Entry 764
Tuesday 30th October 2018
I woke up still feeling furious and thinking about how angry I was with Mike. I was also p*ssed off at what I thought what a b*tchy comment made by Sci-Fi Cyn yesterday, but after chatting to Auntie Meryl, I'm now seeing things a bit differently.
In the morning I was sat on the sofa feeding Leo. Ash brought me in a cup of tea just as Mum entered the room with wet hair and wearing nothing but a towel. "That shower is amazing," said Mum, "My body is as pure and as clean as my soul." "Mum," I bluntly said, "There aren't enough showers in the world to make your soul clean and pure. You'd need to scrub yourself clean with caustic soda to even have half a chance, and will you please put some clothes on. I'm not comfortable with you walking around in just a towel." "The human body is a beautiful thing, sausage," said Mum, "You know it's funny though. Most of the men that have seen me in a towel feel more comfortable seeing me out of it." Mum gave a naughty Barbara Windsor style laugh. "Mum, will you please get dressed," I firmly said. "Well," said Mum, "If you don't feel comfortable seeing me in a towel, "What would you feel comfortable seeing me in?" "A wooden box," I bluntly said. "Ooow, I hope Leon doesn't have your wickedness," said Mum, "Actually he'll be doing well if he avoids having your flappy ears and that weird chin you've got going on." "His name's Leo, my ears aren't flappy and my chin's not weird," I said. "Don't take it out on me because you've fallen out with your boyfriend, Mike," said Mum, "PerSonally I think you're mad if you can't see that Mike's telling you the truth." "Yeah, I agree with your Mum," said Ash. "Well I hope you don't mind if I ignore what you two have got to say. You both worked at ACROBAT and you were both friends with Tara." "I wasn't friends with her," Mum said firmly, "I never liked the stuck-up cow. I'm just glad that she got you all to us." "Yeah well it wasn't exactly a walk in the park," I said, "Anyway, you lot can think what you want. As far as I'm concerned Mike's responsible for my Son's death. Me and Mike are done."
A few hours later I calmed down and went to go see Auntie Meryl. I couldn't hold it off any longer. She's living with Trudy and Primark a few streets away. It's nice that we're all still close to each other, however I've been told that Roz and Richard are living in Newport which is in the centre of the Island, Mia's living on her own (which is weird!) in Ryde, which is in the north east of the Island and Naomi, Seth and Sophie are living near the beach in Sandown which is on the far east of the Island. It's nice that some of us are close by, but why aren't we all together? Anyway, I went to see Auntie Meryl and whilst I was looking forward to seeing her, I was still feeling angry after my confrontation with Mike, yesterday.
I knocked on Auntie Meryl's door and waited a few moments. Nothing. I knocked again and waited. Nothing, I knocked again, this time louder and the door was immediately opened by Auntie Meryl who stood there was a frustrated look on her face; presumably because of me knocking so hard on the door. Auntie Meryl's face changed slightly – as if she was glad to see me. I gave her a warm smile and greeted her. "Hi Auntie Meryl," I said, "It's good to see you." I wrapped my arms around her, gave her a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. I took a step a step back and smiled at her. She then picked up an umbrella and started repeatedly hitting me around the head with it as she berated me for waiting so long to come and see her. "And where the bl**dy hell do you think you've been?" she snapped at me, "Leaving an old woman here on her own with a crying toddler who looks like Chucky and his rough mother who looks like she's going to do me over and nick my pension book every time I look at her." "Ouch!" I cried, "Auntie Meryl, please stopping hitting me, "I've been in the freezer!" Auntie Meryl stopped her assault and looked at me with outrage. "You what!?" she snapped, "I've been sat in here with a woman who's got a face from PriSoner Cell Block H and you've been in the deep freeze looking for food!?" Auntie Meryl continued her umbrella themed related assault but this time with more vigour. "Stop it! Stop it!" I loudly said, "Auntie Meryl, please. Let me just explain everything." She lowered the umbrella and adopted a disappointed look. "Are you going to invite me in?" I asked. "Well I thought you were going to knock the door off its hinges the way you were banging like a bailiff with a bone."
I walked into Auntie Meryl and Trudy's living room. Again, a similar layout to where I was living. "This is nice," I said. "We've got damp," said a blunt Auntie Meryl. "Well I'm sure you can get that sorted," I said. "Well you're not going to bl**dy sort it out, are you?" "Auntie Meryl, I'm not a damp specialist," I said, "I am sure it can get fixed. Anyway, how are you settling in." "There's bingo in the community hall most afternoons," said Auntie Meryl, "That gives me something to look forward to." "Well I've been frozen for five weeks," I said. "Well turn your heating up," said Auntie Meryl, "You'll catch pneumonia. Mind you it is October and sharing a house with that loose-morale mother of yours you could catch all sorts. We've seen 'em you know. All those men coming and going. She should get a turn style fitted. She's welcomed more men than the Royal Navy. Filthy strumpet. I can't believe you'd rather live with her than me." "I can come around and see you, can't I?" I said, "Anyway, what do you think of the Island?" "What Island?" asked Auntie Meryl. "The Island you're living on?" "Great Britain?" asked Auntie Meryl. "No," I said, "You don't live in Great Britain. Well you do, sort of, but you're now on the Isle of Wight." "Eh?" said Auntie Meryl, "I thought I was living on the Isle of Skye." "Isle of Wight," I said, "Cowes." "Pardon?" said Auntie Meryl. "Cowes, on the Isle of Wight," I said. "I don't care if there's sheep on the Isle of Man or pigs on the Isle of Sheppey, what are you talking about?" "Cowes!" I loudly said. "What about them?" asked Auntie Meryl. "That's where you live," I firmly said. "I live with cows?" said Auntie Meryl, "Well I'm not sure I'd call Trudy and Skidmark cows, but they're certainly a pair of messy buggers." "No!" I loudly said, "You're IN Cowes." "I have never been in a cow in my life," said an offended Auntie Meryl, "My old friend Betty Crack entered a cow once though, She, was trainee vet. She had to deliver a calf. She brought that long plastic glove home with her. It was great for reaching into a wheelie bin when you'd realised you hadn't cut the coupons off your cornflake box." "Have you been into the Town centre?" I asked Auntie Meryl. "I have, but I don't think I'll be a regular visitor," she said, "I've heard it's a penny for a pee. I'd rather p*ss my knickers and pay a pound for the dry cleaning." "No," I said, "That's not how the currency here works. It's a credit system. Didn't Blade explain it to you?" "Who?" asked Auntie Meryl. "Jon Blade," I said, "Have you met him?" "I did meet him once. It was about three years after he played the Elephant Man." "No, that's John Hurt," I said, "I'm on about Jon Blade. He's in charge." "In charge of what?" asked Auntie Meryl. "The Island!" I loudly said. "What bl**dy Island?" asked Auntie Meryl. "THIS ISLAND! THIS ISLAND!" I shouted, feeling very annoyed. "Alright, don't shout, said Auntie Meryl, "I'm not deaf." I gave a deep sigh and decided to change the subject. "Well what have you been doing to keep yourself busy?" I asked. "I've been minge watching," said Auntie Meryl. "Sorry?" I said. Auntie Meryl picked up a DVD box set of Lost. "You see," said Auntie Meryl, "They've been in this plane crash and they're all lost on this desert Island but they're also lost in other ways too. That's why it's called Lost." "Binge watching," I exclaimed. "What?" said Auntie Meryl. "It's binge watching not minge watching," I firmly said. "What is?" asked Auntie Meryl. "Oh, it doesn't matter," I said. "Anyway," said Auntie Meryl, "Stop changing the subject. Why's it taken you so long to come and see me?" "Auntie Meryl, I've had a lot on my mind," I said, "You know Mike shot Kyle?" "Who?" asked Auntie Meryl. "Kyle, my Son," I said. "Your Son?" said Auntie Meryl, "I didn't know you had a Son? God, you don't tell me anything do you?" "Auntie Meryl, you know full well I've got a Son. You've been looking after him." "Well who's the mother?" asked Auntie Meryl. "Esther," I said, "You met her." "There's no way Esther Rantzen would look twice at you," exclaimed Auntie Meryl. "What are you on about?" I said. "I'm just saying; there's no way Esther Rantzen would have your babies," said Auntie Meryl. "Esther Rantzen isn't the mother of my children you silly cow!" I exclaimed. "Well she's the only Esther I've ever met," said Auntie Meryl. "No," I said, losing the will to live, "You met Esther Tibbs. She ran the safety zone at Matthew Myers School." "I don't think you can describe Schools as safety zones," said Auntie Meryl, "When I was a kid you took a wooden doll and a tangerine to School. Now they're taking a bag of crack and a flick knife." "Auntie Meryl," I said, "Esther ran the safety zone in the School." "Esther Rantzen ran a School?" asked Auntie Meryl, "Did she do that before she presented That's Life? Did you know I was once in the audience for That's Life? 1986; Me and Betty Crack went to go see her interview Elton John. I nearly dropped my slush puppy in my lap when he came on wearing that stupid silver angel get-up. They made her a Dame after that interview? Shocking." Ignoring Auntie Meryl and thinking about Kyle I suddenly burst into tears. I think that's when the full impact of the grief hit me. "It's just too much to take," I sobbed, as tears ran down my face, "I thought I was handling this. I thought I was doing OK. I was angry at first- like really angry but I guess I've been suppressing how I really feel. I'm distraught Auntie Meryl, really distraught. How could something like this happen?" "I know," said Auntie Meryl, with a gentle tone in her voice, "It's a lot to come to terms with isn't it? They'll make anyone a Dame these days." "I'm not distraught because they made Esther Rantzen a dame, you stupid cow!" I yelled, "I'm distraught, because Mike shot Kyle and left him for dead! Mike shot my Son, who I'd only just met and then left him for dead!" I continued to sob. Auntie Meryl put her hand on my shoulders and told me to pull myself together. "He's dead, Auntie Meryl," I sobbed, "I didn't even know I had a Son and then when I meet him and get to know him that bl**dy nutter kills him." "Now, you listen to me," said a firm Auntie Meryl, "Wipe those tears, dig deep and grab hold of those balls, because you're going to need them." "What do you mean?" I asked. "Mike's told us his side of the story," said Auntie Meryl, "Now I know he's a few crumbs short of a full bourbon but if what he says is true, and I think it might be, then there's a chance that this pale faced, metal clad, grim reaper-esque Son of yours, could still be alive. Maybe you should be focusing on the possibility that your Son could be alive rather that the possibility that your Son could be dead." I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what I was more shocked about; the fact that this made a lot of sense or the fact that this sense came from Auntie Meryl. "Bl**dy Hell," I said, feeling rather taken aback, "That actually makes sense." "Of course, it does," said Auntie Meryl, "And if that doesn't cheer you up, we can always write to the Queen and tell her to take Esther Rantzen's Damehood off her."
I'm now laid in bed thinking about what Auntie Meryl said. If there is a chance that Kyle is alive then I should do something about it. I'll speak to Blade tomorrow...