"Nothings Set In Stone"
January 25, 1997
Syracuse, NY
As I stare out at the snow-covered streets, I can't help but wish I was back in Virginia. The winter season has been rather mild down south, unlike here where we are currently experiencing our second blizzard of the school year. "I think I'm just going to sleep outside and let the snow bury me until I die... Would that be bad?"
"Painful," Amy comments, not taking my statement serious as she continues wandering through the kitchen with cooking supplies.
It's normal for the two of us to casually discuss ways to potentially off ourselves, but Jacks wide eyes snap toward me with concern. "Rose, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I shrug and spin around on the couch, easily sinking into the overused cushion.
My only guy friend silently takes a seat next to me, "You don't look fine."
"What's wrong with how I look?" My eyes scan over the old UVA hoodie, that had somehow survived the last ten years, and sweatpants I had on, confused as to why he would comment on them. "Yeah, it's not the most stylish outfit I've ever worn, but at least I'm warm. It's subzero temperatures out there!"
"No, I don't mean like that, I mean your face."
A hand immediately bolts up to cover my face, but the younger boy stops me before I can hide away. "What's wrong with my face Jack?"
"Jesus Rose," He groans and places my hand back on my lap, "I mean you just haven't seemed like your usual self since we got back from break. You get lost in your head a lot and the three of us are getting worried. Did something happen at home?"
Yeah, I saw my ex. It's gnawing at me a bit.
As I stare into his green eyes though, I know I can't drop that bomb. None of them know about my history with Nirvana, and I want to keep it that way. The only reason for Amy knowing about my friendship with the late singer is so Bean can visit from time to time. "No, why?"
"Like I said," A skeptical look is shot in my direction, "You just haven't been as calm and collected as you usually are. Plus, Liam's been asking if you made it back on campus and why he hasn't seen you around."
I cringe at the thought of my boyfriend and his unopened envelope resting on the top of my dresser. God only knows what is written in there... "What did you tell him?"
"What do you think I told him?" Jack jumps to his feet, taking the high ground so he can look down at my small frame. "I lied and said you've been sick. Have you not gone to class?"
"I've been walking."
"In this weather?"
"Yeah," I shrug and divert my eyes to a recently added picture frame on the wall, "It helps me clear my head."
I can tell that he's struggling to keep his true emotions as bay as he stares down at me. Jack may be five years younger, but his height and personality make up for the age difference.
He's my protective 'older' brother whether I like it or not. "Now you're really worrying me Rosemary."
"It's no-" Our conversation is silenced as Casey walks in the door with a KFC bag hanging from her arm, allowing the sweet aroma of fried chicken to encompass the small two-bedroom apartment.
At the sound of the door shutting, Amy finally decides to leave her alternative universe of being a baker to join us. "Did we miss something?"
"Nah," Jack responds calmly, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye in the process. "We were just talking about physics."
"Gross."
I nod in agreement, "Goss indeed."
"Well, I brought dinner to go with Amy's pie. You guys ready to eat?" Casey says over her shoulder as she carries the warm food into the kitchen.
Amy shoots the two of us a look before following Casey, giving Jack enough time to help me off the couch and pull me close so no one else can hear what he's saying. "You can tell us whatever you want, but you really need to stop having us lie for the sake of your relationship..."
-------
"I swear," Amy exaggerates, "The snake was as long as the football field and as thick as Jacks bicep. Scared the fuck out of me."
Casey and I share a knowing look as I finish the last of my dinner. "You're pulling our leg Ams. There aren't any wild pythons roaming around in this weather."
"Then what did I see?" She looked hurt that I didn't believe her story, and before I can ask if she's had any small squares recently, the phone starts ringing in the other room. "I'll get it."
If I had been my normal cautious self tonight, I would have offered to answer the phone before my roommate had the chance, but I was too late. Amy had already placed the phone to her ear when I remembered that Dave was supposed to call and check in tonight.
Silently I pray to the gods that the brunette idiot would wait until a later hour to phone me, but they must have found this scene humorous because Amy slowly strode back into the kitchen to look at me. "Rose?"
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
"There's a Dale Nixon on the phone for you." Her eyebrows are scrunched together in confusion as she covers the voice receiver, "Do you want me to get rid of him? He sounds like a creep..." The old alias makes me chuckle and shake my head at the short-haired brunette, showing her that I know the person and don't mine speaking to them. "Who the fuck is Dale Nixon?"
I take the white plastic phone from her hand as I excuse myself from the table. "An old friend from home. I'll be back in a few minutes."
As the door to my bedroom clicks shut, I can't help but exhale a relieved sigh. Thank you, David, for saving my ass... "What's up Dale?"
"Oh, shut up Maria." Dale and Maria, the dynamic duo of the early 90s grunge scene, raising hell together on the streets of Seattle. What a time... "I didn't know who that was! I panicked because you said something about your roommate loving Nirvana!"
I fall back on the comfortable sheets of my double bed before responding. "She probably would've shat her pants if you said, 'Hi, this is Dave Grohl.' Happy late birthday by the way."
"Thanks Rose," I can sense his smile through the phone, "Is my wish going to come true?"
My lips purse, deciding to mess with the guy a little. It's the least I can do after the mini heart attack he just caused me. "Well, that depends on what it is."
"If I tell you, it won't come true though..."
I hate admitting it, but I have missed talking to him like this. Playful conversation used to flow easily between the two of us, but now it's like we're strangers all over again. "But if you don't tell me, how will I know if I booked the right dates?"
"So, your professors were good with the trip?" His voice is full of giddy excitement as I play with the string bracelet around my wrist.
Dave had eagerly written letters to each of my professors in order to inform them of the trip and how this would be beneficial for my future career. Needless to say, his bullshit convinced them to let me go – or maybe it was just the signature... "I'm pretty sure Professor Whitt has your letter framed in his office now Dave."
"Oh god," I hear him swallow something on his end of the line before continuing, "If that's the case, I should've gotten someone better to sign the damn things. Who the hell wants my signature? I could've gotten them Bowie or something..."
I roll my eyes, happy to hear him start to sound like his old self. "Yeah, whatever you say Rockstar."
"Rose!" A knock on my door pulls me out of my trance. "We want to go get coffee! Hurry your ass up so we can go."
Amelia, ever the sweet talker.
Dave chuckles, obviously hearing my friends voice through the phone. "You got to go?"
"Yep." A frown forms on my face at the long-forgotten ache in my chest. One that only came when Dave would be away on tour and our phone calls would get cut short. "I guess I'll be seeing you next week..."
"I guess you will," He chuckles, "I'll tell Pat you say hi and that you can't wait to see him, okay? Have a good week."
I nod to myself, sitting up sliding my feet into the Timberland boots that I'd strategically placed next to the bed. "Bye Dave."
"See ya."
As the line goes dead, I let out a breath that I didn't realize I'd been holding. This feeling in the pit of my stomach is bad. It's telling me to run for the hills, cancel the fight and block Dave's number because nothing good ever comes from the two of us being together.
We're like gas in a clogged tank, a gradual flow until the pressure becomes too much and everything goes to shit.
"What the fuck are you doing to yourself Rosemary..." My head drops into my hands, digging the heels of them into my eyes before pushing myself up to standing.
I'll get through all of this one way or another. It's time I start living in yellow again rather than the red that I've been stuck in these last couple of years.
----
Filler!
Off to LA next to see some familiar faces:)