V
• • •
I took the knife out of the kitchen and walked up to my room.
"Crystal, dinner is ready soon," my mother told me as we passed in the hall. I didn't respond and shut myself in my room.
Suddenly, time flashed forward. I looked up to the door to see my horrified mother.
"CRYSTAL!!!" She began shrieking over and over. I looked down at my hands, which were covered in blood.
On the floor right under me was my dad's dead body, his blood pooling around me. His lifeless eyes were peering up into mine.
I scrambled backwards and fell, trying to get away from what I had done. My door slammed shut, leaving me alone with my dad's body.
His blood began to fill the room, and before I knew it I was waste-deep in my father's blood. I waded as fast as I could to the door, but it wouldn't budge. I then tried the window, but it didn't open.
The last thing I saw before I was completely submerged in blood was my brother standing outside my window looking in. I held my breath punched the ceiling, trying to find a way to get out of the room before I drowned.
I screamed as I felt myself growing desperate for air. I pounded on the ceiling and accidentally sucked in the thick, red liquid.. feeling it painfully seeping into my lungs and clogging up my heart.—
I shot up in my bed with an aggressive jolt. I immediately started gasping for air, clinging onto my blankets. I let out a few cries as I still felt that burning sensation in my lungs.
I sat up and brought my hands up to my face, horrified at the intense nightmare I had just experienced. That was one of the worst ones I had had in god-knows how long..
Ali wasn't in her bed when I looked over, thank god. I at least wanted to get through some of the year without having to tell her about how messed up I was.
After a while of going insane and questioning reality, I finally calmed myself down and began to feel the pounding in my bed. I looked around me, and realized I was on the floor.
Did I fall asleep on the floor? I couldn't remember much of last night after everything that happened at the café. I slowly stood up, sighing and rubbing my eyes. I opened up the shades all the way and winced at the bright sunlight that attacked my eyes.
Opening our mini fridge, I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it, needing hydration. I swallowed a few Advils before using the bathroom, showering, and plopping back down on my bed with another bottle of water.
I had opened the windows, and the fresh air was pretty refreshing. The breeze would occasionally make its way over to me as I sat on my bed, miserably wearing sunglasses.
I grabbed the box of saltines off of my desk and opened them, practically shoving the saltines into my mouth. I was starving, but also nauseous. Jee, you would think that with people knowing how shitty it felt to be hungover, no one would ever want to drink at all.
After a little while, I decided it was time to get up and do something. I refused to let my past make me feel like shit every day. I sat down at my desk and started doing some work next to the window with my coffee.
* * *
"Sunglasses inside.. quite the look," Ali said and chuckled as she walked into the room and plopped down on her bed.
"Thanks, I'm really going for that 'Men-in-Black' look nowadays," I replied, closing my laptop and stretching. I stood up and pushed in my chair. "How was seeing your friends?"
"It was so much fun seeing them all again," she responded, opening a pack of cheezits and popping a few in her mouth. "I hadn't really realized how much I missed them until I saw them again."
"That's nice, I really want to meet them all," I told her as I grabbed my books and shoved them into my bag.
"OH! Right ya we're planning on getting together for a movie together tomorrow night, and you're totally coming," she said with a smile and took a sip of her iced coffee.
"Ooo fun, what movie?" I asked, slipping my shoes on.
"Not sure, they're a fan of old movies, though, so probably a classic of some sort I'm guessing," she answered with a shrug.
After we said bye, I walked out of the dorm and took a deep breath. I had covered everything up perfectly fine with Ali, but I didn't know how long I would be able to.
I sat through class in a daze, my mind in a cloudy fog. There weren't really any thoughts running through my head.. I just sat there disassociated. It felt again like time was slowed down yet sped up.
This is pretty much how to whole day went. I went about my usual routines and errands, not thinking about anything or feeling anything. I hated these periods when I felt like this.
The only thing that even partially woke me up from this dazed state was Ashton's name appearing on my phone screen. I brought it to my ear.
"Hey," I answered with a small smile, in my car after working at the café.
"Hey, what's up?" He asked casually. We hadn't talked in a little bit.
"Nothin much," I started to lie about it as habit, but quickly took it back, "there actually was uh, there was this girl that told me she knew my brother and has something to talk about with me."
"That's weird.. do you know what it is?" He asked.
"Couldn't tell ya," I tried to think of any possible options, but I couldn't.
"Are you okay?" He asked, and I paused for a moment.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," I lied as if brushing it off, sounding sincere. He already was so worried about Layla and Jake.. I would be fine- I'd get over this in a few days, there was no need to worry him about me, too. "So, what about you? What are you up to?"
"You know- just the usual.. different girl every night," he joked, and I let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Hilarious," I replied and he laughed. I turned the keys in the ignition and pulled out of my parking space.
"My roommate is still annoying as hell. He's like the worst parts of Eli and Kevin all on steroids and put into one guy," he explained, and I chuckled at the description. "He reminds me of Justin." He added.
"Of course he does," I smiled and rolled my eyes.
"Oh ya by the way, did I tell you that Layla and that other Justin broke up?" He said.
"Awe that sucks," I commented.
"I assume she waited till now to tell me cuz I'm living far away and can't get involved," he told me.
"She is a smart girl," I replied. I heard him sigh on the other end. "Ash, you don't need to worry about them. Layla's only what- a year and a half younger than us? She's gonna be 18 next year," I tried to assure him, probably to no avail. "I mean, think about everything you were doing at her age."
"Yeah but I don't want that for her," he responded, a certain sadness in his voice.
"It's different," I told him, "it's so different."
"Yeah," he paused, "how's the café job going?"
"Have I told you about Seth?" I chuckled.
"What's Seth?"
"Seth, he's this guy I work with. Apparently if you decide to break up with me I'm supposed to let him know," I laughed as I got out of my car. His explosive 'PFFT' on the other side made me laugh.
"Do you want me to come and take out the trash?" He asked, half kidding.
"No, Ash, the trash is harmless," I told him and chuckled again, walking into my dorm. Ali would be back in about an hour. He started to say something else, but I heard a door open on his end and someone say something to him.
"Why would I have a shovel? Also what the hell do you need a shovel for?" I heard him ask the person. I couldn't hear their response, but I heard the door open and close again after.
"What was that all about?" I asked, amused.
"My roommate hit a goddamn squirrel with his car and wants to give it a funeral."
"He is kind of like Kevin, huh?" I chuckled.
"Nope.. Kevin's not a prick," he corrected. "Oh shit I have a class in like 5 minutes- gotta go, love you."
"Love you," I replied and he hung up. I kept my phone to my ear for a few moments, my mind slowly slipping out of the conversation and back into reality. I felt my face slowly fall.
When I brought the phone back out in front of me, I opened up my contacts and stared at Cassidy's number for a little while, contemplating what I should do.
I shut my phone off and threw it down on my bed with an annoyed sigh, aggravated at myself for being too much of a pussy to call.
Just then, my phone buzzed again to tell me I had a text message. I tiredly picked it up, and saw it was from Ashton.
A- Btw.. I have to go back home tm to bring Jake to some appointment and I figured I'd swing by ur dorm on the way back to see you since I'll be over that way
C- I'd love that ;) see you tomorrow night then
I let a small smile work its way on to my face as I shut my phone off again and put it back down on my bed. I needed Ashton right about now.
I texted Ali to ask about when the movie would be happening, to make sure I would be back in time for when Ashton got here.
As I waited for a response, I looked over at the half-empty bottle of vodka I had left under my pillow from the night before. Sighing, I picked it up and hesitantly tossed it in the trash, scolding myself for drinking away my feelings in the first place.
It had been a long ass day of pretending everything was fine... which was exactly the kind of day I had gotten used to not having over this summer. I guess my tolerance for triggers had gotten lower from being happy for so long- if that makes sense.
I dug around in my desk drawer and found the sleeping pills I had brought just incase I found myself needing them again. Thank god I had brought them. I popped a few in my mouth and slipped under my covers.
I focused on setting aside the magnetic pull of the vodka I just just thrown in the trash can by trying to think about other things.
It didn't take very long for the pills to kick in. I reminded myself that I would be seeing Ashton tomorrow as I got sucked into the black, heavy, inky unconsciousness that I had not missed one bit since I stopped taking the pills.
Please let me not have a nightmare.
• • •
Heyyy guys!
How's everyone doing? Haven't seen u since last chapter.
QOTD: Who is your favorite musical artist/band??
>>> I'm mad at myself now for asking that question bc I have too many, but they range all the way from Lady Gaga to Alicia Keys to Frank Sinatra to Panic! At The Disco to Harry Styles and so on and so forth..
Anywayyy the next update will be sometime this week! Expect a few chapters.
Just you guys WAIT. There's no way u can expect what's about to happen ;)
Be safe and wash yo hands!
Stay beautiful,
Briella<3