Key Advice for the Newly Wed
It is common for scholars and teachers to be asked for their advice on certain topics and situations. As Muslims we put a trust in our scholars and teachers as long as they are not doing anything against the Quran and the Sunnah of our beloved Messenger (Prophet Muhammad saws). Often the advice that is sought is related to topics of marriage, being a student of knowledge and memorizing the Quran amongst others. In this regard, Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat advises us on the topic of marriage below:
1. Every action is dependant upon intention.
When marrying, both partners should therefore make a firm intention to accomplish the following objectives:
Following the Sunnah of our beloved Nabee, Prophet Muhammad saws. – Safeguarding oneself from sins. – Parenting pious children.
2. Lifetime companionship.
Each should understand and appreciate that Allah subhana wa ta ’ala has brought them both together and that their destiny in life has now become one. Whatever the circumstances: happiness or sorrow; health or sickness; wealth or poverty; comfort or hardship; trial or ease; all events are to be confronted together as a team with mutual affection and respect. No matter how wealthy, affluent, materially prosperous and “better-off” another couple may appear, one’s circumstances are to be happily accepted with contentment upon the will of Allah subhana wa ta ’ala. The wife should happily accept her husband, his home and income as her lot and should always feel that her husband is her true beloved and best friend and well-wisher in all family decisions. The husband too should accept his wife as his partner-for-life and not cast a glance towards another.
3. Knowing your rights!
Nowadays, the husband reads about, and is well-informed of his rights and demands them. Similarly, the wife reads of her rights and expects them. However, both should concentrate on being aware of each other’s rights and then strive to fulfil them. This is the prescription for a prosperous marriage and everlasting love.
4. Spending Quality Time.
During the first year of marriage, the couple must try and spend as much time as possible together. This is especially true for the first two months as it provides an opportunity to understand each other’s temperaments and establishes a firm foundation which contributes towards securing a prosperous marriage.
5. Come home Early.
The couple (especially the husband) must make a point to arrive home early after ‘Ishã Salãh Avoid the habit of socializing with friends late into the evening. Wherever possible, business, employment and other activities should be concluded beforehand or curtailed in order to set aside time for spending together.
6. Respect.
Mutual respect between husband and wife should not be lost. They should each be very particular about following the Deen right from the initial stages of married life. This will also ensure a religious environment for the children to be nurtured in, contributing greatly towards their successful upbringing.
7. Following the Sunnah.
True and everlasting prosperity is only possible for Muslims when they follow the Sunnah of Rasoolullah saws in all affairs. The couple too, should adhere to the teachings of Rasoolullah saws in all their matters and abstain from anything which contradicts them. Careful attention should be given to this in their intimate relationship too. Inshã’allah this will be an assured approach to acquiring the blessing of pious offspring.
8. Physical vs Emotional.
In the initial stages of marriage, the love between the couple is a physical bond, wherein emotional changes take place all the time. Despite great passion and physical love for each other, affection between the couple is not yet well established or on a rational basis. Such rational love comes after many years together. It is therefore extremely important for the husband not to succumb to emotional weaknesses at the onset and let the marriage waver towards an irreligious direction. Both the husband and wife should make a pledge to each other to steadfastly follow the Deen, especially in the performance of Salãh and in avoiding all sins.
9. Forever Changing.
Marriage is like the weather, forever changing. Sometimes it is cloudy and rainy, life appears gloomy, then the sun appears and rays of happiness break through bringing joy. At times, one experiences rain, wind and sunshine all in one day. Such is life, and like the seasons, we go through different experiences. The secret is to remain devoted and steadfast to one’s Deen and spouse.
10. Being Sympathetic.
The husband should be sympathetic to the fact that his wife has left her family to start a new life with him. Her sacrifice and her feelings should be respected and joy should be felt by both partners at the expansion of their families. Just as the wife should treat her husband’s parents as her own, he should also extend affection, courtesy and respect to his new in-laws.
11. Solve the Problem and DO NOT DELAY.
As soon as one experiences a problem, no matter how trivial, which remains unresolved for more than three days, consult a person who is both knowledgeable and your sincere well-wisher.