Yn POV
Manager- *Walks in your hotel room* How your holding up?
Yn- *Tears up* It's my fault...
Manager- It's not your fault...You did know.... I'll have this part exit out the documentary.
Yn- No. I want it in... I wanna talk about it myself.
Manager- You sure?
I nodded. He gave me my camera and I walked in the bathroom. I sat it on the stand and hit record.
Yn-Let me catch you guys up on my life the past few days. I did perform my show in Chicago. We are now currently in Pennsylvania. But the night after my performance I was sleeping peacefully. I told myself that I was going to go to the doctor the next day because I still had bad pains. But the pains became massive that night and made me get up and go. My manager and bodyguard went with me. My background singers kept lo.
We got to the hospital and they carried me to the back. They ran tests and checked me out......... They basically told me that.... I was *Tears up* um...I was..uh..... pregnant. They told my I had, had....a miscarriage..But I don't see how I was possibly pregnant when I still had my period. The doctor told me either way it went if the baby survived it would be dysfunctional..... *Tear falls* It still would've been my baby.... It's all my fault! If I knew I was sick why would I continue to perform. *Cries*
I wiped some of my tears. I couldn't do it I cut the camera and left out the bathroom. 3 babies dead because of me.
Lo- Mommy. What's wrong. *Climbs into bed with me*
I think I should tell her.
Yn- Mommy's sad.
Lo- Why. *Frowns and lays on my chest*
Yn- Mommy lost a baby..
Lo- Where did it go.
Yn- To heaven....
Lo- You had a baby mommy?
Yn-*Rubs her hair* Yea I did.
Lo- Why didn't you tell me.
Yn- I didn't know I was pregnant.
Lo- I was a big sister.
Yn- You still are.
I tried to smile through my hurt for lourdes sake.
Yn- It's just not here physically.. It's here emotionally. Right in there. *Points to her heart* and guess what?
Lo-What?
Yn- You have an older brother and an older sister. They're older then you by a couple months.
Lo- *Smiles* Really?
Yn- Really... Mommy lost them also. They were Twins.
Lo- I love them with all my heart. *Smiles*
Yn-*Smiles*
Lo- When will I get another sibling?
Yn- I don't know bugaboo. Mommy doesn't know if she's able to have more kids.
Which is true. I know I'm able to get pregnant again but losing a 4 child? I don't know if I can handle that again.
Yn- Your my little miracle baby. *Kisses her cheek*