that! Unnie it's not healthy, it's toxic! As soon as they started acting out you should've ended it! But you didn't. And look at you now, it's like you're empty. Unnie you're letting them control your life, your emotions. A relationship like that can't go on!" Rosé stood up from her place on the bed, running her hand through her hand frustratedly, her back facing towards Jennie.
"Just please unnie, please don't do this to yourself anymore. We can't bear to see you like this anymore, it's killing us to not see the happy Jennie anymore." Rosé turned around towards Jennie. A pleading expression on her face.
"She's right Jen, at some point there's gonna be nothing left of you at all anymore. Just because of them. Sometimes you have got to let something go. Even if you feel like it's the most important thing in your life. Otherwise it will be a repeating cycle." Jisoo stared as she stood in the doorway, a look of sadness on her face.
At that moment the doorbell rang, all three of their heads shot up at the sound. But before anyone could ever go get the door, Lisa beat them to it.
"I'll go get it!" She shouts from downstairs.
Jennie shot up from her bed right away, racing downstairs with the other girls following right after her. She got downstairs, only to lock eyes with you.
—————
"Hi.." you breathe out as you looked into her eyes.
The first thing you noticed about them is that they were empty, completely empty, nothing was there. You knew how much you fucked up, but never did you even think that it would make her feel like this. It only made you feel even more guilty, the feeling was suffocating.
"Could you please let me through? I just want to talk to Jennie." You kindly asked Lisa who was glaring holes into your face.
"Absolutely not." She leaned her hand on her lips, looking you up and down in disgust.
"Lisa please. I just need to talk to her." Lisa was about to deny again, but Jennie beat her to it.
"It's fine, just let them in." She mumbled at Lisa, who looked at her in disbelief.
"Are you serious? This- this lowlife absolute piece of shi-!"
"Language! Now let them in, it's between them and Jennie now." Jisoo firmly told the taller girl, who looked absolutely appalled.
She moved away anyway, although it was quite hesitant. When no one was looking, you stuck out your tongue at her mockingly, making her mumble several curse words at you.
You walked past her straight over to Jennie, still carrying the heavy bouquet of flowers in your hands.
"I- um... I got you these flowers. They're your favourite colour." You handed the flowers to her.
She took them, looked at them for a bit, and handed them straight over to Rosé. Who looked over at the roses in disgust knowing that they came from you.
You knew that her friends didn't like you. But it was never your fault that Jennie was so attached to you, she did that herself, you believed. It still stung, knowing that the friends of the woman you loved couldn't stand you.
"Rosé, could you throw these away for me please?" She kindly asked the girl, who's face lit up right away at the request.
"Gladly!" She answered before eagerly walking over to the kitchen.
"Wha- but I got you those! I promised her that I would give them to you!" You said, trying not to shout in disbelief.
She looked at you with a stone cold look as soon as those words came out of your mouth. You noticed the girls all move away into the kitchen, going to give the both of you some space.
"Who did you promise?" She asked calmly, folding her arms over each other and arching an eyebrow.
You had to come up with a good excuse now, how could you tell her that you promised it to the girl you kissed?
"Ye-Yeeun." You cursed yourself as soon as the word came out of your mouth quite strained, knowing that she would know that you would be lying.
"You're lying to me. You always lie to me! What do you have to hide huh? Am I not important enough anymore to tell things to? Do you not trust me anymore? What's the problem here Y/N?! Because I'm getting quite sick of having to go through stuff like this every two months!" You just stood there, speechless. She had never talked to you like this before, she was always calm and patient. Never did she shout at you.
"I-I've never cheated on you before!" You defended yourself against her, flustered by her words.
"Well I guess that's just another thing off of your checklist then! Tell me, is it fully checked off yet? Or do I have to endure even more heartbreak before you get bored and move on?" She asked as she started stomping up the stairs, you following her right away,
"Jennie I've never had a checklist, I made a mistake, I understand that. But I never wanted to hurt you! You know that I only love you! What I did back then was just the alcohol taking over! I would never ever cheat on you ever! I've done a lot of dumb stuff but I would never do anything like this!" You tried to defend yourself again, but you felt the last bit of hope slowly but surely leave your body, was it really the end?
"But you did it anyway!" She now full on screamed at you from the top of the stairs.
"I was drunk-"
"I don't give a fuck about if you're drunk or not! You know damn well what happens to you every time you drink! You could've taken responsibility and just not go to the club! But what did you do? You went anyway! Because why the fuck should you care about what Jennie feels?! She just takes you back anyway after all the mistakes you make!"
She walked into her bedroom trying to slam the door into your face. You quickly blocked the door with your foot and walked on right after her.
You felt your anger rise more and more as she shouted at you, how dare she act like you don't care about her? You loved her more than anyone else in the world!
"Baby I wasn't fucking thinking! I was just bored and it just happened! You know that I love you and only you! Can we just stop this please... I'm tired Jennie, I'm so tired, I just want you back, I promise that I won't ever do anything stupid like this anymore. Just please give me one last chance, one more." You cupped her face, your heart breaking as you saw the unshed tears in her eyes.
"I can't keep doing this Y/N. I can't keep convincing myself that you will change again, that it will go back to how it used to be." She whispered, eyes focused on her feet.
You tilted her head up, making her look right into your eyes. "I promise baby, I'm gonna change for real this time. I'm gonna fix all of this and everything will be like it was before. You just have to give me one more chance. I can't do this without her." You pleaded as you looked into her eyes. Pouring out all your feelings into the words you were speaking.
You could see her having a fight with herself, a dilemma. You knew that it was hard for her to believe you. But you needed her to believe you, you wanted to fix this. You've made mistakes and you realise that now. You have to change for the better. Otherwise this will be a repeating cycle like it has been before. It was toxic in every single way. The both of you are happy, you fuck up, she gets mad, you ask for forgiveness, she gives it to you and so the cycle repeats. You wanted to break the cycle, to fix it all. So eagerly you waited for her answer, hoping that you words made some impact
It felt like you were waiting for hours, days even. Was it that hard for her? Did she not believe you? Are the two of you truly over now? Did you finally fuck up that bad for her to end it?
"I can't..." was all she said to you.
"Jen.. what do you mean?" You asked her, pain clearly present in your voice.
She grabbed both of your hands which were gently laying on her cheeks, and pulled them away, making them hang limply at your side.
"The girls are right Y/N. We can't keep doing this. You keep promising me things, I keep agreeing, thinking you're for real this time. Only for it to turn out the exact same every time. It had to end somewhere, and this is where it ends for us." She mumbled as she looked right into your eyes.
You tried to look into them for any sign of her lying. You begged for her to be joking, or to see a little piece of the opposite of her words. But it never showed, it was truly over.
Your body felt cold. It didn't feel right, nothing is supposed to feel like this. Love isn't supposed to hurt like this. Everyone talks so happily about love, so why does it now feel so awful to be in love? Why does it feel the exact opposite? You've read about stories of happy endings, couples who overcome the bad and live happily ever after. Why couldn't that happen to Jennie and you? Yes, you're flawed. Everyone is, no one is perfect. But were you really that bad in your relationship for her to do this? Did you really hurt her that bad with all of your actions?
"Jennie... I-I don't understand..." was all you could stutter out.
"There's no more us Y/N... it's over, our chapter ends here." She took off the engagement ring on her finger. Lifting up your hand, she put it in there, closed your hand and let it hang again beside you.
"So you're just gonna let five years go like that." You whisper, your throat closing up as your eyes become cloudy.
"I should've done so way earlier." She whispered back. She got up on her tippy toes, planting a soft peck onto your lips. After pulling back, she smiled at you — her own eyes cloudy too — and walked out of her own bedroom, leaving you standing there. Alone and broken, just like she was.
You felt disgusted with yourself. How, how did you not realise that you pushed her so far — did so much wrong — until she could not take it anymore? How could you be so selfish, and so blind? Why did you have to go this far, act like she was just there for you to interact with whenever you wanted to, like a fucking toy. She was your happiness, yet you didn't realise, and now it's gone. Now your happiness is gone, and all that's left is a heart with a hole in it. A hole where her love used to reside.
Oof. Y/N really fucked up in this one. Honestly made me sad to write their but 'HOW YOU LIKE THAT' gave me so much inspiration, that paired with writing at 4 in the morning just makes it so that I have to write all these parts. Hope you guys liked it! Sorry for making you all depressed. Sadly this is also the end of the little Jennie story thingie, no happy ending for this one!
Everyone, make sure to vote, comment your opinions etc and to request if you have one! Love you all!
Also STREAM HYLT!!!!!!!