goodbye celebrations for mark were in full swing. mr lee's was flooded with people, and jackson, at the bar, was equally flooded with customers in need of alcohol. mark, of course, being one of them, desperate to get the thoughts of joey out of his head.
he was sat on one of the few wooden bar stools next to a much too drunk, and therefore hyperactive, bambam, waiting for a whiskey on the rocks. jackson seemed to be taking his sweet sweet time, despite the rush of people surrounding him and so mark waited, fingers tapping the wood in front of him delicately.
bambam, however, was quite the opposite of delicate, practically bouncing off the walls, rambling on about things that mark was far too emotional to listen to. something about yugyeom, he guessed... bambam was always talking about yugyeom.. and his ass.
though, of course, he was straight.
eventually, with sweat dripping from his slightly mussed hair onto his forehead, jackson slid a glass over to mark. the man smiled tightly, "it's on the house."
mark nodded, taking the drink and downing the strong alcohol in one fell swoop, "thank you.. and.. jackson?"
"yeah?" jackson asked, eyebrows raised at mark's swift consumption of his drink.
"don't give anymore alcohol to bambam."
jackson glanced up to bambam, who was now stood leaning simultaneously on both mark and the smooth oak wood of the bar, head lolling to the side as his quiet, slurred voice pushed out some random words that.... didn't really seem like they made a sentence. he had gone from hyper to exhausted much too quickly, he really was the lightest drinker mark had ever met.
though, in all honesty, he was starting to feel tipsy just from that one whiskey. he smiled, recalling his trip to this very bar with jackson and bambam, the night they found out park had been stabbed, and how jackson had complained about them both being lightweights.
good memories.
he worried, and he knew it was entirely irrational, that he would never make memories with the reds again.
logically, he knew he'd only be gone a week. but there was something nagging at the back of his head, telling him that something wasn't right, warning him that it might be his last chance to make those good memories again.
jinyoung would've told him it was stupid, that it really was only a week. but to mark, it didn't feel stupid, it felt like his brain was really trying to warn him. it felt like something bad, unexpectedly bad was going to happen.
it was a stupid gut feeling, but his whole body tensed with it. so much so, that he could barely focus on his grief for joey, or fear of being in close quarters with youngjae again.
still, he tried to ignore it as he hauled bambam up, stumbling against his weight. at the same time, jackson said, "gotcha, bam's on water for the rest of the night." and mark nodded back to him.
"thanks. see you round."
in the space of only a few seconds, bambam was starting to liven up again and mark sighed. life with bambam really was a whirlwind huh? though it was good, because he finally found himself able to ditch the boy with the ever silent yugyeom in hopes of beginning a search for park.
in the two hours he had been at the party, he hadn't been able to spot jinyoung anywhere. and trust me, he had looked. hard.
jinyoung was the person he wanted to see more than anything, the person he wanted to hug and kiss and say goodbye to. the person he needed to spend his time with before leaving for a week.
after a couple of minutes, he caught sight of wheein and wrestled through the hoardes of people (some of whom definitely were not invited) to reach her.
"wheein!!!!" he called and she whipped her head around, shooting a hand in the air to wave at him.
"hey mark!" she smiled, "how's the party?"
he shoved on a quick fake smile, "good.. really good! though.. i really don't know who some of these people are."
she laughed, looking down at the floor, "ohh, a few of us invited some extra people, just to really get the party going."
"right... haha.. it's busy huh?"
"very..." things seemed to grow awkward before she spoke again, "what's up? you look like you have something you want to ask."
and he did.
of course he did.
"yeah i- i was just wondering if you've seen jin- park.. have you seen park?"
she nodded, taking a sip from the bottle of vodka she gripped in her right palm, "you're in luck, i saw him leave through the emergency exit like.. 2 seconds ago."
"oh! brilliant.. i- thank you wheein."
"no problem tuan, i'll say bye to you later.."
and with that, mark was once again swimming through the crowds of sweaty dancers to make his way to the exit. but after what felt like hours of pushing against the tide of bodies, he found himself opening the door and stepping out into the crisp, cold air.
right in front of him was jinyoung, staring down at the floor, swirling a glass half full of a brown alcohol.
"hey.." mark said softly, wrapping an arm around jinyoung's drooping shoulders, "not having fun?"
jinyoung sighed, "i feel weird being there with everyone."
an awkward chuckle escaped mark's lips, "why? they're your friends. you belong in there."
"hm.. i dunno.. maybe i'm just sad that you're leaving.. but..."
jinyoung seemed to stop talking.
"but.....?" mark prompted and jinyoung sighed dramatically.
"i still feel like they're scared of me.. you seemed to get over everything much too quickly.. but ... bam still looks at me with that same kind of.. i guess.. terror? yugyeom's literally refusing to look me in the eyes and jackson still treats me like i'm his scary boss or something.." he ran a hand over his face, "and now you're leaving.. i'm worried everything will go back to the way it was before."
"you just gotta give them time." mark said, voice gentle, "they got used to you being park right? i never really did.. but they'll come around."
"yeah..."
"but for now, can you just join in? i want you in there with me."
"can we talk first?"
the whole dynamic was weird. jinyoung was so vulnerable in that moment, so unsure of himself and totally different to the man mark had first met. it felt odd, and a strange feeling set in mark's gut, one he could only describe as pity. he remembered when he had hated park, hated him for loving jaebeom, for kissing him, for acting like a dick all the time.
he remembered how much he had wanted to punch the old jinyoung right in the face, and he thought back to everything that had led them to this moment.
life had been so crazy for so long, mark had had hardly any time to process it.
so as he stared into jinyoung's eyes, shaking pupils and all, he took a minute. he took a minute to just remember.
to remember yugyeom's trial, how he he had kissed jinyoung, how jinyoung had at long last, taken his side. if anything, that was the turning point.
then, those months of working. those months in which jinyoung's character completely changed, those three months where mark fell completely for the man he was becoming.
he remembered how much he had lightened up, how he would joke, how he would stop bossing people around and started acting like a friend.
and of course, he remembered the kiss. that kiss had changed everything.
"about... w-what?"
jinyoung downed the rest of the liquid in his glass and then placed it carefully on the concrete next to his feet, he seemed to be gathering his thoughts, eyebrows knitted together, and it was a while before he said anything. mark just hung around, waiting.
"doesn't something feel wrong to you?"
"what? wrong?" mark felt like his mind was being read.
"yeah like.. this really feels like goodbye, i can't explain it." jinyoung shrugged, "this party.. this goodbye.. it feels permanent."
mark tried to laugh off what jinyoung had said, too scared to admit that that was exactly how he felt too, "wha- that makes no sense."
he wasn't sure he was convincing jinyoung, who looked to him with a raised eyebrow, "do you not know what i mean?"
laughing again, his fear escalated as mark repeated his sentiment, "no.. that's stupi- that.. that doesn't make any sens-."
jinyoung stared him dead in the eyes, "-- i think you feel the same way. i think you know what i mean."
"n-no.. i-i.. i don't i-"
"mark just shut up."
mark's fear turned quickly to anger, the plumes of frustration suffocating any nerves or sadness that were lurking within him. jinyoung would always be the same person, deep down mark knew this, he would always be controlling, he would always tell mark to shut up.
and the minute those words left his mouth for what felt like the hundredth time, mark snapped, why couldn't he just let mark speak?
"why do you always say that to me?!"
jinyoung scoffed, sending mark's anger spiralling even further, "say what?"
"shut up.. why the fuck do you always tell me to shut up?! what's your issue man?"
"mark i-i"
mark glared him down, making the quick decision to go back to the party without him, too angry to even say goodbye to him. before he went back through the heavy metal door behind him though, he shoved a crumpled piece of paper into jinyoung's hand.
"here's my list of things to do together, jackass."
bit of self promo butttt, i posted a new fic..
tada:
it's my favourite thing ive ever written, my "true style" if u will and yes.. i love it like my child plss check it out :)