CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
feelings
•••
ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀʀɪʟʟᴏ
I'd never felt like this before. And it was weird, because a few weeks ago, I would've sworn I was straight and I wouldn't even question it.
But there was something about Nolan that made it impossible for me not to be attracted to him.
Both of us were busy the entire week, so the only time we could plan out first actual date would be in two weeks. And then I'd have to leave for my tour a few days later. It's been a few days since we planned that, and I hadn't spoken to him—or to anyone, actually—since.
I didn't want to leave.
I wanted more time. All I needed was more time. Never in my life had I questioned whether any of this was worth it up until now.
"Oakley, are you okay?" I looked in my doorway to see Trisha standing there with her arms crossed.
"I'm okay," I said, looking back up at the ceiling.
"Have you just been staring up at that ceiling for the past couple hours?"
"Maybe."
"Weren't you supposed to do stuff today?"
"Maybe."
"You turned your phone off, didn't you?"
"Maybe. Can you just get out of my room now?"
"Fine," she said, and she just walked away. Leaving my door wide open. But I didn't even bother to yell at her.
Fuck.
"Oakley." I looked back at the door again to now find my dad standing there. Great. Exactly what I needed.
"What is it?" I asked.
"You've been up here for hours. You haven't eaten. What's wrong?"
"I'm just tired," I said. I wasn't lying. I just wasn't feeling like leaving my room.
"You know your manager called. Said you didn't show up for rehearsals. And they couldn't reach you."
"My phone's dead," I said. Another half truth.
"Oakley. Are you happy?" he asked, practically out of nowhere.
"I'm not unhappy," I said.
"What would make you actually happy?"
"Not going on tour, for one."
We were both quiet for a bit. I could hear the sound of the tv playing from downstairs.
"You know I'm not good at this," my dad eventually said. "But I don't like seeing you like this."
"Like what."
"Not happy."
"You can't be happy all the time."
"I guess so," he said. He stood there in the doorway for a few more seconds before he left. Once again someone not bothering to shut the door.
I guess at least he tried.
I felt like a piece of shit. My phone died days ago and I hadn't charged it since, which meant I hadn't seen or spoken Nolan in days. It was the only thing I felt truly guilty about. But I just didn't want people to bother me with my responsibilities.
But then again. Nolan made me feel things I hadn't felt before. And I was basically ghosting him. What if he thought this meant I didn't want to go on that date anymore? What if it drove him away from me?
God damn it. Guess I had to turn on my responsibilities on for the rest of today.
I finally got out of bed to put my phone on the charger this time. It took a while before it turned on, but when it did, I went straight to Nolan's number.
You:
I'm really sorry for not being active lately
You:
I've been feeling off for a bit. Getting away from duties and stuff
I left my phone to rest on my chest, waiting for a reply. But god damn did I have a lot of unread messages.
Danny:
You good? We haven't seen you the past few days.
Gen:
Oakley. Call me when you arise from the dead xx
And of course a bunch of messages of Mason who wants to speak to me too.
I wasn't going to call anyone. Because I honestly didn't care. I was fucking tired.
Nolan:
You doing okay?
You:
I'm managing.
You:
How about you?
Nolan:
Same
Well shit. We were going strong over text for the past few weeks, but I totally messed it up. Where we would theorize about whatever may be manifesting in the universe, we were now back to small talk.
I rested my phone on my stomach again, not really knowing what to do or say. I was honestly just confused.
I had never felt like I wanted to be with a guy before. But honestly, I never saw myself with anyone before. I was never looking for anything, and I was okay with that.
Things changed, though. I liked Nolan. I liked him a lot. And I would be fucking stupid to not even try to make things work.
You:
About that date
You:
What would you like to do? 👀
Nolan:
You asked me out, so wouldn't you know? 👀
You:
I should but I'm bad at this🙇🏽♂️
You:
I've never really dated before, actually
You:
I demand help.
Nolan:
Aha, so you're the demanding type
I bit my lip to hold back my chuckles as I stared at the three dots that indicated he was typing.
Nolan:
Lucky for you, I know a nice place. I'll pick you up
Nolan:
I hope you don't mind driving for a bit, so close to the tour ;)
Oakley:
If I mind? With you? Never 😋
And once again I ended up staring at my ceiling. But this time, I had a smile on my face. Because finally, I had something to look forward to. I just had to get through the week without avoiding my obligations, and then I'd see him again.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Next update is probably gonna come faster bc this chapter was fillerrrrrr
Anyhow...
Question of the update: how did you find out about this book? Did you find it in a reading list? Were you checking out my profile? I'm interested :)